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pregnant?
getgoing21
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
my gf and i have been going out for almost 4 years. we want to marry but her dad doesnt give his approval. he has said in the past that if she gets pregnant that we would have to get married. so we have been trying to get pregnant for the past 4 months. the problem is that we leave kinda far from each other adn i only get to see her once a week. we have been trying to plan it by timing her menstration thru several methods. we really want to get pregnant. not only to get married but we have discussed kids extensively and we have decided that this is wat we want. i have a very good job with great benefits and so does she. i am 21 and she is 20. im not saying that pregnancy is our only way of getting married. this is something we have talked long and hard about. we have decided together that this is wat we want. is there any advice that can help us get pregnant during our hook ups 4x a month?
getgoing21 on
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scroll down to see "how to concieve", "ways to increase fertility" and an "ovulation calander"
Let me just say this: having a child should be done because you want a child, not because you're trying to "force" your girlfriend's father's approval. It is a VERY large undertaking. MASSIVE. Bigger than anything you've ever done. It's not cheap by a long shot, and your lives will be changed forever. It's a human being, not a means to an end. I strongly urge you to reconsider this, especially if you don't live together or even near each other.
If, on the other hand, she is still under the control of her father, either voluntarily or financially, and/or just isn't willing to commit to moving out to be with you... what the fuck are you doing trying to knock her up.
Pregnancy isn't a fucking bargaining chip. It's not a way to get what you want. It should never, ever be a reason or an excuse to get married. It is a life-altering event that creates an incredible amount of responsibility. If you are trying to get her pregnant so her father will allow her to get married, your priorities are incredibly fucking skewed.
Maybe there's a reason why her father doesn't want her to be married yet. Maybe he's pretty damned sure she's not ready for anything like that. And you know what? If she was ready, she would stand the fuck up to him and say so.
I do not approve trying to get her pregnant to force her dad to allow you to marry. So many alarm bells are going off in my head its ridiculous. Your young, life isn't a race.
I was trying to think of a nice way to put what I was going to type, and it boils down to this.
xbl - HowYouGetAnts
steam - WeAreAllGeth
Advice:
Marry the girl, tell her dad to fuck off if he doesn't approve. 20 is past the age where the father's approval bull shit still holds sway.
Lots, lots and lots, of couples make it on their own with no help from parents. Many get married with out "approval."
It's called "making a life for yourself."
(The OP reeks of fakeness)
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
either get married because you want to and have a kid when you can handle it
or
... i don't know
edit: i don't mean that to be an asshole
immature is just a thing, doesn't make you stupid or a bad person
i just don't think the approach you're taking sounds very mature at all
SE++ Map Steam
PSN: TheScrublet
If you get her knocked up, he might give his permission, but he still won't approve, and he's not going to be forthcoming with help when you're in over your head.
Talk to him, or better yet, with her mom (if you get her on your side, she'll eventually leave him no other choice - that's how marriage works), and if he doesn't like it, you're both over 18? Screw him and get married anyway - parental consent has no bearing on marriage whatsoever, unless they're paying for the wedding. Get it done in front of a judge - unlike a priest or pastor, they won't refuse if they think you're rushing into things irresponsibly, and your parents won't know what happened until you send them a Christmas card next month.
Even married, don't have a kid you aren't prepared for. Research how much one will cost you over the next 18 years and remember it doesn't end there, and don't have one thinking you'll be making enough money in a few years - have one knowing you already are.
If you're not a troll:
DO NOT TRY TO GET HER PREGNANT. THIS IS A TERRIBLE IDEA AND YOU WILL REGRET IT ONCE YOU STOP BEING SO STUPID.
ALSO, DO NOT GET MARRIED. If she can't or won't stand up to her father, then she's not an adult yet and definitely isn't ready to get married. You don't sound much better off, either, to be honest. How about the both of you get jobs, move out of your parents' houses, and rethink the marriage thing after you've both figured out the grown-up thing?
Basically, this is a horrible idea, and I would strongly advise against it.
Seriously, this is a great way to give a kid a really terrible childhood. DO NOT DO THIS.
Her dad can't do anything to stop her. She isn't a minor - its not like he can call the cops on her and make them bring her home.
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
Try living with her first, DON'T have a baby, then maybe think about marriage?
water spirals the wrong way out the sink
You shouldn't be having kids. Seriously. Maybe later, but not now, ok? Please.
You guys need to sit down and make real decisions. Right now you are working towards a loophole in a...what, exactly? In an ultimatum from her father? Adults make real decisions. You aren't making a real decision. You're trying to find a workaround. This isn't a video game. This is life.
