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Coworker attacked by exgirlfriend

OhtarOhtar Registered User regular
edited October 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
I don't actually have time to explain the situation right now, unfortuately, but I'm mainly looking for the answer to one question at this point, and may have time to explain more/ask more questions later.

My coworker got into an argument with his long time girlfriend last night, and she ended up flipping out and attacking him. In the course of the fight, he didn't really fight back, and she did bite him on the arm. Hard. Her-incisors-peirced-the-skin-hard.

He got out of there, and a couple hours later called the cops from a friends house to get advice. The cop who came out told him that if he showed them the wound they would have no choice but to arrest her, BUT she could also, even without any sort of wound on her, accuse him of the abuse and then he would get arrested as well.

So my question is, is this cop full of crap, or is he telling the truth?

This is in Iowa, by the way.

Ohtar on

Posts

  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I found this phone number 1-800-373-1043 for the Domestic Violence Intervention program. They might know. I'll tell you one thing, he should document the physical damage at the very least and visit a hospital because human bites can get nasty. Personally, I'd file the police report and work on a restraining order.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • SentrySentry Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    A number of states do have mandatory arrest policies for domestic abuse, without knowing what state you are in it is hard to say, but if the cop said it, it is most likely the case in your state. Not that all cops are always honest, don't get me wrong, but the arrest first and ask questions later policy has been making its way from state to state for the last few years.

    Sentry on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    wrote:
    When I was a little kid, I always pretended I was the hero,' Skip said.
    'Fuck yeah, me too. What little kid ever pretended to be part of the lynch-mob?'
  • DelzhandDelzhand Registered User, Transition Team regular
    edited October 2008
    Vision is right. The bacteria in a human mouth is worse than you'd think. At the very least, get a good photo then have him wash and disinfect.

    Also, your local law enforcement is spot on. That's Iowa law. They tend to (somewhat understandably) give women the benefit of the doubt in domestic cases.

    Delzhand on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Delzhand wrote: »
    Vision is right. The bacteria in a human mouth is worse than you'd think. At the very least, get a good photo then have him wash and disinfect.

    Also, your local law enforcement is spot on. That's Iowa law. They tend to (somewhat understandably) give women the benefit of the doubt in domestic cases.

    This is why he needs to get his injuries documented ASAP, file his report and mention he wants a restraining order. He has to make it very clear that this isn't him blowing smoke and that this is serious (and so is he).

    VisionOfClarity on
  • ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Yeah, he needs to document this. Personally, I would also recommend filing charges, anyhow, or at the very least getting a police report in.

    He should also send her the bill for the doctor/hospital visit. In addition, he should never go near her alone again.

    Thanatos on
  • Iceman.USAFIceman.USAF Major East CoastRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Yeah, he needs to document this. Personally, I would also recommend filing charges, anyhow, or at the very least getting a police report in.

    He should also send her the bill for the doctor/hospital visit. In addition, he should never go near her alone again.

    Limed for the mother-f'ing truth. #1 rule of self-preservation, don't put yourself in potentially terrible situations.

    Iceman.USAF on
  • BoutrosBoutros Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    He should file a restraining order. An acquaintance of mine who is a cop told me a story about a man who talked to him and filed a restraining order against his ex-girlfriend, saying that she did all sorts of crazy shit and threatened to accuse this man of abusing her if he broke up with her. The next day he gets called out to a woman reporting domestic violence - the ex-girlfriend. My cop acquaintance had no idea if the woman was telling the truth or not, but there was nothing he could do anyway, the dude won because he got his restraining order in first.

    Obviously your coworker shouldn't make stuff up when filing a restraining order, but there is definite value to having some paperwork on file when dealing with a crazy asshole.

    Boutros on
  • JohnnyCacheJohnnyCache Starting Defense Place at the tableRegistered User regular
    edited October 2008
    He should file an assault charge against her, first and foremost, and get the injury photographed.

    There are must arrest laws on the books in some states, but there shouldn't be any such thing as a must-charge law.

