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My boss just found out about my criminal record (and other tales of employment)

2456763

Posts

  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    You know, it's ok to lie a little on a resume, but starting off with a huge withdrawl from the first bank of lies by calling yourself responsible isn't a good way to go.

    Fellhand on
  • Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    I'm been sending in my resume at jobs left and right. I honestly don't know why I don't have a job. Resume behind spoilers
    Objective: Responsible, detailed oriented, self-starter seeks full or part time employment.
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    Work Experience

    Albertsons
    February 2006 to June 2007
    Butcher Block Clerk/Supervisor
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Assisted customers in selecting meat products while creating a friendly and comfortable environment. Answered any and all questions regarding our product. Opened and closed meat department, assisted in ordering and managing product, preparing product for sale.
    *
    Patti's Hallmark
    July 2005 to January 2006
    Sales Associate
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Provided a clean, friendly, and inviting environment. Maintained merchandise by sorting, organizing and displaying product. Assisted customers in choosing the right product. Handled monies by running cash register. Opening and closing store in manager's absence.
    *
    Tuesday Morning
    June 2004 to July 2005/July 2007 to June 2008
    Sales Associate
    Visalia, Ca
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Provided a clean, organized, friendly, environment for customers. Assisted customers in looking for the products they were seeking. Handled monies by running cash register. Maintained merchandise by sorting, organizing and displaying product. Unloaded weekly trucks of new product and unpacked and organized new product.

    Education

    Palomar Community College
    2005-2006

    Redwood High School
    2001-2004
    Diploma

    I couldn't help but notice that you didn't continue to further your college education. Would you care to elaborate? Also, your work experience shows that your last place of employment, this um... "Tuesday Morning" place, was also your FIRST place of employment after highschool. Do you feel that you have let yourself down, in any manner, for working there now?

    Winston Churchill on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] If you're Jesus and you know it, clap your hands.
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    I'm been sending in my resume at jobs left and right. I honestly don't know why I don't have a job. Resume behind spoilers
    Objective: Responsible, detailed oriented, self-starter seeks full or part time employment.
    *
    *
    *
    *
    *
    Work Experience

    Albertsons
    February 2006 to June 2007
    Butcher Block Clerk/Supervisor
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Assisted customers in selecting meat products while creating a friendly and comfortable environment. Answered any and all questions regarding our product. Opened and closed meat department, assisted in ordering and managing product, preparing product for sale.
    *
    Patti's Hallmark
    July 2005 to January 2006
    Sales Associate
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Provided a clean, friendly, and inviting environment. Maintained merchandise by sorting, organizing and displaying product. Assisted customers in choosing the right product. Handled monies by running cash register. Opening and closing store in manager's absence.
    *
    Tuesday Morning
    June 2004 to July 2005/July 2007 to June 2008
    Sales Associate
    Visalia, Ca
    Carlsbad, Ca
    Provided a clean, organized, friendly, environment for customers. Assisted customers in looking for the products they were seeking. Handled monies by running cash register. Maintained merchandise by sorting, organizing and displaying product. Unloaded weekly trucks of new product and unpacked and organized new product.

    Education

    Palomar Community College
    2005-2006

    Redwood High School
    2001-2004
    Diploma

    I couldn't help but notice that you didn't continue to further your college education. Would you care to elaborate? Also, your work experience shows that your last place of employment, this um... "Tuesday Morning" place, was also your FIRST place of employment after highschool. Do you feel that you have let yourself down, in any manner, for working there now?
    I quit to work full time at Hallmark. I don't work at Tuesday Morning anymore, it WAS my first place of employment. It was also my last when I moved back up there, they gave me my old job back because they knew I could whatever was asked of me in timely manner.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    Fellhand wrote: »
    You know, it's ok to lie a little on a resume, but starting off with a huge withdrawl from the first bank of lies by calling yourself responsible isn't a good way to go.
    At work, I am responsible. It's with my own life and and judgment that I'm not.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • BergyBergy Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I graduated in May.

