The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Out of the blue breakup
tziel
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I really should start this with some backstory. I live out in Seattle and untill recently with my now EX courtney (together about 3 months). She moved up here from Louisiana recently and seems to be loving it, however, her Ex from back home continued to try to win her back saying he was going to change and even going so far as to say if she came back home he would marry her.
Even with this however, things went rather smoothly untill last week when she went home to visit her family. She ended up meeting up with him there where he broke down crying gave her some seven pages of love letters that he wrote her. I didn't hear anymore about it till last night when I picked her up from the airport and got back to the house when she broke the news on me that she has to leave me because she doesn't love me the same way as she loved him when they were together. I tried to get her to stay saying the the scheme of a long term relationship three months is nothing and it is perfectly normal to have different feelings toward your partner in different relationships.
She packed up and left right then which leads me to my question. I really do love her and want to be with her, but would I just be wasting my time by trying to work things out with her at this point? or should I just let her go?
Even with this however, things went rather smoothly untill last week when she went home to visit her family. She ended up meeting up with him there where he broke down crying gave her some seven pages of love letters that he wrote her. I didn't hear anymore about it till last night when I picked her up from the airport and got back to the house when she broke the news on me that she has to leave me because she doesn't love me the same way as she loved him when they were together. I tried to get her to stay saying the the scheme of a long term relationship three months is nothing and it is perfectly normal to have different feelings toward your partner in different relationships.
She packed up and left right then which leads me to my question. I really do love her and want to be with her, but would I just be wasting my time by trying to work things out with her at this point? or should I just let her go?
tziel on
0
Posts
Seriously, if she would leave you willie nillie like this for someone else, what makes you believe that even if you did win her back it wouldn't happen again?!
Anyone who'd do what she did probably isn't interested in a commitment right now, and won't be for a while.
https://twitter.com/Hooraydiation
You've been dumped, but that doesn't mean you have to be pathetic about it. Don't be surprised if she comes crawling back a few months down the line, either, but under no circumstances should you take her back. You can do better.
This. Yes.
Also, I've been just where you are, let her go. She's an idiot. Time mends broken hearts and then you'll find someone who will make you happy and will be more considerate of your feelings and will respect you.
I second drinking MANY beers with some good pals, and saying nasty things about her. It honestly makes the situation about a thousand times better.
Absolutely.
I just left her a note in some of her stuff saying that it was fun but I will not be your rebound relationship. And that months down the road if she thinks she has her shit together enough to give this relationship an honest shot I will be here, but if I even get a hint that her goal is just to stir up some old drama then we go our seperate ways for good.
You don't want to be in the situation where every time she returns home to the Louisiana bayou, that she'll flip-flop, dump you again and place you in the exact same situation you're in now.
Cut your losses now, take a deep breath, then start over wiser from the exsperience.
Seriously, what are you going to think about when she's down there and unpacking? The note! And when a month goes by and you haven't heard from her, what are you going to think? "Hmm I wonder if she found that note, maybe she really doesn't like me at all" And then, if she DOES get a hold of you, even if it's just to say "Look, I'm sorry this went bad, just don't hate me OK," you're going to think "OK, is she saying this because she found my note and actually wants to get back with me?
When I was like 14, I moved cross country and the first thing I did was send a love letter to a girl I had a crush on. She, of course, had no real idea that I felt strongly about her, and I had just left. My young, addled brain at the time wanted to get it off my chest.
Instead, I know that 2-3 days after I sent it, she received it, read it, and thought I was a creep. Probably told some people at the school too, so then I was the "creepy guy who moved away." Of course I never heard from her again. Of course, it was a fabulous way for me to get past her as I realized after a month or two that of course she wasn't going to respond to me and now she knew I was a weirdo, so I had no choice but to forget about her -- and felt bad about it, instead of positive and "OK, screw those people, new life for me!"
It's the same reason why people will throw away trinkets and reminders when they break up with someone -- they don't want to be reminded of bad stuff going down. But you left a note, tucked in with her stuff, that she'll probably find creepy and that you'll get stuck on once she's moved away.
The outrage above is that it seemed fine, but then you essentially said "well I know she's probably a bad deal but if she came back to me I wouldn't turn her away," which says "I plan on dwelling on her for a long time, not moving forward."
All of this. The backstory here suggests that you are the one who has emerged victorious.
Gee. I wonder why people take advantage of you. It's not like any of your related posts here have indicated that you have doormat written on your forehead.
Still, I would take a look at the mirror and check anyways.
You're only crazy if you're poor. If you're rich, you're eccentric
And Tziel, who cares man? Go get drunk.
Oh, and just in case, don't you fucking dare drunk-dial/text/IM/email this girl.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Trust me, Forget about her, You have dodged a huge bullet, fuck it you have dodged a missile. Better than getting drunk, get upset, and give yourself time. Nothing but time AWAY from her will help.
I suggest rounding up anything that reminds you of her and putting it in a box and giving it to someone to hold for you so that sometime in the future you can look back as just memories and not "OMG I love her!"
Also again just realize that nothing will magically make you feel better it will happen gradually and over an extended period of time.
Tell her no when she comes crawling back.
That when she does you should tell her "no" unless your hobbies include that game where you blindfold yourself, take off your pants, flop your junk on a workbench and try to nail your testicles with an awl.
Arbitrarily.
Trust me when I say I am good at telling an EX to piss off. With the previous one I called he another highfive in the locker room and slept with her best friend/roommate, however she really fucked me over so I feel I was justified. Honestly though I am just amazed I can type at my current level of drunkenness
if you can get through both before passing out, you win.