[IG] 1K Blank Cards II: Blank Harder (NSF56K, Sanity)

Hylianbunny

ROUND 1!

The victims, in order:

Valkun
EvilBadman
Dac Vin
Rend
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic

Valkun is first and can play a card as soon as he wishes. Speaking of card posting, if you do not post a card in 24 hours on your turn, I'm posting one from your hand at random. You don't want that.

Also, if it is your turn, you may play a card, don't wait for me to update. I will update as quickly as possible, however. At the end of each round, you will receive a card in PM. So, you may want to wait if you're top of the turn order.

If you're not playing, and want to rules lawyer, do it here.

Valkun

Valkun casts Revolución.



Valkun chooses Rend for his deliciously evil bastardry and EvilBadman for having a name suggestive of the aforementioned quality.

Zombiemambo

I was going to host a game of 1KBWC myself but chose Nomic instead

anybody remember the epic G&T Calvinball thread? It must have taken 2 hours for it to reach 100 pages

DevoutlyApathetic

Zombiemambo wrote: »

I was going to host a game of 1KBWC myself but chose Nomic instead

anybody remember the epic G&T Calvinball thread? It must have taken 2 hours for it to reach 100 pages

It's good that you bothered to post that in the right thread. Really.

This isn't the right thread.

Zombiemambo

DevoutlyApathetic wrote: »

Zombiemambo wrote: »

I was going to host a game of 1KBWC myself but chose Nomic instead

anybody remember the epic G&T Calvinball thread? It must have taken 2 hours for it to reach 100 pages

It's good that you bothered to post that in the right thread. Really.

This isn't the right thread.

Ah whatever, couple OT posts aren't going to kill you

DevoutlyApathetic

It's nice that you show such respect for peoples games. I can't imagine why people think you're a whiner.

(The cool thing to do would be edit-> Delete then go post in the right thread where we're fine with vaguely game related chatter. I'll even follow suit.)

EvilBadman

Hylianbunny

Valkun says he wants a revolution: EvilBadman and Rend are at war!

EvilBadman is a naughty voyeur and takes a peek at everyone`s cards. Now, which one of these is the most provocative...

Hylianbunny

There only seems to be one right answer to me, played from DevoutlyApathetic's hand.



No more pants, folks. Lose 'em.

---

Valkun
EvilBadman
Dac Vin
Rend
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic

Status: Pants-Free

Dac Vin

Oops, wrong thread. Okay, DevoutlyApathetic, I got a job for you!

Rend

Oh ho, let's see how the big businesses handle this one.

M.D.

This was a blank but I turned it into something to use on Dac Vin since he's in the middle of those two anyhow.

Hellbunny

Suppose it's my turn? Alrighty, here you go:


Dac Vin, I'm sorry, but you'll have to hold out for a hero. Enjoy your railroad tracks.


EDIT: GAWD, I typo'd your name, geez.

Hylianbunny

Dac Vin pries around in DevoutlyApathetic's mind for his best card idea. Hand it over!

Rend provokes a recession - two cards per turn it is!

Thanks to Mr. Defecation, Dac Vin is caught up in the CROSSFIRE.

...and thanks to Hellbunny, Dac Vin is also a damsel in distress. Holding out for a hero, are we?

---

Valkun
EvilBadman: at war with Rend, Dac Vin
Dac Vin: at war with EvilBadman, Rend, Damsel-In-Distress
Rend: at war with Dac Vin, EvilBadman
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic

Status: Pants-Free, Economic Recession (two cards per turn)

EvilBadman

We have bought expensive pants, but are not wearing them?

I love choice! I love DIS COUNTRY.

ecco the dolphin

To further cement Dac Vin in the hole, I play...



Edit: From a blank card.

Maticore

Je suis belle, ô mortels! comme un rêve de pierre

Hylianbunny

Pour soulever un poids si lourd,
Sisyphe, il faudrait ton courage!
Bien qu'on ait du coeur à l'ouvrage,
L'Art est long et le Temps est court.

