Drinking/Depression

Penguin_Otaku

I never drank in high school because I thought that I could have a better time, or just as good of a time, without it. Come last year's Big 12 Championship, the boys had a party and I decided to drink. I had a great time. Since then I've drank more, had good and bad times in the process. I've heard some friends spill their problems to me and I've helped out and then I've been an emo bitch and let my sour grapes out. The latter has definitely become more and more of a problem.

Last night I drank a lot. At first it was because we were the #1 team in the nation ago. Celebratory and all. Then increasingly I got sad. Songs would come on and I would get mopey, I'd put on another to get sad. I drink simply to get away from my problems if only for the moment. I hate it. I realize it and it sucks. I don't want to become this because I know that both sides of my family have their alcoholics. I'm not wanting to do that at all.

Fact of the matter is is that I'm simply not strong enough to pull myself away from my ex who is just fucking with my mind. This isn't a relationship problems thread by any means. It's well documented what she's done and what I've done. I keep giving her chance after chance, hoping she'll be thankful and want it all to mean something. It just hurts me more and more each time. It depresses me that I try so hard to go out of my way, do the Godly thing and do unto others, and this is my reward. It doesn't shake my faith but nevertheless its saddening. It kills me. It tears at me when this shit happens. I'm not strong enough to do this but she's not wanting to help. So here I am, sitting with all this on my shoulders and wanting her help but she's just standing there.

Talking to her does nothing. I guess traditionally we're reversed. She's the stoic guy who doesn't want to share feelings, hardass, doesn't need anyone to get in her way. I'm simply the romantic who doesn't want to quit on her. I know my position is just naive and weak, but I can't bring myself to shut her out. My ex did that and I promised I would do that to another person-- not even this girl.

I know really my only option is to continue believing in this fairytale or to man up and leave her high and dry and let her figure her own shit out. I'm not ready to quit believing though and I really need to know how. I need to learn how to quit drinking altogether or simply how to not let my problems overcome me in those times.

I only come here because I respect what you all say and know it's solid advice. I truly apologize for being a stupid shit and not listening to your guys' advice about everything before. Nevertheless, here I am again.

Corvus

Penguin_Otaku wrote: »

I keep giving her chance after chance, hoping she'll be thankful and want it all to mean something. It just hurts me more and more each time.

So, stop. Why keep putting salt in your eyes? You know how its going to turn out. If you want a different result, you're going to have to change.

But as you say, you've been told all this before.

eternalbl

You already know what you need to do, you've said so a couple times. She's not giving you what you need. You can be a romantic, but be it with someone that appreciates it.

As far as your drinking is concerned, if you do want to quit or slow down, whats helped me is having an alternative. Stock your fridge with coke or whatever. Also, when someone offers you a drink, remember just why it is you don't want one. Hell, there'll be times when a drink'll be nice. After a long hot day at work, wine with a nice meal and a good companion. Being open to the idea of drinking is a lot easier than just saying 'no'. If you do decide that you want a drink on occasion, its not gonna make you think you're an undisciplined piece of shit and send you into a relapse or something.

But hey, thats just what works for me.

Trowizilla

Stop talking to your ex.

Stop talking to your ex.

Stop talking to your ex.

You're not being noble, you're not doing the Godly thing, you're just being stupid. She's never going to be thankful and it's never going to mean anything in the way you want it to. SHE IS NEVER GOING TO TAKE YOU BACK, no matter how much of a doormat you make yourself or how much you "deserve" it. Cut her off right now.

And no more drinking. Holy crap, you can't even deal with your emotions when you're sober, what on earth made you think drinking was a good idea? If substance use is for anyone, it's for people who have their shit together, and that is definitely not you.

Aoi Tsuki

Go to AA, get a new hobby, and throw your ex's contact info out, for a start. AA is not for disgusting, unwashed old bastards, but for people who don't know how to stop drinking, and guess what?

You may also want to limit contact with buddies who won't help you stop, i.e. "Just one, man, you can be DD!"

Cryogen

I think i posted this in your last thread, but i'll say it again.

