Helping a friend with domestic violence

AJAlkaline40

There is a couple that I knew from high school. They seemed like a pretty happy couple until this fall, early in the semester, when they moved in together to go to the same college. I hadn't spoken with either of them for a long while and I decided to message the girl, after talking for a while she started telling me she was having problems with him. He was having mood swings and being very demanding and controlling of her. I told her that she needed to stand up to him and then we didn't talk for a long while.

A few days ago I saw her online again and so I asked her how she was doing. She says that now he is much worse. She described an instance in which he slapped her and threatened to kill himself if she didn't stop crying. I told her that she needed to seek help through the school, and that she should not be living with him any more.

Yesterday I was talking with her about politics and he got online and started messaging me and we began debating (about politics). Eventually it got late and I got off without really finishing the discussion. She told me today that after I got off last night he was very upset, and walked into her room, took her computer from her, took her cell phone, and knocked her down causing her to hit her head. While I was talking to her today he went into her room, took her computer and threw it out into the hall again.

I told my girlfriend about this and we decided it would be best if she called the cops. I told her she should, and she told me that she has no friends nearby to go to (she's in a different city) and she's tried talking to his parents but they do not believe her, she then signed off abruptly (I don't know if she did this herself or her boyfriend made her do it). What should I do?

VisionOfClarity

There should be a local domestic abuse help hotline in the area and there may even be a shelter. What city are they in?

Grid System

Without a better sense of where you are and where she is, it's going to be hard for anyone to give specific advice.

Generally, you might look up what resources there are available to her (Google her area and "domestic abuse" or something) and take a look at the websites of her university and the student union for any specific services offered there.

AJAlkaline40

I'm in Chicago, they're at Arizona State University, which I think is in Tempe.

yalborap

Know anyone relatively close by you could convince her to stay with for a while? Ideally via phone or while she's at work or something, so he doesn't know anything until the cops are whacking him with nightsticks.

RUNN1NGMAN

Yeah, she definitely needs to get out of there now, as in, like, YESTERDAY. Even if that means leaving all her shit behind and going to her parents or wherever. Step one should be getting to a safe place. Calling the cops, dealing with school, etc can all be handled after she's done that.

rfalias

Mendonitte wrote: »

I reckon she should suck it up and know her place.

Ban this douche bag.



Also, she should call a hotline, they are in almost every city I reckon.
Tell her to go to www.ndvh.gov. I'm sure it can guide her.

Nerdtendo

Get a belt sander, use your imagination.

It would be best if you can convince her to call the cops. A large part of domestic abuse is about control, or lack of control. She needs to retake control of her own life, call the cops, and leave this dick. The more she does for herself, the better.

But sometimes intervention is necessary.

Shawnasee

rfalias wrote: »

Mendonitte wrote: »

I reckon she should suck it up and know her place.

Ban this douche bag.



Also, she should call a hotline, they are in almost every city I reckon.
Tell her to go to www.ndvh.gov. I'm sure it can guide her.

2nded on the bannage for the aforementioned douche bag.

OremLK

Seems pretty cut and dry in this case. As you and your girlfriend agreed, advise her to call the cops. And even if she doesn't have a place to stay, getting out of there should be her first priority. Temporary seedy motel and no possessions > living with (and getting pummeled by) a fucked-up asshole.

EskimoDave

Is beating the fuck out of the guy in your physical realm? He hits women, he can't be that strong.

Hobbit0815

No good is going to come from assaulting him. It could get the OP in shit since quite apparently, this guy is a cock muncher. She should call the cops immediately, leave, go anywhere. She doesn't need her things. She can get her things when he's gone. As OremLK said, no stuff for a while>getting beat up (probably daily).

The Cat

you can't do anything, except let her know that you're there no matter what. She won't leave unless she has a feasible exit plan - almost nobody will make a blind leap like that, even under less trying circumstances. Find the local DV hotline number. Ask them for advice on how you can help, and get her the number. But make sure she knows she does have somewhere to go.

Malkor

Yeah, lookup the hotline number and maybe suggest that she get in contact with any resources on her campus. I'm pretty sure a school that size would have something set up. Unfortunately any real action isn't up to you, but I think knowing that she has friends that want the best for her and are willing to help find the resources she needs should help some.