---

Valkun
EvilBadman: at war with Rend, Dac Vin
Dac Vin: at war with EvilBadman, Rend, Damsel-In-Distress
Rend: at war with Dac Vin, EvilBadman
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic

Status: Pants-Free, Economic Recession (two cards per turn), TARDIS (history set in stone), Baudelaire-mania! (all players must quote Baudelaire)

Valkun

Maticore wrote: »

Je suis belle, ô mortels! comme un rêve de pierre

Charles Baudelaire wrote:

Parfum exotique

Quand, les deux yeux fermés, en un soir chaud d'automne,
Je respire l'odeur de ton sein chaleureux,
Je vois se dérouler des rivages heureux
Qu'éblouissent les feux d'un soleil monotone;

Une île paresseuse où la nature donne
Des arbres singuliers et des fruits savoureux;
Des hommes dont le corps est mince et vigoureux,
Et des femmes dont l'oeil par sa franchise étonne.

Guidé par ton odeur vers de charmants climats,
Je vois un port rempli de voiles et de mâts
Encor tout fatigués par la vague marine,

Pendant que le parfum des verts tamariniers,
Qui circule dans l'air et m'enfle la narine,
Se mêle dans mon âme au chant des mariniers.

Translation:

When, with both my eyes closed, on a hot autumn night,
I inhale the fragrance of your warm breast
I see happy shores spread out before me,
On which shines a dazzling and monotonous sun;

A lazy isle to which nature has given
Singular trees, savory fruits,
Men with bodies vigorous and slender,
And women in whose eyes shines a startling candor.

Guided by your fragrance to these charming countries,
I see a port filled with sails and rigging
Still utterly wearied by the waves of the sea,

While the perfume of the green tamarinds,
That permeates the air, and elates my nostrils,
Is mingled in my soul with the sailors' chanteys.

Tu mettrais l'univers entier dans ta ruelle

Tu mettrais l'univers entier dans ta ruelle,
Femme impure! L'ennui rend ton âme cruelle.
Pour exercer tes dents à ce jeu singulier,
Il te faut chaque jour un coeur au râtelier.
Tes yeux, illuminés ainsi que des boutiques
Et des ifs flamboyants dans les fêtes publiques,
Usent insolemment d'un pouvoir emprunté,
Sans connaître jamais la loi de leur beauté.

Machine aveugle et sourde, en cruautés féconde!
Salutaire instrument, buveur du sang du monde,
Comment n'as-tu pas honte et comment n'as-tu pas
Devant tous les miroirs vu pâlir tes appas?
La grandeur de ce mal où tu te crois savante
Ne t'a donc jamais fait reculer d'épouvante,
Quand la nature, grande en ses desseins cachés
De toi se sert, ô femme, ô reine des péchés,
— De toi, vil animal, — pour pétrir un génie?

Ô fangeuse grandeur! sublime ignominie!

Translation:

You would take the whole world to bed with you,
Impure woman! Ennui makes your soul cruel;
To exercise your teeth at this singular game,
You need a new heart in the rack each day.
Your eyes, brilliant as shop windows
Or as blazing lamp-stands at public festivals,
Insolently use a borrowed power
Without ever knowing the law of their beauty.

Blind, deaf machine, fecund in cruelties!
Remedial instrument, drinker of the world's blood,
Why are you not ashamed and why have you not seen
In every looking-glass how your charms are fading?
Why have you never shrunk at the enormity
Of this evil at which you think you are expert,
When Nature, resourceful in her hidden designs,
Makes use of you, woman, O queen of sin,
Of you, vile animal, — to fashion a genius?

O foul magnificence! Sublime ignominy!

Dac Vin

O toi, le plus savant et le plus beau des Anges,
Dieu trahi par le sort et privé de louanges,

O Satan, prends pitié de ma longue misère !

EvilBadman

Baudelaire wrote:

LESBOS
Mère des jeux latins et des voluptés grecques,
Lesbos, où les baisers, languissants ou joyeux,
Chauds comme les soleils, frais comme les pastèques,
Font l'ornement des nuits et des jours glorieux,
Mère des jeux latins et des voluptés grecques,

Lesbos, où les baisers sont comme les cascades
Qui se jettent sans peur dans les gouffres sans fonds,
Et courent, sanglotant et gloussant par saccades,
Orageux et secrets, fourmillants et profonds;
Lesbos, où les baisers sont comme les cascades!

