Hello again, and welcome back to BWTVâ€™s ongoing coverage of whatever weâ€™re calling this tournament this week. Iâ€™m Lois Lane.
And Iâ€™m Simon Williams. Are we even calling it a tournament anymore?
Iâ€™m not sure Simon! Anyway, today weâ€™re looking back on Round Two, and Son of Beyonder himself is going to pay us a surprise visit at the end of our broadcast.
And we have no idea what heâ€™s going to say.
Yes, thanks for that brilliant insight, Simon. Now weâ€™re going to send this broadcast over to Ben Urich and Snapper Carr, who probably have something intelligent to say.
Not likely Lois!
Ha ha ha, you guys are too kind. That said, letâ€™s get right down to it. Match A was over almost before it began, right Snapper?
Indeed. Batman attempted to start things off with a quick takedown of Magneto, but the Master of Magnetism would have no part of that, and quickly disposed of the Caped Crusader.
Oh thanks, leave me with the hard nicknames. While Batman and Magneto were duking it out, Sue Storm went after Elijah Snow, hiding in plain sight while utilizing her force fields to take the iceâ€¦guyâ€¦down, leaving only the Invisible Woman and Magneto standing. Standing by at the scene of the battle is Jessica Jones? Any word from the winners?
Sue politely declined to speak, and Magneto seemed to want to have no part of any conversation. Back to you guys.
And on to Match B. This one was a little bizarre.
Indeed it was. Invincible quickly rushed Superman, but the veteran hero was ready for him, and threw him into space and out of the arena, in a mildly ironic twist. Meanwhile, Namor fought Plastic Man in the river. Superman quickly came to Plastic Manâ€™s aid, but Namor managed to shunt the brunt of the assault onto Plastic Man, who was unable to stand up to Supermanâ€™s assault, sending Superman and Namor on to the next round. Jess?
Superman declined to comment, and again, Namor only said â€œIMPERIUS REXâ€ really loudly. Right in my #@$#%
Okay, Iâ€™m really glad we hired someone to man the expletive deleter machine thing this time around. And on to Match C, which was really not much of a contest at all.
Iâ€™m afraid not, Wonder Woman really had this in the bag from the start. Captain America did manage to eliminate Cloak before Wonder Woman worked through Mr. Fantastic and took out Cap, and since Cap was one of the last two standing, he advanced along with Wonder Woman. Jess?
Wonder Woman declined comment, but Cap was kind enough to sit with me for a moment. He said that he considers himself very lucky to still be active in this tournament and against such fine opponents, and that he hopes to continue on even further. Back to you.
Alright, thanks, Jess. Shadowcat continued her impressive run in Match D, quickly eliminating the android Vision with her phasing power. Meanwhile, Blink and the Flash struggled to find each other, before Blink managed to lure Flash into an unpopulated area, which she soon filled with a nearly impenetrable wall of teleport daggers, sending the original Scarlet Speedster out of the tournament while allowing Shadowcat and Blink to advance. Any word from the contestants, Jessica?
Kitty Pryde simply mentioned that while she was still a little unsure of the reason for all of this, she was glad she wasnâ€™t one of the ones eliminated. And Blink never talks. At least not to me.
Thanks, Jessica. On to Match E, which was so epic that it shorted out our cameras. All we know is that there was a lot of punching, and that Iron Man went down first, followed by Green Lantern. And in some sort of epic duel that was really unnecessary because they both already advanced, Thor took down the Martian Manhunter. Jessica is standing by with the contestants.
Actually, no, Iâ€™m not, I canâ€™t find them anywhere.
Well okay then, I guess weâ€™ll move on. Match F involved four heroes, but while Aztek and Ghost Rider both managed to emerge from the shadow of more well known heroes in the first round, they couldnâ€™t quite get past the power of the Shade and Captain Marvel. Aztek put up a valiant fight against Marvel, but couldnâ€™t find a way to do any significant damage, and fell to the power of Shazam. Meanwhile, the Shadeâ€™s mastery of darkness managed to dampen the figurative flame of Ghost Rider, providing an opportunity for Captain Marvel to deal with him. Jessica is standing by.
And again, nobody will talk to me. Itâ€™s like Iâ€™m getting paid to do nothing, which is totally fine with me. Back to you.
Ha ha, oh that Jessica.
