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Seeking Blowjobs: The Update
Gary
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
How do you ask for a blowjob or a handjob? She is still very self concious of her body and is still a little embarassed for me to see her naked. I've been aching for my lass to touch me but I can't just bring myself to ask.
Further information is that we've been canoodling for days now, often with my fingers in her and her climaxing quite often. I really would like some of this returned.
The reasons I feel odd asking is that im her first intimate partner and that I recall her saying its something that she wants to save for her husband. I really don't want to furiously masturbate as soon as she leaves my house.
My chest is starting to ache when I think of her not touching me. I don't know how much more I can take.
So do I just ball up and ask? or do I wait for her to become comfortable and take initiative?
Further information is that we've been canoodling for days now, often with my fingers in her and her climaxing quite often. I really would like some of this returned.
The reasons I feel odd asking is that im her first intimate partner and that I recall her saying its something that she wants to save for her husband. I really don't want to furiously masturbate as soon as she leaves my house.
My chest is starting to ache when I think of her not touching me. I don't know how much more I can take.
So do I just ball up and ask? or do I wait for her to become comfortable and take initiative?
Gary on
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"Honey I love you....."
Flip
"I'd love you even more with my penis in your mouth."
Seriously though. I can't think of any nice way to really approach this. You'll probably just have to feel it out.
ask her about the subject while just talking. Ask her if she's comfortable with it. when you're canoodling and you're touching her, casually move her hand towards you.
Penn and Teller had episode of "Bullshit" that dealt with abstinence. I *HIGHLY* reccomend this episode for the both of you to watch. (See it on DVD) I know that it sounds like I'm trying to lead a lamb to slaughter, but I seriously would say this is required viewing.
One thing it will get you both on the same page on what "sex" is. It also puts abstinence in a realistic light. It also puts the smack down on masterbation.
Speaking of the smack down on masterbation, you also get to see an Asian chick play with herself too.
It sounds like she has some reservations about sex in general, and making excuses that while fingering is OK, oral is "sex" and therefore should be saved. Now I personally don't perscribe to the concept of "saving sex" and think the concept is culturally dumb.
I guess the upshot is you both need to communicate and make sure that you are on the same page about sex, what it is, and what's expected. Also don't beat around the bush about the subject either. On the same tolken, also be mature about the subject too.
I will seek to acquire said dvd tomorrow.
:winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky: :winky:
In all seriousness, very good points.
Head down below and gauge her reaction. If she doesn't want you to, then it's time you had a chat about what is off limits when it comes to sex.
I suggest that while making out or fingering her, you take her hand at lay it on your dick. It's a pretty direct sign that you want to be touched as well; and if you do it while your pleasuring her, I couldn't see her objecting to pleasuring you.
After she's more comfortable with touching you, you should just be able to ask for the hummer.
Me, I look at it all as having fun, if something is fun for one partner, but not the other, I don't think anyone is obligated to "take one for the team".
What he said.
You say, "it's easy. Basically, I go down on you, and you owe me one."
I would by boxes of this hallmark card.
You should work for hallmark.
1) In college, I had a buddy who had the same issue. The advice that I gave him was to "chew the choch". He went down on her, and then she immediately went to reciprocate. So there's that.
2) Get her worked up when she's on her period. Some girls are REALLY against period sex. When you get them hot and bothered though, they usually want to do SOMETHING.
As far as her being self conscious, make sure she knows how beautiful you think she is. Don't think you're being a pansy by telling her, or that she already knows. Just tell her.
Say something like, "I sure could use a hand..."
...or a mouth.
Better yet, you could do it before she comes over to your house, then it will be like you were "caught" in the act.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Well, it sounds like the problem is that she *doesn't* follow that advice. He's giving her a handjob and she's not reciprocating.
Stepping it up to oral on her, which if she's uneasy about sex in general, doesn't necessitate oral sex on him.
I follow the advice "you don't get what you don't ask for." Tactfully, of course.
