It ain't nothin by a [Girl Thread], Cryin all the time.

Athlantar

EDIT: I just realized I wanted the title to be It ain't nothin BUT a [Girl Thread], Cryin all the time.
Stupid me not knowing how words work.

Hi all,

I've been given and have read piles of excellent advice on these forums (and hopefully given abit too), so here I am again. Ill try to give the cliffs notes version.

Saw a girl at a function.
Saw her again at a party of a mutual friend next night. Introduced myself, asked if it was her the night before, talked for 3 or so hours. Got her #. Called her in the next week, went for coffee, all went quite well, few to no lulls in conversation. I call her again two nights ago, asking her to hang out again. She says yes

then

"I should tell you, I've been hanging around with John alot lately, we arent dating or anything, but I just want to be open and honest."

I'm assuming this means that either:
1) She wants to be friends with John, and pursue something more with me. Probably not likely, as we don't know each other super well yet.
2) Wants to be friends with me, pursue something more with John. Seems more likely, as I think theyve known eachother for awhile (and I'm pretty pessimistic when it comes to relationship opportunities)
3) Doesn't really know what she wants to do.

I knew she was atleast acquaintances with John before I got her number (as I saw them chatting at this function). I've known John since elementary school and hes a pretty good guy. Its pretty clear to me that he and I are trying to head down the same road with this girl. I don't want to step on his toes, but I don't want to simply bow out and miss a great opportunity. Though again, I don't want to be "that guy".

I just don't really know what I'm supposed to do. We'll be seeing eachother on saturday, and it sounds like shes a big fan of openness and honesty, so I'm not sure if I should be somewhat revealing about my feelings and that I would like to get to know her better, then consider dating - pending how things go with her and John, or if I should let her decide if shes going to date him and continue hanging out with her?


I hope this made some sense. Please ask for clarifying details.
Thanks all.

Ryadic

Sounds to me like honesty is the best road to walk down with this one. If you just straight up ask her if she wants to be friends or persue a more romantic relationship, then you will know where she stands and it won't hurt as much as it would in the long road.

Trowizilla

Most likely, she's saying that she's enjoying casually dating you, but she wants to warn you that her thing with John may turn more serious, so you shouldn't get your hopes up too much. Good for her for telling you up-front.

If you can date her without getting too attached or wanting to push for a serious relationship, have fun. If not, you should reciprocate her honesty and let her know you'd rather be platonic friends than date without it going anywhere. Either way, good luck!

Malkor

I agree 100% with the have fun part. Also with the honesty part.

Also don't think you have to compete with this mysterious 'John' fellow.

Sheep

Seems like she's just laying things out with you and just not doing a good job of it. Normally, people shouldn't expect people to lay out their dating plans. Maybe she's had a bad experience?

In the end, sounds like she's pursuing a romantic situation with this John fellow, and she's letting you know that she has him higher on her priorities.

This does not mean that you two should not hang out, nor that you should try to pursue her. Just keep things cordial, don't get too emotionally invested, and don't do anything stupid.

Athlantar

I guess I'll thank her for being upfront and I'll take the platonic hangout route; having fun and getting to know her. I'm sure she'll prefer to date whomever she likes more anyhow. I suppose if something is to happen, it'll happen when it happens :P

As always, thanks much guys.

Houk

Athlantar wrote: »

I suppose if something is to happen, it'll happen when it happens :P

I suppose you could go this route, or if you are actually interested in her, don't just default immediately to the platonic thing. Things don't generally happen "when they happen". They happen when someone makes them happen. If it were me, I'd be upfront about it and tell her that if she's interested in Mr. John and not me that's fine and let's try and be friends, but I'm interested in her and I'd love to give it a shot if she's up for it.

Leaving things to chance usually ends up leaving you in the dust, so to speak.

Athlantar

Houk wrote: »

Athlantar wrote: »

I suppose if something is to happen, it'll happen when it happens :P

I suppose you could go this route, or if you are actually interested in her, don't just default immediately to the platonic thing. Things don't generally happen "when they happen". They happen when someone makes them happen. If it were me, I'd be upfront about it and tell her that if she's interested in Mr. John and not me that's fine and let's try and be friends, but I'm interested in her and I'd love to give it a shot if she's up for it.

Leaving things to chance usually ends up leaving you in the dust, so to speak.

You know, thats probably a better plan. I usually don't pursue things terribly actively, and thats probably not a great policy to keep. I'm not super close friends with this guy, and I surely dont owe him anything. I'll be honest and upfront like she'd said.

We'll see what happens :P

i n c u b u s

Trowizilla wrote: »

Most likely, she's saying that she's enjoying casually dating you, but she wants to warn you that her thing with John may turn more serious, so you shouldn't get your hopes up too much. Good for her for telling you up-front.

If you can date her without getting too attached or wanting to push for a serious relationship, have fun. If not, you should reciprocate her honesty and let her know you'd rather be platonic friends than date without it going anywhere. Either way, good luck!

Agree 100%, it's rare to find a girl that is this straight up with you and thats awesome. Hey at the very least this girl sounds like she'll be a great friend to you.

k1DBLITZ

Don't put yourself in the "friends zone". You'll never get out.

My take on this situation is that she is letting you know that she is seeing other people and as of now, has an equal interest in both you and John. It's your job to make her want to choose you over the other guy.

She is letting you know that she is seeing someone else because everyone has different ideas when it comes to dating.

Some people assume that when you date you only date just one person at a time and that's it. Some people prefer to date several people at once. Some people automatically start referring to someone as their "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" when they are in fact just casually dating. This is why she is letting you know that she is seeing other people.

Don't read too much into it. She is giving you a heads up that you have competition.

Win.

Athlantar wrote: »

Houk wrote: »

Athlantar wrote: »

I suppose if something is to happen, it'll happen when it happens :P

I suppose you could go this route, or if you are actually interested in her, don't just default immediately to the platonic thing. Things don't generally happen "when they happen". They happen when someone makes them happen. If it were me, I'd be upfront about it and tell her that if she's interested in Mr. John and not me that's fine and let's try and be friends, but I'm interested in her and I'd love to give it a shot if she's up for it.

Leaving things to chance usually ends up leaving you in the dust, so to speak.

You know, thats probably a better plan. I usually don't pursue things terribly actively, and thats probably not a great policy to keep. I'm not super close friends with this guy, and I surely dont owe him anything. I'll be honest and upfront like she'd said.

We'll see what happens :P