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A girl thread, sort of.
The Nescient
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
In short: How do I invite a girl to hang out in a non "I'm trying to sleep with you" manner?
In long: I work at a movie rental place on campus, and there is this pretty cool girl who I see about once or twice a week. When its slow we always end up chatting for a few minutes, and she generally seeems like a cool person. I think she would be fun to hang out with, but I have a serious girlfriend. So, the question is: how do I hang out with this girl without going on a date? This is an odd situation for me, if I were trying to sleep with her I would have no problem asking her out, but I have no idea how to ask a relative stranger out on a platonic non-trying-to-get-some date.
thanks
In long: I work at a movie rental place on campus, and there is this pretty cool girl who I see about once or twice a week. When its slow we always end up chatting for a few minutes, and she generally seeems like a cool person. I think she would be fun to hang out with, but I have a serious girlfriend. So, the question is: how do I hang out with this girl without going on a date? This is an odd situation for me, if I were trying to sleep with her I would have no problem asking her out, but I have no idea how to ask a relative stranger out on a platonic non-trying-to-get-some date.
thanks
The Nescient on
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But eh, in all seriousness, you could probably ask her to hang out with you AND your girlfriend. So that it's clear you're not trying to establish a romantic relationship.
Next time when you close with her, ask her if she wants to hang with you guys.
it is very rare for something to happen if the guy doesn't start it
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Christ, do you give your girlfriend a powerpoint seminar on how you're not gay every time you hang out with a guy?
Most of my girlfriend's friends are guys, most of my friends are girls. If you're in a relationship that is some reasonable level of mature you shouldn't need to worry about this at all.
But on the other hand with most people it just isn't like this.
Asking this chick to go out with you AND your GF is the best idea so far. Go with that.
Throw a party, invite her, etc, etc...
I would hope that she knows you have a significant other? You don't want to lead her on.
Make sure to find a tasteful way to work in that old classic "Oh yeah! My girlfriend does X all the time blah blah blah" into the next conversation you have with her, if you haven't already. That will also help to make it clear that any hanging out you want to do with her is on a purely platonic level.
Of course he can do this, but there is the chance that the girl will think that he's interested in her romantically, and he wants to save her(and potentially him, down the line) the trouble.
But the OP definitely doesn't need to hang out with the girlfriend, just casually mentioning in conversation that he has a girlfriend should be enough, and I would think, is appreciated.
Something like this just happened to me, but the genders were reversed. She wanted to hang out but made sure to mention that she had a boyfriend before doing so. Everything was cool.
This is depressing.
really?
Really?
Just to show how ludicrous this question is.
Which is great for both parties. You, because you don't have to worry about it. Her, because (A) if she IS interested, she knows you're not available and (B) if she isn't interested, at least she knows that you definitely have no ulterior motives in your conversations with her.
So yeah, go that route.
You guys just sincerely do not understand different viewpoints and chastise just about anyone who doesn't share such ridiculous structure in their opinions.
Yes, some people do feel that it isn't necessary to hang out with other girls while they have a girlfriend. You can view it as immaturity, jealousy or what have you, but it's really a question of just a choice. When I was with my ex (one I actually cared quite a deal about) I never felt the need to really call up my other girl friends to hang out with them. Now mind you, I had never felt that way towards any other female but with this single person I just felt that it wasn't necessary really. Some people just feel that way and some of you are just dicks about differing viewpoints. It's not about not wanting to, I just lost the desire to really hang out with them because I'm truly of the belief that there exists no true platonic male/female relationship and it's all about sowing seeds for future sprouting. It's just my belief that's how the male/female interaction is. Some would tend to agree.
Yes, when you are in a relationship, your friendship with other people are going change, that's to be expected. But I just can't imagine that just one single person is going to be so compatible with you that there won't be a need for other friends or people to talk to.
If you honestly cut yourself from friends when you are in a relationship, that's just sad.
No that's because you're a tool that is too stupid to realise what the fuck a relationship is.
If someone told me that they didn't want to hang out with me just because they currently have a boyfriend I would say that's cool because I now no longer want anything to do with them anymore. Friendship is friendship, I mean are you trying to fuck all your guy friends at the moment?
Next we should point out you say "It's just my [sic retarded] belief that's how the male/female interaction is." the OP doesn't so why are you telling him he shouldn't hang out with this girl?
Satans..... hints.....
Or at the very least, why is he defending someone who's pushing a belief that the OP doesn't share since it really is two posters.
It's all fine and well if you believe that Crayon but Sol Invictus is trying to foist that belief on the OP. If you're going to ask for respect of beliefs, then maybe the OP's beliefs ought to get the same consideration.
