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What would you do?
Ryadic
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, this happened last night, and has been bothering me since. Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. Names have been replaced with the persons initials.
Here's the situation. Last night I texted my friend, TS, to see if she wants to hang out and do a puzzle that she's wanting to put together for Christmas so she can hang it up as a picture. She's a Christmas freak and I love doing puzzles. For some reason she decides to invite a bunch of our other friends over. Not too big of a deal but I don't see a point since they aren't interested in the puzzle, I just saw it as a distraction.
I get to my apartment and my friend TC is playing Xbox with my brother and he asks for a ride over there, so I give him a ride. So when I get over to TS's, her brother, DK, is there and our friend, WA, is as well.
So while TS and I are working on the puzzle, TC and WA are watching TV. She tries to suggest to them that she has movies they can watch and they intentionally ignore her and interrupt her when she tries to talk even going pretending to fall asleep the second she talks and they are laughing about it. This isn't too bad, but it really is just rude, in my opinion, to do this to someone. Very disrespectful, especially if that person is trying to be kind.
Also, DK, at one point called her twatzilla as a joke. He's her brother, and I wasn't bothered by this and actually found it pretty funny, but still kind of out of line. Well TC and WA thought it was so funny that they called her that all night and even gave her the nickname TZ. Again, I think this is taking a joke too far and being rude... yet again.
DK cooks dinner for everyone as well and TS goes to get some of it to eat (I'm the only one that doesn't want any). TC gets up and goes to the kitchen and asks her where his is, and she says that he has to make his own plate, and he just takes hers and starts to eat it. She has to fix another plate, and WA goes in and does the same thing to her. So, she has to fix a third plate.
While she is in the middle of eating she gets a call from a friend and goes outside to talk to them. While she's out there TC says he wants to do something to her food and DK has the brilliant idea of putting ceyenne (spelling?) pepper on it cause she hates spicy stuff. So they do that. She gets back takes a bite and they all start laughing when she notices the spicy flavor and she isn't happy with it. She goes back to get more and, what do you know, there is no more. So she didn't get to eat any.
So, this all bothered me. Seperate they're small things that don't matter too much, but all of it, in the space of like 3 hours, kind of bothers me. TS is fairly new to our group of friends, it's not like we've known her for a long time and this just happened out of no where. Pretty much ever since she was around they've been a bit mean jokingly, but last night really seemed excessive to me and irked me very much.
I sent her a text asking how she can put up with all that shit and she says it's just a joke and it's not a big deal. I was planning on just leaving it at that and dropping it, but I can't. Maybe last night is just a one time thing where they won't be such assholes to her, but knowing my friends that's probably not the case. She didn't stand up for herself, and they are going to take advantage of that and I can only see it getting worse. TC actually pulled a lot of the same shit with another friend of ours and she got to the point where she can't take it anymore because when she did try standing up for herself it didn't work.
TL;DR some of my friends are being giant assholes to the new girl in our group and it's bothering me because I think it's upsetting her and she doesn't stand up for herself.
Also I think it should be noted that I'm pretty sure both of these guys pulling the shit have a crush on her and want to date her, so I think they're trying to get her attention.
My question is, what should I do? I did all I could think of that wouldn't cause too much shit in the group and that was talk to her about it, but she said it doesn't bother her, which it may not now, but probably will in the future.
What would you guys do in the situation?
Here's the situation. Last night I texted my friend, TS, to see if she wants to hang out and do a puzzle that she's wanting to put together for Christmas so she can hang it up as a picture. She's a Christmas freak and I love doing puzzles. For some reason she decides to invite a bunch of our other friends over. Not too big of a deal but I don't see a point since they aren't interested in the puzzle, I just saw it as a distraction.
I get to my apartment and my friend TC is playing Xbox with my brother and he asks for a ride over there, so I give him a ride. So when I get over to TS's, her brother, DK, is there and our friend, WA, is as well.