    Was unemployed until late july.

    I quit my job last monday.

    I'm unemployed again.

    Bergy on
    ChicagoBulls01.jpg
    I've been trying to reach you, but your extension cord doesn't reach that far.
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    ldraw wrote: »
    I envy those who work. I was a student for 4 years. Now I'm a student for 3 more. All the work, none of the income.

    hey, that's funny that your user name is ldraw and you have an animated minifig in your sig and av.

    NotASenator on
  • Clint EastwoodClint Eastwood My baby's in there someplace She crawled right inRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I've been unemployed for a while, trying to fix this problem

    Clint Eastwood on
  • FFFF Once Upon a Time In OaklandRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I just got a 10% raise and an extra week of vacation time added to my contract. So, that's nice.

    My girlfriend works in retail hell though. So, that's not so nice.

    'Least we're going to Disneyland in a couple of weeks.

    FF on
    Huh...
  • GRMikeGRMike The Last Best Hope for Humanity The God Pod Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I just troubleshot a networking problem that shut down two floors of a very busy hospital for 4 hours only to find out somebody unplugged the UPS so they could plug in an electric drill.

    Lemme tell ya. I feel good.

    GRMike on
  • Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    Fellhand wrote: »
    You know, it's ok to lie a little on a resume, but starting off with a huge withdrawl from the first bank of lies by calling yourself responsible isn't a good way to go.
    At work, I am responsible. It's with my own life and and judgment that I'm not.

    You claim to be a "self starter". You have been unemployed since June of this year, and you haven't "self started" yourself to employment in over two months. I'm sorry, sir, but we're currently not hiring for the position you are applying for. We'll be sure to call you when a position opens up.

    Winston Churchill on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] If you're Jesus and you know it, clap your hands.
  • sdrawkcaB emaNsdrawkcaB emaN regular
    edited September 2008
    My unit manager gets paid about ten percent less than I do, and I'm the low man on the totem pole, just a correctional officer. That sorry fuck had to go through four years of college, fight his way up the chain of command, and still has $30k worth of student loans to pay off. On top of that, he still has to go in on cell extractions and shakedown inmates like the rest of us peons. I remind him of this on a daily basis, and he hates me for it.

    correctional officer, eh? You work with a bunch of sadists and power-tripping god-complex weirdos, then? oh and the criminals too.

    sdrawkcaB emaN on
  • Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    Fellhand wrote: »
    You know, it's ok to lie a little on a resume, but starting off with a huge withdrawl from the first bank of lies by calling yourself responsible isn't a good way to go.
    At work, I am responsible. It's with my own life and and judgment that I'm not.

    You claim to be a "self starter". You have been unemployed since June of this year, and you haven't "self started" yourself to employment in over two months. I'm sorry, sir, but we're currently not hiring for the position you are applying for. We'll be sure to call you when a position opens up.
    That's cool, I'll self start when I got something to do in the morning other than drinking.

    Auntie Shibby on
    clowninthewoods.png
  • Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    My unit manager gets paid about ten percent less than I do, and I'm the low man on the totem pole, just a correctional officer. That sorry fuck had to go through four years of college, fight his way up the chain of command, and still has $30k worth of student loans to pay off. On top of that, he still has to go in on cell extractions and shakedown inmates like the rest of us peons. I remind him of this on a daily basis, and he hates me for it.

    correctional officer, eh? You work with a bunch of sadists and power-tripping god-complex weirdos, then? oh and the criminals too.

    This is accurate. I'm graveyard shift, tho, so I deal with less knuckle-dragging CO's, and more of the "Don't bother me, I got some DS to play" kinda guys. Nothing like being paid to have a conversation about D&D 4ed while waiting for someone's bitch to start cutting on himself for the endorphin rush.

    Winston Churchill on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] If you're Jesus and you know it, clap your hands.
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Currently, the agency that I work for is on a very sharp downward spiral. Which means I have prepped my resume, updated my portfolio and am bracing for the worst.

    This could include a move and a small time of unemployment.

