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RED FUTURE (New Comic)
Allan
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Some of you guys who read my comic probably already know about this, but compared to my main comic, Allan, this comic is way more difficult when it comes to art. Anyway, looking for some opinions/critiques/feedback.
EDIT: Chances are you will have no idea what the point of this comic is! IF YOU CARE, GO TO THIS URL AND READ THE TEXT TO THE LEFT (hover your mouse over it). IT WILL REVEAL A LOT OF INFORMATION (MORE) QUICKLY.
That is the end of Part 1 of Chapter 1 (minus maybe a title page).
There is, however, a lot to add to the story in "LOGs" (which go along with the story, being updated as the story continues), which can either be found on the homepage here, or, for your convenience, I will paste them here in a spoiler (read them from the bottom to the top):
Thanks guys!
EDIT: Chances are you will have no idea what the point of this comic is! IF YOU CARE, GO TO THIS URL AND READ THE TEXT TO THE LEFT (hover your mouse over it). IT WILL REVEAL A LOT OF INFORMATION (MORE) QUICKLY.
That is the end of Part 1 of Chapter 1 (minus maybe a title page).
There is, however, a lot to add to the story in "LOGs" (which go along with the story, being updated as the story continues), which can either be found on the homepage here, or, for your convenience, I will paste them here in a spoiler (read them from the bottom to the top):
LOG - Day 90: I've stayed up as long as I can. I've vomited 8 times today. This is... I can't do this. Ronald, Wilbur, Quentin... goodbye.
LOG - Day 89 continued: I've been thinking that maybe it had to end this way. Maybe it was Mine and Ron's fault--all of this. Maybe we do deserve to die.
LOG - Day 89 continued: I now know how fatal hospital patients feel.
LOG - Day 89 continued: Sorry... make that three times today. I guess this is it. This is the end. Come tomorrow I'll be dead. Come tomorrow there will be nothing left of me. Come tomorrow....
LOG - Day 89: I'm--I'm feeling sick today. I've thrown up twice already and I just woke u--
LOG - Day 88: Man... man are cars airtight? Of course they're not.... OK, yesterday I ran into a storm... a big one. I'm not hurt, I'm fine, but... but it usually takes 24, maybe 48 hours, right? That's what happened with Wilbur! Took him two days before he started... <i>dying</i>.... No, I think I'll be OK. I feel fine, right? ...right?
LOG - Day 87 continued: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday; I crashed. Ron said he clued you guys in, I hope it worked well enough with his voice. Anyway, driving back now; I don't expect any problems.
LOG - Day 87: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION ALIEN VOICE DETECTED, ATTEMPTNG TO TRANSCRIBE SOUND WAVES I'd figured I'd let you no that tent is doing OK. He's wrestling in the back room. That's fall.
LOG - Day 86: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Man, why did we make it so god damn hot here? I'm on foot, should take me the rest of the day to get to Ron's house. Luckily, I brought a few books on tape; I'll tell you how that goes. Have to wrap this up... gotta conserve energy.
LOG - Day 85: All quiet on the western front! Planning on heading down to Ron's new house tomorrow to get my car back. I'll keep you updated.
LOG - Day 84: Ron contacted me today and told me Wilbur's house is in perfect condition; it hasn't been looted or pillaged or anything--luckily for Ron, that is. Been quiet since the attack. Not much to report on.
LOG - Day 82: Alright. I think I got it now. You're very lucky you little recording son of a bitch--you took a bullet and were in pieces for about a week. Ronald and I are fine. We stiched him up after the attack and got him better. He's going to head over to Wilbur's house and steakout there. After the explosion there's nothing left of his house, so hopefully Wilbur's got a full stock of supplies. I'm giving him my car for now, but I'll come by and pick it up sometime later.
LOG - Day 76: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION --BEING FOLLOWED. There is no place to--shi--they are SHOOTING at us! Who are these people?! It's--
LOG - Day 76: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION --riving down road 3! The maniacs already hit Ronald's house and nearly killed him.... He's in the back sea--fuuuuuu--
LOG - Day 75: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Th-- INDISTINGUISHABLE --uck. Instead it hit-- INDISTINGUISHABLE --onald and I, a bom-- MESSAGE INTERRUPTED; END TRANSMISSION
LOG - Day 75: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Uploading this from Ron's house. The tremor never came, so yes, my -- my e-- MESSAGE INDISTINGUISHABLE; END TRANSMISSION
LOG - Day 74: My equipment malfunctioned today. It told me there was going to be a tremor, but it never came. I'm postponing the trip until tomorrow for fear that it might've detected an early storm or something.
