The usually ho-hum race for Wisconsin secretary of state is being spiced up by one candidate's tell-all book about her bed-hopping exploits with Green Bay football legends during the team's glory days under Vince Lombardi in the 1960s.
Sandy Sullivan, 65, a Republican with no political experience, published a gushing memoir in 2004 titled "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs" in which she says she was the girlfriend of Packers Paul Hornung and Dan Currie, deflected a pass from retired Hall of Famer Don Hutson and was on the receiving end of a saucy comment from Richard Nixon.
A whole book about fucking the boys in green? Is there a chapter for every offensive position?
[Your "Packers" joke goes here]
Don't forget mandatory references to "tight ends" and "wide receivers."
BubbaT on
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta Philadelphia at New Orleans Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh Miami at N.Y. Jets San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver Chicago at Arizona
It's really not that bad. I mean, it looks painful as shit, but how many other painful, gross, or horrifying things have you seen on the internet? This isn't even in the top-1000.
God on
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
It's really not that bad. I mean, it looks painful as shit, but how many other painful, gross, or horrifying things have you seen on the internet? This isn't even in the top-1000.
I wish there was some equivalent video featuring John Madden getting seriously injured. I'd masturbate to it.
Ethan Albright Strikes Back
To: John Madden
CC: Electronic Arts Sports
From: Ethan Albright
Re: Being the worst rated player on Madden '07
Posted: 10/11/2006 by: Juan Turlington
Hi, John, my name is Ethan Albright. I play line for the Washington Redskins. You probably already knew that, so I'll continue. I am writing in regards to the overall player rating of 53 that I have received in Madden NFL Football 2007. I feel that this is fucking bullshit and you should kiss my mother-fucking ass. Ahmed Carroll was rated a 78 and the Packers just cut his ass on a Tuesday morning after his performance in a Monday night game. That is pretty terrible. The worst part is that his overall rating was sniffing 80.
You know what, John? Two can play this game. I rate you a fucking 12. I rate you a fucking 12 in Ethan Albright Football 2000-ever… except for in the category of ball-licking. That is where I will spot you a 98 rating. You will receive this score because I will never give your blubbery ass a 99 in any category. Take that, pencil-dick. Go do Al Micheals or something. Boom. Score one for Red Beard.
It's also pretty wonderful that my awareness rating was 59. You make it sound like I wake up in the morning, helplessly shit and piss myself, then lose three of my teeth before I discover that I am trying to eat a rock for breakfast. Fuck, John, I understand you saying that I am slow and lacking athleticism, but a rating like this pretty much labels me as retarded. Rod "He Hate Me" Smart has a 52 in this category. Electronic Arts is saying that seven rating points separate me and the breathing embodiment of the perfect oxymoron. Rod Smart struggled to arrange words in sentence form. Cave men had better hold of the English language. The only actions that separate point values of ignorance at this embarrassing level are things like using your own toothbrush to wipe your ass. I basically edged out Rod by my lack of shit teeth. If I take a night school class, could you bump me up to a 60?
I guess I just can't fathom the fact that I am the absolute worst player rated out of the entire NFL. Fuck, man, there are some shitty guys out there. Amongst everyone, I was rated the absolute worst.
I have received the impression that you feel that I am lacking in the agility category. I should consider a walk through my living room where I don't crash trough a wall or kick over furniture a resounding success. My agility rating on your game is 33. It makes it sound like I just topple over if I start walking too fast. Ted Washington is rated a 40 in agility. He is listed at 365 ponds. If Ted Washington tied a white lady up and made her wear a metal bikini, he'd look just like Jabba the Hut.
John, you are such a fucking dick. I also noticed that my kick return rating was a 0. I was rated a fucking zero? So you feel that I shouldn't even receive a 10, or even a 5? You are pretty much saying that I couldn't even fall forward on a ball kicked in my direction. I would just stand there and let the ball bounce off of my fucking face. Fuck that, John, I returned an onside kick 6 yards in 2002. You should have just slapped a - 4 on me and had the EA staff ambush me with paintball guns.
Finally, I would like to comment on an unlikely topic, my pass coverage ratings. I see that I am a better at man-to-man coverage (31) than zone (21). Fuck me sideways with a lunchbox. Where did these scores even come from? How much time is spent coming up with the pass coverage ratings of offensive lineman? Can I have that job? Let's see here, I think that Orlando Pace would be slightly better at jumping intermediate routes than Larry Allen. While I'm at it, I can assign the passing ratings for offensive lineman as well. I can use mine as a guide.
I was rated with a throwing power of 17 and accuracy of 16. Orlando Pace is has a 22 power and 17 accuracy rating. Did someone at EA really put time into figuring out that Orlando Pace edges out Ethan Albright in both throwing power and accuracy? I will challenge him any day. My horrible passer ratings are of greatest misfortune to my son, Red Beard Jr. The poor boy is not only hideously ugly and covered by freakishly large freckles. He also has to suffer through playing catch with me and my senile-elderly-woman-type passer ratings. A session of tossing the pigskin usually consists of me missing my son by thirty yards in sporadic directions. I led him in front of a fire truck once and my wife kicked my ass. This is because of my 76 toughness rating. Yes, a 76 is far better than the other ratings, but I'm a fucking lineman, damn it. NFL Linemen are considered to be synonymous with toughness. According to your game, I am a retarded, uncoordinated, pussy-ass fuckwad that can't fall on a kickoff, throw, or spell. I am, however, slightly better at manning up on a receiver than dropping into zone coverage. You lose your mind more and more each year, old man.