Lesbos, où les Phrynés l'une l'autre s'attirent,
Où jamais un soupir ne resta sans écho,
À l'égal de Paphos les étoiles t'admirent,
Et Vénus à bon droit peut jalouser Sapho!
Lesbos où les Phrynés l'une l'autre s'attirent,

Lesbos, terre des nuits chaudes et langoureuses,
Qui font qu'à leurs miroirs, stérile volupté!
Les filles aux yeux creux, de leur corps amoureuses,
Caressent les fruits mûrs de leur nubilité;
Lesbos, terre des nuits chaudes et langoureuses,

Laisse du vieux Platon se froncer l'oeil austère;
Tu tires ton pardon de l'excès des baisers,
Reine du doux empire, aimable et noble terre,
Et des raffinements toujours inépuisés.
Laisse du vieux Platon se froncer l'oeil austère.

Tu tires ton pardon de l'éternel martyre,
Infligé sans relâche aux coeurs ambitieux,
Qu'attire loin de nous le radieux sourire
Entrevu vaguement au bord des autres cieux!
Tu tires ton pardon de l'éternel martyre!

Qui des Dieux osera, Lesbos, être ton juge
Et condamner ton front pâli dans les travaux,
Si ses balances d'or n'ont pesé le déluge
De larmes qu'à la mer ont versé tes ruisseaux?
Qui des Dieux osera, Lesbos, être ton juge?

Que nous veulent les lois du juste et de l'injuste ?
Vierges au coeur sublime, honneur de l'archipel,
Votre religion comme une autre est auguste,
Et l'amour se rira de l'Enfer et du Ciel!
Que nous veulent les lois du juste et de l'injuste?

Car Lesbos entre tous m'a choisi sur la terre
Pour chanter le secret de ses vierges en fleurs,
Et je fus dès l'enfance admis au noir mystère
Des rires effrénés mêlés aux sombres pleurs;
Car Lesbos entre tous m'a choisi sur la terre.

Et depuis lors je veille au sommet de Leucate,
Comme une sentinelle à l'oeil perçant et sûr,
Qui guette nuit et jour brick, tartane ou frégate,
Dont les formes au loin frissonnent dans l'azur;
Et depuis lors je veille au sommet de Leucate,

Pour savoir si la mer est indulgente et bonne,
Et parmi les sanglots dont le roc retentit
Un soir ramènera vers Lesbos, qui pardonne,
Le cadavre adoré de Sapho, qui partit
Pour savoir si la mer est indulgente et bonne!

De la mâle Sapho, l'amante et le poète,
Plus belle que Vénus par ses mornes pâleurs!
— L'oeil d'azur est vaincu par l'oeil noir que tachète
Le cercle ténébreux tracé par les douleurs
De la mâle Sapho, l'amante et le poète!

— Plus belle que Vénus se dressant sur le monde
Et versant les trésors de sa sérénité
Et le rayonnement de sa jeunesse blonde
Sur le vieil Océan de sa fille enchanté;
Plus belle que Vénus se dressant sur le monde!

— De Sapho qui mourut le jour de son blasphème,
Quand, insultant le rite et le culte inventé,
Elle fit son beau corps la pâture suprême
D'un brutal dont l'orgueil punit l'impiété
De celle qui mourut le jour de son blasphème.

Et c'est depuis ce temps que Lesbos se lamente,
Et, malgré les honneurs que lui rend l'univers,
S'enivre chaque nuit du cri de la tourmente
Que poussent vers les cieux ses rivages déserts.
Et c'est depuis ce temps que Lesbos se lamente!

DevoutlyApathetic

Au Lecteur wrote:

La sottise, l'erreur, le péché, la lésine,
Occupent nos esprits et travaillent nos corps,
Et nous alimentons nos aimables remords,
Comme les mendiants nourrissent leur vermine.

Nos péchés sont têtus, nos repentirs sont lâches;
Nous nous faisons payer grassement nos aveux,
Et nous rentrons gaiement dans le chemin bourbeux,
Croyant par de vils pleurs laver toutes nos taches.

Sur l'oreiller du mal c'est Satan Trismégiste
Qui berce longuement notre esprit enchanté,
Et le riche métal de notre volonté
Est tout vaporisé par ce savant chimiste.

C'est le Diable qui tient les fils qui nous remuent!
Aux objets répugnants nous trouvons des appas;
Chaque jour vers l'Enfer nous descendons d'un pas,
Sans horreur, à travers des ténèbres qui puent.