    FUCK.

    Also, I have my one year review here on Monday. I've had 3 different positions and 3 different bosses in that time. This should be a pretty interesting review. Doesn't look like I'm going to be getting a raise if the company isn't making any money.

    DrZiplock on
    "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan! Satans Post
  • Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I make my own rules.

    Macro9 on
    bO0v7.png
  • HunterHunter Chemist with a heart of Au Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I got a call one time congratulating me on getting a position at this company I applied to and interviewed with. I was confused because I had just gotten a letter telling me I was one of their top picks, but they went with someone else. When I told the nice lady, things got strange.

    She just stopped, I heard her go through some papers, and then she went "whoops, sorry...wrong person" and just kind of left it hanging. Awkward.

    Hunter on
  • TossrockTossrock too weird to live too rare to dieRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I get paid too much and do too little

    It makes me feel bad

    but also good

    Tossrock on
    sig.png
  • Sara LynnSara Lynn I can handle myself. Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I work with a bunch of lazy assholes

    that lie about why they can't work

    but I get at least 1 text message a day asking me to work for them, and it's always the same 2 people

    so today I'm working instead of doing shit I need to do

    UGH I HATE THESE PEOPLE

    Sara Lynn on
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I haven't had a raise in over two years

    I didn't feel like I could ask for one this year as I am leaving so soon :|

    Janson on
  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    My boss told me I don't do any work and he was sick and tired of it and was going to hire someone to replace me. I burnt my bridge in the most glorious fashion by proving everything I did to the company, some of the clients I helped him keep because of my excellent PR work, and then said "I guess that leaves me no choice but to do this..." and handed him my printed resignation that I printed a day earlier. I wiped the computer clear of all my personal code and research I did on personal time with my own property (not work property) and then gave him all of the compiled binaries he paid me for that I did do on my personal time because I in no way gave him source code ever. I cleaned the computer and stuff a day earlier and sent an email as we were discussing the problem.

    The secretary was his niece and she had been pretty bitchy all of a sudden so I'm not sure what the problem was. She basically was going off on how I never did any work and then he got wind of it and had to talk to me about it. Turns out he went out of business a few months ago. I'm sure not related to me because he fucking lied to all his clients, all the time.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
  • FizFiz Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Tonight is the first night back at my church job. There was talk before I left about the section leaders getting a raise since they haven't had one in a few years, so maybe I'll be doing a little better. It's good that I have some new books to read during the long services

    Since this is an election year, the priest is going to be tailoring his sermons so they are about issues that he deems important. "On the third day God said 'no abortions'. And it was good"

    On the same Sunday I begin work with Lyric Opera. They'll be paying me a fair amount to butcher Candide

    Fiz on
    juggcat.jpg
  • AretèAretè infiltrating neo zeed compoundRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    i make sure executives are able to keep this investment banks head above water for one more day

    Aretè on
  • iplaybassiplaybass Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    my job's alright. I go to work when I want, get paid for more hours than I work, and actually make decent money. Plus, health insurance.

    iplaybass on
    fsradiosig.jpg
    R.I.P.
  • Winston ChurchillWinston Churchill __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    I almost feel guilty for what little work I do on a nightly basis, but I earn that paycheck when we get the new kids in. They've been taught that the first thing to do when you get to prison is to pick a fight with the biggest guy on the block to gain some respect and credibility. It's funny when they end up curb stomped by one of the inmate heavies, but it's fucking hilarious when the biggest guy is an officer. We have some goddamn beasts as part of our own goon squad. Watching a 160lb kid flailing against a 250lb, 6'6 brute before he's picked and tossed around like a kitten kinda gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling down there.

    The worst part is when they decide to flood by breaking their cell sprinklers or clogging their toilets, and then cut themselves on top of it. Did you know that blood will float on top of toilet water, eventually forming blood clot islands among the feces?