So while TS and I are working on the puzzle, TC and WA are watching TV. She tries to suggest to them that she has movies they can watch and they intentionally ignore her and interrupt her when she tries to talk even going pretending to fall asleep the second she talks and they are laughing about it. This isn't too bad, but it really is just rude, in my opinion, to do this to someone. Very disrespectful, especially if that person is trying to be kind.
Also, DK, at one point called her twatzilla as a joke. He's her brother, and I wasn't bothered by this and actually found it pretty funny, but still kind of out of line. Well TC and WA thought it was so funny that they called her that all night and even gave her the nickname TZ. Again, I think this is taking a joke too far and being rude... yet again.
DK cooks dinner for everyone as well and TS goes to get some of it to eat (I'm the only one that doesn't want any). TC gets up and goes to the kitchen and asks her where his is, and she says that he has to make his own plate, and he just takes hers and starts to eat it. She has to fix another plate, and WA goes in and does the same thing to her. So, she has to fix a third plate.
While she is in the middle of eating she gets a call from a friend and goes outside to talk to them. While she's out there TC says he wants to do something to her food and DK has the brilliant idea of putting ceyenne (spelling?) pepper on it cause she hates spicy stuff. So they do that. She gets back takes a bite and they all start laughing when she notices the spicy flavor and she isn't happy with it. She goes back to get more and, what do you know, there is no more. So she didn't get to eat any.
So, this all bothered me. Seperate they're small things that don't matter too much, but all of it, in the space of like 3 hours, kind of bothers me. TS is fairly new to our group of friends, it's not like we've known her for a long time and this just happened out of no where. Pretty much ever since she was around they've been a bit mean jokingly, but last night really seemed excessive to me and irked me very much.
I sent her a text asking how she can put up with all that shit and she says it's just a joke and it's not a big deal. I was planning on just leaving it at that and dropping it, but I can't. Maybe last night is just a one time thing where they won't be such assholes to her, but knowing my friends that's probably not the case. She didn't stand up for herself, and they are going to take advantage of that and I can only see it getting worse. TC actually pulled a lot of the same shit with another friend of ours and she got to the point where she can't take it anymore because when she did try standing up for herself it didn't work.
TL;DR some of my friends are being giant assholes to the new girl in our group and it's bothering me because I think it's upsetting her and she doesn't stand up for herself.
Also I think it should be noted that I'm pretty sure both of these guys pulling the shit have a crush on her and want to date her, so I think they're trying to get her attention.
My question is, what should I do? I did all I could think of that wouldn't cause too much shit in the group and that was talk to her about it, but she said it doesn't bother her, which it may not now, but probably will in the future.
What would you guys do in the situation?
Ryadic on
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Just for the record if anyone messed with my food/drink while I was gone they'd be wearing it.
Shogun Streams Vidya
Me, personally, I would have said something to them as it occurred. But, since that's no longer the case, if you feel like you should say something to them, then say it. Call them on their bullshit and let them know that being a complete dick to someone (usually) won't get you laid. I'm generally not the type to do the latter, though. At least while you were present, you were involved. I don't generally get involved in people's drama, so an after the fact type of confrontation isn't my style.
You can't really force her to stick up for herself if she's unwilling.
Sadly, it may just be a situation that you have to let pass. In the end, you could say something if you're there and it's happening again, or if you're giving douchebag a lift you could say, "Don't be a dick tonight."
I'm thinking they're both jealous of your new friend and attracted to her. They don't appear to have the maturity to deal with that, so you'll need to make the effort to tell them to stop being rude little children and that it's okay, you still love them just as much as you did before.
On a more serious note, if you're bringing a new friend into the group, you should be the one to talk to these kids and tell them not to be dicks. It's not funny and it's not okay. When they try to nervously laugh it off, tell them again that no, it isn't funny, and it's not okay.
Yeah. What Denada said.
They need to grow up.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Not that he shouldn't tell them to stop being a bunch of fucking cocks anyways, because it's going to be a negative aspect for him if he keeps being the third wheel to their Beavis and Butthead routine.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
I'm surprised that DK didn't stand up for his sister a little in that situation. I mean, sure, there's sibling rivalry and good-natured ribbing, but christ, you have to draw the line somewhere.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Well he's the one that helped fuck with her food, which is the main reason I didn't really say anything to that. I was about to say don't mess with it, until he got in on it.