Indeed. Match G proved to be one of the more ridiculous fights, but thatâ€™s to be expected whenever Deadpool and Spider-Man are anywhere near each other. The fight narrowed itself down to three almost immediately after it began, as Constantine pulled himself out, claiming he had about three thousand things to do that were either more important or entertaining than this. Meanwhile, Spider-Man and Deadpool battled across the arena, trading quips and generally annoying everyone around until Spidey finally managed to land a huge uppercut on the Merc-With-A-Mouth, knocking him out mid-quip. Rogue, whoâ€™d been waiting for an opening, quickly lit the area around Spidey on fire, causing the Webhead to concede the victory to her and take second. Jessica is actually standing by with someone for once, I hope. Jess? Tell me Spider-Man was at least willing to talk.
When isnâ€™t he? I did get a chance to ask him how he felt about Deadpool. His response? Well, apparently Deadpool is â€œreally fun to punch.â€ Back to you guys.
And thanks for actually doing an interview for once Jess! Just kidding.
Heâ€™s not kidding.
Quiet you. And now for the final match of the round, where the Hulk smashed his way to a decisive victory.
Right you are. Although Cable and Ambrose Chase did manage to put up an excellent fight before Cable finally found a way to penetrate Chaseâ€™s defenses, although weâ€™re not exactly sure how. Meanwhile, Bigby Wolf managed to catch a weary Cable by surprise, slicing through the soldierâ€™s force field with one swipe from the Vorpal sword, ending Cableâ€™s tournament run moments before the Hulk arrived and slammed the Fable headfirst into the ground before disarming and dispatching him. Actually, Hulk really didnâ€™t need to do much at all to advance. Regardless, he and Bigby Wolf moved on to Round Two. Let me guess: no interviews?
What can I say? Do you really expect either one of those guys to talk?
And with that, letâ€™s send it back to Lois and Simon, who are standing by with the new rules for Round Three. Guys?
Thanks, guys. Well, Simon, care to announce the new rules?
NEW RULE NUMBER ONE
Heroes may consult with one advisor. This advisor must be someone they have ties to before the tournament. Heroes half one half hour to converse with their advisors in addition to their video watching time and their standard twenty minute prep time. Advisors may help a hero prepare equipment, come up with strategies, and prepare anything else the hero is capable of preparing.
NEW RULE NUMBER TWO
Debate threads may not necessarily be open for twenty-four hours pre-fight. All voting threads will be opened at 11:00 pm Central time the day after debate threads are open. Note: if a debate thread is started from midnight to 7:00 am Central time, voting will open that night at eleven. There are no changes to voting.
Thank you Simon. And now the moment youâ€™ve all been waiting for: the surprise announcement from the Son of Beyonder himself: here he is!
THANK YOU, LOIS. DUE TO THE DELAY OF THE START OF ROUND THREE, I HAVE DECIDED TO LET YOU, THE FORUMERS, HAVE AN IMPACT ON BWTV. SIMPLY PUT, I AM OPENING A CONTEST. CONTEST RULES FOLLOW:
Create an art piece or any kind of creative thing you can think of to describe any of the action from the first or the second rounds. (recaps for round one are available here
. But why should you do this? Well, because other than contributing something to the forum, there is an actual, physical prize involved!
For one week, entries into the contest will be accepted. At the end of that week, I will open up a voting thread, with specific rules to be outlined at that time. The winner, as voted on by the forumers, will receive one item from Amazon.com (or whatever sort of Amazon.com site exists in your country) worth up to $20.
Any type of art will be accepted. Drawings, photoshoppery, written word stuff, animations. The only guideline is that it has
to be from a match from rounds one or two, and also, it has to be somewhat suitable for work. Meaning: no dongs, please.
AND THERE YOU HAVE IT. ROUND THREE MATCHUPS WILL BEGIN LATER TODAY, INSTEAD OF YESTERDAY AS ORIGINALLY PLANNED DUE TO UNFORSEEN ISSUES. MATCHES C&D WILL OPEN ON WEDENSDAY NIGHT AS WAS PREVIOUSLY ANNOUNCED.
And there you have it folks! Round Three later today. Iâ€™m Lois Lane.
And Iâ€™m Simon Williams. Have a wonder
ful night, folks.
Never say that again.