Yeah, that's my bad. I didn't rtfp until after the fact.
To the OP, sounds like you guys are kinda young. Like 75% of the people in my high school class wanted to save it for marriage. Very few actually did. Look at it this way: if this girl doesn't want to do it, the next one probably will. Don't worry, it'll happen eventually.
I was cleaning it and It went off...
Just don't get all pouty if she says she's not comfortable yet. Nothing kills a good make out session faster than pouting or one person suspecting that the other person is pouting.
If she say "no" immediately go back to doing something that you both enjoy and try again later. Maybe have a talk about it when you're not in the act?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I can SORT OF see how she might not consider you fingering here on the same level as her going down on you, but she should at LEAST give you a handjob if youre performing the act on her, even if its a dryjob.
As many folks have pointed out - your problem is going to be getting her to a comfort level to even initiate instinctively these things, or being able to broach the subject without setting back your "progress" by weeks. If you like her and want to be patient, give her the room, but realize that you may get so deep in this hole, that you may have no ground to broach the subject later on.
Now, if you want to do it the Dastardly Bastard Way - you could simply hold out on the fingering, and limit your play to heavy petting and kissing. If shes so timid, she wont have the nerve to outright ask for it. Eventually she will have to ask you for the play, and then you can ask express either your frustration or your desire for the same. At this point youre really only giving and getting nothing back, so it shouldnt be too difficult.
Man, don't worry about that stuff. It will come around when it comes around. Stop doing it to her for a while and see where that leads you or... you can try something a bit more direct without being to direct. In the throngs of passion as you two are fooling around slowly move her hand down to there if she keeps it down there your doing good. If she quickly moves it back away you may need to warm her up a little more. It just takes timing. Hopefully she will be perceptive enough to get the clue. Otherwise you could just have a talk with her. Let her know you respect her wishes and don't want to do anything to her she doesn't want done, but when you guys are fooling around and she's the only one getting any thing out of it, it just doesn't feel right. Don't say some cheesy 13 yr old shit like I love you baby, I just want to express my love and feel you express your love to me. That will get you no where but a one way ticket to wankerville.
This kind of thing I don't care for much... I've always seen this as essentially trying to blackmail your partner into doing something for you.
Not that I don't agree there needs to be reciprocation involved, but this sort of thing isn't the route I'd ever suggest... dastardly bastardly is right on for a name in that sense.
If he's serious about this girl (doesn't even have to be up to marriage grade serious) then he should just broach the topic in an actual conversation that isn't involving the both of them in various stages of undress with him frustrated after satisfying her needs.
They are both adult enough to go this far, they ought to be adult enough to discuss it as such. He feels that she should help him in some manner of satisfaction as he has done such for her on several occasions, and he's right. Maybe she isn't even thinking about that kind of thing at the time and feels you are fine about it.. who knows.. talk to her and find out.
Amen to that right there brother. My ex would bitch at me if by the end of the day she had not gotten her oral but had given me one, or one yesterday and I didn't give one back. It really sucks to get in the rut of being obligated to do something in return for somone when they have done it for you. If you want to do something for them, do it, enjoy it, and don't expect anything in return... and ESPECIALLY don't get mad when you havent gotten anything in return. Just leads to a crappy relationship focused on sex, which eventually leads to break up. Well in my case anyways. Good luck buddy.
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Like I already said. Try to be subtle about it and test the waters. If she doesn't respond you need to talk it over.
Thanks dad. :roll:
Likewise, there are also women who give oral soon after just meeting a guy. If you are not happy with things, don't try to change her. Just move on.
The "game" idea is a good way to approach it. Since you're her first partner she might just be feeling kinda insecure and inexperienced. Tell her you're going to play a game where you mimmick eachother's movements. kindof a monkey-see-monkey-do thing. Start out slow and playful... kiss her on the forehead, and after she kisses your forehead, let her pick something, etc. Take it slow, and finally work your way to below-the-belt areas... this way it's not threatening, and the reciprocation is built into the game.