Ainsi qu'un débauché pauvre qui baise et mange
Le sein martyrisé d'une antique catin,
Nous volons au passage un plaisir clandestin
Que nous pressons bien fort comme une vieille orange.

Serré, fourmillant, comme un million d'helminthes,
Dans nos cerveaux ribote un peuple de Démons,
Et, quand nous respirons, la Mort dans nos poumons
Descend, fleuve invisible, avec de sourdes plaintes.

Si le viol, le poison, le poignard, l'incendie,
N'ont pas encor brodé de leurs plaisants dessins
Le canevas banal de nos piteux destins,
C'est que notre âme, hélas! n'est pas assez hardie.

Mais parmi les chacals, les panthères, les lices,
Les singes, les scorpions, les vautours, les serpents,
Les monstres glapissants, hurlants, grognants, rampants,
Dans la ménagerie infâme de nos vices,

II en est un plus laid, plus méchant, plus immonde!
Quoiqu'il ne pousse ni grands gestes ni grands cris,
Il ferait volontiers de la terre un débris
Et dans un bâillement avalerait le monde;

C'est l'Ennui! L'oeil chargé d'un pleur involontaire,
II rêve d'échafauds en fumant son houka.
Tu le connais, lecteur, ce monstre délicat,
— Hypocrite lecteur, — mon semblable, — mon frère!

— Charles Baudelaire

To the Reader

Folly, error, sin, avarice
Occupy our minds and labor our bodies,
And we feed our pleasant remorse
As beggars nourish their vermin.

Our sins are obstinate, our repentance is faint;
We exact a high price for our confessions,
And we gaily return to the miry path,
Believing that base tears wash away all our stains.

On the pillow of evil Satan, Trismegist,
Incessantly lulls our enchanted minds,
And the noble metal of our will
Is wholly vaporized by this wise alchemist.

The Devil holds the strings which move us!
In repugnant things we discover charms;
Every day we descend a step further toward Hell,
Without horror, through gloom that stinks.

Like a penniless rake who with kisses and bites
Tortures the breast of an old prostitute,
We steal as we pass by a clandestine pleasure
That we squeeze very hard like a dried up orange.

Serried, swarming, like a million maggots,
A legion of Demons carouses in our brains,
And when we breathe, Death, that unseen river,
Descends into our lungs with muffled wails.

If rape, poison, daggers, arson
Have not yet embroidered with their pleasing designs
The banal canvas of our pitiable lives,
It is because our souls have not enough boldness.

But among the jackals, the panthers, the bitch hounds,
The apes, the scorpions, the vultures, the serpents,
The yelping, howling, growling, crawling monsters,
In the filthy menagerie of our vices,

There is one more ugly, more wicked, more filthy!
Although he makes neither great gestures nor great cries,
He would willingly make of the earth a shambles
And, in a yawn, swallow the world;

He is Ennui! — His eye watery as though with tears,
He dreams of scaffolds as he smokes his hookah pipe.
You know him reader, that refined monster,
— Hypocritish reader, — my fellow, — my brother!

— William Aggeler, The Flowers of Evil (Fresno, CA: Academy Library Guild, 1954)

ecco the dolphin

Charles Baudelaire wrote:

Le Rebelle

Un Ange furieux fond du ciel comme un aigle,
Du mécréant saisit à plein poing les cheveux,
Et dit, le secouant: «Tu connaîtras la règle!
(Car je suis ton bon Ange, entends-tu?) Je le veux!

Sache qu'il faut aimer, sans faire la grimace,
Le pauvre, le méchant, le tortu, l'hébété,
Pour que tu puisses faire à Jesus, quand il passe,
Un tapis triomphal avec ta charité.

Tel est l'Amour! Avant que ton coeur ne se blase,
À la gloire de Dieu rallume ton extase;
C'est la Volupté vraie aux durables appas!»

Et l'Ange, châtiant autant, ma foi! qu'il aime,
De ses poings de géant torture 1'anathème;
Mais le damné répond toujours: «Je ne veux pas!»

DevoutlyApathetic

Played a blank for:

Hylianbunny

French is now punishable by lolcat. Rend, Mr. D and Hellbunny suffer from bad ju-ju.

