The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
A weird privacy problem (or, I'm neurotic)
wasted pixels
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I'm semi-living with my girlfriend, and it's mostly great. We're a happy couple, I love being with her, and life is pretty good, save for one increasingly problematic thing: I'm a freelancer, and for some reason, I can't concentrate on my work at ALL when she's around.
I think some background is probably called for. I moved out on my 18th birthday, and I've lived alone ever since. For around five years I've had complete and total privacy, and combined with the fact that my work frequently involves some pretty hardcore non-disclosure agreements, I've gotten in the habit of being very, very reclusive when it comes to work. At one point I even leased an office for a while because I wasn't comfortable with my files and equipment sitting around my house when I had friends over.
When I moved in, my girlfriend helped me set up a very private little corner for my home office. The desk faces against the rest of the room, so my monitor and work surface are completely private, and my girlfriend has been extremely respectful about not messing with my things or snooping while I work -- she even asks if it's okay for her to come around to my side to bring me coffee or get a hug. In spite of this, though, I still just can't get comfortable working when she's in the apartment, and I've resorted to working while she's at class or in bed (which cuts into my productivity HORRIBLY, and is starting to cause a bit of tension with my clients because I'm not always available during my normal 10 to 6 hours).
The odd thing is that this is the only privacy issue I have. I have no problems strutting around in my underwear, taking phone calls while she's around, letting her use my stuff, or anything like that. It's only this one issue. Does anyone have any thoughts on how I could overcome this particular eccentricity?
I think some background is probably called for. I moved out on my 18th birthday, and I've lived alone ever since. For around five years I've had complete and total privacy, and combined with the fact that my work frequently involves some pretty hardcore non-disclosure agreements, I've gotten in the habit of being very, very reclusive when it comes to work. At one point I even leased an office for a while because I wasn't comfortable with my files and equipment sitting around my house when I had friends over.
When I moved in, my girlfriend helped me set up a very private little corner for my home office. The desk faces against the rest of the room, so my monitor and work surface are completely private, and my girlfriend has been extremely respectful about not messing with my things or snooping while I work -- she even asks if it's okay for her to come around to my side to bring me coffee or get a hug. In spite of this, though, I still just can't get comfortable working when she's in the apartment, and I've resorted to working while she's at class or in bed (which cuts into my productivity HORRIBLY, and is starting to cause a bit of tension with my clients because I'm not always available during my normal 10 to 6 hours).
The odd thing is that this is the only privacy issue I have. I have no problems strutting around in my underwear, taking phone calls while she's around, letting her use my stuff, or anything like that. It's only this one issue. Does anyone have any thoughts on how I could overcome this particular eccentricity?
wasted pixels on
0
Posts
Yes, you're being neurotic and unreasonable, but everyone is neurotic and unreasonable about something, and this should be a pretty easy fix for this one. Just make it clear to your girlfriend that it's not her, it's you (which I'm sure she'll understand).
I don't really think you're being weird at all, but if it's something that's a priority, well then make it a priority. Sounds like you just need an enclosed, private space, and like Than said, it shouldn't be hard to achieve. As long as it's only work-related, I can't imagine a reasonable girlfriend having any kind of difficulty respecting the request.
Why not lease an office for a while again, if you aren't comfortable with finding a new place? And just go to that office from 10 until 6?
I believe he is saying it's an irrational eccentricity, and he knows this, he just needs ways to fix it so he can work. I don't think analyzing why he's being irrational will be very productive, since you can't really apply reason to rationality.
If it's only that you can't work with her in the same room, that if you can't get an apartment with an extra room, you should move your work space into the bedroom. Then you can be alone in there and she can have the rest of the apartment and not disturb you. Most of your work is from 10-6 as you said, and she shouldn't be in there sleeping.
I can relate to an extent.. you may have your own area, but it's not it's own room. so you are still psychologically in the same room with your GF.
Really, you should jsut look to make your space one with a door, that way you can open and close it as you see fit, and she has to knock/ask permission to actually enter.. not just come near.
You can also look to get sound dampening materials to help deaden any sounds if they are distracting as well.
This doesn't seem like a privacy issue to me – at least, it's not really comparable to walking around in your underwear. You're working. It's absolutely not unreasonable to want to work in private, and honestly I think it would be a lot healthier for you if you separated your work from your home life.
Solution? As has been mentioned, your best options are to rent an office again (did you stop due to the cost, or other reasons?) or move into a new place with a dedicated study. Personally, I do very little freelance work at home, simply because going somewhere else (such as a library) helps me get into the mindframe that I am working. I realise this won't be an option for you due to NDAs (and whatever equipment you need), but an environment dedicated to work, and work alone, really is the best way to solve this.
Check out my band, click the banner.
If you want to work on changing it, you could try desensitizing yourself to her presence. Does your current apartment have a door you could shut while you're working? Try shutting the door, turning some music on in your room, and have her read quietly in another room so she's in the apartment but not intruding on your senses in any way. If you can get comfortable enough to work with that, try turning the music off, keeping the door shut and working with her doing something silently. Then try with her doing things normally but keeping the door shut, or opening the door with her being quiet, until you're comfortable with those. Turning music on might help, too. Anyway, see if you can work up to having the door open and her going about her business (not being extra-loud, just normal).
The second plan has the bonus of being doable with your current apartment and not costing you any money. Again, it's probably no big deal if you'd rather just skip it and have your own office, but if you feel like trying to get over it, you'll get some added flexibility and save money.
I'd love to have an office again, but my girlfriend lives in a much nicer region than I do. I was paying $250/mo for a storefront/office with about 400 square feet of space back home, and even a basic little office with half the space and no storefront would cost around $700/mo here (plus utilities and broadband). $10,000 a year is just too much for me to justify for something like that.
Dividers might be worth a try, so that's something I'll look into. She also suggested tonight after seeing the thread that we could move my office into the bedroom (instead of the living room, which is where she spends 90% of her free time).
Trowizilla, that's exactly the sort of input I'm looking for -- being able to work while she's around would absolutely be the ideal here. It'll be fun explaining to her tomorrow that I need her to quietly read a book for a few hours so that I can ignore her... for science!
Again, thanks, everyone.
Can you listen to music with headphones while working?
To be honest, I'm the same, and that's worked for me, without needing my wife to be quiet.
QFT... i've recently started working from home, and not having a separate "office" is killing my productivity... my GF and I are looking for a 2BR apartment come January just to provide that needed space
i'd suggest the same for the OP... just find an apartment with a 2nd bedroom (or office with a door), and lock yourself in there when you're working