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A thread about a -boy-
MeeOk
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
And just to clarify, yes I'm a girl. Now, I've been dating this guy for a while, things have been going.. mostly okay, he's nice enough, and has a motorcycle which is hot. However, kissing him has just been.. meh. He's also not geeky enough for me . AND, during this last week, discovered he's really bad at the happy fun intimate time. *cough* I've not been in that many relationships (well, as far as actually dating somebody), but I have a pretty good idea of what I want. How can I best break it to him?
He's not geeky enough
He doesn't have similar enough interests in another aspect to me
He's not a dominant enough person (I'm... much more of the other persuasion, so I prefer a Type A, of sorts)
He's bad at all the intimate touchy stuff.
*face palm*
He's not geeky enough
He doesn't have similar enough interests in another aspect to me
He's not a dominant enough person (I'm... much more of the other persuasion, so I prefer a Type A, of sorts)
He's bad at all the intimate touchy stuff.
*face palm*
MeeOk on
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As for the first two, if you really want this to work, you don't have to be the same person in order to be in love. Do stuff he likes one weekend, do stuff you like the next. It's not always 'opposites attract' because you have to have some stuff in common, but asking him to be like you 100% is never going to work. You need to be your own persons, and you have to be willing to mesh into the other's world enough to do things that they like to do.
As to the other two, yeah.. I can talk to him, and have some, but it's not.. been very productive. He flat out refuses to do some things. Which I'm not going to mention, as they're somewhat personal.
As for not being geeky enough there is not much you can do about that other than maybe introduce him to geeky stuff. As a guy I have a really hard time finding girls that are geeky enough. It is an eternal struggle to train new girl friends how to play settlers of catan and warhammer with me. Im sure most of them just play along to humor me but if you don't put in the effort to try and teach them geeky stuff you can't expect them to pick it up on their own.
Not having similar interests is not a huge problem but maybe you could take some interests in what he likes. Its a two way street. Plus find new things that you both like and learn them together.
Young guys for the most part are nervous as hell in bed and not very good at being dominate. I remember the first time a girl wanted me to do that and i was like WTF. You can't expect him to be all holding you down pulling your hair and slapping your ass the first time you get in bed together. Have you asked him to do those types of things? Have you told him anything at all? or just lay there unhappy.
You have to make your own happiness in the sack. If a girl is giving me a crappy hand job im not going to sit there and pretend i enjoy it im going to show her how i like it and get her to do it the right way. Girls should do the same thing. Don't be super bossy about it. You need to be delicate. Baby steps here or you will smash his ego and make things worse.
You want him to be confident and dominate tell him that and then SHOW him how you like things done. Don't just blame him for not knowing the specifics of your sexual desires. If you have already told him this and he still sucks well you can lead a horse to water you can't make it grab a whip and bone you.
So, end it. Be classy and kind about it if you can, just make it clear that you don't want to date anymore. You're young (I think) and
is damning to me. Nice enough? Go for someone that you like a whole bunch.
Okay, I might be jumping the gun here, but if I take your thing about him not being dominant enough, along with this line, I would suggest you end the thing now.
Because, if what you talked to him about is important in your life(as it is for a lot of people), then if he refuses to do it, it just will lead to unhappiness. I known someone in a very similar situation, and the longer you're with him, the more you'll resent him and look for that "extra" elsewhere.
You sound like you're bored by him. The sex isn't great, you find him sorta bland, you don't enjoy talking to him: out the door he goes. Be kind but firm, and make it very, very clear that you don't want to date anymore. "I don't feel like this is working out, so I don't think we should see each other anymore" is generally a good thing to say. Give him whatever stuff you have of his back and then cut off contact; it'll hasten his getting over you.
Be honest with him. Sit him down over dinner and talk it out! How are you benefitting yourself or your boyfriend by letting things drag on like you are? Sounds like you are wanting something out of the relationship that he is not willing or able to give? Time to let him go and move on. Then again you know this, something tells me that you do. By the way *cough* I will be home in less than a month. Sound good? LOL
For the love of all thats holy - do not be unclear. Here's how it happens. You dont want to hurt them, so you say something like, "I need some time" or "maybe in the future..." You do this to ease the pain - but you will create false hope. Dont string him along.
Alternatively, you could realise that its OK to have different interests. But to be fair - its sounds like your looking to justify the break.
So as for this guy, MeeOk...
On the plus side, he's got a motorbike
On the negative side, you two have very little in common
So yeah, I'd suggest splitting. I mean, if you're both 38 then perhaps it might be a viable option to try and work things out, but this sounds like some early 20's blues. You are likely adverse to the idea, at least at this point since it's only been a couple of months, and you don't want to hurt his feelings.
You are going to hurt his feelings, regardless. Trying to spare them doesn't benefit either of you at all, since if he likes you in any way he'll take that bit of easy let-down information and consider it to be accurate, twisting it around until he thinks you'll take him back. And then he pines, and then you get odd phone calls, and nobody wins.
Tell it to him straight, or don't tell it to him at all. You could try and mold him into an ideal lover, but remember that although you can suggest change to someone, they won't change significantly unless they themselves want to. And at this point, that probably ain't happening.
There's enough different that you straight up cannot change (you can't force someone to be a nerd, and someone who doesn't like playing alpha/dominant isn't going to want to do it regularly for your amusement... and if he isn't willing to communicate, he won't be a good dom anyway)
It's not worth it. Believe me, there are dominant nerdy guys out there. Most of the guys I've dated are like that oddly enough (though good for me, bwaha)... plenty of fish in the sea m'dear
Maybe if you tell him of your fantasies and let him know you would like him to be like the man of your dreams, he will start training himself.
Don't settle if you're aware you're settling. That stuff pretty much never works out.
Sure, you could try to work with him on improving happy fun intimate time, since sometimes guys simply don't know how to do things effectively, and even reasonably talented people can have off days. But it sounds like your heart isn't in it. Sounds like you'd be better off pursuing one of the thousands of geek guys available to you.
Move along.