If you are in a situation where she is unable to tell her father that it's her life and she is going to live it however she deems fit, then you are in a situation where having a child together would be a bad idea. Whether it be that she is financially or emotionally dependent upon that relationship, neither one bodes well if you have to do something like "get her pregnant" in order to "get his approval for marriage". That just sounds ridiculous when taken at face value (which it should be).
Critical Failures - Havenhold Campaign • August St. Cloud (Human Ranger)
If you are not from a "traditional" sort of culture, then the dad sounds like a control freak who will not be too happy at you trying to get round his restrictions by cheating. Might as well just get married. There will be equal amounts of fallout.
If you are from a traditional sort of culture, wouldn't the thing to do be to talk to the dad and convince him that you are a responsible sort of fellow who can be trusted with his daughter, rather than going behind his back and confirming his worst suspicions about you?
In many places it is considered common courtesy to get the father's blessing before proposing. If not "tradition."
Listen I understand the "blessing" or whatever. I told my father-in-law I was going to propose...but it's courtesy at this point. If he would've said no I would've been like "noted, cya at the wedding."
This is absolutely the worst plan I've ever read. I absolutely assure you bringing a kid into this environment is going to be awful for the child. Forget about all of your bullshit, grow up, grow a pair, get married and bang her for a few years while you're still kids.
It was common courtesy to require the fathers blessing when the daughter was still his property. Thankfully we like to pretend we live in a more enlightened age.
These days its just a heads up to the father on whats going on, your informing him, not asking.
MWO: Adamski
In many places it's common courtesy to keep your pants zipped up before the wedding.
In many places it's a mark of shame for both families when their kids "have" to get married because of a pregnancy.
If the father's blessing is so culturally important that the wedding just won't go forward otherwise, then I still can't see how this is idea would even be considered.
You are making a terrible mistake that you will regret if you ever mature appropriately. This is plain and simple fact, not my opinion.
Nobody who was emotionally ready for children would have ever made this post. It would instead have been a post about finding resources to increase fertility.
This part is my opinion - there is a good reason it is not easy for two people that have irregular sex, no committed residency together, a high stress, secretive lifestyle to get pregnant. That would be evolution. Evolution has decided this is a crappy situation for a pregnancy.
I think her father is lying to you. He has some other problem with you other than your job. You using this loophole is only going to piss him off even more, and once married he is never going to forgive you for it, and will do his best to make your married life a living hell.
The only way to avoid him making your married life a living hell is to get your girlfriend/fiance to actually stand up to him, and tell him that she wants to marry you, and he isnt the one that gets to control her and make her life decisions for her anymore.
Your girlfriend has apparently been unable to muster the courage to do this. Being able to stand up to your parents for the things you believe in is a mark of adulthood.
These are reasons people are saying you are immature.
Also, you assuming that we wouldnt understand because it is over a common persons head is increadibly disrespectful.
MWO: Adamski
Smart people can absolutely make stupid decisions.
This is a stupid decision. There's not sterotyping involved. Anyway you slice it, this is idiotic. The child produced from this will be in a horrible, horrible position, and the father will be about as accepting of you as a bad case of herpes he can't get rid of. Either find a way to get the father to accept you, or tell him stop controlling your lives and make your own decisions. I don't care what culture you're from, you're in the land of the free and can make your own damn decisions. They may be painful, but you two need to be true to yourselves, not some third party. Otherwise you're living a lie.
If you wanted a bunch of people to simply tell you what you want to hear H/A is not the place for that. I don't know where you'd actually go for that.
But if you think that if your girlfriend pops a kid out will end her dad constantly messing with your lives, you're wrong. So long as she won't stand for her independence he will rule her. You'll be a distant second. And you'll be miserable. Best of luck.
I'll make it clear here: Children are NOT bargaining tools.
I asked you if you were having sex when she was ovulating because its biologically impossible to bypass this requirement. Still haven't seen a reply from you. Unless you wanted me to start suggesting you have IVF, which might be perfectly viable considering your bizarre situation.
Jesus, many pardons guy. Last I checked this is H/A, not "affirm my dumbass choice to make me feel better about it/gobblecock Forum."
But seriously. The first step here would be moving in together. Ambigious bullshit like "cultural issues" doesn't help anyone understand your problem in making this initial step.
MWO: Adamski
You need to find a better way to do this. Getting her pregnant behind his back might make him agree to the marriage but it won't make him accept you, it will just piss him off.
If "Manliness" is a major issue with her father you might try weightlifting/working out and maybe there is something you can do to win him over, like chopping all the firewood his family will need for the winter or something.
IQ or work/school related "Intelligence" has nothing to do with making smart relationship decisions, were not trying to be condescending, many of us have learned the hard way -by making mistakes. Big ones. Despite our phD's/Masters. We just want to share our knowledge and help you avoid doing something you will likely regret.