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Why Denmark Rocks And You Should Be Envious
Cristo
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi. I come to spread the word of Danmark. And how much it rocks.
I'm Danish, ergo I am a Dane. I come from the capital of Denmark, Copenhagen. Which also rocks.
Denmark is a little nation in the north of Europe (it's the bit that looks like a wang on the northern coast of Germany Like so.). We were Vikings and the only decent country in Scandinavia. In fact, we ARE Scandinavia.
Through a combination of one picture, and a series of well thought out and articulate bullet-points I shall convey the fact, successfully, that Denmark rocks and that you should be envious of the fact you're not Danish.
We will then discuss Denmark, and Europe in General, and eventually the topic will be hi-jacked and die.
I'll have you guys know that this is as much about giving me a platform to brag about Denmark as it is garnering some good publicity for Denmark and clearing up any misconceptions. For example, we're not all 6 foot 5 inches tall and we're not Dutch either. Nor do we speak Dutch.
Fucking Dutch giving us a bad reputation.
Exhibit A:
(I'm quite sure this is Safe For Work, if not I'm really very sorry)
Exhibit B - The bullet points:
Errrr, yeah that's about it.
Denmark is pretty awesome.
Here's our Flag and a Danish Pastry and a Lego Stephen Hawking for your own enjoyment:
This is what Danish Pastries REALLY look like, rather than your Capitalist bastardisation:
Hawking:
I hope I'm doing this Entropy thing right.
I'm Danish, ergo I am a Dane. I come from the capital of Denmark, Copenhagen. Which also rocks.
Denmark is a little nation in the north of Europe (it's the bit that looks like a wang on the northern coast of Germany Like so.). We were Vikings and the only decent country in Scandinavia. In fact, we ARE Scandinavia.
Through a combination of one picture, and a series of well thought out and articulate bullet-points I shall convey the fact, successfully, that Denmark rocks and that you should be envious of the fact you're not Danish.
We will then discuss Denmark, and Europe in General, and eventually the topic will be hi-jacked and die.
I'll have you guys know that this is as much about giving me a platform to brag about Denmark as it is garnering some good publicity for Denmark and clearing up any misconceptions. For example, we're not all 6 foot 5 inches tall and we're not Dutch either. Nor do we speak Dutch.
Fucking Dutch giving us a bad reputation.
Exhibit A:
(I'm quite sure this is Safe For Work, if not I'm really very sorry)
Exhibit B - The bullet points:
- We own Greenland. Everyone knows Greenland is where Father Christmas resides.
- We were Vikings. We raped, pillaged and murdered and everyone knows how awesome and badass vikings are.
- Danish girls are hot and very rarely are fat.
- We invented Danish pastries, which are awesome.
- 40% of the worlds insulin comes from Denmark, so to a hell of a lot of diabetics - we're pretty awesome.
- Agent 47 is Danish.
- We owned Iceland but then we let them have their independence when we realised how dumb they are. Now we don't have to clear up their economic mess.
- We invented Lego. EVERYONE loves Lego, and if you don't you're a Godless heathen.
- We sing about Norse Gods in our National Anthem.
- We have the Oldest Monarchy in the world (fuck you Japan, you're just wannabes)
- We have the oldest and most awesome national flag still in use
- We have the Oldest Currency, the Danish Crown, still in use
- We are also, arguably, one of if not the oldest country in the world. San Marino doesn't count and neither does Gaul because Gaul is not France.
- We were the first country EVER to legalise pornography. We legalised it back in the late 1950's early 1960's. That's how great we are.
- Age of consent is 15. Woooo.
- You can drink alcohol when you're 16 because that's when you're allowed to buy it from shops.
- Danish girls are easy if you get them a bit drunk, but without being skanky, nasty and pregnancy prone like British girls (Sorry UK, it's the truth)
- I'm running out of points.
- Haha not really.
- Scarlett Johansson is half-Danish.
- Viggo Mortensen AKA FUCKING ARAGORN is Danish
- Jessica Alba has Danish blood in her
- The Danish Government pays you $800+ a month if you go to University
- Univeristy is free
- Healthcare is free.
- We were the first country to legalise civil unions between homosexual partners.
- Hitler wanted Denmark to join the Third Reich and become a part of the Aryan Race rather than be swallowed for Lebens Raum. I suppose that, really, it is arguable whether or not that is a good thing :-/ I'll leave that up to the fascist in you. I would like to say, however, that the Danish King did say a massive "Fuck You" to Adolf, and we were then subjugated to ruthless invasion and occupation.
- Any Englishmen with a family with 400 or more years of history of being in England most likely is of Danish descent because we owned England, TWICE
- We have a CRAZY language, in which spelling is almost as difficult as English because like English it's not phonetic. Also, English is partly based off of Danish
- H.C. Andersen was Danish, by association the Ugly Duckling and the Little Mermaid are Danish too. Plus tonnes of other Fairy Tales. YOU'RE CHILDHOOD WAS INFLUENCED BY DENMARK
- The Danish National Bird is the Swan. This implies that we are a regal and noble nation, which is true.