LOG - Day 73: Trying to keep this up daily, now. Been about a week since Wilbur died. Still not coping well. Tomorrow I'm going to take the car and drive to Ron's in Sector 12... I'm going to try and get a suit from him.
LOG - Day 72: I need to keep closer track on my days. This is one of my main responsibilities and I need to continue daily. I guess I can say that I still hear Wilbur when I sleep. I can't open the door... I can't get his body out of there; I don't have a suit. I'll try and borrow one of Ron's next time I see him.
LOG - Day 66: There's no more noise coming from the guest room.
LOG - Day 65: SHIT! I had to board Wilbur in the guest room... god dammit I had to seal him in there alive. What does it matter? He won't be alive by tomorrow anyway. Jesus. I can hear him moaning right now. I can hear him BLEEDING right now. God dammit I am a monster. I wish I could help him.
LOG - Day 65: Made contact with Wilbur today. He is in awful shape. I'm letting him stay the night at my quarters till he can gather the strength he needs to leave in the morning.
LOG - Day 62: I visited Ronald today--I took the car. His supplies are holding strong--as are mine--but his research has been seeing problems. He's nowhere near any breakthroughs, he says. Neither am I. I haven't gotten anything done. I've been rereading case reports. Ron has a big pile of bodies out back behind his house--or--what used to be bodies. All that's left is bones and rust. Bones and that god damn red sand.
LOG - Day 56: Heard from Ronald today. He said things are getting bad out where he is. The domes are sending people out of them... exiling them. He said the people are turning on one another. He said he wasn't sure, but he thinks one of the people turned to cannibalism. God I don't want to know what is going on in those domes.
LOG - Day 49: Came in contact with another experiment today. He or she (I can't be sure) died out near the RED FUTURE building. He was probably looking for supplies. I took the bike out for a closer look but as I was leaving I felt another storm coming. I had to leave the bike outside and hurry back in. The bike is now dust... there's nothing left of it.
LOG - Day 47: Today the first storm hit. Nothing was contaminated (to the best of my knowledge). I'm not losing any blood, nothing is damaged.
LOG - Day 42: Came into contact with my first experiment today... he tried to break in to my house. I had to shoot him... he... I buried him out back behind the shed. His name was Thomas Rimm. I have no idea what is going on in those domes, but... I don't know what drove Tom to....
LOG - Day 39: I've been photographing events happening around here for at least a month now. Buildings have been crumbling for no reason... there are no seismic activities to speak of... it's just my camera and I. No word from Ronald or Wilbur in over two weeks. Some of my machinery is starting to fade in its effectiveness....
LOG - Day 15: Had dinner with Ron tonight. He, too, has been documenting all that he has been assigned. Apparently he heard a gunshot coming from one of the domes, but it could've just been a hardware malfunction. I've heard some hardware malfunctions myself around here and mistook them for other things. Still no ill weather.
LOG - Day 8 continued: First seismic activity observed. Class 3. Nothing to be too worried about. Photographed all damages in my area.
LOG - Day 8: The first week went smoothly! No strange weather patterns, no seismic activity... it's been pretty quiet! We haven't seen (we being Ron and I) any experiments walking around, so they must be pretty happy where they are. W--
LOG - Day 1: Well we're here. It was a long journey but absolutely worth it. There were no harsh weather conditions and our landing was as smooth as the trip--right on target! Ron and I are splitting up and visiting our houses. Reminder: Call up Ron for dinner sometime.
LOG - Day 89 continued: I've been thinking that maybe it had to end this way. Maybe it was Mine and Ron's fault--all of this. Maybe we do deserve to die.
LOG - Day 89 continued: I now know how fatal hospital patients feel.
LOG - Day 89 continued: Sorry... make that three times today. I guess this is it. This is the end. Come tomorrow I'll be dead. Come tomorrow there will be nothing left of me. Come tomorrow....
LOG - Day 89: I'm--I'm feeling sick today. I've thrown up twice already and I just woke u--
LOG - Day 88: Man... man are cars airtight? Of course they're not.... OK, yesterday I ran into a storm... a big one. I'm not hurt, I'm fine, but... but it usually takes 24, maybe 48 hours, right? That's what happened with Wilbur! Took him two days before he started... <i>dying</i>.... No, I think I'll be OK. I feel fine, right? ...right?
