Anxiety Issues

ApathyKills

Hi. I have been coping with mental issues since I was 12. I can't ever focus for too long on anything. I constantly pace and cannot sit still or relax. I'm afraid that I am simply not capable of enjoying life. I'm never content being where I am at but I recognize that no place or activity will be enough for me. I have gone through drawn out depressions where i lost touch with all my friends stopped going to school or work and considered suicide. my mind will simply cannot slow itself down. I have a great difficulty falling asleep. my heart is always racing and I am always stiff sore and uncomfortable. I rarely have an appetite.
I can't stop smoking even though I've been suffering through a sinus infection that has been enduring for almost three months now. I sometimes have blood in my mucus, and I've terrible/hearing/ balance as a result of it. and have constant headaches from the sinus pressure.

I recently moved up to seattle(from a desolate cultural void in wyoming) in hopes that being in a big city environment surrounded by like minded people(artists/liberals) would provide the catalyst i need to enjoy life. The thing is that I have plenty of confidence. I know that I am attractive, smart and funny(when I'm in the right mood), but I only recently after moving up here I have begun to fear social interactions with new people because I'm afraid I'll begin to shake or that my voice will tremor or that I'll start panicking and do or say something stupid and people will see how nervous I am. I haven't been able to hold on sort of job besides a gas station at any point in my life because i don't pay attention and make stupid mistake after stupid mistake. I work the grave in at a gas station downtown and it is barely paying enough for me to afford rent and food let alone furniture or new clothes. I take zoloft and strattera, but clearly they're not working. I have little hope for the future right now. I don't want to go back home because I hate it there and I love this city and the people in it, but right now I'm feeling very lost and utterly confused. I have a very addictive personality and a passion for painkillers/opiates. I don't want to head down that road, but continuing on in this state is becoming intolerable. I got a hold of some oxy the other day and it relaxed me enough that I actually went up to this beautiful girl I've been eyeing and got a date. now I'm regretting it. I made a thread similair to this one before, but I neglected to check the responses because well I don't feel I was representing myself in a completely honest way.

Dixon

That quite a list of things there dude. Not sure where to start. That is pretty cool you were able to move to a large city like that though.

I'm gonna start with the smoking problem as that is not gonna help the sinus infection and something like that is only going to bring your overall mood down. Have you tried anything like the nicrorette come to ween you off the addiction, I have a friend that has used it and he said it was great. You might want to try something like that.

Now I know how you feel about the brain running overdrive all the time, I have a lot of anxiety issues personally mentally exhausting before going to bed. I usually do any studying I have right before I sleep that way when I'm done I'm looking forward to sleep and can't wait.

The drugs that your taking I have no experience with so I'm not sure if there making the situation worse or not. You said they have no apperent effect on you and weren't helping so maybe try not taking them and see what they do (Now only do this if the doctor who prescribed them said it was safe to just come straight off them, it might not be)

I'm not sure what else to say, sorry dude

Lerage

The main thing that jumps out to me is your move - going from a small place (no matter how boring it seems) where you know a lot of people, to a large city where you feel anonymous and know no one, is pretty daunting. It could be that it's a massive shock to your system, and you've lost your confidence to meet new people.

You should definitely see a doctor and mention all of this - they'll have suggestions for what you should be taking, especially since this is such a long term problem.

And go on that date! It's always good to do something that scares you, and even if things don't work out with her, at least you know you're capable of meeting new people and making friends.

You could get enrolled on a short course? Little pressure, cheap/free, will help you meet people, and possibly most importantly, could help you to develop an interest in a new hobby or career direction - a more rewarding job would do wonders for you.

TrippyDK

I would suggest using the gum or the patch even if you dont intend to quit. It could give your sinuses the time they need to heal up.

Corvus

You should talk to a doctor if your meds aren't working for you. You should also look into some counselling. I know there are many Seattlites on this board, so hopefully some of them can provide you with links to low-cost mental health resources.

BEAST!

Lerage wrote: »

The main thing that jumps out to me is your move - going from a small place (no matter how boring it seems) where you know a lot of people, to a large city where you feel anonymous and know no one, is pretty daunting. It could be that it's a massive shock to your system, and you've lost your confidence to meet new people.

i would also point out that if you've suffered from depression in the past, moving to western washington is NOT a very good thing for that...it's a very gloomy place most of the year and can be VERY depressing.....

Cheerios

I'm surprised that nobody else has mentioned this....but for the love of god throw away the oxy and don't buy anymore. I know it feels good, but it isn't going to solve any of your problems and will no doubt exacerbate your preexisting issue of anxiety.

Trowizilla

Therapy. Therapy now. Anxiety is shitty in that it builds on yourself: you get anxious about being anxious, which makes you more anxious, and so forth.

The good thing about being in a big city is that there's going to be lots of resources for you to get mental health care. Start by calling the health department and ask about mental health resources; you should be able to get free or cheap therapy since your income is so low, as well as at least a consultation with a psychiatrist to work on fixing your medication. Emotions Anonymous has chapters all over the place and is completely free; when I was in the hospital, this was highly recommended. Group therapy can really, really help you learn to cope with your issues and learn strategies to get on with your life.

Mental disorders are no different than physical disorders. You'd go to the hospital if you broke your leg, so why wouldn't you seek help for broken stuff in your brain?

ApathyKills

Ok so I'm considering checking myself into some kind of psychiatric treatment center. basically a place where I can clear my head for a while and talk to professionals who will hopefully be able to prescribe me the right medication/help me fix my brain. problems with that are I have no money and no health insurance to pay for it.

So do any of you seattlites know the locations of these sort of places and what sort of financial aid if any they are able to provide to someone in my situation?

and thanks for the responses so far. I really do appreciate it.

Trowizilla

Try calling the city health department and asking for recommendations. I don't know your situation, but checking yourself into a treatment facility can be pretty frightening, especially if they determine you're a danger to yourself. However, if you feel like you're at a crisis point, absolutely take whatever steps you can to get better ASAP.