    JohnnyCache on
  • mtsmts Dr. Robot King Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    man thats how zombie outbreaks start...

    seriously though. its not the time to be chivalrous, he should get his version out and reported, since she could throw it back at him.

    don't know if he can file a report but not press charges
    obviously if he is hoping to reconcile, getting her arrested is probably not the best way about it, but if not, fuck that, press charges, you shouldn't go around biting people

    mts on
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  • ShadeShade Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    1. Photograph damage

    2. See doctor, keep documentation from doctor

    3. File restraining order

    4. Press assault charges

    Shade on
  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    What was the fight about? I mean, that'd be some important info before everyone goes all Judge Joe Brown on her. Has she done this before, or is this the first (and hopefully only) time she's been violent?

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • SzechuanosaurusSzechuanosaurus Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited October 2008
    I can imagine if a fight breaks out, both parties could claim assault and the police may just have a policy of arresting everyone involved (considering it typically takes two (or more) to start a fight) and then work out who to actually charge down at the station once statements have been taken and evidence has been gathered (In this case, witness statements if any and documentation of injuries etc.).

    However, if she has no physical injuries while your friend does then I'd imagine it's highly unlikely that your friend would actually be prosecuted, but really your friend needs to get advice from a lawyer. From what you've said, I see no reason for the friend not to have her arrested though, even if it does involve him also being arrested. If he's innocent, he's innocent.

    Szechuanosaurus on
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Echoing the others, no matter what, get the bite photographed and checked by a physician. Photograph not only what the bite looks like now, but take photos of the aftermath to show any bruising or infections. Keep receipts for any doctor bils, any meds, etc. Whether or not he files for assault or takes her to small claims court over the bills incurred, he needs to obtain/retain evidence.

    GungHo on
  • -Phil--Phil- Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    He should definitely keep records of everything that happens. Photos are a great idea. In addition, if possible, he should get the names and contact information to any witnesses to the incident.

    -Phil- on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Human bites don't normally pierce the skin without a special brand of viciousness/desperation. It needs to be reported and documented, firstly because of the circumstances, and secondly because there is a relatively high risk of complications, such as infection and transmitted disease.

    A restraining order is probably an excellent way to go, IME, that kind of crazy doesn't get better, it gets worse. You're probably just seeing the tip of the bitchberg here, so it would be wise to have a backup strategy of some kind.

    Sarcastro on
  • HenroidHenroid Mexican kicked from Immigration Thread Centrism is Racism :3Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Shade wrote: »
    1. Photograph damage

    2. See doctor, keep documentation from doctor

    3. File restraining order

    4. Press assault charges

    I'm gonna have to echo this sentiment. Take the initiative on it, it makes a big difference. This is in special regard to the third and fourth options. Get a lawyer ASAP.

    Henroid on
  • TaGuelleTaGuelle Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Don't you think you guys are going a little over board calling for him to have her arrested and all? I'm a fan of resolving your differences without the police and in this case I personally wouldn't call them. Photograph it and tell her she's going to have to pay for any and all medical expenses. As a caveat, getting her arrested could turn pist into fucking psycho.

    TaGuelle on
  • ErandusErandus Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    TaGuelle wrote: »
    Don't you think you guys are going a little over board calling for him to have her arrested and all? I'm a fan of resolving your differences without the police and in this case I personally wouldn't call them. Photograph it and tell her she's going to have to pay for any and all medical expenses. As a caveat, getting her arrested could turn pist into fucking psycho.

    If he bit her, would you be suggesting she have him arrested?

    Erandus on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Good god, it's a bite. We don't even know what the fight was about. There might be a whole story behind the bite. The dude could've slept with the girl's mom for all we know. I realize I may be excusing domestic violence here... but if this is a single, isolated incidence of minor violence between loved ones, then there's no need for this dude to pack his bags and head for the abused boyfriends' shelter. All this talk of lawyers and the po just seems over the top.

    Unless, of course, this has happened before.
    Erandus wrote: »
    If he bit her, would you be suggesting she have him arrested?

    It depends on what the fight was about and whether or not there's a history of violence. It's a bit silly to demand someone's head before we even have all the facts.

    I had a friend who punched me in the stomach once. Woulda seemed like a jackass move until you found out why he punched me.