LOG - Day 87 continued: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Sorry I didn't get back to you yesterday; I crashed. Ron said he clued you guys in, I hope it worked well enough with his voice. Anyway, driving back now; I don't expect any problems.
LOG - Day 87: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION ALIEN VOICE DETECTED, ATTEMPTNG TO TRANSCRIBE SOUND WAVES I'd figured I'd let you no that tent is doing OK. He's wrestling in the back room. That's fall.
LOG - Day 86: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Man, why did we make it so god damn hot here? I'm on foot, should take me the rest of the day to get to Ron's house. Luckily, I brought a few books on tape; I'll tell you how that goes. Have to wrap this up... gotta conserve energy.
LOG - Day 85: All quiet on the western front! Planning on heading down to Ron's new house tomorrow to get my car back. I'll keep you updated.
LOG - Day 84: Ron contacted me today and told me Wilbur's house is in perfect condition; it hasn't been looted or pillaged or anything--luckily for Ron, that is. Been quiet since the attack. Not much to report on.
LOG - Day 82: Alright. I think I got it now. You're very lucky you little recording son of a bitch--you took a bullet and were in pieces for about a week. Ronald and I are fine. We stiched him up after the attack and got him better. He's going to head over to Wilbur's house and steakout there. After the explosion there's nothing left of his house, so hopefully Wilbur's got a full stock of supplies. I'm giving him my car for now, but I'll come by and pick it up sometime later.
LOG - Day 76: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION --BEING FOLLOWED. There is no place to--shi--they are SHOOTING at us! Who are these people?! It's--
LOG - Day 76: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION --riving down road 3! The maniacs already hit Ronald's house and nearly killed him.... He's in the back sea--fuuuuuu--
LOG - Day 75: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Th-- INDISTINGUISHABLE --uck. Instead it hit-- INDISTINGUISHABLE --onald and I, a bom-- MESSAGE INTERRUPTED; END TRANSMISSION
LOG - Day 75: USER UPLOADED FROM RELATIVE LOCATION Uploading this from Ron's house. The tremor never came, so yes, my -- my e-- MESSAGE INDISTINGUISHABLE; END TRANSMISSION
LOG - Day 74: My equipment malfunctioned today. It told me there was going to be a tremor, but it never came. I'm postponing the trip until tomorrow for fear that it might've detected an early storm or something.
LOG - Day 73: Trying to keep this up daily, now. Been about a week since Wilbur died. Still not coping well. Tomorrow I'm going to take the car and drive to Ron's in Sector 12... I'm going to try and get a suit from him.
LOG - Day 72: I need to keep closer track on my days. This is one of my main responsibilities and I need to continue daily. I guess I can say that I still hear Wilbur when I sleep. I can't open the door... I can't get his body out of there; I don't have a suit. I'll try and borrow one of Ron's next time I see him.
LOG - Day 66: There's no more noise coming from the guest room.
LOG - Day 65: SHIT! I had to board Wilbur in the guest room... god dammit I had to seal him in there alive. What does it matter? He won't be alive by tomorrow anyway. Jesus. I can hear him moaning right now. I can hear him BLEEDING right now. God dammit I am a monster. I wish I could help him.
LOG - Day 65: Made contact with Wilbur today. He is in awful shape. I'm letting him stay the night at my quarters till he can gather the strength he needs to leave in the morning.
LOG - Day 62: I visited Ronald today--I took the car. His supplies are holding strong--as are mine--but his research has been seeing problems. He's nowhere near any breakthroughs, he says. Neither am I. I haven't gotten anything done. I've been rereading case reports. Ron has a big pile of bodies out back behind his house--or--what used to be bodies. All that's left is bones and rust. Bones and that god damn red sand.
LOG - Day 56: Heard from Ronald today. He said things are getting bad out where he is. The domes are sending people out of them... exiling them. He said the people are turning on one another. He said he wasn't sure, but he thinks one of the people turned to cannibalism. God I don't want to know what is going on in those domes.
LOG - Day 49: Came in contact with another experiment today. He or she (I can't be sure) died out near the RED FUTURE building. He was probably looking for supplies. I took the bike out for a closer look but as I was leaving I felt another storm coming. I had to leave the bike outside and hurry back in. The bike is now dust... there's nothing left of it.
