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How to let a friend down.

The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
edited September 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
So, here's the deal. A lady friend (no this isn't a girl thread, but I figured the gender might offer insight) has been looking forward to going to a certain concert with another friend and I. It would have been a road trip of several hours, with a hotel involved, seeing as I'm in Toronto, and the concert is in Ottawa. Thing was, it was in the middle of the week. But I figured, what the hell, I could miss the 2 days of classes (in college) I'd have to miss. That was before my program started though. Me and the
third friend are both in it. It's a work-intensive program, and at this point, I genuinely believe that I'd be screwed if I missed those 2 days.

Thing is, if I don't go, she doesn't go, and this is her absolute favorite, obsessed-over band. She wouldn't get to go because we were using my car (I'm the only one in our group with my own vehicle), and her parents would never allow an unescorted girl to go to Ottawa alone (we joke that they consider me her "babysitter") and frankly I wouldn't either. So basically, I'm not going to be able to go, and because of that, neither is she.

So how in the hell do I tell her this?

The Last Gent on

Posts

  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The same way you just told us. Tell her you have a very difficult class schedule and now realize there is no way you can skip 2 days.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • peteaboda1peteaboda1 Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I agree, the way you just described it sounds like the only way to me. I hope it isn't this week and that you were supposed to leave tomorrow or something, that will truly piss her off.

    peteaboda1 on
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  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited September 2008
    If I were her I would end up saying "screw you guys" and take a bus or a train or whatever I had to do to go and enjoy it by myself. I know because I have run into this before.

    Downtown Indianapolis is not really a happy place to have to ask for directions at 11 pm, btw.

    ceres on
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  • Bryse EayoBryse Eayo Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    So, here's the deal. A lady friend (no this isn't a girl thread, but I figured the gender might offer insight) has been looking forward to going to a certain concert with another friend and I. It would have been a road trip of several hours, with a hotel involved, seeing as I'm in Toronto, and the concert is in Ottawa. Thing was, it was in the middle of the week. But I figured, what the hell, I could miss the 2 days of classes (in college) I'd have to miss. That was before my program started though. Me and the
    third friend are both in it. It's a work-intensive program, and at this point, I genuinely believe that I'd be screwed if I missed those 2 days.

    Thing is, if I don't go, she doesn't go, and this is her absolute favorite, obsessed-over band. She wouldn't get to go because we were using my car (I'm the only one in our group with my own vehicle), and her parents would never allow an unescorted girl to go to Ottawa alone (we joke that they consider me her "babysitter") and frankly I wouldn't either. So basically, I'm not going to be able to go, and because of that, neither is she.

    So how in the hell do I tell her this?

    What band is playing up here in Ottawa that won't come straight down to Toronto within the next 48 hours?

    Bryse Eayo on
  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    As long as this concert isn't this week, she should understand.

    If you waited till the last minute to tell her..well yeah, you dropped the ball there.

    Kyougu on
  • vytroxvytrox Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    If she has someone else to go with, lending her your car would be a good move.

    vytrox on
  • BeckBeck Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Quickly, so she can see about finding someone else to go with. Apologize for ditching.

    Who were you going to see, btw?

    Beck on
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  • The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    It's not till November, so I'm good in that respect. Ticket sales in advance start next friday though. And no I can't let her borrow my car, I'd need it to get to those classes, so more jerk-ness on my part. The band's Nine Inch Nails.

    The Last Gent on
  • EggyToastEggyToast Jersey CityRegistered User regular
    edited September 2008
    You're not being a jerk, you're looking out for your own hide. Class and life responsibilities come before concert fun.

    EggyToast on
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  • Iron WeaselIron Weasel Dillon! You son of a bitch!Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Bryse Eayo wrote: »
    What band is playing up here in Ottawa that won't come straight down to Toronto within the next 48 hours?
    That was my thought too, but it turns out that they aren't playing Toronto on this tour.

    To the OP: At least you've figured this out with three and-a-half weeks to go before the event. Tell your friend now, so she can use that time to try to find some other way of getting to the show.

