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ESRB now writes hilarious game descriptions
cloudeagle
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
No longer will the Entertainment Software Rating Board slap a letter label on a game, throw on a couple of random phrases like "comic mischief" and "nudity" and whatnot, then call it a day.
No, they're actually going to write more in-depth descriptions of games, including a complete rundown of every damn thing that could possibly offend your grandma.
Gentlemen: behold!
http://www.gamespot.com/news/6200958.html?om_act=convert&om_clk=newstop&tag=newstop;title;1
So if you're offended by burping or big boobies, worry not! You can now keep your lives gas and mammary-free. Although the descriptions themselves could be dangerous, as Gamespot notes the description of Resistance 2 has a spoiler, and apparently the climax of Fallout 3 is blown.
Honestly this isn't a bad idea for parents, but rattling off everything that could possibly offend you is an exercise in hilarity. Want to find some good 'uns? Go to their site, http://www.esrb.org/index-js.jsp
No, they're actually going to write more in-depth descriptions of games, including a complete rundown of every damn thing that could possibly offend your grandma.
Gentlemen: behold!
In the ESRB's summary of Little Big Planet, which received an E for Everyone rating, the game is described as "an action adventure game set in a whimsical land filled with puppets and platforming puzzles. Players can create, customize, and guide their character through levels of platforms, enemies and hazards. Hazards include bombs, spiked vehicles, stampeding bulls, and even giant shoes. One ancillary character makes belching noises while talking to the player's character."
For more violent fare, the descriptions can become more detailed. In the summary for Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (rated T for Teen), the ESRB wrote, "After an opponent is beaten twice, players can perform one of several finishing moves called 'fatalities' and 'brutalities.' Fatalities depict a variety of dramatic finishing moves including gunshots, stabbings and neck snaps. Female characters are depicted in revealing clothing with exaggerated breast proportions and movement. "
With Insomniac's M-for-Mature-rated Resistance 2, the summary notes, "Players must shoot their way through hordes of aliens, large-scale bosses and sometimes robots, using a variety of guns and grenades. Aliens and humans get blown up, torn apart, shot, impaled and killed in gushes of red blood and body parts... Characters use strong profanity (e.g., "f*ck" and "sh*t") during gameplay and cutscenes."
http://www.gamespot.com/news/6200958.html?om_act=convert&om_clk=newstop&tag=newstop;title;1
So if you're offended by burping or big boobies, worry not! You can now keep your lives gas and mammary-free. Although the descriptions themselves could be dangerous, as Gamespot notes the description of Resistance 2 has a spoiler, and apparently the climax of Fallout 3 is blown.
Honestly this isn't a bad idea for parents, but rattling off everything that could possibly offend you is an exercise in hilarity. Want to find some good 'uns? Go to their site, http://www.esrb.org/index-js.jsp
Switch: 3947-4890-9293
cloudeagle on
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This is going to lead to good times.
For Example: Final Fantasy 7
I never asked for this!
Jouf otf !Wprhodf
Mooh v bhf
QbsujbrtO v e juz
Vtf !p glB rdpi pm
ESRB Rating for KOTOR
That thread was the first thing I thought of when I saw this one.
edit: Is the ESRB website not working for anyone else? Every time I try and search for a game I just get a 404 error.
makes it totally non offensive. One asterisk is all that's preventing goatse from being a mural painted on the side of a church.
That's a good point. Unless they somehow shoehorn these descriptions onto the boxes they're almost 100% useless.
But now when they say "WHY ISN'T THERE SOME SORT OF THING THAT I COULD'VE KNOWN "KILL THE STRIPPER WHILE SHE BLOWS YOU" ISN'T APPROPRIATE FOR MY 7-YEAR-OLD" instead of pointing to a rating system that simply clearly states a suggested age rating with general ideas as to why there will be a resource that completely summarizes everything that goes on and there will be no excuse other than "SHUT UP" or "Well I didn't care then, only now"
No, but now no retarded parents can complain that they weren't warned.
They will anyway.
http://kotaku.com/5082532/gametrailers-editors-rail-on-esrb-over-fallout-3-fallout They are probably just getting paranoid again for little reason.
i mean the guys obviously spend a lot of time playing each game with a view to its age-appropriateness, it seems silly to limit the provided information to one of a handful of pre-selected ratings and a few keywords
Before the website was wanged, I read it. It mostly talks about the usual stuff. However, it does talk about the (quest spoilers)
The Resistance 2 description mentions
They actually don't play the games at all.
whether they play the game or get a showreel, it's still a good resource and a much better use of the esrb's time
It's a good resource, but yeah, since they have so goddamn much to do they just get a list of stuff and a reel, and judge it from there. A necessary system, but still a flawed one.
Not at all. It's not like they look on the box, so why would they go to a website?
Resistance 2:
no, but you do need to use it if you want to fend off the side-effects, which is what the comment implies
What about random scavenger's dogs?
Not really, I always just went and spoke to a doctor as soon as any addiction started.
I never asked for this!
I never asked for this!
*Pretty much every character is bi.*
*When characters die they stay dead*