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Ex-Friend Still on my Mind
Austera
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I used to have a friend and we sort of drifted apart back in January.
Background: We had a tumultuous friendship over the course of 2.5 years. When we first met, we were pretty much inseparable. One person always made the other laugh. We shared so many insightful talks, made lots of promises to each other, even imagined our future kids going to school together. But he was (still is) always too proud. In front of his friends, he treated me like a piece of meat, trying to impress them. I did so much crap for him and he never failed to take me for granted. He started to get abusive and one day, sexually harassed me in front of his friends and mine. I told him to never speak to me again. That was the end of two years.
Three months later, near his birthday, I started missing him. Stupid, I know, but it was senior year and I didn't want to end it on a bad note so I met up with him and he apologized and I forgave him. He treated me much better and said he would change his behaviour if there ever came a need to. It lasted about 5 months and then we drifted apart for unrelated reasons. I didn't mind so much because it was obvious we'd both changed and just weren't compatible any longer. But 4 months later at prom, he spoke to me again and had a whole speech ready, typed up on two pages of paper. Mostly saying he didn't know how things got that way and apologized for it. I was sad but realized we'd only fall back into an inevitable relapse. I told him I'd rather we stay (non-close) friends. He practically shook right there, enraged, then stormed off. Later he was remembered by everyone as the most wasted guy that night.
It's been another 5 months and there's been no contact since but it seems like everything I do reminds me of him. He haunts me in my dreams and sometimes I wake up screaming/crying, during my studying periods, when I'm at work, and especially when I listen to music. I have approx. 300 songs sent by him and the nostalgia is overbearing. Should I delete them all (it hurts =/ plus I'd need new music)? Should I seek therapy? I also have this stuffed Duck teddy that he gave me with a customized recording inside. I squeeze it a lot when I think about the past. Should I throw it out? Everything related to him/us?
Ahh any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated, H/A! Thanks!
Note: I know things are..suggestive, but we were friends. Nothing more. We were just really tight. And reconciliation is not an option, I'm better off.
Background: We had a tumultuous friendship over the course of 2.5 years. When we first met, we were pretty much inseparable. One person always made the other laugh. We shared so many insightful talks, made lots of promises to each other, even imagined our future kids going to school together. But he was (still is) always too proud. In front of his friends, he treated me like a piece of meat, trying to impress them. I did so much crap for him and he never failed to take me for granted. He started to get abusive and one day, sexually harassed me in front of his friends and mine. I told him to never speak to me again. That was the end of two years.
Three months later, near his birthday, I started missing him. Stupid, I know, but it was senior year and I didn't want to end it on a bad note so I met up with him and he apologized and I forgave him. He treated me much better and said he would change his behaviour if there ever came a need to. It lasted about 5 months and then we drifted apart for unrelated reasons. I didn't mind so much because it was obvious we'd both changed and just weren't compatible any longer. But 4 months later at prom, he spoke to me again and had a whole speech ready, typed up on two pages of paper. Mostly saying he didn't know how things got that way and apologized for it. I was sad but realized we'd only fall back into an inevitable relapse. I told him I'd rather we stay (non-close) friends. He practically shook right there, enraged, then stormed off. Later he was remembered by everyone as the most wasted guy that night.
It's been another 5 months and there's been no contact since but it seems like everything I do reminds me of him. He haunts me in my dreams and sometimes I wake up screaming/crying, during my studying periods, when I'm at work, and especially when I listen to music. I have approx. 300 songs sent by him and the nostalgia is overbearing. Should I delete them all (it hurts =/ plus I'd need new music)? Should I seek therapy? I also have this stuffed Duck teddy that he gave me with a customized recording inside. I squeeze it a lot when I think about the past. Should I throw it out? Everything related to him/us?
Ahh any thoughts/advice would be much appreciated, H/A! Thanks!
Note: I know things are..suggestive, but we were friends. Nothing more. We were just really tight. And reconciliation is not an option, I'm better off.
Austera on
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My experience (while more breakup-oriented) has been that throwing away something of emotional value because someone hurt you will just give you something else to regret. Some years ago, a girl passed away a short while after we broke up, and I desperately wish I hadn't torched my photos of us and our friends. With the perspective of five, ten years, failed relationships can be cherished memories. But right now, it is only hurting you to have those things lying around -- especially music you associate with him, nothing in the world is worse than that.
Delete the music; it's not worth it, and you can always get more music. Take the recording out of the stuffed duck and give it to charity so some little kid will get some good out of it. As you get more distance, this isn't going to be a relationship that you look back on fondly: he sexually harassed you and treated you like a piece of meat! That's not "drifting apart," that's you growing a spine and refusing to let him hurt you anymore.
Cut him out of your life. It'll suck at first, but you'll heal cleanly.