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My boss just found out about my criminal record (and other tales of employment)

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Posts

  • Indie WinterIndie Winter die Krähe Rudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Janson wrote: »
    D:

    Do you get accommodation/food provided?

    Yeah, I do. Things are a little different here from the rest of the world: a two hours drive could mean the difference from the safety of home to a base on the border for 95% of all soldiers, so most solders just go to "work" in the bases, and they go home in the evenings, just like a regular job. For those of us unable to go home at the end of the day, i.e. me, there are barracks and mess halls. It's just that high paying salares are reserved for officers and NCOs.

    Tallus - They have me doing something I can't tell anyone about, so there. Arabs are involved, but in a non-fatal fashion. Mostly.

    Indie Winter on
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  • Mister LongbaughMister Longbaugh Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Tallus wrote: »
    Janson wrote: »
    I work 14 hours a day in a thankless job for an 125 dollars a month. Yay.
    Eep. I hope that gets you further in Israel than here!

    Nope. But that's the IDF for ya. Can't afford to give people big paychecks in a draft based army.

    what do they have you doing?

    Killing Arabs.

    an honorable profession

    Mister Longbaugh on
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Redeemer wrote: »
    What are you guys subjecting yourselves to for money?

    wish i had the pleasure D;

    Fallout on
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  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    didn't you work at a supermarket

    Oden on
  • ascotascot Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I want to work at whole foods they have a neat WF apron/tshirt combo goin on
    i could wear it to fancy parties

    ascot on
  • FalloutFallout GIRL'S DAY WAS PRETTY GOOD WHILE THEY LASTEDRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Oden wrote: »
    didn't you work at a supermarket

    me?

    Fallout on
    xcomsig.png
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    lostwords wrote: »
    D: please tell me that guy suffered in prison and died an agonizing death

    The fat fucker would get letters from all over the country. Not official fan letters, but ones from the heads of small churches around the country, or actual professional cooks. I shit you not. They would send him a recipe in the mail for, say, "veal" or "venison". Real tender, young meat, you know? He'd send the recipe back to them with cutout pictures from kid magazines glued on, and his signature on the bottom. He'd even highlight and underline every mention of meat in the recipe, as a kind of final nudge and wink.

    There is not enough D: in the world

    Janson on
  • OdenOden Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Fallout wrote: »
    Oden wrote: »
    didn't you work at a supermarket

    me?

    yeah I remember once you told this story about this bum who came in and bought a forty every night then one day he turned into a successful scientist who drank forties

    also ascot at my job I have to wear an apron, it sucks cause at the end of every shift it gets smelly and covered in food and juice pulp

    Oden on
  • noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I worked at a bread factory once.

    They had to shut down the production line because someone had been putting razor blades into the dough.

    Also, loaves would always be falling on the floor and getting stuck in stupid places. They would be recovered and thrown back onto the production line... to be cut, packaged and sold.

    noobert on
  • ascotascot Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I also applied for a job as an Intelligence Officer with MI5, i didn't get through to the third stage though
    :(

    ascot on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    there is a bread factory in town here and it smells so fucking good when they are baking

    then they came out with some bullshit research that said the air that caused the smell was full of stuff that causes cancer

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • SzechuanosaurusSzechuanosaurus Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited September 2008
    ascot wrote: »
    I also applied for a job as an Intelligence Officer with MI5, i didn't get through to the third stage though
    :(

    Is the third stage where they print out your internet history?

    Szechuanosaurus on
  • LoathingLoathing Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    As of next week I'm going up north for a month to work. We got our briefing yesterday, and after our staff said that they wished they were going themselves, they proceeded to tell us to watch out for fucking wolves when we walk around the base.

    Then another staff member told us that there are also rabbits where I'm going. Carnivorous rabbits.

    Fun times.

    Loathing on
  • MikeRyuMikeRyu Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    there is a bread factory in town here and it smells so fucking good when they are baking

    then they came out with some bullshit research that said the air that caused the smell was full of stuff that causes cancer

    Flour?

    MikeRyu on
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  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Hmm, funny job stories, huh?

    Well, there's the time my boss saw me naked...

    Ten on
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    jerking it in the employee toilets eh?

    well we've all been there

    FAQ on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    no we havent

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    He took photos and everything, sent them to my family

    It was pretty embarassing

    Ten on
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    no we havent

    CrackedLens

    c'mon now, look at me when you say that

    FAQ on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    no we havent

    CrackedLens

    c'mon now, look at me when you say that

    put some pants on first

    my eyes keep drifting south

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    man

    i just found out the subway a couple blocks down opens up at 8:30am

    guess where im going for lunch in 3 minutes?