Not sure if I mentioned it, but I had planned on it just being TS and I, but she's the one that invited everyone else. Also I have a girlfriend and it's not TS, so for me to stand up for her like I was her boyfriend would seem a bit... odd I guess. Though TS and I did go on a date or two in the past, nothing came of it but a friendship, which is why she's now part of my group of friends. Probably should've added this, but there it is.
Eh, in my world, friends stand up for one another. That's one of the things that separates friends from acquaintances.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Yes, this is probably what bothers me the most. She says it doesn't bother her at all, which is probably another reason it's hard for me to say something. TC calls TS a bitch. I say it's uncalled for and rude and not to do it again. TS says she doesn't care, it's just a joke. TC continues to call her a bitch. Basically this is how I see it going whenever I think about saying something. I guess I'll just have to talk to her about it and let her know that it bothers me to see it happen to her and hopefully that'll encourage her to stand up for herself.
Hell I don't care if they give her a hard time and are mean to her and stuff, as long as it isn't like last night. That was just excessive and disrespectful and didn't seem playful. There's a line and prior to last night, they were just on the line and looking at the other side, but they ran across that line like it was the fucking olympics.
Friends don't let friends act like shitheads to any other person. They call them on it.
Second, go read Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dipshit the riot act. Ask them if they escaped from a nearby daycare because they didn't want a nap, because they're acting like spoiled children. Let them know you will no longer tolerate them treating TS like they have been doing, and if you see them doing it, you'll call them out on it.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Meanwhile, be the nice one. Stand up for her from time to time, just like you (hopefully) would for any other and it wont be a big deal. She'll go for more one on one time if she wants to, just make yourself availible. Fitting in means different things to different people, she'll probably draw the line where she needs to.
I told her about it through text again, that even though she says it doesn't bother her it bothers me. The fact of the matter is that I wouldn't want to see stuff like that happen to anyone, not even WA and TC, but they wouldn't let it happen to them because they would stand up for themselves. I told her that if it ever gets as bad as it did last night and she doesn't say anything, I will and it won't be pretty. I also let her know that I'm not the only one that thinks this (referring to this thread). Told her I got the opinion of some neutral parties (you guys) and they all think that TC and WA were out of line with their actions. Can't remember all I texted to her. She basically thanked me for being a good friend and am glad that I talked to her about it rather than making a big deal of it last night. She said she won't let it happen again like it did last night.
So, thanks to you all, looks like things may get better, but I'll let you know the next time we all get together again. Which will be Thursday for The Office and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
I would agree that next time they try to pull some sinister shit like that (ruining her dinner) you should interrupt them and be like "hey douchebags, how 'bout you not be assholes?" The teasing crap is not really a big deal, but malicious things like ruining her dinner are just mean.
This. Sticks and stones an all that but messing with peoples food/drink is out of order. Tell them that was going too far and they're assholes and they should feel bad.
Similarly, if you go to these guys today and said "Remember that thing you did last night? Stop being a goddamned douchenozzle because it makes me ashamed to be around you" they'd say "What? We were just messing around, we didn't do anything wrong." They won't remember to what specifically you are referring to, and probably assume you're just having a bad day and want to take it out on someone.
Next time it happens you have to say "No, seriously, that was really uncalled for and please don't treat people that way." If they had done that food thing in my presence, I would have gotten up, made a plate, and handed it to her. There are little things like that that you can do to mitigate their assholery that will not only dissociate you from it, but are classy and subtle enough that you might not even need to say anything to make them ashamed of behaving the way they do. In other words, lead by example, because talk alone might not cut it if they're really career assholes.
Also, talking to her afterward and saying "sorry about those guys" is really cheap if you don't follow it up with sticking up for her next time. If you do not do this you are pretty much saying to her "I like you as a friend, but only when they aren't around because I don't have the balls to say anything when they are."
But one way or another, if you let it pass without doing anything you're pretty much as bad as they are, regardless of whether or not she is visibly upset.