Fantasy Rape on Primetime - Wizard's First Rule the TV series

Brolo

So Legend of the Seeker is coming out on ABC in like... 10 days!



Trailer



Exact same trailer buy gayer

It is based off the Sword of Truth series of fantasy books by Terry Goodkind.


We are so in love, but so tragically divided... by MAGIC!


I am surprised that this bow isn't made out of... MAGIC!

I think I read up to book five or six of Goodkind's series before finally giving up in disgust after the evil detecting goat and communism fighting statues. But the first two books or so weren't that bad! Except maybe for the

scenes with Denna which were essentially rape-torture and went on for large portions of the book.

Iskander

WATCH OUT DUDE THERE'S A FUCKING LENS FLARE ON YOUR SWORD

DerLustigeBosniak

Terry Goodkind is such a fucking horrible writer.

Bendery It Like Beckham

Iskander wrote: »

WATCH OUT DUDE THERE'S A FUCKING LENS FLARE ON YOUR SWORD

he's gonna gaussian blur YOUR FACE

Faricazy

that looks incredibly horrid

Brolo

I'm hoping for some Hercules/Xena levels of camp but I'm guessing it'll be canceled after... three episodes? Maybe they'll go through what they have already filmed, then axe it.

Iskander

that trailer isn't even trying to explain shit

it's all just 'here's some magic and swords and shit now you nerds watch this!'

Wren

wasnt this on the space channel

looks familiar

it was terrible. and not good terrible

thorgot

Iskander wrote: »

that trailer isn't even trying to explain shit

it's all just 'here's some magic and swords and shit now you nerds watch this!'

it worked on me

Jedoc

There are so many other fantasy series that deserve to have a series more than the Sword of Truth.

All of them, for starters. Even the really crappy ones.

thorgot

Jedoc wrote: »

There are so many other fantasy series that deserve to have a series more than the Sword of Truth.

All of them, for starters. Even the really crappy ones.

eragon

Faricazy

the hbo song of ice and fire is never going to happen is it

Iskander

remember that horrible Riverworld series?
not even the usual kind of horrible that is sort of watchable

it was just the horriblest

DerLustigeBosniak

Eragon is not as shitty as this series. It's shitty, but not this shitty.

Iskander

Faricazy wrote: »

the hbo song of ice and fire is never going to happen is it

a man can dream fari

a man can dream

DerLustigeBosniak

Has anyone ever seen that Polish tv series they did on The Witcher? I need to find a version of that with some subtitles.

Jedoc

thorgot wrote: »

Jedoc wrote: »

There are so many other fantasy series that deserve to have a series more than the Sword of Truth.

All of them, for starters. Even the really crappy ones.

eragon

I don't know, I never read those books. If they contain equal or lesser quantities of torture porn, Randian philosophy, and evil chickens then they make the list.

Faricazy

what i love most about this trailer is that 100% of the shots are stolen from lord of the rings

Cruix

Faricazy wrote: »

the hbo song of ice and fire is never going to happen is it

Well, according to GRRM's LJ, HBO just purchased the rights to make the show in September, so there's no reason to be pessimistic. I'd guess we'll start to see news about it coming up, but wouldn't expect the show to start until next season or maybe over the summer?

Either way, I can't wait.

Iskander

DerLustigeBosniak wrote: »

Has anyone ever seen that Polish tv series they did on The Witcher? I need to find a version of that with some subtitles.

in my mind a tv series of The Witcher looks just like Californication, but with swords and magic

DerLustigeBosniak

Iskander wrote: »

DerLustigeBosniak wrote: »

Has anyone ever seen that Polish tv series they did on The Witcher? I need to find a version of that with some subtitles.

in my mind a tv series of The Witcher looks just like Californication, but with swords and magic

Then it might not be that bad.

Actually, the entire Witcher universe, or storyline, is pretty interesting after reading up on it on Wiki.

Brolo

This is perhaps my favorite bit from the Sword of Truth:

Terry Goodkind wrote:

They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot.

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.
"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"
"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.
They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot.
"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.
A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"
"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.
The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"
On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.
Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.
At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

Iskander

The Witcher is all about fuckin' them bitches

just like a rapper

DerLustigeBosniak

See. This is what I'm talking about. He's such a horrible writer.

DerLustigeBosniak

Iskander wrote: »

The Witcher is all about fuckin' them bitches

just like a rapper

Fuck yea. And since it's a Polish tv series, there just might be some titties all up in the show.

Brolo

Iskander wrote: »

The Witcher is all about fuckin' them bitches

just like a rapper

I love the non-sequitir sex scenes from that game, you just kind of talk to a dame and without actually realizing what's going on you get a special sex cutscene with collectible cards.

