Depression has crashed college - now what?

Hewn · October 2008

H/A, I've really dug myself into a hole.

Months ago I decided to quit my job as a high school English teacher to go back to college for pre-med. I'd done the research, talked to friends and family, and felt like it was my calling. I still feel this way, but I may have ruined my chances.

Merely a few months into school, I've shot myself in the foot. Family life has been hard and depression has never been my friend. I basically had the perfect storm of a depressive cocktail hit, which has made basic study habits almost impossible for me. I have always been an excellent student, never below a 3.7 GPA throughout college, receiving honors, and now I find myself barely passing exams (in entry level science courses, far easier than classes I tackled before) and struggling to sleep more than 4 hours a night.

At this point, I will pass my classes this semester, but not with the grades to pursue any sort of graduate work, let alone medical school. The C's or D's I will earn or the withdrawals will be a black mark I'm afraid I won't be able to overcome.

I'm going to take steps to get myself back on track, mentally. I've been down this road before, not to where it has spelled such career suicide, but enough that I know the process. I will immediately be seeking behavioral therapy, as has worked for me in the past, and likely go back on medication, which I have not taken in two years.

What I really need to know is how I can salvage my career options. I simply cannot face the fact that I gave up a successful career to bomb out of school in a few months. It's a complete embarrassment and is nothing like me. It isn't me. I don't even know what to say to my friends or family, as they are all used to me soaring through whatever academic project I tackle. And I don't know how to cope with the fact that this spell has cost me my chance at something I really sacrificed for.

I haven't had the heart to ask around yet, but do universities have any sort of net to catch people falling like I have? Or is it merely a case of taking the withdrawal and having that black mark?

In essence, is there any hope for me being able to pull together my medical school ambitions after this crash? And if not, how the hell do I pick up the pieces and reconcile? I need to know there's something waiting for me when I get over this that doesn't including going back to teaching or doing a language arts related graduate degree.

Dark_Side · October 2008

I'd say you've already taken the most important steps of realizing there's a problem and making a decision to do something about it. You should accept that shit went down and you stumbled, it is perfectly ok to make a mistake or fail once in awhile, your family and friends will completely understand. The hardest part is dusting yourself off and getting back on the horse after a fall. I'm going to assume that you have a college adviser? I'd probably sit down with them and have a discussion of what this semester means for you, I'm positive you have some options and should at least be able to salvage your college career. The fact that you took a chance means more than whether or not you succeeded, and remember this isn't the end, it may not be fun to fix a bad semester, but it's certainly possible.

illig · October 2008

i think you need to tackle your psychological problem 1st... no matter what your university will be able to offer, being physically unable to study due to depression will automatically derail any help

pre-med is not something you'll be able to coast through

Flyin · October 2008

Poke around on your school's website. Although it was for different reasons, I was in the same situation as you towards the end of the semester last spring. I was surprised to discover that I could meet with an adviser and basically fill out a form to withdraw temporarily. The classes I was in at the time were removed from my record, I just need to take them again when I rejoin the school. Now I work 20 hours a week and I'm picking up 15 credits at a community college, and I'll be ready to rejoin my old school this spring. Hopefully your school has something like this. I was pretty nervous about going to see the adviser and explaining my situation to her, but she ended up making it a painless experience and when I walked out of her office, I was much more comfortable with my situation. I would say your best bet is to find out who you need to talk to and set up an appointment with them ASAP.

It sounds like you already having a handle on getting your shit in order, which is the most important thing, even before you figure out what to do about school. Obviously, if you don't have a plan for your long-term mental health, fixing your current situation won't do you much good. I know the feeling of being down in a hole and knowing that you've messed up an academic opportunity, but people have recovered from much worse mistakes. Just keep your head up, it sounds like you are a hard worker at heart, so things will work out.

Hewn · October 2008

Flyin wrote: »

Poke around on your school's website. Although it was for different reasons, I was in the same situation as you towards the end of the semester last spring. I was surprised to discover that I could meet with an adviser and basically fill out a form to withdraw temporarily. The classes I was in at the time were removed from my record, I just need to take them again when I rejoin the school. Now I work 20 hours a week and I'm picking up 15 credits at a community college, and I'll be ready to rejoin my old school this spring. Hopefully your school has something like this. I was pretty nervous about going to see the adviser and explaining my situation to her, but she ended up making it a painless experience and when I walked out of her office, I was much more comfortable with my situation. I would say your best bet is to find out who you need to talk to and set up an appointment with them ASAP.

