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Do Internet Relationships work?
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I'm serious, get that question answered before you do anything else. Follow Kate of Lokys' advice, make solid, face-to-face contact right off the bat, and make sure this person is exactly what you're looking for, because it ultimately WILL boil down to that question.
Given enough time, a relationship that's long-distance from the get-go results in either failure or one half giving up everything for the other. Does this person mean so much to you that you're ready to give up your friends, your family, your home, your job, and even the good photo on your drivers' license to move somewhere else just to be with that one special person? Because unless they're planning on moving to your home town anyway, that is exactly the sacrifice one of you has to make.
I had to make that decision in the relationship I'm in now. I had to go freelance instead of taking a cushy full-time gig so that my schedule was flexible enough to spend weeks at a time in her country. I had to tell people I've been friends with for years that I would see them maybe every couple of months. I had to leave some of my most cherished earthly possessions -- my guitars and home studio -- with those friends for the foreseeable future because they're too big to take on the train.
And man, it was the easiest decision I've ever made in my life.
I've never been happier in my life than I am in a tiny little 1 bedroom apartment with this woman. She's the most incredible thing that has ever happened to me, and I've cherished the process of rebuilding my life with her at the center. I can't imagine my life any other way.
You need to be that sure about what you're getting yourself into, because a long-distance relationship -- if it goes well -- is going to lead you to the most profound decision of your life. If you aren't ready to deal with something that heavy, please do yourself and them a favor and don't start something you know you can't finish.
But I had two long-distance relationships in the past that blew up into utter and complete failures. I don't know if it was my age (Junior in High School with no real free time, and Sophomore in Undergrad with all sorts schoolwork and activities) or circumstances, but the blowups and breakups pretty much scarred me for life. I wasn't ready for that. I did gain some measure of wisdom and patience from the experience, though. It's decisions like long distance relationships (and of course, many other things) that make everyone's story unique.
every relationship I've ever been in has had a long-distance component
MY CURRENT RELATIONSHIP, which is the most fulfilling one I've had thus far, is also a long-distance relationship, and this one started on the internet whereas most of the others started with me meeting them in person and then later on moving away and trying to maintain a connection!
Let me spell it out for you guys, ok?
On Meeting People on the Internet
The internet is just another avenue through which to meet people. If you are a sorry excuse for a loser in person, you're going to be one on the internet, too. The internet is not a magical place where all your flaws go away and you are no longer held accountable for having to TRY to get a girl, because guess what, your shit's going to smell bad no matter how hard you try to hide it.
You may've had a bad experience with a person you met on the internet, but how many MORE people have had bad experiences with people they met in clubs, bars, bookstores, malls, through friends, on a sports team or in college? NO MATTER HOW YOU MEET SOMEONE, THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE SOMEONE OUT THERE FOR WHOM THAT METHOD DIDN'T WORK.
You only get it right once, and you won't even know what meeting method led to that until you're married and probably on your deathbed with no chance for a divorce.
Bottom line? It doesn't matter how you meet someone. A relationship started one way can work out, and it can also NOT work out. There is no fucking magic formula.
The only thing that fucking matters is how you make the relationship WORK.
On Long Distance Relationships (LDRs)
Everyone craves physical intimacy, but people in healthy LDRs generally place that on a lower priority. They focus on what they have, which is a very strong emotional attachment and sense of trust, rather than focusing on what they DON'T have, which is physical closeness.
By that same token, people in healthy LDRs have POSITIVE VIEWS AND ATTITUDES on their relationship. They look only at what they have while downplaying lamentations of what they don't. They don't bitch about distance, they gush about emotional connection.
People in healthy LDRs make time for one another, but also realize that their partner has their own life to live. Neither personality can be jealous, untrusting, untrustworthy, or possessive.
Finally, people in healthy LDRs have PLANS. They know when they are going to meet one another in person next, or when they are going to commit and move to where the other person is. This gives their relationship a sense of future and is extremely important, particularly when you are maintaining a positive attitude.
Don't get all "the power of love will solve this," either. You can love each other tremendously and still be miserable without that contact. My fiance and I are (obviously) getting married, but spending a month apart made both of us absolute wrecks, even with hours of phone contact and internet chats every day. If we had to do it long-term, I don't think the relationship would survive.
Edit: My own personal recommendation would be to not talk to each other every day. There's only so much you can say and then you're just kind of sitting there in silence.
We discussed internet relationships, and found the idea of them to be kind of silly since you know...who knew if we'd we would meet in person(super over protective parents on my side)? Over that period of 4 years I had a boyfriend at one point for awhile, and he had a girlfriend but we continued to talk pretty much daily.
Anyway...fast forward, I was nearly 20 and moving away from Hawai'i. Family had left 6 weeks previous and I finished up a semester. With some creative working out of things, since I didn't really have anything to do in Missouri anyway I worked out a way to go to Texas instead and meet my friend. I won't lie, I went there planning on something probably happening and we did start a relationship. I had to leave after a week and he drove me 800 miles to my family's place, stayed a day and then went home.
What happens after that? We're miserable. Talking online just doesn't cut it anymore. Neither does talking on the phone. We're apart all winter break and I start school. I go visit for (the best)spring break(ever) but we're even MORE miserable when I go back home. Shortly after spring break we have a talk either we have to move to be together or break up. So, at the end of the semester I moved in with him...and then some convoluted thing where he moved with me back to Missouri and now we're back in Texas...blah blah blah...whatever. We've been together like 6 years now and married for 4. I'm talking to much...
But, I truly can't recommend someone to embark on a mission to find a long distance love just because they're not finding luck on the homefront. You're not only dealing with lack of physical contact...you are dealing with a lack of a life together. All you can do is talk about what you did that day and listen to what they did that day...you're not building a life together, and that was the hardest thing for me and I'm not a clingy person.
If it happens, then it happens. If you happen to find someone who is worth waiting for, by all means wait for him/her...but that's not something you aim for. But you should really know what you're getting into by now. Even the good LDRs hurt.
Also, on topic, no, it won't work, and that's speaking from experience.
Also no, even trips a couple times a month is pushing it, once a year is not going to work.
Viv is always correct when it comes to relationship advice.
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See, this would be an example of someone it's not for. A couple visits a month is crazy easy.
Further, with video chatting (we use Skype), long distance really doesn't seem as long.
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I know at least one person on the forums has used Skype in just about the most adorable way possible: She and her LDR beau would Skype each other on their laptops, maximize the screen, and take their laptops to bed, putting them on the pillows next to themselves. They would then fall asleep together, onscreen. I've never done that, but I just about "d'awwwwwwww"-ed myself to death over it.
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I didn't get what was so adorable about it but goddammit people wouldn't shut up about it.
Nah it was just cute that you denied being asleep when someone finally woke you.
Satans..... hints.....
The 'falling asleep on skype together' thing is probably the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of.
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