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Wife is Freaking Out
Ganluan
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Alright, so my wife woke up this morning to find out her car battery was dead. I had to head to work, so she stayed home, called a tow truck, and got it taken over to a mechanic to get it replaced.
She told me afterward that the old guy who was driving the truck was pretty much sexually harassing her (saying her wedding ring wouldn't stop him, etc.) and obviously creeping her out. He didn't actually touch her or anything, but obviously wasn't all there in the head.
So, she calls and complains and the owner of the towing company says he plans to terminate said employee. She then talks to the owner again later and he says the employee was terminated and that he said who made the complaint.
Since the guy came to our house to get my wife's car, she is freaking out now that he will flip out because of this and try to get revenge or something. Basically, what can I tell my wife to help her calm down? I told her that this guy probably just didn't know what he was saying and he's not going to try and get her or anything, but she's really worrying about it.
She told me afterward that the old guy who was driving the truck was pretty much sexually harassing her (saying her wedding ring wouldn't stop him, etc.) and obviously creeping her out. He didn't actually touch her or anything, but obviously wasn't all there in the head.
So, she calls and complains and the owner of the towing company says he plans to terminate said employee. She then talks to the owner again later and he says the employee was terminated and that he said who made the complaint.
Since the guy came to our house to get my wife's car, she is freaking out now that he will flip out because of this and try to get revenge or something. Basically, what can I tell my wife to help her calm down? I told her that this guy probably just didn't know what he was saying and he's not going to try and get her or anything, but she's really worrying about it.
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More simply, just ask her what she thinks might make her feel safer.
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I think, short of the guy actually showing up to start shit, this is your best course of action.
If nothing else this begins a paper trail and makes the authorities aware of the problem.
If you have a security system, use it more often. If not just be a little more careful of your surroundings. Remember, if this guy is dangerous there won't be much he can do from outside a locked door while you call 911.
You may want to notify the police that this towing company identified you as the complaint. I'm no lawyer, but that sounds somewhat fishy. Is it legal for a company to divulge a customer's complaint like that? In every situation I've ever found concerning complaints, the complainee is kept confidential. Especially if there is reasonable concern for retaliation (like when a complaint gets someone fired.) If nothing else, it sounds like the company are jerks.
That is also to say that they actually terminated the employee. They may be lying to make you happy.
You... you towed your car to a shop to replace the battery?
....anyway. I guess I'm not going to go against what others have said about starting a paper trail, but I hope you don't actually expect the police to do anything to this guy. Until he, you know, does more than flirt with your wife.
If she's really that worried about it, buy her a gun. Or a stun gun, or mace, or whatever. House security systems are okay against burglars and shit, but if he's breaking in with intent to harm to start with, something more effective and immediate than noise may be in order.
You know as well as I do that shit gets said between employees, and the customer is never kept completely anonymous.
As for your wife I would go ahead with the calling the cops to do rounds at your house.
Of course, but it explicitly states that the owner of the company revealed the client's name:
As I said, I'm not a lawyer, but that doesn't sound right at all.
2. Get an alarm system to alert the police.
3. Get one of these.
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Just because the guy is a bit of a perv doesn't mean he's going to suddenly leap to murder - even if she got him fired. Honestly, look at this in the context of reality, the guy is going to be pissed he got fired and then he's going to look for another job.
Just knowing he has a record helps the police be more pro-active about it, and also might assuage your wife that she wasn't really the impetus that got him fired, just the straw that broke the camels back.
Of course, this all depends on whether the employer would actually be willing to talk about such things, which when I think about it, is probably doubtful.
EDIT: Also, what the above poster said. Realistically this guy isn't likely to do much of anything.
As to why she got it towed for a battery, I would've replaced it myself but had to get to work - she also had to get to work quickly so couldn't wait for me to get home later in the day.
Oh, and about this guy - he mentioned to my wife specifically he had gotten warned about harassment before. That makes me think he's just an idiot who doesn't know what is inappropriate to say.
Horrible advice. Murder? Meh, probably not. Slashed tires, slashed brake lines, broken windows, slain pets, threatening phone calls, stalker-esque behavior, and general harassment? Sure, fairly likely.
We've established that the guy is a sleazebag, some basic safety and security measures are a good idea here.