---

Valkun
EvilBadman: at war with Rend, Dac Vin
Dac Vin: at war with EvilBadman, Rend, Damsel-In-Distress
Rend: at war with Dac Vin, EvilBadman
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic

Status: Pants-Free, Economic Recession (two cards per turn), TARDIS (history set in stone)

Valkun

DevoutlyApathetic, I know that things didn't go so well in the '08 election, but that's why we gotta start thinking about the '12 elections! Instead of wasting your money on bailin', give it all to Palin.

My vote for last place would go to Miss Dac Vin who is still tied to the tracks!

EvilBadman

We are at WAR, Rend. Do yourself a favor and kill yourself now, you damned dirty Ork.

Hylianbunny

Valkun forces DevoutlyApathetic to invest his cards in Miss Dac Vin.

Everyone draws two cards.

Holy shit, that dwarf. Look at him. Jesus fuck.

---

Valkun
EvilBadman: at war with Rend, Dac Vin. Angry Dwarf Familiar
Dac Vin: at war with EvilBadman, Rend, Damsel-In-Distress
Rend: at war with Dac Vin, EvilBadman
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic - investing in Dac Vin

Status: Pants-Free, Economic Recession (two cards per turn), TARDIS (history set in stone)

Dac Vin

Holy shit I'm tied on tracks and he apathic won't help me? Oh, where's that hero to save-

Oh, I know! From apathy I spit at thee:



The one point is in fact a 100 point bundle, and is invested in Advanced Houdini Escape Skills. Meaning, I have enough to master it. The mastery is more than enough to not only free me from the tracks, but I am now immune to any attempts at being restrained!

I am free!

EvilBadman

Not a card, but an applicable response.

Rend

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

M.D.

You guys over there dueling it out, it is so cute.

This is for you Valkun

Valkun

I'm confused, can I explain the origins of this whimsical shark on my next turn? I'd technically be confused for this round, fulfilling the "confused for one round" statement. It does not specify one full round or until that player's next turn. Color me baffled!

M.D.

Looks like you're still confused to me

Rend

Oh snap.

EvilBadman

Rend wrote: »

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

Please refer to Post 31.

ecco the dolphin

EvilBadman wrote: »

Rend wrote: »

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

Please refer to Post 31.

Intriguing. An ad infinitum counter by EBM. Most intriguing.

Valkun

eeccccoo tthhee ddoollpphhiinn wrote: »

EvilBadman wrote: »

Rend wrote: »

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

Please refer to Post 31.

Intriguing. An ad infinitum counter by EBM. Most intriguing.

????

What are you guys talking about?

Rend

Valkun wrote: »

eeccccoo tthhee ddoollpphhiinn wrote: »

EvilBadman wrote: »

Rend wrote: »

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

Please refer to Post 31.

Intriguing. An ad infinitum counter by EBM. Most intriguing.

????

What are you guys talking about?

Obviously there is some confusion about my trap card reversing the dwarf's trajectory. He's clearly now pointed in EvilBadMan's direction!

Dac Vin

Valkun wrote: »

eeccccoo tthhee ddoollpphhiinn wrote: »

EvilBadman wrote: »

Rend wrote: »

A dwarf, huh? Well, I trust in the heart of the cards...!

Hah, my nemesis! I turn over my TRAP CARD!


Now your dwarf is going to attack you instead!

Please refer to Post 31.

Intriguing. An ad infinitum counter by EBM. Most intriguing.

????

What are you guys talking about?

Mr. Defecation wrote: »

You guys over there dueling it out, it is so cute.

This is for you Valkun

Hey, it kind of works!

Hylianbunny

Dac Vin invests in Houdini Escape Skills.

Rend plays his trap card! Better watch out, EvilBadman!

Valkun is confused. Well, more so than usual.

---

Valkun: Confused
EvilBadman: at war with Rend, Dac Vin.
Dac Vin: at war with EvilBadman, Rend
Rend: at war with Dac Vin, EvilBadman, Angry Dwarf Familiar
Mr. Defecation
Hellbunny
eecc
Maticore
DevoutlyApathetic - investing in Dac Vin

Points

Dac Vin: 100 (invested in Advanced Houdini Escape Skills)
Status: Pants-Free, Economic Recession (two cards per turn), TARDIS (history set in stone)