LOG - Day 47: Today the first storm hit. Nothing was contaminated (to the best of my knowledge). I'm not losing any blood, nothing is damaged.
LOG - Day 42: Came into contact with my first experiment today... he tried to break in to my house. I had to shoot him... he... I buried him out back behind the shed. His name was Thomas Rimm. I have no idea what is going on in those domes, but... I don't know what drove Tom to....
LOG - Day 39: I've been photographing events happening around here for at least a month now. Buildings have been crumbling for no reason... there are no seismic activities to speak of... it's just my camera and I. No word from Ronald or Wilbur in over two weeks. Some of my machinery is starting to fade in its effectiveness....
LOG - Day 15: Had dinner with Ron tonight. He, too, has been documenting all that he has been assigned. Apparently he heard a gunshot coming from one of the domes, but it could've just been a hardware malfunction. I've heard some hardware malfunctions myself around here and mistook them for other things. Still no ill weather.
LOG - Day 8 continued: First seismic activity observed. Class 3. Nothing to be too worried about. Photographed all damages in my area.
LOG - Day 8: The first week went smoothly! No strange weather patterns, no seismic activity... it's been pretty quiet! We haven't seen (we being Ron and I) any experiments walking around, so they must be pretty happy where they are. W--
LOG - Day 1: Well we're here. It was a long journey but absolutely worth it. There were no harsh weather conditions and our landing was as smooth as the trip--right on target! Ron and I are splitting up and visiting our houses. Reminder: Call up Ron for dinner sometime.
Thanks guys!
Allan on
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Ok so, in terms of actual criticisms:
- The borders on your panels are sometimes impossible to see. On page 4 (I think), the top two panels...are they one? The black line between the door and the table makes me kind of confused. Sometimes the segue the darkness lends is sort of cool, but sometimes it's kind of confusing.
- I couldn't tell that was a camera on the floor at first (the first time it's broken). Define the lines more?
- Keep logs with the strip they are affiliated with, if that's how it's working. Actually, even if they aren't "affiliated," do not have all the logs on every page. Have new logs with new pages.
Now, in terms of the writing, I know the desire to make thing mysterious, but you're dealing with an enormous time frame (90 days), and your speaker is revealing nothing of any certainty. With this much time, a real person might make it clear why he is keeping this log, what the hell is going on, explain more about his circumstances and what he's doing, etc. Whatever your idea is, it's so weird and unplaceable that I can't even guess what's going on. I think it seems interesting, but...too vague.
So, from a writer's standpoint, how much have you blocked out the story? Like a piece of art, you need to figure out where a story is going and (to some extent) where it's going to end. I know, Lost doesn't do this, and it's becoming all the rave to confuse your reader/watcher, but good writers do know where they're going. Also, I don't know who your characters are. While you could get away with this in an autobiographical comic, because I get to know you over time, these characters don't have distinct voices and I don't know...who they are, why they're here, and more general confusion ensues.
Now, with all that (though I'm probably missing some key points), some positive things:
- I appreciate you taking on a full on comic. I've never had the guts to do this, because of my artistic skills and my writing skills. Writing out an outline for a book or TV show is hard enough, to manage characters, story, and art all at once would kill me right now. You were ambitious with just Allan, this is a good next step.
- The art is really cool. It's an awesome twist on your style, I like the use of texture (though it might be a little overused).
- The idea is intriguing, and I'll keep reading just to see where it goes. You have my interest.
Man! Yes. You have a lot of good points!
OK, so I will try to reply to them now:
Let me just clarify: this is not the end of the first chapter, it is the end of the first part of the first chapter! There are 2 more parts. Chapter 1 will probably be another 14 pages.
By the end of the first chapter I'm pretty sure most people will get the gist.
You're right. My layer effects darken the panels usually (see: last page) and the borders are hard to see. Usually when there is a line of darkness it is a new panel, but I will try to clarify that.
I was worried about this! I showed it to a few people and they knew that it was a camera, so I relaxed. Now I am hearing it is not exactly apparent so that is not a good thing! I will try to be more clear in the future.
It is a little early to judge the logs. You'd be right if they worked in the way you think they do, but they're a little different.
Yes. You're right. This is a character flaw, rather than a writing faux pas. This should become apparent with time.
You're right! That is why I have the whole thing mapped out, from start to finish. Though I do like how you're getting Lost vibes from it.
I don't want to spoil anything here, but come part 2 you are getting a whole nother dose of character, so watch out for that!
