Mom's a flip floppin' psycho. [Wall of text!]

Quoth

You should encourage him to IMMEDIATELY restrict her access to their accounts, or at least open a separate account and start putting his paychecks in there pronto. This goes for savings, checking, credit cards, debit cards, everything. This is for his financial safety as well as yours.

Cliff

It really sounds to me like your mother suffers from bipolar disorder. If this is the case, she needs the proper medication or she will never get better. That being said, at her age, no one else can make her do this, she has to decide she wants to get better. Unfortunately, the nature of bipolar disorder makes it hard fro victims to realize that their behavior patterns are irrational.

As for your boyfriend, you should not break up with him just because your mom wants you to. HOWEVER, you may want to take some time to consider the stress you may be putting on him(through no fault of your own, of course.) You guys are still young, it may be wise to at least "take a break" until your life smoothes out a little. I definately do not recommend moving in with him. 19 is not the time to be making descisions based on tenous emotional attachment. This guy may seem like the bees knees right now, but thats how every romantic relationship feels at that age, and very few of them actually last.

Anyway, don't let your om drag you down to much. SHE is the adult, your mother, and at your age, you shoudn't have to be the one taking care of her. In the end, these things have a way of working themselves out.

AlyceInWonderland

Oh, to make this clear, I don't plan on moving in with Peter until I'm out of college, which is at least 2 years from now. I've been with him for a while, but I'm not emotionally ready for something that large, and I don't think he is either.

I'm trying to be mature in this situation, but I don't think moving in with Peter will do much good right now.

VisionOfClarity

Ludious wrote: »

I don't know if she's started the suicide game yet, but BE PREPARED. People with this condition (whether it really is BPD or something else) always tend to go that route. They at least threaten it.

The upside to that is if she does threaten to harm herself you can have her comitted somewhere where she can get help.

Cruix

I agree that it sounds a lot like bipolar disorder to me, as well. If not that, it obviously sounds like some kind of problem that she needs assistance with -- but if she's not willing to help herself or let you get her help then I don't see what you can do. You can't throw away all the things you love and make your life hell just because one person wants you to, even if it is your mom.

I think the best thing you can do is just to tell your mother where you stand, and to realize that this is probably for the best in the end. It doesn't sound like there's any way you guys can all be happy living together unless she decides to get some help, even if she moved back in it's not like things would be okay. You and your dad both deserve better. Let your mom know if she decides she wants help that you'll be there for her, that you love her, but what she's doing to pull apart the family isn't healthy or good for anyone.

Cliff's thoughts that you're putting too much strain on your boyfriend and etc. seem pretty silly, though. Yeah, things may be stressful right now, but if it's too much for him then I'm sure he would say so and it seems kind of out of left-field to come in and suggest maybe taking a break, it's infinitely healthier to work through any stressful patches together rather than to enforce that when things get rough for one person they put a pause on everything instead of helping one another. I wouldn't worry about that at all.

I'm sorry the situation you're in right now is so crappy, but you can still be there for your dad and help him with this transition, and as long as you're there to help your mom if and when she decides to take it, there's nothing more you can do.

Grimm

Im sorry if this was already brought up and i missed it. I read all of the post from alyce but only skimmed over the rest. Do you really think breaking up with peter will fix this? Im willing to bet she'll do the same thing with any other guy you bring home. First off you have my sympathy. Of course your mother needs help in some form or another, but unless shes willing to help herself... I could be way off but maybe standing up to her and letting her leave will show her she cant get away with this stuff.

AlyceInWonderland

Welp, my mom moved out. She came by about a half hour ago, and I laid everything down. I told her that I am sick of everything, and the stress of it all is hurting my health. She's still my mother and I told her that I'm not abandoning her and that I'll be around, but I'm washing my hands of everything. I also told her that I'm also going to distance my self a bit, and need to take care of my self.

Now I just need to talk to my father about everything. Peter also brought up an idea that I found interesting. He said that he could move out of his current place cause he's not happy with it anyway, and move into my attic and pay about 600 a month rent to my dad to help him out.

I'm still thinking about that though. It would really help out my father, since we're in dire straights. What d you guys think?

Cliff

I wouldn't recommend that. When you guys break up, things are gonna get awkward. He might not be able to find another place, so he is gonna be around and that won't be a good thing.

Hobbit0815

Sounds like my mother. Controlling.

On the subject of Peter moving in, it depends if you mother will end up coming back, and mainly if you dad is okay with it.

Wait, "dire straights"? I thought you said your dad can handle everything financially?..

_ _

AlyceInWonderland

I meant that if she left, she wouldn't be taking any income. We're in a finacial rut, but we wouldn't be more so if she left.

Pheezer

Sounds like your mom needs some space.

No, seriously, it sounds like you need to distance yourself from your mom so that she's forced to grow up a bit and deal with you being a fully realized person. I don't think she's adjusted to you not being her kid yet, and living with her won't make her. Get some distance and give her some time to adjust. She's gonna have trouble but I mean, she needs to do this.