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Shit. [girl thread]
lunasea
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So I just broke up with my girlfriend last night. It was mutual, we felt that we weren't right for each other and that things had been getting strained. I wanted to break it off like 2 weeks ago, but foolish hope and convenience prevented that. Apparently, she's been in the same mindset. Thing is, I still feel like shit after it all went down last night. We've only been together for like 2 months, so I'm really not sure what to think, but feeling this way definitely has taken me aback. This was my first real relationship in College, 5 months prior to that I went through a tough breakup with a girl I thought I really cared about.
So, I'm not sure if this torn up feeling is even from this event exactly. I just like the idea of having someone be there in that kind of capacity. We also built up this sort of routine, and I've just grown accustomed to looking at my cell phone and seeing a text message from her. I honestly don't even care that much for this girl, she's certainly interesting but for what the relationship was I could do much better and receive a whole lot less crazy.
Transitioning to College has been hard, I have plenty of kids I party with but I only have a few kids I can really call my friends; kids that I can even talk to about this kind of thing. This girl used to be one of those people, and I'm sure it probably has something to do with all this. I've been relying more and more on my friends from back home, my best friends that I basically grew up with and I'm sure this can't be healthy to building new relationships and growing as an individual.
We ended the night with her telling me that she still had feelings for me and that she wanted some time to think about getting back together. That was my bad, I told her I still had feelings for her and wanted us to try to work things out in a frenzy panic of loss and hurt. I woke up wanting nothing of the sort.
TLDR; Broke up with girlfriend. My heart hurts, I don't know what I want, I fucked up, how do I get out of this funk?
So, I'm not sure if this torn up feeling is even from this event exactly. I just like the idea of having someone be there in that kind of capacity. We also built up this sort of routine, and I've just grown accustomed to looking at my cell phone and seeing a text message from her. I honestly don't even care that much for this girl, she's certainly interesting but for what the relationship was I could do much better and receive a whole lot less crazy.
Transitioning to College has been hard, I have plenty of kids I party with but I only have a few kids I can really call my friends; kids that I can even talk to about this kind of thing. This girl used to be one of those people, and I'm sure it probably has something to do with all this. I've been relying more and more on my friends from back home, my best friends that I basically grew up with and I'm sure this can't be healthy to building new relationships and growing as an individual.
We ended the night with her telling me that she still had feelings for me and that she wanted some time to think about getting back together. That was my bad, I told her I still had feelings for her and wanted us to try to work things out in a frenzy panic of loss and hurt. I woke up wanting nothing of the sort.
TLDR; Broke up with girlfriend. My heart hurts, I don't know what I want, I fucked up, how do I get out of this funk?
lunasea on
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Good enough start for the day?
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
It seems like you want to try new things but you're afraid to actually do that part.
As far as the girl goes, maybe you can get back together someday, but right away is obviously not the right decision. Just go out and have fun to get your mind off of it for the time being. Time is the cure here.
"Hey, so when you were talking about working things out... I dunno where my head was I think I was confused and shit, but I've had some time to think about it and I don't think getting back together is the best thing. I still think you're great, but I need to sort a lot of shit out and I don't want to lead you on."
Next up is that you're obviously lonely. You're not hungry for a girlfriend so much as you are hungry for a companion with whom to do all your shit with. Social contact and all that. So that basically means you're going to have to make an effort to hang out with your friends and meet new people...people that will become your friends, not your party posse. The more people you get to know, the better a shot you have at finding a buddy or group of buddies that'll fill your social void pretty effectively.
You're doing great in that you are being honest with what you need and want, so fixing it is just a matter of going out there and getting social exposure. College is the easiest place to meet people of all personality types. Open your dorm room door when you're inside chilling and invite people to come in and hang out. Join a club or two. Take part in intramurals. Volunteer.
Once you start gaining social exposure, you'll likely find that you won't miss your ex nearly as much, because as it was, in your previous relationship, she seemed to be more of a placeholder for a circle of friends than a real girlfriend.
End that circular relationship now. Force yourself to stop talking with her for a while. Phone her up and just tell her "I need to do my own thing for a little while, I don't mean to be rude, but please leave me alone for a while" Even specify a time period (two weeks, etc).
As time goes on, you'll find other things that replace the feeling of her.
It will take some time granted, but, it will happen. It's been about two months since I've broken up with my girlfriend, and it's still kinda saddening to walk home alone at night and know she won't be there, even if I don't have romantic feeling for her anymore, but just knowing she won't be there for me. But it's getting better; a lot better, and quickly too.
The first step is just forcing yourself away from her, and just keeping yourself occupied. New things with new people will start falling into place.
I know what its like to miss having someone while being sure that you did the right thing by breaking it off. Shit, I did the whole *roll over in the morning and not realise I was alone in bed* thing...
Move on. Get busy. I got an email from her a month later asking me to stop emailing her, because she found it too hard. The difference was that I was somewhere new - with nothing to remind me of her. She went back to the same old same routine.
Change your routine. It will just take time.
However, to encourage you to make new friends and be more social, I would encourage at least an initial distancing. This way you're not growing accustomed to using her as your comfort zone and backup confidant, so you're forced to go out there and meet people.
You can reconnect with her later on once you are more secure independent of her, but for right now I'd recommend limiting contact. I wouldn't cut her out completely (and I say this based solely on what I can gather from your personality and attitude; this isn't advice that would apply to everyone), but I would definitely take several steps back.
Just stop the get back together talk.
but they're listening to every word I say
I will also add to the pile that if you can honestly be just friends, then go for it. However, I strongly recommend that you give yourself enough time to get your feet back under your head before you move in that direction, otherwise you will drift back into your respective comfort zones. So keep your distance until you feel like you are hard set in your decision.
As an aside, while you shouldn't be entirely dependent on your old friends, don't feel bad about staying close with a few of them. I still hang out with loads of folks from high school as well as new folks we've picked up along the way.