We're in a crappy situation where our money is buying us less, and this guy (who probably doesn't make an assload anyway) just lost his job because he was a scumbag dumbass creep. After this he'll probably have a hard time finding another job. I don't see it being too big of a stretch to have someone like that have something in their head snap and break in and "show her". People are fucking crazy. A few steps in securing their home is a good idea, but I do believe that "buy a shotty, hurr hurr" isn't the best advice. Asking the police to step up patrols in the neighborhood is a good idea, and affordable alarm isn't a bad idea either.
I agree with you it isn't right. I'm not trying to deny that. I was just saying that it isn't that uncommon, and would probably never hold up in court. It just too circumstantial.
So is there any reason behind this, aside from your own personal politics?
If the dude wants to break in, a gun will make him a lot deader than he'd generally prefer to be. Plain and simple. And please don't toss out some bullshit about how he's "more likely to take it away from her" or something. That's a myth people use to sell "women's self-defense" lessons.
Unless you're desperate for cash or live in CA or NY, there's pretty much no great reason not to.
...though I'd also have to say I mostly agree with Satan's post. It's really not that big of a deal, and honestly man, I think your wife is just being paranoid. I'm not against feel-good measures like calling the police, but there really doesn't seem to be enough happening so far for this to escalate into "Holy shit we're all gonna diiiee" mode.
If the guy starts casing your house or contacting you, then I'd start to worry.
A) Supervisor gets a call, thinks nothing of it because he gets calls all the time like this. Guy is probably a jerkbag but he's good at what he does. Doesn't tell the guy, doesn't fire him, but let's the customer know he's no longer employed.
But it was probably this
If he's the kind of person who would "oh yeah I totally told on you" to the person he just fired because he was a dickcheese, chances are he's the kind of person that would tell him, tell you he fired him, and not actually do it. Now he's still got a job and might be really fucking pissed.
You might see him, you might not. You should still call the police and let them know. You should also get a consultation with a lawyer and see what your legal grounds are. You may have to get a restraining order filed from creepy tow-truck guy, and calling the police and letting them know is a good start of a paperwork trail.
I'm kind of amazed by how paranoid people here are. I think you're wife just needs to chill out and you need to find out why she's so paranoid over nothing. My mother had satellite installers come, they didn't know what the hell they were doing so she kicked them off the property and called to complain. They had a lengthy history of complaints and were fired. The end. No calling the police to report nothing no buying a gun or getting a new alarm system. That's just a complete over reaction.
"Hello police. We just had some bad service and complained. Since the guy may have gotten fired can you drive by on a regular basis to make sure he doesn't break in and set the place on fire? What? No, officer he hasn't made any threats or contacted us in anyway since."
This is like, the most full-of-shit post I've ever seen anywhere. Including 4chan.
Firearms: The most effective means of personal self-defense, period. You're fooling yourself if you think anything else is better. They're not the instant-kill-death-rays that you see on TV, no, but they're better than hand-to-hand, or really any other type of personal weapon. If they weren't, cops wouldn't walk around with them.
Shotguns: The best weapon for home defense, period. Generally just all-around useful firearms, in that they can be used for anything besides modern warfare or hunting big game (at distances greater than 40 yards or so, anyway). Better than pistols and as good, if not better still, than most any rifle. At least, if you're using decent-sized buckshot or slugs.
Women can use guns just fine. I seen 'em. With my own eyes. I'm not saying he should go out and get the biggest, heftiest shotgun in the world... but even a tiny 20-gauge absolutely dwarfs a pistol in "stopping power."
I will grant that using it indoors, if you live in an apartment or use highly-penetrative ammo, can have a slight risk of collateral damage. Not really any greater with a shotgun than with a pistol or any rifle with ammo that doesn't "fail" on impact, though.
I think I must be misreading what you mean by "a poor choice for self-defense," though. There's almost no way that can mean what it seems like it means. If you mean in terms of what can happen after the fact, then maybe. Depends where you live, and how badly the DA wants to punish you for being an evil gun owner. Even those would probably become non-issues with a call to the police beforehand about how the guy wants to fuck her, though.
Does this look like a D&D thread on firearms? No.
Let's drop this before it gets out of hand.
A woman in the neighborhood I grew up in was murdered by her handyman during an argument over an unpaid bill that got out of hand, but I didn't try to invoke my anecdotal experience into the discussion as a fact.
The driver was hitting on his wife, that doesn't automatically make him a sleazebag. He is a person, yeah he can fuck with you all but I don't see old perverts going around slashing tires. This isn't some young punk who's fresh into this world looking for revenge.