It sounds like you already having a handle on getting your shit in order, which is the most important thing, even before you figure out what to do about school. Obviously, if you don't have a plan for your long-term mental health, fixing your current situation won't do you much good. I know the feeling of being down in a hole and knowing that you've messed up an academic opportunity, but people have recovered from much worse mistakes. Just keep your head up, it sounds like you are a hard worker at heart, so things will work out.

I am really hoping I can arrange something like this. It would mean the world to me and take such a burden off of my mind now. Tomorrow I will go to the student service center, and ask questions until I get the information I need.

I have informed my parents of my current situation, as I can't hide how miserable I feel about things anymore. I am lucky they are so supportive. I will be making a counseling appointment within the week and talk to my physician about going back on medication. I have wanted to avoid medication again, but the bottom line is it is impossible for me to continue doing anything with how I feel now.

Erios · October 2008

Quick advice since I have to deliver a recitation:

-Get help, a shrink will be an enormous asset.
-Get drugs if recommended.
-Start working out, it has been shown to be about as effective as Zoloft for clinical depression. So drugs+treadmill=yay. I prefer cardio when I'm feeling really down a
-Find someone to do work with, it will keep you motivated and on track
-Talk to your professors, go to office hours etc.

Zeromus · October 2008

I'm not really positive how things work in grad life, but do what you need to this semester and then rally with your next set of classes, making sure to keep your grades up for the remainder of your academic career. There may be some opportunity to explain why you slipped up this semester in applications, and if schools see that you went back to your successful ways, it may not be the end of the world.

That said, I suppose med school is a different beast, so maybe this isn't applicable. A thought, though.

valiance · October 2008

Just to provide a note of hope unrelated to your mental health issues: you can get into medical school with some Cs and Ds on your transcript. It will be tough, you may have to retake some classes or do some post-bacc work or a masters, but don't write off medical school because of a shitty semester (or year, even). So keep your head up

If you need any info on paths to getting into medical school feel free to PM me. I'm not in medical school (yet), but I'm currently doing a masters to offset some crappy undergrad grades so I can get in when I do apply.

supabeast · October 2008

You need to get help, and you need to talk to the Dean of Students at your college. Your situation is VERY common and in many cases you will be able to withdraw from the classes without grade penalty and enroll again after you’re feeling better. Get into therapy and start hitting the gym ASAP.

It’s also important that you not let this get to you. One shitty semester will not wipe out your future chances even if you can’t expunge it. Get on meds, get stable, and go back next semester or in the summer, stay on meds, and make sure that you have support from friends, family and faculty. You’ll be fine in the long run.

Hewn · October 2008

Brief update:

I talked to one of the deans and his news was not good. He told me to talk to my professors to find ways to negotiate my grade, then if that fails withdraw - with no hope of removing the W's from my record. He said I could appeal that, but in my situation(currently attending class, getting C's and B's) he said it was uncommon. The appeal process is also lengthy and involves a fair bit of work on my part.

So great. I'm so frustrated. He said if I had stopped going to class a month ago they would more than likely grant the appeal. And yet here I am, thinking I'm doing the right thing by keeping a float this long, and I'm in worse shape than if I had bombed entirely.

I've talked to two of my professors so far. My math instructor informed me I got an A on the last test and it's possible for me to finish the course with an A. My biology instructor advised me to withdraw from her course, understanding my situation, as my grade couldn't be salvaged above a B, at best, and that would require a large commitment - one that feels a tad daunting. My other grades are currently a B in anatomy and C in chemistry. Seems unlikely even at my best I could swing those all upward at the same time.

I feel like tanking just so people will take my seriously. I'm barely holding on and I'm stuck scheduling appointments to convince people I'm really not doing okay.

I need to lay down these school burdens but it's proving harder than I anticipated.

