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Healthy Psyche

MeeOkMeeOk Registered User regular
edited November 2008 in Help / Advice Forum
I'm in the process of going and getting an actual psychological evaluation done (waiting for my new job's insurance to kick in), but I thought I'd bounce it off of you guys first.

I'm something of a masochist, and I'm okay with that mostly, but.. I did a little needle play for the first time last weekend, and I'm doing more this coming weekend. That's fine and dandy, but ever since pushing my boundries of what I can handle, I've been having really strong urges to do potentially less healthy things.

I've been a cutter on and off for about the last 6-7 years, and I am now trying to figure out if that's an okay thing or not. I always did it when I was angry so I didn't try to go start a fight, or in severe emotional pain, but this last week or so I've been wanting to do it just for the physical pain itself.

My (to me), amazing revelation that I had, was that having pain inflicted on me by someone else, for Play is more psychologically healthy than inflicting pain on myself. But as I become more at peace with enjoying pain purely for the sake of it hurting, what about the cutting? My head is so ugly inside right now, as I am working through a lot of personal shit, and the Play is a good stress relief for me. Help?

MeeOk on

Posts

  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    Help? You seem to be doing fine. Everybody needs something they didn't mention in the tech manual. Play safe, be well.

    Easy.

    Sarcastro on
  • ImDrawingABlankImDrawingABlank Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I have a few friends with a vested interest in that as well, and they are remain able to function entirely like any other person. Granted, the only reason people other than their partner's know is because our friends occasionally talk about these things, the vast majority aren't openly informed. When you start doing it for the attention of others and not as much for yourself it becomes a problem. As Sarcastro says, play safe. It's got it inherent risks, but I don't see anything wrong with it. You seem to have a handle on it. Enjoy :)

    ImDrawingABlank on
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  • MeeOkMeeOk Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    So you both are saying you think it's okay to want to cut myself up? I've gone to counseling before I knew I liked pain, and they thought cutting was really unhealthy. But my Dominant doesn't seem bothered by it. I feel like as long as somebody else is involved with my Play it's okay. Just, doing bloody things to myself, alone seems bad. Kinda like drinking by yourself, or something?

    MeeOk on
  • MeeOkMeeOk Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    And goodness knows I'm not doing it for the attention. I am always cautious to make sure any and all marks are in places that won't see the light of day if I'm in business clothing.

    MeeOk on
  • Toxin01Toxin01 Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    You don't like pain, per se, you like the endorphins your body releases when you inflict self harm.

    Toxin01 on
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  • ImDrawingABlankImDrawingABlank Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I've once heard that the chemicals released by your body by the infliction of pain can when combined with an orgasm can be the equivalent to the high created by heroin. Truth of the fact, im not entirely sure. Obviously, it would not be felt with the same reactions the drug would create.

    ImDrawingABlank on
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  • SpongeCakeSpongeCake Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    MeeOk wrote: »
    So you both are saying you think it's okay to want to cut myself up? I've gone to counseling before I knew I liked pain, and they thought cutting was really unhealthy. But my Dominant doesn't seem bothered by it. I feel like as long as somebody else is involved with my Play it's okay. Just, doing bloody things to myself, alone seems bad. Kinda like drinking by yourself, or something?

    I think it's more important to know why you're self-harming. If you're doing it to cope with stress or anger or pressure or such and such then it's probably unhealthy, if you're doing it for a kick or some sexual kink then I wouldn't think it's quite as worrisome (though doubtless some would disagree).
    Kinda like alcohol I suppose - if you're drinking to forget, you're in trouble. If you're drinking for fun, things should be fine. In moderation.

    I mean let's face it, someone who has self-harmed in the past is going to be more fucked than the general population by default, so it's a little hard to point out what's "normal" and what's not, since you're already sort of off the chart.

    SpongeCake on
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited October 2008
    I know some people who like the pain, period. I don't mind it myself, though I don't seek it out the way I used to. I've certainly used it as a mental plaything.

    Discipline, power, control, awareness, sensation- all of them are their own uniquely colored threads in the tapestry of interrelationships. Play like this, picking out a thread and watching it, feeling it, observing how it warps and wefts through our lives, becoming aware of what it does and how it affects ourselves and others, can be a healthy part of attaining personal growth and self-knowledge.

    We downplay it a lot in western society, but these kinds of observations have been practiced universally since the birth of man. The first time a kid picks at a scab, or wonders how hard they can pinch themselves before 'something' makes them stop, this observation process and resulting growth begins to kick in. We are sentient beings, aware of our bodies and feelings in a way that allows us to learn about ourselves in a tangled juxtaposition of observer and observation. The machine as a person looking at the person as a machine.

    Its a natural thing to do, and as a result of this process, we find certain levels of cause and effect within ourselves. Finding one of these effects, or discovering a process which leads to more discovery is not that surprising or unusual. If you have found something personally meaningful, then it really doesn't matter how many other people find the same thing. Sure, you've found yourself a less traveled road, but it's not untraveled. There's still a road there. Well within the realm of possibility and acceptance, and far more common than many are lead to believe.

    So travel safely, think about where you're going, and enjoy what comes your way.

    Sarcastro on
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    I would be cautious about anything that leaves a permanent mark. Plus, since you also cut from motives of distress, it could be like a problem drinker trying to drink socially - more dangerous than for the average person.

    CelestialBadger on
  • GoodOmensGoodOmens Registered User regular
    edited November 2008
    MeeOk wrote: »
    So you both are saying you think it's okay to want to cut myself up? I've gone to counseling before I knew I liked pain, and they thought cutting was really unhealthy. But my Dominant doesn't seem bothered by it. I feel like as long as somebody else is involved with my Play it's okay. Just, doing bloody things to myself, alone seems bad. Kinda like drinking by yourself, or something?

    It's not inherently bad, but perhaps there is a way to reach the same state of satisfaction that the cutting gives you that doesn't involve bodily harm. You're cutting because you get something you need from it. If you can find out exactly what that is, you might be able to change your behavior to something safer.

    GoodOmens on
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