Iskander

Rolo wrote: »

This is perhaps my favorite bit from the Sword of Truth:

Terry Goodkind wrote:

They raced out from the long shadows of the buildings and poured around the corner. The people off at the end of the street all turned when they spotted Richard's force coming. More people--men and women from the city--surged into the street in front of the compound of buildings the soldiers had taken oup as barracks and a command post. The people looked like a scraggly lot.

"No war! No war! No war!" the people shouted as Richard led the men up the street at a dead run.
"Out of the way!" Richard yelled as he closed the distance. This was no time for subtlety or discussions: the success of their attack depended in large part on speed. "Get out of the way! This is your only warning! Get out of the way or die!"
"Stop the hate! Stop the hate!" the people chanted as they locked arms.
They had no idea how much hate was raging through Richard. He drew the Sword of Truth. The wrath of its magic didn't come out with it, but he had enough of his own. He slowed to a trot.
"Move!" Richard called as he bore down on the people.
A plump, curly-haired woman took a step out from the others. Her round face was red with anger as she screamed. "Stop the hate! No war! Stop the hate! No war!"
"Move or die!" Richard yelled as he picked up speed.
The red-faced woman shook her fleshy fist at Richard and his men, leading an angry chant. "Murderers! Murderers! Murderers!"
On his way past her, gritting his teeth as he screamed with the fury of the attack begun, Richard took a powerful swing, lopping off the woman's head and upraised arm. Strings of blood and gore splashed across the faces behind her even as some still chanted their empty words. The head and loose arm tumbled through the crowd. A man mad the mistake of reaching for Richard's weapon, and took the full weight of a charging thrust.
Men behind Richard hit the line of evil's guardians with unrestrained violence. People armed only with their hatred for moral clarity fell bloodied, terribly injured, and dead. The line of people collapsed before the merciless charge. Some of the people, screaming their contempt, used their fists to attack Richard's men. They were met with swift and deadly steel.
At the realization that their defense of the Imperial Order's brutality would actually result in consequences to themselves, the crowd began scattering in fright, screaming curses back at Richard and his men.

holy shit this is all kinds of horrible

Faricazy

jesus that is some terribly blunt writing

has goodkind ever hear of similes and metaphors

Brolo

I'm armed with a hatred for moral clarity.

Wanna not fight about it?

Iskander

Rolo wrote: »

Iskander wrote: »

The Witcher is all about fuckin' them bitches

just like a rapper

I love the non-sequitir sex scenes from that game, you just kind of talk to a dame and without actually realizing what's going on you get a special sex cutscene with collectible cards.

The Witcher's got medieval hoes in different area codes and he's got the hoe cards to prove it

Jedoc

Rolo wrote: »

I'm armed with a hatred for moral clarity.

Wanna not fight about it?

Fuck moral clarity.

I think I'll run for president on that platform.

Brolo

Faricazy wrote: »

jesus that is some terribly blunt writing

has goodkind ever hear of similes and metaphors

Well the people being killed there are a metaphor for the Iraq war protesters.

Faricazy

ooooh

DerLustigeBosniak

Imagine if Goodkind and Eddings have a child.

Moriveth

A Witcher show would be rad. Geralt all bangin' ladies and slaying creatures.

Killjoy

Those pictures look like the fun kind of terrible.

arod_77

"Hissing, hackles lifting, the chicken's head rose. Kahlan pulled back. Its claws digging into stiff dead flesh, the chicken slowly turned to face her. It cocked its head, making its comb flop, its wattles sway. "Shoo," Kahlan heard herself whisper. There wasn't enough light, and besides, the side of its beak was covered with gore, so she couldn't tell if it had the dark spot, But she didn't need to see it. "Dear spirits, help me," she prayed under her breath. The bird let out a slow chicken cackle. It sounded like a chicken, but in her heart she knew it wasn't. In that instant, she completely understood the concept of a chicken that was not a chicken. This looked like a chicken, like most of the Mud People's chickens. But this was no chicken. This was evil manifest."-- Soul of the Fire

Zsetrek

Chickens have hackles?

arod_77

Rolo wrote: »

I'm armed with a hatred for moral clarity.

Wanna not fight about it?

yeah the other thing about goodkind is that he is a fascist

Moriveth

Rolo wrote: »

Iskander wrote: »

The Witcher is all about fuckin' them bitches

just like a rapper

I love the non-sequitir sex scenes from that game, you just kind of talk to a dame and without actually realizing what's going on you get a special sex cutscene with collectible cards.

I love when you have sex with the barmaid at the mill, and it cuts to some villagers across the river going "THERE'S STRANGE NOISES COMING FROM THE MILL AGAIN, WE BETTER GET A WITCHER TO TAKE CARE OF IT"

And I'm like "I already am :winky:"

Ragnar Dragonfyre

YES! Finally!

Is this still directed by Sam Raimi? It better be!