Fuck you, John. Please expect to find red pubes in various meals you consume for the rest of your life. If you fuck with Ethan Albright, you call down the thunder.
Rot in Hell,
Ethan Albright
[spoiler:8b56283fcc]it's not really Ethan Albright, but a joke column, but damn if it isn't hilarious[/spoiler:8b56283fcc]
The Green Eyed Monster on
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited October 2006
That was pretty damn funny.
Also, I can't believe people in this thread are still picking Oakland to win games...especially against Denver... at Denver.
Buffalo at Detroit Carolina at Baltimore Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas N.Y. Giants at Atlanta Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver Chicago at Arizona
Broke his collarbone on a 53 yard touchdown run. 155 yards away from being OU's alltime rushing leader. He may be back for the bowl game, if OU makes it.
Sucks for him. Hopefully he'll still be a high draft pick next year.
I like coverage ESPN2 is doing right now (The Full Circle deal), even though I don't like Cowherd much. It's certainly creative. Anybody else watching?
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver Chicago at Arizona
This week will be wild, lots of pretty even matchups.
I haven't checked ESPN2; I wish I had ESPN U so I could check out that multipe cameras thing. It looked really neat.
They're doing the exact same camera thing on ESPN2, but without the play-by-play. They were just talking about football and the two teams in general, without focusing on every single play. I liked that second part a lot more than the multiple angles gimmick. Imagine the same thing, with more interesting commentators + NFL football... it gives me goosebumps.
Buffalo at Detroit Carolina at Baltimore Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver Chicago at Arizona
Mr Slippy Fist on
Yes, I hate my username and wish I could sign up with a new one. Registration sucks.
Buffalo at *Detroit
Carolina at *Baltimore
Cincinnati* at Tampa Bay
Houston at *Dallas
N.Y. Giants at *Atlanta
Philadelphia* at New Orleans
Seattle at *St. Louis
Tennessee at *Washington
Kansas City* at Pittsburgh
Miami at *N.Y. Jets
San Diego* at San Francisco
Oakland at *Denver
Chicago* at Arizona
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta
Philadelphia at New Orleans Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver Chicago at Arizona
Sorry, I was out late last night and just got home.
The Green Eyed Monster on
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DynagripBreak me a million heartsHoustonRegistered User, ClubPAregular
edited October 2006
Good 1st half, Texans...too bad there were 2 more quarters to play.
Yeah I started to pick Tampa again too, just on the supposition they couldn't keep losing. Same with the Titans...unfortunately I picked the loser in both of those. All in all I'll be lucky as well to go .500 this week.
I love the presence of so many cameras in NFL games. NFL replays was showing highlights of T.O. coming over to the sideline, and jumping up and down while celebrating one of his touchdowns with some of his teammates. Parcells was in the shot, and he just shakes his head with a really hilarious look on his face.
And I love the fact that Young got his first win before Leinart.
Posts
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rnCNh6mt12g
I suggest you put somekind of warning on that.
It is truly horrific
Don't forget mandatory references to "tight ends" and "wide receivers."
It seriously...it makes me feel sick. Just watch the way LT reacts after the hit. and you'll know it's bad.
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets
San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver
Chicago at Arizona
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muURh4vsXHc
I saw a guy break his leg similarly in highschool during a volleyball match, just came down wrong.
pleasepaypreacher.net
And I loooove Parcells.
[spoiler:8b56283fcc]it's not really Ethan Albright, but a joke column, but damn if it isn't hilarious[/spoiler:8b56283fcc]
Also, I can't believe people in this thread are still picking Oakland to win games...especially against Denver... at Denver.
Personally I'm riding the "Contract the Raiders" bandwagon throughout the season. Hop on quick before it fills up.
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets
San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver
Chicago at Arizona
ADRIAN PETERSON OUT FOR SEASON
Broke his collarbone on a 53 yard touchdown run. 155 yards away from being OU's alltime rushing leader. He may be back for the bowl game, if OU makes it.
Sucks for him. Hopefully he'll still be a high draft pick next year.
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets
San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver
Chicago at Arizona
This week will be wild, lots of pretty even matchups.
Buffalo at Detroit
Carolina at Baltimore
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay
Houston at Dallas
N.Y. Giants at Atlanta
Philadelphia at New Orleans
Seattle at St. Louis
Tennessee at Washington
Kansas City at Pittsburgh
Miami at N.Y. Jets
San Diego at San Francisco
Oakland at Denver
Chicago at Arizona
Carolina at *Baltimore
Cincinnati* at Tampa Bay
Houston at *Dallas
N.Y. Giants at *Atlanta
Philadelphia* at New Orleans
Seattle at *St. Louis
Tennessee at *Washington
Kansas City* at Pittsburgh
Miami at *N.Y. Jets
San Diego* at San Francisco
Oakland at *Denver
Chicago* at Arizona
Sorry, I was out late last night and just got home.
Philly, Cincinnati, Baltimore, etc losing...
Of course, they're in a hole still, even WITH Baltimore and Cincy losing.
This amused me far more than it should.
I was absolutely terrible at picking this week.
And I love the fact that Young got his first win before Leinart.