Thank you very much, man! I am trying to spread my wings with this comic. In fact, the first 7 pages (actually 1 page is being removed) of this is being put into a print comic with my sketchblog and will be available as a sampler book at cons and stuff. Dunno when it will be ready or anything, but that is definitely a step in the right direction.
Perhaps (re: the texture being overused). I might tone it down a bit. But also thank you!
Glad to have you reading, man. This is all great feedback (probably the best feedback I've gotten so far) and I'd love to hear anything else you might have to say about the strip in the future.
Tonight a title page (nothing special) is going up, and in a day or so I will have Part 2 of Chapter 1 started.
Thanks, man! Yeah, small details like that are hard to convey I guess (for me anyway)? Maybe it was just a bad choice of panel layout. Dunno.
Also, srsizzy, I took your advice and put each of the LOGS on it's own page. You also now read them from top to bottom rather than bottom to top, and moved the nav buttons around a little.
Is it better than before?
Also, on log day #82: it's "stakeout". Thought you might like to know.
I'm interested to see where these logs are going. You have my attention, sir. :^:
i really like the logs, they are a neat addition. they remind me a bit of Doom 3, they were probably one of my favorite parts of that game.
I like the "news" link, except for the content involved is kinda weird. While your personal comic could handle the personal commentary, something like this is a bit different. With Allan, you do something cool having the news on the same page as the strip, but I'm not sure if it's going to work for this (especially since the "news" so far is kind of extraneous). And what is the info link for? And the fifth link doesn't even say anything.
Then, I like the mood of the page, but it's pretty minimalistic. I don't know, this is a stylistic choice. At the moment, I don't have any suggestions about it, but I'll think about it more and might have some suggestions later.
Oh man. Thanks for the stakeout thing; I'd fixed that once, but must've forgot to save the change.
Also, glad you like the cartoon/serious tone. This comic is actually a rewrite of a earlier script (like a final draft). The first page (of the old draft) was me still trying to find the style of the comic. Feast your eyes on this atrocity:
Anyway, I experimented more and realized what I really wanted to make the strip, hence what you've got now.
I never got to play Doom 3! I heard it was super scary, and at the time my computer couldn't handle it. Maybe I should go back and get it?
Thanks beav
Rockin' that it is better. I also made it so that it will fit horizontally on a 1024x768 monitor (anyone who has a monitor smaller than that isn't really my target audience, here), which involved resizing the strips, blah blah etc.
You're right. The "NEWS" link is definitely the most personal item on the site, hence why it is generally hidden. I might go back and edit the notes in the future, come to think of it.
The INFO Page is still in the works, as is that last button that doesn't say anything. The last button will link to a... log of the logs. Since I just finished the first part, I will be putting the LOGS in a large body of text on that page for convenience, and so on and so forth.
Alright man. Looking forward to those future suggestions. Really, simplicity was what I was going for. Mysterious. Hidden. Dark. I don't want anything distracting from the strip, and once the strip is finished being read, I don't want anything distracting from the notes. I just want everything to be focused, I guess?
I can't promise any brighter scenes for a while, but I will try and work on focusing panel details! Thanks!
Also, liking how you called it "detailed" (I try to pay a lot of attention to detail)!
Sorry about that! The whole point of the dark layout is to not distract from the strip. Right now there is a title page up, but usually when people can actually see the strip, I think most people will recognize the buttons/text logs on the left?
Or at least I hope?
But yeah, it's purpose is to be dark as can be.
INSTAGRAM
I went to the main site, which features the latest page and not the pages posted here, tried to find navigation and ended up gving up and closing the page. I reread this thread, re-opened the page and just moved my mouse around until I accidentally happened onto the nav buttons.
You might consider brightening them a wee tiny bit.
My Website | My "photo-a-day" 2010
I am thinking, maybe I can put some brighter nav buttons BELOW the comic, so they're not distracting while you're reading them?
Also, don't you hate when you draw something with extra details and spend extra time figuring out how it is laid out, and then it is either covered by text bubbles or darkened with effects?
KINDA ANNOYING HUH.
http://www.ourfutureisred.com/index.php?strip_id=11
Anyway, take it as it is for now, pay attention to the details and the logs, and see if you can work anything out, I guess!
