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Girl and Alcohol/drug Thread
elmo
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
intro
Gf with drug/pill and alcohol problem, how to go about helping her and me?
The gf:
She has anxiety problems and is diagnosed with manic depression.
really likes mixing meds and alcohol. problem being she mixes (whats defined as drugs) sobril with alcohol, and has been for years. From what she says, she needs to be on said drugs to keep her anxiety in check, but im almost %100 sure she just needs it for the high (not a doc). the problem comes when she mixes it with alcohol, the beer kind mostly.
Me:
Im fed up with the mixing of pills and alcohol, need more ways to be able to get her to think/stop her drinking. The meds makes her forget everything thats happened, witch gets me, im the only one remembering things that we did. A more pressing problem is that shes not always fit to do things (too tripped out to do anything), witch prevents me from getting folks over. Ive been diagnosed depressed by a doc and im currenyly seeing a shrink just because of the stresss from the drinking and mixing of meds (its atleast what gets me the most)
What im asking for is how to approach this to be able to atleast get her to *want* to sober up and stop being a god damn junkie, and not just ditch her.
td;dr2:
asking for ways to get gf (that i love) to stop/cut down on drinking and mixing meds with alcohol.
Gf with drug/pill and alcohol problem, how to go about helping her and me?
The gf:
She has anxiety problems and is diagnosed with manic depression.
really likes mixing meds and alcohol. problem being she mixes (whats defined as drugs) sobril with alcohol, and has been for years. From what she says, she needs to be on said drugs to keep her anxiety in check, but im almost %100 sure she just needs it for the high (not a doc). the problem comes when she mixes it with alcohol, the beer kind mostly.
Me:
Im fed up with the mixing of pills and alcohol, need more ways to be able to get her to think/stop her drinking. The meds makes her forget everything thats happened, witch gets me, im the only one remembering things that we did. A more pressing problem is that shes not always fit to do things (too tripped out to do anything), witch prevents me from getting folks over. Ive been diagnosed depressed by a doc and im currenyly seeing a shrink just because of the stresss from the drinking and mixing of meds (its atleast what gets me the most)
What im asking for is how to approach this to be able to atleast get her to *want* to sober up and stop being a god damn junkie, and not just ditch her.
td;dr2:
asking for ways to get gf (that i love) to stop/cut down on drinking and mixing meds with alcohol.
elmo on
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From my won experience, the tipping point were a few highly charged evenings where I was directly confronted by loved ones and by my own failures. It was looking in the mirror each morning and recalling that my entire life was being affected by alcoholism that truly backed up everything that my family and friends were concerned about.
In the quest for more information, how old are you two and what are you up to with your lives?
If she's been abusing benzo's (Sobril, Xanax, Valium) for that long, and with alcohol, quitting will be incredibly difficult.
Using benzo's over a long time isn't harmful if you're responsible, but it definitely sounds like she's not. Benzo withdrawl can cause seizures, cramps, and death.
I would recommend approaching her about it calmly with her friends and family and then rehab. I would not recommend Cold Turkey.
Right there's your problem.
She's decided that this is how she wants to handle her anxiety. I agree that it sounds unhealthy. However, when you're in a relationship with somebody, you have to accept that they might never, ever, ever change for you, no matter how unhealthy their current behavior is.
Sometimes the difference between self-medicating and abusing is vague. Sometimes the line between using a drug to counter a legitimate anxiety condition and using a drug just to get fucked up is fuzzy. I don't know, I'm not your girlfriend.
Likewise, the line between helping and enabling is also really fuzzy. So is the line between giving helpful encouragement and being a controlling hard-ass. And so is the line between an understandable compromise for somebody you love and being a codependent doormat. I don't know, I'm not you.
What I can tell you is that your main bargaining chip in this situation is your ability to leave. You cannot control another human being's behavior. What you can do, though is say "If [X] behavior does not stop, I will do [Y]." Ultimately, [Y] is going to have to be "I'm going to leave you." If you've shut the door to even considering that, for your own mental and physical well-being, you might just need to DTMFB, you've already given up your biggest bargaining chip and consequently you've already lost this game.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Seriously, Leave. it will be the best wake up call you can give her. she already knows how you feel, and does it anyway shows a huge lack of respect for you and your relationship.
I think that this is borderline bad advice. As the OP stated, this isn't really a girl thread. He's not looking for "dump her/don't dump her" responses.
Being someone who was once in her position I have to say that if she wants to stop, if she has guilt or remorse about her lifestyle, you want to work with that. Really, it sounds cliche and I've never gone through the AA program but one needs to want help to benefit from it. Talk to her. Tell her how miserable and concerned this makes you and go from there.
What the OP really needs to ask himself is: if my girlfriend drinks and takes benzos just as much every day for the rest of her life as she is now, am I willing to stay with her? 1 year of addiction, 2 years, 5 years, 10 years... how long is too long? I'm not saying that the OP should leave her now, but that he should have an idea in his head of how long he's willing to wait for her to recover, understanding that recovery may never happen at all.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
If someone wasn't willing to make that statement about me, I'd be alone in a much, much darker place than I am now. Elmo is living with this, and he knows what he wants to do. It takes a much stronger individual to reach out a hand and attempt to help someone than it does to simply turn away and allow destructive behavior to continue.
Rhetorical question - how much longer should he stand there with his hand out waiting to help her before he should give up and live his own life? Months? Years? Never?
The real problem is, nothing can or will change unless she wants to. It may sound harsh, but PirateJon has a point. If she has at all a notion that she can deal with it, or that she's fine, or that just abusing is fine every now and then, there is no hope in her ever getting better. I've learned this too with a very dear friend who had a bad drinking problem for about 6 years. It wasn't until recently that several of us told him, "we're not going to be your friend, period, if you continue to drink. We won't be your friend when you drink, we won't be your friend when you've sobered up and still think that you can drink. Either you lose drinking all together, or you lose us."
It wasn't until he was faced with the reality that he really was about to lose about a dozen longtime friends that he realized he really needed to make a choice. Sometimes losing something very dear to you because of your problems is exactly the kind of motivation people need to seek help. Sometimes it drives them further off the deep end. There is no easy choice, but enabling an addict is the worst possible decision one can make.
Steam ID - BewilderedRonin