Being a good christian (or insert religion here) may ask that you be forgiving of other peoples mistakes and failings. But it DOES NOT MEAN you should be their doormat. Forgiving them does not mean you have to like them, or continue to be their friend. Cut her out of your life. You do not have to continue to subject yourself to this pointless cycle again and again. Others have addressed your alcohol concerns just fine.

BlackbeardonGuitar

DON"T DRINK. If you're drinking because you feel like shit, than you should immediately stop drinking. Fuck your ex. It's over and if you actually were meant to have anything to do with each other she wouldnt be a pain in the ass.

Drew_9999

Whoah there, chief, slow down! You can't go mixing your problems together like that. Getting with you ex won't help with the drinking, and quitting drinking won't help you with the ex. Let's take them one at a time. First the drinking.

DON'T BE THAT GUY. Seriously. That Guy is a complete pain in the ass. Everyone's having a few beers and a good time, and he's whining about how his life is horrible and everyone hates him, and then he's crying and yelling and threatening to hurt himself. Maybe you haven't got that far yet. It's coming. Just... stop. Seriously. You're new to drinking, so your tolerance is shit. You know that if you drink too much, you'll be a pain in the ass, so make a limit, count your drinks, and stick to it. Three beers is good to start off with. Just take it easy.

With the girl, from what you wrote, move on. She's not interested. It seems like you've offered her help of some kind and she refused. She's an adult right? That's her business, so let it go. If she's somehow taking advantage of you, stop being a wuss and stand up for yourself. Have some self respect. Taking care of your emotional health isn't selfish. Refusing to let other people take advantage of you isn't being rude.

blah

You seem ridiculously melodramatic... that's a problem... But not your biggest. I think you need to try a little empathy, try putting yourself in your friend's and your girlfriend's shoes and just look at their perception of you, while whining over this chick, it's probably shameful. In a nutshell, yes, you are an emo bitch, stop it. Being "Good unto others" is probably the thing that drives this girl away, man up and leave her alone. You also justify your negative actions because of drinking or "Because you don't want to treat your girlfriend like you did ex-girlfriend", yeah, quit doing that too, it's not healthy and just a stones throw from psychotic. Next you'll be "Proving your affection" by stalking her and shit. If you must justify your actions, consider leaving her completely alone the first step to proving you're a better man than she thought. Don't even call her to tell her you're all better, over her and not going to bother her any more, just delete her number, block her from MSN etc etc. Don't tell your friends either, just stop talking, it's really that easy, if someone brings her up, that isn't your queue to whip out your guitar and jam out your epic love ballad about the girl from summer camp and your eternal, undying affection, just laugh it off with some witty quip.

What I'm getting at is, just forget about this girl, and even if you can't, let on that you have until you are. Lots of people have girl problems and I assure you your love and situation isn't unique.

Oh, and drinking lots at a party, as a teen, does not make you an alcoholic. And being sad over a girl doesn't mean you have depression. If after maybe 3 months of no contact and seldom thoughts of this girl, you still feel depressed, then I suggest you get a psychologist.

W2

blah wrote: »

You seem ridiculously melodramatic... that's a problem... But not your biggest. I think you need to try a little empathy, try putting yourself in your friend's and your girlfriend's shoes and just look at their perception of you, while whining over this chick, it's probably shameful. In a nutshell, yes, you are an emo bitch, stop it. Being "Good unto others" is probably the thing that drives this girl away, man up and leave her alone. You also justify your negative actions because of drinking or "Because you don't want to treat your girlfriend like you did ex-girlfriend", yeah, quit doing that too, it's not healthy and just a stones throw from psychotic. Next you'll be "Proving your affection" by stalking her and shit. If you must justify your actions, consider leaving her completely alone the first step to proving you're a better man than she thought. Don't even call her to tell her you're all better, over her and not going to bother her any more, just delete her number, block her from MSN etc etc. Don't tell your friends either, just stop talking, it's really that easy, if someone brings her up, that isn't your queue to whip out your guitar and jam out your epic love ballad about the girl from summer camp and your eternal, undying affection, just laugh it off with some witty quip.

In the immortal words of Phil Lynott, if that chick don't wanna know, forget her.

The Black Hunter

I used to drink to solve my problems for a while

All you can really do is man up and quit

Nothing to it but to do it

Everybody wanna be a bodybuilder but nobody wanna lift this heavy ass weight