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Confused about what to do
TwoQuestions
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Here's the gig. I'm 22 and have 3 semesters of college left, and a good $10/hr job to pay for it with. I also live with my mother, so living expenses are taken care of, but other bills kill my paycheck. Trouble is, I can't talk to random people to save my life. I've never had a girlfriend, even though I'm far from bad looking. I've lived on my own once for about 6 months, and had no problems other than money due to surprise car bills. I can get by with my degree, get a good job, and live...alone. I have no idea how/when to invite someone somewhere, how long to talk, whatever.
So...I've devised a couple of strategies to overcome this.
First, keep doing what I'm doing, but try to go out to bars more. I hate bars, but I could learn to like them if it's my only option. I go to BGSU so there's nothing else to do in town.
Second, I could join the Navy, and have all the educational money I could ever want from the GI Bill, not to mention programming for the Navy is a hell of a resume booster. And I'd have to socialize with people, as you're never really alone.
So, anyone got any ideas? Thanks in advance.
So...I've devised a couple of strategies to overcome this.
First, keep doing what I'm doing, but try to go out to bars more. I hate bars, but I could learn to like them if it's my only option. I go to BGSU so there's nothing else to do in town.
Second, I could join the Navy, and have all the educational money I could ever want from the GI Bill, not to mention programming for the Navy is a hell of a resume booster. And I'd have to socialize with people, as you're never really alone.
So, anyone got any ideas? Thanks in advance.
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Join clubs at school that interest you.
2. In america you dont talk to random people. you talk to people that you come into contact with at certain events where you know this person and yourself have something in common. For example, you are a CS major I assume? Do anything that has anything to do with programming/computers on your campus. Say the CS department has a lan party go to it and talk to people. Is there a programming club or organization? join it. dont worry about what to talk about just relax chill out and converse about anything.
3. You say you are going to go to more bars. personally i dont think that is the smartest way to meet people. You are in college get as involved as you can on campus. Join clubs, play intramural sports, as crazy as this sounds to prob you and tons of other people go to campus religious organizations. Most of the time there a lot of odd annoying stereotypical perfect christians there...but you can also find super legit people to meet. Not all middle eastern men with beards are terrorists and not all "christians" are the stereotypical "christian" good lord im not.....different story though....
5. you could join the navy and im guessing you would want to do that pretty soon. I wouldnt advise it. you only have three semesters left. finish school and if you still want to join you can go in as an officer. dear lord dont join the navy just so you are forced to socialize with people. Oh and if you are thinking military you should also look at the air force pretty extensively as well.
Really, it's the no girlfriend thing that's killing me. I don't have any friends that are single that I would ask out (and haven't already).
So, I really don't know how to get invited to a party that anyone can go to or some other social event.
I never lived in the dorms, at 22 would that be a good option for me? That would save me gas going to work, but wouldn't that be a bit weird at my age? Also, I thing the government gives you more money if you aren't living with your parents.
And how did you know I was a CS major?
Well I am 22 as well. I have a pretty close group of friends and the the age range goes from 19 to 24. Ive found out in college age doesnt really mean anything. you can meet a 25 year old that is just as immature as a 15 year old or you can meet an 18 year old that seems to have the wisdom and maturity of a 50 year old.
and you said programming for the navy looks good on a resume. that is how i knew. plus i am a genius.
But if you really are interested in doing CS for the military, take a look at the Air Force. If you do that long-term you’ll be forced to interact with (at a minimum) Air Force people, Navy people, and all kinds of civilians. And having a security clearance from the Air Force with a CS degree is a guaranteed ticket to a great job.
Bars are places you go to hang out with people you already know. I imagine going on your own would be pretty soul destroying. I am coming at this from a UK angle, so the culture might be slightly different.
The key is .... *don't* talk to random people! Talk to people you have something in common with.
You are in college, so run ... don't walk ... to a society that is relevant to your tastes. There is never a better time in your life to meet people, as everyone is away from their usual crowd, so they are open to socialising with random people.
You are a computer geek on a game forum so I'll stereotype you and suggest joining the roleplaying society and the SF/Fantasy society. Roleplaying in particular is a great way to meet people - no awkward pauses in conversation when the topic at hand is whether Sir Twerp the Paladin can slay those Mindflayers. Also join clubs relevant to your other interests. Join more societies than you can attend, and drop the boring ones.
Forget about the girlfriend ... she'll appear naturally when you are more at ease with yourself, usually when you are least expecting to meet anyone.
This ended up being true in my own experience. Went I first moved to Dallas I decided I would go to bars to try to meet people, but I would never have a fun time and end up leaving shortly thereafter. Later on I ended up making friends with people at work, and heading to bars was completely different.
Join a club. Do volunteer work. Get a job.
Thanks again!
Don't go to bars, especially if you hate bars. You want to meet people with similar interests, and at places that lend themselves to self-improvement. The gym is a good place, and even if it's not easy yet for you to ask someone to spot you on a bench press or for a quick tip as to form or technique, getting in better shape does loads for your self-confidence and motivation.
Never eat alone.
pack a lunch, buy one at the cafeteria or wherever you eat. sit down with a person alone, never someone who is reading, or a group of 2-3 people you may see. don't sit down with a big group or you will be ignored. Don't just sit down, walk up and introduce yourself like this, "Hi, my name is Alex, do you mind if i eat with you?" They will always say yes. do not make it akward, you don't have to talk, but if you do want to talk, talk about what you just did. tell them how you refuse to eat alone so that you can make friends.
Trust me, never eat alone. never.