    Given the reason for your decision to pull out and the fact that you are giving her plenty of notice, I wouldn't think she'd hold this against you.

    Iron Weasel on
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  • KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Till Nov? You're fine.

    Any real friend would understand that the responsibilities of school comes first.

    Kyougu on
  • wasted pixelswasted pixels Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I don't know if this is helpful or not, but... aren't they playing in Hamilton on Nov 14th? I'm planning on catching them there if I'm still in Canuckistan.

    Edit: Incidentally, they're playing Hamilton almost exactly 48 hours after Ottawa. Good call, Bryse Eayo. :D

    wasted pixels on
  • i n c u b u si n c u b u s Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    I had almost the same situation the other day with my gf. I had psyched her up to go see her fav band The Shins for her birthday next month only to find out that the tour dates I found online were for LAST year. I just explained it to her and she understood. Now I have to take her to Disney World XD. Anywho you'll be fine man just be honest and say maybe next time. Either that or find another show thats coming up to compensate.

    i n c u b u s on
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  • RhavenRhaven Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    That sucks, they put on a phenomenal show. What about tickets - are they already purchased for Ottawa?

    And yeah, looks like they are playing at Copps on the 14th...why not try to make that one? It really is an amazing stage show - has to be seen to be believed. To say nothing of the music.

    Edit: Oops, missed the OP's reply about tickets. Oh well, I still say Hamilton is the way to GO (get it? then you don't even have to drive!)

    Rhaven on
  • BeckBeck Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    It's not till November, so I'm good in that respect. Ticket sales in advance start next friday though. And no I can't let her borrow my car, I'd need it to get to those classes, so more jerk-ness on my part. The band's Nine Inch Nails.

    Dude, you are super polite. If it's not until November this probably won't be a problem at all.

    Beck on
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  • The Last GentThe Last Gent Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Well, I told her, and shit hit the fan. Her personality is rather....anarchist, and now she's viewing it as me playing it too safe by staying in my classes, and leaving her to do this alone, despite repeated attempts by me to tell her that I'm not in a regular University program.

    The Last Gent on
  • Bryse EayoBryse Eayo Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    Well, I told her, and shit hit the fan. Her personality is rather....anarchist, and now she's viewing it as me playing it too safe by staying in my classes, and leaving her to do this alone, despite repeated attempts by me to tell her that I'm not in a regular University program.

    Ah well. You win some, you lose some.

    But I don't think you sound too distressed about this....

    Bryse Eayo on
  • ruzkinruzkin Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    Well, I told her, and shit hit the fan. Her personality is rather....anarchist, and now she's viewing it as me playing it too safe by staying in my classes, and leaving her to do this alone, despite repeated attempts by me to tell her that I'm not in a regular University program.

    Man, if she can't understand your situation and she genuinely feels her seeing Trent Reznor belt some tunes is more important than your education, then there are issues at hand more important than the concert.

    ruzkin on
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  • wasted pixelswasted pixels Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    Brush off your left shoulder, then brush off your right shoulder. She's acting like a high schooler who just found out her friend can't ditch to go to the mall, any guilt you might have felt about letting her down should be pretty well absolved by her selfish, immature reaction to the news.

    wasted pixels on
  • TrowizillaTrowizilla Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    Well, I told her, and shit hit the fan. Her personality is rather....anarchist, and now she's viewing it as me playing it too safe by staying in my classes, and leaving her to do this alone, despite repeated attempts by me to tell her that I'm not in a regular University program.

    Hopefully she'll grow up and stop expecting you to jeopardize your studies in order to stick it to the man/help her out. She sounds quite immature.

    Trowizilla on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited September 2008
    The Last Gent wrote: »
    Well, I told her, and shit hit the fan. Her personality is rather....anarchist, and now she's viewing it as me playing it too safe by staying in my classes, and leaving her to do this alone, despite repeated attempts by me to tell her that I'm not in a regular University program.

    Tell her to grow up and quit being a bitch. Even if you were in a regular program it shouldn't matter. If she doesn't cool down and let this go I'd write her off.

    VisionOfClarity on
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