Zeromus · October 2008

Are C's and B's really the end of the world? Not great, certainly, but I'd venture to guess that you're far from the only one performing at this level.

ceres · October 2008

Zeromus wrote: »

Are C's and B's really the end of the world? Not great, certainly, but I'd venture to guess that you're far from the only one performing at this level.

This was my first thought. You won't be valedictorian or anything, but you don't withdraw from a class over a C. This is your first term, you're acknowledging your problem and getting the help you need, and you have the rest of your school career there to help balance it out.

I'm not saying you don't have to do better from here on out, because you do, but you also really don't need to panic about this at this point in time, either.

Hewn · October 2008

Part of the issue is I'm only back in undergrad for 4 semesters. This is my first term returning, not overall. I already have 140 credits behind me. Regardless, 25% or my science core is significant enough to worry about.

And if I were merely hoping to obtain a degree, I wouldn't sweat this so much. But finishing the semester even at a 3.0, B average, would be a crippling blow. Below that takes me out of the hunt. 3.5 is the low end for medical school acceptances.

Another update:

I'll be dropping one of the courses in which I have a C. My biology grade is slightly higher than anticipated, 79.4%. Chemistry grade is around the same. Anatomy is sitting at 85%.

Regardless of feeling like I'm drowning and literally dedicating no time to my studies, some of these grades are salvageable. My advisor has told me to drop one, try out the other 3 for a few weeks, and go from there. He made it clear I haven't shot myself in the foot just yet, so that's encouraging. And that one semester with W marks is not unusual nor hindering.

This eases my anxiety quite a bit, but now the struggle is raising the grades from where they currently are in hopes of not throwing away a semester.

I'm trying to find the bright spot, that this is my absolute worst and I'm still keeping my head above water, academically, at least.

Egos · October 2008

Hewn wrote: »

I haven't had the heart to ask around yet, but do universities have any sort of net to catch people falling like I have? Or is it merely a case of taking the withdrawal and having that black mark?

.

I'm guessing your school doesn't have an "Appeal to Remove Withdrawal" form?

I had past mental problems and it caused me to have to withdraw from some classes. And I was able to get some removed from my record. As long as you have a psychologist or counselors note it should work.

LadyM · October 2008

What if you withdrew from the courses, but then retook them next semester? If you got good grades then, that would show you were capable of doing the work. Or is there an option where you can take the same class twice and "upgrade" the grade? Like, replace a C with an A if you retake it?

Hewn · October 2008

LadyM wrote: »

What if you withdrew from the courses, but then retook them next semester? If you got good grades then, that would show you were capable of doing the work. Or is there an option where you can take the same class twice and "upgrade" the grade? Like, replace a C with an A if you retake it?

That's an option on the table. The deadline for dropping is in 2 weeks. The only issue with this option is that it complicates my course sequence, but that's a minor issue compared to everything else going on.

Egos wrote:

I'm guessing your school doesn't have an "Appeal to Remove Withdrawal" form?

I had past mental problems and it caused me to have to withdraw from some classes. And I was able to get some removed from my record. As long as you have a psychologist or counselors note it should work.

This is what I was hoping for, to be honest. Since this option doesn't appear to be available, I'm trying to salvage what I can, if anything.

I'm extremely disappointed in how the university handles these situations. In speaking with my biology professor, she was also shocked and upset by my options, and offered to write a letter appealing to my character. It's nice when there are people who understand.

Premier kakos · October 2008

So, you know those essays that schools have you write for entrance? This is what they're for. They are for describing any extenuating circumstances that may not be accurately reflected on your transcript and official documents. If you have a few Ws on your transcript, you explain in your essay that the reason for those Ws is that you were going through some depression, but now you are seeing a psychologist and are being treated via medication.

However, the first step in all of this is to see a psychologist and get this shit resolved and get documentation. If you apply to med school and they look at your transcript and see one semester that is kind of iffy, but followed by a bunch of great semesters and accompanied by a bunch of great letters of recommendation... oh and hey, here in your essay you explain precisely what happened that semester and you were kind enough to attach a letter from your psychologist/psychiatrist too, there's no medical school in their right mind that would reject you for that shit.