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    TaGuelle wrote: »
    Don't you think you guys are going a little over board calling for him to have her arrested and all? I'm a fan of resolving your differences without the police and in this case I personally wouldn't call them. Photograph it and tell her she's going to have to pay for any and all medical expenses. As a caveat, getting her arrested could turn pist into fucking psycho.

    It's domestic violence and assault, both are pretty serious.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • TaGuelleTaGuelle Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Honestly that doesn't matter because that's not the issue at hand. If it had been reversed I would feel (unfortunately so) the chick more harmed or in greater danger because of the double standard I think you're alluding too. Even still I would urge her if she wants to involve the police to get a restraining order put on him but not to arrest him. You're arresting him, not charging him with a crime, so unless she's willing to press charges, she could be poking a semi awake wolf in the eye. This stuff isn't easy to give advice on because like with a lot of these posts, the details are so minimal it's almost not worth it, but I still think people should learn to solve their disputes without resulting to either violence or the police.

    TaGuelle on
  • TaGuelleTaGuelle Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Yeah I'm not saying its not serious. I'm saying involving the police is maybe not the best course of action.

    TaGuelle on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Except we're also encouraging him to press charges and not let this crazy bitch walk around thinking it's ok to assault people.

    Not to mention, there's no way in hell she'll pay for shit if she doesn't have to.
    'Hi, I'm not calling the cops or anything but will you pay these bills even though I can't make you?'

    VisionOfClarity on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited October 2008
    The girl in question is a "long-time ex". I really doubt he's living with her still.

    Definitely document very carefully, and definitely discuss options with police. People just can't go around biting people and drawing blood, even if they're really really pissed.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • Richard_DastardlyRichard_Dastardly Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Except we're also encouraging him to press charges and not let this crazy bitch walk around thinking it's ok to assault people.

    Not to mention, there's no way in hell she'll pay for shit if she doesn't have to.
    'Hi, I'm not calling the cops or anything but will you pay these bills even though I can't make you?'

    I don't wanna steer the thread into a discussion on what does and doesn't constitute assault, but I think we need more info before we can jump to conclusions. Basically, all we have is: GIRL BITE GUY. GUY CALL POLICE. POLICE SAY BOTH GO JAIL. GUY NO KNOW WHAT DO. Beyond that, we know nothing.
    ceres wrote: »
    The girl in question is a "long-time ex". I really doubt he's living with her still.

    The OP wrote "long-time girlfriend." If he mistyped, and she was his ex, then I retract my previous posts.

    Richard_Dastardly on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Except we're also encouraging him to press charges and not let this crazy bitch walk around thinking it's ok to assault people.

    Not to mention, there's no way in hell she'll pay for shit if she doesn't have to.
    'Hi, I'm not calling the cops or anything but will you pay these bills even though I can't make you?'

    I don't wanna steer the thread into a discussion on what does and doesn't constitute assault, but I think we need more info before we can jump to conclusions. Basically, all we have is: GIRL BITE GUY. GUY CALL POLICE. POLICE SAY BOTH GO JAIL. GUY NO KNOW WHAT DO. Beyond that, we know nothing.
    ceres wrote: »
    The girl in question is a "long-time ex". I really doubt he's living with her still.

    The OP wrote "long-time girlfriend." If he mistyped, and she was his ex, then I retract my previous posts.


    It wasn't jsut some bite, she broke the skin. That's not easy to do unless you're trying to hurt someone. In which case you are incredibly messed up and should be arrested and prosecuted.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited October 2008
    ceres wrote: »
    The girl in question is a "long-time ex". I really doubt he's living with her still.

    The OP wrote "long-time girlfriend." If he mistyped, and she was his ex, then I retract my previous posts.
    READING COMPREHENSION: FAIL. You're right, I misread. Sorry about that.

    ceres on
    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • GungHoGungHo Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Erandus wrote: »
    If he bit her, would you be suggesting she have him arrested?
    It depends on what the fight was about and whether or not there's a history of violence. It's a bit silly to demand someone's head before we even have all the facts.

    I had a friend who punched me in the stomach once. Woulda seemed like a jackass move until you found out why he punched me.
    Oops, your arm fell in my mouth while I was chewing on this beef jerky. It was a one in a million shot! One in a million!

    GungHo on
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