On the other part of the conversation that has developed. If you don't need to hang out with any girls other than your girlfriend, why would you hang out with any guys either? This theory tends to run on the logic that "my GF is all the company I need, therefore I don't need to hang out with other women." To me this raises the immediate question of how guy friends would still be necessary, and why this line of logic doesn't apply to guy friends too. I agree with above posters that trust is necesarry to a relationship, I trust my GF not to fool around with guys she knows, and she trusts me not to fool around with girls I know. Once you begin to doubt that trust, I believe it become very difficult to continue the relationship.
Why not?
Well, ok, you don't NEED to.
But I don't see why you shouldn't.
Yes, I'm such a tool for my minor belief that in ONE SINGULAR relationship I pushed off other girls. Never did I insinuate that this one girl made me drop all of my friends, nor even asked me to-I did because I didn't feel it necessary to make connections with girls any longer due to the fact that it simply isn't productive in my mindscape.
Call me a tool or what have you-you're an idiot for standing so idly by your beliefs that you would call someone a tool simply because they have a different frame of reference than you.
If you don't understand the inherent differences in a male/male friendship and a male/female relationship then I sincerely feel sorry for your absolutist idea that it's all the same. There are thousands of different social dynamics between the two that make them completely different. For you to not understand those dynamics and call someone a tool for simply believing differently than you just shows how crass and ridiculous you are.
And for you to further it by insinuating that I don't realize what a relationship is just furthers the idea that you're an ignorant prick that is on a strict diet of pure dick.
Friendship is not just friendship-there are dynamics at play that you clearly do not understand, nor seemingly will ever understand if that's your frame of reference. Good day, dicktard.
Seriously, calm the fuck down. Crayon has a different opinion. I can see where he is coming from. I don't think it should be like that, but, every relationship is different, as are the boundaries. It's important to communicate and find out whether or not it would make your girlfriend uncomfortable.
I know it would make mine uncomfortable.
"el oh el, immature! immature relationshipz "
Sometimes you guys are unbelievable.
No shit dynamics are different, they're fucking different between guys as well, cause they are people first. I'm not saying you have to be friends with every goddam lady you come across but saying, "Oh noes a vagina! Can't be friends with you!" is a pretty stupid thing to say
Satans..... hints.....
I have mostly female friends. Somehow, they manage to provide interesting and unique interactions even though I'm already making kisses with another female. Because you know, they're human beings, and not interchangable vaginas.
Jesus.
If you can't manage to avoid sticking your dick in things, avoid making female friends or having pets. If you can, focus on hanging out with people whose company you enjoy.
It's not a question of choice. It's a question of not seeing women as people and instead only seeing them as a place to deposit your seed. Any other view is both sexist and honestly, fucking childish.
It's nice when everyone here can whittle everything down to nicely condensed opinion pieces simply based on the issue of me feeling that I received everything I needed out of the male/female dynamic in one person for a short amount of time. I don't view women as cumguzzlers, but I also don't view their company as necessary as some of you do.
Maybe, but it is NOT an opinion that there is no true platonic male/female relationship. It's a fact that there is.
That YOU can or can't have one is based on your behavior and perception of people.
It's odd, I don't know if it truly exists. I'm just of the thought that if you have a friend that is female, and you being male, that you have at least thought about the act of intimacy with said person. There is already the level of attraction from liking the person enough to be around...and boobies. I mean, I don't know if there isn't a friend that's a girl that I haven't thought of in that way at least once or twice. It's just...nature. And because of that I don't know if a purely platonic relationship is truly possible. We all tend to view the other sex as a positive mate, hence the need to create a basis for friendship. I don't know, I don't view myself as sexist or above women-but that's just how I feel towards it sincerely. It's hard, if not impossible, to detach yourself from thinking of such things.
Sure, you are attracted to girls in general, as a concept, that's normal. But you're not ROMANTICALLY attracted to every girl you see. Some will not have the looks or personality you love in a person, but you still they're good people to hang out with and do things. And SURE, you could have a wandering thought once in a while of sex, just like any tasty food will make you think of your present hunger or desire to eat it, but it doesn't make the relationship awkward or hard to maintain on a platonic level. If EVERY time you're around a girl (no matter the girl), you're thinking "Oh man, I bet we could have SEX", you got the problem. Not every guy. Just you.
But see, that's the fault-platonic implies there is no sexual deviation-no thought between the two of getting their bone on...and I believe from a straight male's perspective that it, well, impossible. I don't know of a girl that I've become friends with where I didn't have a passing sexual thought of it. It's called being human, and being sexual by nature. I'm not saying that every time I'm around someone of the opposite sex that my mind always wanders, but I'm saying that with every female friend I've at least thought about it in passing. But to me that automatically makes the "platonic" idea an impossibility. Platonic relationships imply there is no sexual tension whatsoever, and there is always a level of it between male/female (straight that is)...because we're fucking human.