But I agree, your word bubble placements, while creative, are often confusing. For instance, in the second a third panels...technically you read top to bottom, and THEN left to right or right to left, with whatever is in a panel. I read "We ain't here for food." before "Taylor." But...I don't know, that rule can be bent, it's just sometimes disorienting.
There's also one other thing: he looks to Taylor's right in panel 6, and then the door is on her left in panel 7. And the blank fifth panel would probably be better with Taylor's face, or Taylor asking "Then what are we here for?" Him just staring for no reason doesn't serve a purpose, and it's not good to have empty panels. That, or he should look around, move or something. I don't know, just having him stand there after talking is random.
Like everyone said, I don't know what the HELL is going on. Main guy is waiting to photograph something in the window. There's some sort of.. fire.. explosion thing. He's photographed it before, aparently. He patches himself up.. looks at.. a clock radio and a can of something? And then for some reason a car smashes through the wall. End of chapter.... What.. the... hell..
Next pages with the dude and the girl looking for something. First panel. The lights on the ceiling look really amateur. The perspective seems off and it's just a bit too bland, even given the style. Panel two with the guy saying "'bout fuckin' time." Is he standing in a doorway? Or is his hand on something other than a doorway? If it's a doorway, why is half of it in shadow, and the other half isn't? And what's the black strip that covers the top left corner? Next scene works fine with the bland dark room considering there's no focus on the environment. Last panel with the girl standing against the wall and the dude walking into a dark doorway? The emptiness of these rooms is really starting to get to me. Is this some abandoned office building? Why are there no desks/tables/chairs? The wall with the doorway in it looks really flat when in conjunction with all the stuff I'm assuming to be behind it. Use some line variation! Put some detail of the things up front to draw the eye!
Oh yeah. Still not sure what's going on, but this group of characters is clearer. They're looking for something. The girl is hungry, but that's not what the guy's looking for. Finally they find some canned food, but it's messed up. Okay. Guy finds .. is that a closet? Maybe it's a closet. Or a doorway. Difficult to make out in the dark. They're looking for supplies. Then suddenly there's a bright panel of the guy doing.. something. And then everything goes dark. Dude keeps getting worried about things being metal due to "storms". Alright.
Then we're back to the first guy. He's staring at a kitchen stove.. waiting for something to happen perhaps. What happened to the dark place he took the picture in? Then, suddenly, the pipes shoot steam and there's a red light at the window, and he freaks out I guess. By the way, that pose he's in seems very unnatural. I would rework that.
So yes, in short, I think it's got lots of potential. But as of right now there's no way anyone can piece any of it together. And some line variation couldn't hurt. And some more detail.
It makes a little more sense in the correct order. And I guess I can see how that's a .. circuit breaker thingie. I'm not familiar with how they're suppose to look like.
Bog, a Circuit Breaker/fuse box looks like this:
As for the comments on that last panel being a bit unclear, again, sorry guys. I will fix that tail of that text bubble fairly soon.
Bog asked why the room was so bare. Unfortunately we are looking a bare part of the room. The room's scene is more captured in the previous page on panel 2.
I guess I will work on some line variation, though that is obviously not my forte. Still, I will work on it.
Anyone who wants to know more about the strip, faster (like, those who are actually interested in the strip enough to continue reading) should definitely check out the LOG entries to the left of each strip at the homepage. I am not putting them there just for fun. They are details that will draw you deeper into the strip and teach you more about what is going on, faster. Eventually things will piece together easier through the comic, but the LOGs will speed that up.
I know some people don't want to read text along with a graphic medium (that is why the comic will make sense without the LOG entries), but I am merely taking advantage of a format that has yet to be broken down into cliche-dom. Personally, I am really enjoying it so far.
Also, that "We ain't here for food." line followed by the "Taylor." line could be read either way. Sorry if it was confusing, but either way works.
Izzy, you are right about the staring out into space thing, there, too. Will fix that with the tail of the text bubble!
Thanks for your input thus far guys. Really appreciating/enjoying it, and it helps me to make it a better strip!
thank you for the inspiration!
(if your comics ever disappoint me, i will find you)
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There are ways to graphically include larger blocks of text, maybe its something to consider.
If it was in print, it would probably go:
Title Page
-1 Page of LOGS
-1 comic strip
-repeat
and so on and so forth.
What if you actually laid them out the way you would in print, so as you click through its like that (one page logs, one page comic, one page logs). As of now I feel almost pushed to ignore the logs and feel like there isn't alot happening.
that is a really good idea
I'll see what I can do