Errrr, yeah that's about it.
Denmark is pretty awesome.
Here's our Flag and a Danish Pastry and a Lego Stephen Hawking for your own enjoyment:
This is what Danish Pastries REALLY look like, rather than your Capitalist bastardisation:
Hawking:
I hope I'm doing this Entropy thing right.
Cristo on
0
Posts
EDIT ALSO THIS
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-mOy8VUEBk
Take that back or I'll pillage your village (hehe), rape the female members of your family and have Agent 47 come back and take out the rest of you.
Spectre, the Dutch aren't so great
That's more abroad, less so a broad.
This, is truly a Great Dane though:
I like you already Zombot.
And other historical slang for women.
The clue is in the question.
Germans are like Danes, only better.
I'm kidding. I hate you all.
Steam
Yeah the only cool thing about them is that they legalised prostitution. And cannabis, but more that they legalised prostitution.
Oh and I like STRUMPETS and HARLOTS. I called my English teacher a Harlot once, much hilarity did ensue.
Blaming it on a ghost.
There was incest and murder all through that mother.
Oh shit I forgot about Hamlet.
Yeah he was pretty cool too. Tragedies fucking rock.
Who did Prince kill?
More countries than holland have legalised prostitution though.
Also i read a study claiming danes were the most racist and xenophobic of europeans. Hows that in your experience? I seem to recall hearing something about an arab man being harrased because of his name or something last week.
ohhh yaaa
If that's their worst case of racism in recent memory then I think they might be doing ok. It was Denmark that had those Muhammed cartoons in their paper.
Also danish is a horrible language. It sounds like a Swedish person being throatfucked by an ogre
Also the netherlands was the first country with legalized gay marriage i think. Wikipedia backs it up. I thought belgium went before them even but apparently not.
Well, we have the harshest immigration policy in the EU. I think the only country with a harder immigration policy than Denmark is Switzerland, and their's is HARSH.
As for racist and xenophobic, nah, not more than other countries. France, Spain, Switzerland etc. are at the same level.
Sure, immigrants annoy the shit out of most of us because they leech benefits and commit crime, but otherwise it's not too bad. Although, we did draw the Muhammed cartoons and then refused to apologise
I originally wanted to go to Sweden but I got stuck in Holland.
Steam
It looked like sweden, but smaller
[€dit] and uglier
[€dit2] and smellier
Yeah it's something like 58 murders per year in Denmark, but that's probably gone up with all the immigrant gangs stabbing people for hats and shit.
There's also a difference between civil union and marriage. I think.
With better food right? Swedish food fucking sucks.
Ohohohohho.
Aaaah. Anyway, i thought it was an egyptian newspaper that published those cartoons of muhammed first. Or maybe those were just cartoons, not *those* cartoons
edit: ah right civil unions Versus marriage. Fair enough. Overdue fuck florida btw.
that's half our nations population in tourists zerging around
we're so tiny
I'm glad someone got it
No what it was, was that a Danish newspaper (Jyllands Posten) held a competition for who could draw satirical images of Muhammed since another newspaper was hosting a competition for who could draw cartoon images of Muhammed for a children's book.
The images were published in Denmark in September 2005 and no-one gave a shit, except for 5 Muslim clerics in Denmark who decided to go on a tour of all the Islamic Countries and see if they could get the muslims their riled up which they did. So they were published in September 2005 but no-one gave a shit until February 2006 because 5 Danish muslim clerics galvanised it.
It's actually pretty funny how misinformed people were about it all. I spoke to a guy from Qatar around the time from it and he was saying things like "AHHH BUT YES YOU MAY HAVE MADE FUN OF ISLAM BUT DENMARK WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES NOW THROUGH THE ISLAMIC BOYCOTT OF DANISH DAIRY PRODUCTS. ALREADY I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY OUR GRACIOUS KING THAT DENMARK SUFFERS GREATLY AND MANY PEOPLE ARE UNEMPLOYED!!" When in fact, Denmark didn't care. Sure, Arla our main dairy product company whined a bit about it and wanted the government to apologise but nothing came of it.
dennis leary plays soccer?
PARKER, YOU'RE FIRED! <-- My comic book podcast! Satan look here!
Terribly amazing.
even if you'd leave out the weed?
Dutch people all, without exception, deserve to die. I taught these dutch kids and their father once and they were always late and the father would tell me every lesson that he had done "sho many preshups" that morning and insist that we play "shmoke on der wader" over and over and over again. I have extrapolated these findings to the conclusion that all Dutch people are bastards.
They're arrogant as hell as well.
I do a pretty damn good Dutch accent as well, I'd just like to say.