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I have no witty title [depression thread]
CindyLouWho?
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
It's the holidays. Shorter days, more stress, and an ongoing struggle with depression.
Background: Skip if you want
For the last 10 years or so I have dealt with my depression. I've gone to counseling, tried medication, I journal when I have a lot that I need to get out emotionally.
To be honest, lately I've been doing markedly better than I ever have. I don't scribble in my journals how much I hate my life (because I don't) or all sorts of self loathing (because, I'm pretty awesome) anymore.
Recently I moved away from my hometown to start a career, got out of a stagnant relationship, and learned how to rely on myself... all great things.
Despite all my positive motion, I still have set backs. My parents are going through a divorce -my step dad moved his g/f into the house less than a month after signing the divorce papers - and I'm incredibly stressed about money.
My depression is manifesting itself in loss of interest in things, no motivation, sleeping WAY too much, and a lot of emotional eating -which is resulting in weight gain, which obviously isn't helping the depressed feelings-. My lows definitely aren't as low as they used to be... actually when bad stuff happens now... I feel more numb than sad. (Is that weird?)
***I guess my question/problem is this: I've been doing way better emotionally, realizing my self worth, etc. but there's still so much sadness/depression. I have tried medication before, but it killed my sex drive (which is pretty important to me *cough*) and when I finally stopped taking it I went through about 3 months of intense mood swings (withdrawl?) and really horrible thoughts/feelings. I have been to couselors, but most seem to want to pin my problems on my family and have me blame them rather than figure out ways to move past it and cope.
Gah, what else can I do? and how can I break this depressed numb feeling to go out and do it?
Halp.
Background: Skip if you want
For the last 10 years or so I have dealt with my depression. I've gone to counseling, tried medication, I journal when I have a lot that I need to get out emotionally.
To be honest, lately I've been doing markedly better than I ever have. I don't scribble in my journals how much I hate my life (because I don't) or all sorts of self loathing (because, I'm pretty awesome) anymore.
Recently I moved away from my hometown to start a career, got out of a stagnant relationship, and learned how to rely on myself... all great things.
Despite all my positive motion, I still have set backs. My parents are going through a divorce -my step dad moved his g/f into the house less than a month after signing the divorce papers - and I'm incredibly stressed about money.
My depression is manifesting itself in loss of interest in things, no motivation, sleeping WAY too much, and a lot of emotional eating -which is resulting in weight gain, which obviously isn't helping the depressed feelings-. My lows definitely aren't as low as they used to be... actually when bad stuff happens now... I feel more numb than sad. (Is that weird?)
***I guess my question/problem is this: I've been doing way better emotionally, realizing my self worth, etc. but there's still so much sadness/depression. I have tried medication before, but it killed my sex drive (which is pretty important to me *cough*) and when I finally stopped taking it I went through about 3 months of intense mood swings (withdrawl?) and really horrible thoughts/feelings. I have been to couselors, but most seem to want to pin my problems on my family and have me blame them rather than figure out ways to move past it and cope.
Gah, what else can I do? and how can I break this depressed numb feeling to go out and do it?
Halp.
CindyLouWho? on
0
Posts
I too have gone to shrinks in the past and was on meds for about a year (I liked how I worried less about things, I hated that they cost $100 a month. In the end I decided I'd worry less if I had an extra $100 - and man oh man, getting off those pills sucked).
Only recently (after firmly giving up hope of ever finding a decent counsellor), I found a no-nonsense lady in her forties who cuts through bullshit without being confrontational, and every step of the way she gently moves me towards behavior that's constructive.
*
- There are lots of obvious (and cliched) things you can do to combat depression. Exercise is a great one - you'll feel better physically and it actually releases endorphens(sp?) which directly fights the blahs and lets you feel pleasure again.
- Going out is also a good one. Personally I love going to the movies.
- If exercise seems too daunting, walk if it's a reasonable distance instead of driving or taking public transit. It's still better for you, and the scenery is more enjoyable.
- set some little goals for yourself.
Even if you do organize and get your head wrapped around the general direction you want to go in, you will slip and you will fall. You will decide to go for a nice walk every day and then simply not. And then you (you being me) beat yourself up for not following through on this simple task. That thinking isn't helping. Simply try to be conscious of these negative thoughts when they come - self-awareness is a huge help towards controlling your negative feelings.
*
Realizing positives about yourself, your own worth, is a very important step (I'm still workin' on that one), but one other I'd like to add is 'acceptance'. There may well be aspects of your personality (or tendencies or hobbies) that you don't fully embrace or love simply because you're judging them, or worrying...
So, to sum up my general advice: pretty much every motivational poster and after-school special you ever saw. What's worse is that it's also pretty true.
*
Your Questions:
Is it normal to feel numb about problems that arise?
Well, depends. When it's a huge event that you've seen coming for a while it (e.g. parents divorce, which is traumatizing) can also be a relief.
Another side of the coin is - well, you're older - you know life can kick you in the metaphorical balls once in a while. It happens - now we have to deal with it. Perhaps you're just getting better at life.
If you don't care about anything that happens ever? Yeah, that's weird.
What else can I do?
You've already done so much, you should be damn proud of it. It wouldn't surprise me if you already know what your next step needs to be.
How can I break this numb feeling and get out and do it?
By just doing it. I knew you knew.
Again - sorry for the long, long series of posts. The PS3 only lets me type a few hundred words in a single field.
Good luck!
My pleasure.
Um, in actual-fact-land I found her by referral. The city's (pop: 600,000) best psychologist agreed to see me for a consultation, and though he wasn't able to see me for treatment he recommended I give such-and-such a try (because they were, as he said very good, and very free). I didn't know or trust them when I asked for counselling, but the guy seemed to know his shit so I trusted his advice. Took about 6 months to get in to see her.
In my skewed version of reality, I believe I found her because I had well-and-truly given up on ever finding a counsellor, and had resigned myself to going it alone. I was forced to go see the Big Man for a referral (I didn't believe anything would come of it), and if I hadn't been forced into trying I never would have found her.
So I'm sorry, this bit of advice is wholly lacking in applicable substance.