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    no we havent

    CrackedLens

    c'mon now, look at me when you say that

    put some pants on first

    my eyes keep drifting south

    man it aint even 2pm yet

    this is designated no pants time

    FAQ on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    FAQ wrote: »
    no we havent

    CrackedLens

    c'mon now, look at me when you say that

    put some pants on first

    my eyes keep drifting south

    man it aint even 2pm yet

    this is designated no pants time

    well pencil me into your scheduled pants time

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Dear Ten

    please explain the story of why your boss has broken an untold amount of employee protection laws

    FAQ on
  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    there is a bread factory in town here and it smells so fucking good when they are baking

    then they came out with some bullshit research that said the air that caused the smell was full of stuff that causes cancer

    If that smell causes cancer, then cancer me up!!

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    Dear Ten

    please explain the story of why your boss has broken an untold amount of employee protection laws

    Damn, you guys went off on a tangent just so I couldn't get to the punchline, didn't you?

    It's such a lame joke

    (I work for my Dad)

    Ten on
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Incidentally he's the one who gave me the terrible habit of telling bad jokes like that one

    Ten on
  • FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    ohoho

    caught jerking it by your dad and he took photos eh

    well we've all been there

    FAQ on
  • Dr. FrenchensteinDr. Frenchenstein Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    doing it at the dinner table doesn't really lend to getting "caught"

    Dr. Frenchenstein on
  • DeicistDeicist Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Ten wrote: »
    FAQ wrote: »
    Dear Ten

    please explain the story of why your boss has broken an untold amount of employee protection laws

    Damn, you guys went off on a tangent just so I couldn't get to the punchline, didn't you?

    It's such a lame joke

    (I work for my Dad)

    Interestingly, I remembered and was about to post this link which I actually remembered from the other day.

    My mind picks the strangest things to store.

    Deicist on
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    FAQ wrote: »
    ohoho

    caught jerking it by your dad and he took photos eh

    well we've all been there

    I was pretty brazen about my jerking it when I was a teenager and surprisingly he never walked in on me

    His office was even right next to my bedroom which made it extremely risky

    I guess he knew what was going on in there sometimes though

    Ten on
  • TenTen Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Tallus wrote: »
    Ten wrote: »
    FAQ wrote: »
    Dear Ten

    please explain the story of why your boss has broken an untold amount of employee protection laws

    Damn, you guys went off on a tangent just so I couldn't get to the punchline, didn't you?

    It's such a lame joke

    (I work for my Dad)

    Interestingly, I remembered and was about to post this link which I actually remembered from the other day.

    My mind picks the strangest things to store.

    Haha, I knew I'd actually posted about working with Dad recently, I didn't think anybody would have remembered though, well done

    Seriously though, he really did teach me how to tell bad jokes, my wife hates it

    Usually stupid little word play things, like when my wife hands me a necklace and says 'Can you put this on', I tell her that it probably wouldn't go with my shirt

    Ten on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    My boss took a picture of her nipple and sent it to one of my best friends. Via my phone. In the girls bathroom of a bar. With my girlfriend standing right next to her.

    This is where I work.

    DrZiplock on
    "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan! Satans Post
  • noobertnoobert Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    My boss took a picture of her nipple and sent it to one of my best friends. Via my phone. In the girls bathroom of a bar. With my girlfriend standing right next to her.

    This is where I work.

    You hiring?

    noobert on
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    like what kind of nipple picture?

    was it like nipple close up so you couldnt really tell what it was?

    or was it full on tit?

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    It was full on bazoonga.

    He's hoping for the complete set.

    DrZiplock on
    "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan! Satans Post
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    points deducted for use of the word "bazoonga"

    hufflepuff loses 20 points

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
  • IvarIvar Oslo, NorwayRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    DrZiplock wrote: »
    It was full on bazoonga.

    He's hoping for the complete set.

    Got to grab them all?

    Ivar on
  • DrZiplockDrZiplock Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    points deducted for use of the word "bazoonga"

    hufflepuff loses 20 points

    The hell I'm in hufflepuff, you ponce.


    And, if you saw them, you'd use the same word.

    DrZiplock on
    "zip, i dunno what it is about you, but there's something very cat-like about your face. i can't really place it. you'd make a good mountain lion." Hail, Satan! Satans Post
  • CrackedLensCrackedLens Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    i perfer "tit-tays"

    CrackedLens on
    XBoxLive Gamertag: ZombieKyle Secret Satan Wishlist
This discussion has been closed.