I know so so many old perverts, who were raised in a very different time then we are. Don't stress out about it. Asking the police to come do a few rounds isn't a bad idea though, and like others have said it starts a paper trail.
This guy made creepy advances and make insinuating comments concerning rape. Check.
This guy was supposedly terminated over this, and was given the OPs name as the reason for termination. Check.
Well, we have motive.
Call the cops. Keep an eye out and hopefully nothing will happen. If something does, you have a trail and will hopefully be able to remain safe while the authorities are called.
Honestly, given the information the OP has provided, it sounds like either the towing company is run by a bunch of morons (which is possible given some of my interactions with the brain trusts running towing companies down here) or they didn't do shit and just want y'all to go away.
By the way, if you can afford a AAA membership, I suggest you look into it. They'll replace your battery or give you a jump as part of your membership. With the jump, you can get to Walmart/NTB and buy a battery (who will install it for free). AAA tow drivers are just like other tow drivers, but they're bonded and work for a corp/affiliation and not a towing outfit that makes their money on impounds. They come right to your house, check your ID/membership card, do their business, ask you to sign paperwork, and then go away.
Right and that is totally like a guy who has not threatened or even attempted to contact this woman is any way, shape or form since the incident coming around and just lighting the house on fire. To think so is paranoid but if they want to blow a wad of cash over her paranoia to protect against something that won't happen that's their business.
I just think it's hysterical that people here are all but recomending they prepare for an imminent atttack over nothing.
Maybe this particular incident highlighted to this woman that she can't can't change a battery or get a jump from a neighbor and she, in particular, wigged out a little bit about how at the mercy of other people she is. Maybe she needs some "empowerment" in general, no matter if this guy comes back or not.
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I think that there doesn't need to be that much of a concern. Just pay attention for a bit, and get a car club membership or show her how to change/charge a battery or call work next time and say you'll be late. I really doubt that the guy will ever cross their paths again.
I took the "wedding ring won't stop him" part as a literal "That won't stop me" sort of comment.
No one except the OP's wife was there to hear exactly what he said, but I'll err on the side of creepiness. Given my average level of faith in humanity (ie: none) I'm betting it was less of a "Who's going to find out?" and more "Who's going to stop me?"
I don't know what finishing school he graduated from, but when you're alone with and in a position of power over a woman is not the time to make any sort of comment that could be even remotely fucking considered a threat, you dumb shit.
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Anyone with half a brain can figure out that what he was referring to is the fact that she's married doesn't bother him. Unless wedding rings come equipped with special powers in other states, so that such a comment could possible be construed as a threat.
Not so much a personal attack here, I'm just saying... christ. The guy was tactless, sure, but I've read nothing to indicate he was actually threating rape. Like, at all. No rational human being, or at least no human being who has a decent grasp on the English language and isn't legally retarded, could interpret his actions as threats.
Creepy? I guess (depends on the situation and the person you're talking to). Threatening? You'd have to go waaaaay out of your way to see it like that.
Like you said, though, none of us were there. If she honestly caught a "bad vibe" from him, then sure, she should take all the precautions she feels are necessary.
Him: "I'm going to have sex with you."
Her: "I'm married."
Him: "That won't stop me."
and
Him: "I want to have sex with you."
Her: "I'm married."
Him: "So what?"
The first one is very clearly sexual assault and gets you in big fucking trouble. Also, is very understandable to take the stance some of us have. The second, not so much, creepy as fuck, but not so much. The fact that he was "fired" over it makes me believe it was more the first than the second. We have no context or anything else, but you're laissez-faire attitude over it might actually get her hurt if she's not at least cautious enough to pay attention and lock doors.
We don't need to have her getting a gun, but calling the police, filing a report, and being very cautious are very good things to be doing.
As for my attitude... it's not so much laissez faire as it is being grounded in reality. Yeah, I know, this is the internet, where it's real easy to freak out and tell people to call the police over every little thing, but unless she honest-to-god thinks she needs to, she shouldn't. The police are busy enough.
And it ain't like I'm sitting here saying she shouldn't take any precautions at all. I've already gone on about how getting a weapon is a decent step, in regards to the OP ("What to do/say to make my wife not scared anymore"), and that if she thinks she needs to, calling the police isn't out of order. They'd be foolish not to lock their doors already, so I didn't bring that up.