    Also:
    My least favorite inmate ever, may he burn in hell. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Bar-Jonah

    Winston Churchill on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] If you're Jesus and you know it, clap your hands.
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Holy fuck, how do you deal with monsters like that D:

    Janson on
  • lostwordslostwords Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    D: please tell me that guy suffered in prison and died an agonizing death

    lostwords on
    rat.jpg tumbler? steam/ps3 thingie: lostwords Amazon Wishlist!
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The first thing I would do in prison is not say a goddamn word to anyone ever. Just go mute.

    Weaver on
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Really, you got any just regular type dudes who just want to be left alone and not cause trouble with anyone?

    Weaver on
  • AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I work in the state legislature, which is, ironically enough, much like being a prison guard.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
  • Cold Salmon and HatredCold Salmon and Hatred __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    I work at Wal-Mart

    I get to work in toys a lot

    best job

    Cold Salmon and Hatred on
  • AslanAslan Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I work at Wal-Mart

    I get to work in toys a lot

    best job

    Back when I was earning my criminal record, I learned that the one place in most stores that have minimal to no cameras is the toy department.

    Aslan on
    Captain_Renault.gif I'm shocked...shocked, to find faggotry in this thread.
  • WiseguyWiseguy __BANNED USERS regular
    edited September 2008
    hope you don't work as a correctional officer for too long, winston

    heard being around that subculture for a good while will turn you into a depraved, soulless maniac

    Wiseguy on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • JunpeiJunpei Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I work on weekends, 12 hours a shift, 3 shifts from 7:15pm to 7:15am. I put up with people calling up to order bikes from an ONLINE catalogue and then still not be sure which bike they want. People who have insulin pumps which do all the work for them, but are personally unable to do the simplest task related to it (switch it on.)

    Junpei on
  • NotASenatorNotASenator Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    get the fuck back in here, ldraw.

    I have pressing questions.

    NotASenator on
  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I own a restaurant.

    It's more masochism than anything else.

    Javen on
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    you don't own your own restaurant




    I mean shit you don't do you?

    FAQ on
  • Lord DaveLord Dave Grief Causer Bitch Free ZoneRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    In my old WoW guild there was a guy who owned a restaurant.
    Or at least he said he did.
    There was some hilarious drama when some people decided they didn't believe him.

    Lord Dave on
    mkc.png
  • WrenWren ninja_bird Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    "I just found out that you murdered someone, olol!" while thinking to himself he's so witty then you're all

    "Hmm, I was hoping no one would find out. Oh well, whats one more then?" as you reach into your coat

    Wren on
    tf2sig.jpg
    TF2 - Wren BF3: Wren-fu
  • sponospono Mining for Nose Diamonds Booger CoveRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I work for a place that makes shit grinders, which we call Muffin Monsters

    This is the best description of these things I've seen:

    http://http://www.applelinks.com/abacus/muffinmonster2.shtml
    By now, the crowd around The Muffin Monster has swelled, blocking the entire aisle. All I can see of my potential customer base is their backs as they jostle for a front-row-center view of simulated sewage processing - like it was some girly show at a carnival. I can't stand it any longer and push my way through the crowd in time to see Joe toss a thick-soled lineman's boot into the most impressive rotating cuttlery I've ever seen. Dual steel shafts as big as my leg and hobbed into Tyrannosaur teeth, turn against each other with fluid precision. The teeth catch the the boot and reduce it into the molecular form of shoe as if it had been a warm piece of butter. I'm impressed.

    I said, "Joe. Got a two-by-four in there?" In a flash, a four foot piece of lumber became a lumpy grade of sawdust. Someone in the crowd wagered his buddy that The Muffin Monster couldn't eat a brick. Joe, who is by now easing into the unlikely role of master showman, teases the crowd, who shout back at him. In goes the brick and with an awful crunching noise and a shower of red dust, the brick goes the way of cardboard, boot and lumber. The Muffin Monster gives me the impression that it could indeed chew up anything.

    spono on
    640qocnq4ske.gif
  • JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    you don't own your own restaurant




    I mean shit you don't do you?

    why don't I?

    Javen on
This discussion has been closed.