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The Toxic Coworker.
trentsteel
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I love my job, but every time I work even one shift with this person I want to quit by the end of it.
I need to know how to deal with her and things are way past the "Tell her how her actions make you feel" bullshit.
I want to take this fucking bitch down.
She has the following personality traits/disorders:
The Martyr
The Bully
The Anal Retentive C_nt
The Gossiper/Spreader of Toxin
Normally I wouldn't let this bother me much but it's CONSTANT. She's always watching me, always setting people against each other, etc. It's gotten so bad that I won't even hang out with the others in the nurse's station. I've been sitting out with the patients trying to be close enough to do my job but still basically going entire shifts by trying to speak to my coworkers as little as possible.
I used to try to be really cheery and nice to everyone, even people that had been rude to me before, but it only pays off with the normal people there. The rest of them seem to turn on you no matter how nice you are to them. Most of it is because of her influence and the environment she is creating. I've basically just retreated because most of the people I work with on those shifts have turned on me so quickly that I can't respect them anymore. They are so easily manipulated by her that I don't think it's worth it to try and keep them on my side. It's just pointless.
I really like my job but they changed my shifts so I have to work with her more and I can barely make it through two shifts without fantasizing about telling her and everyone else to fuck off and then quitting.
It's really wearing me down. I've never had this problem to this extent before. I fucking hate her and the way she treats the patients, I am so frustrated that I can't find anything 'technically' wrong with what she's doing because she does it when I'm out of the room or she sticks so closely to the rules that no one can fault her.
What do I do?
I need to know how to deal with her and things are way past the "Tell her how her actions make you feel" bullshit.
I want to take this fucking bitch down.
She has the following personality traits/disorders:
The Martyr
She likes to play the victim and uses any sort of thing that happens to her to get people to feel sorry for her. Namely, patients attacking her. She is such a confrontational bitch that she often purposely riles up patients into a rage and gets attacked a few times a year if she doesn't get behind one of us guys fast enough. She doesn't appear to have any life outside of work so she will work over time shifts as frequently as possible; she practically lives at the hospital. She plays this up like she's hard done by but the fact is you can either not answer your phone or just say, 'no' to overtime like everyone else does.
The Bully
She will often get into people's faces--patients, nurses, us aides, even doctors--and confront them when someone is not doing things the way she thinks they should be done. Most people either cow to her or just start avoiding her after that.
The Anal Retentive C_nt
My manager wants me to watch this person and report any wrongdoing to her. I had assumed people were reporting her for her behavior because the nurses at my hospital generally seem to take some kind of glee in tearing people apart. Not this bitch though, they are all afraid of her.
So anyway I have to watch her but the problem is she fucking NEVER DOES ANYTHING TECHNICALLY WRONG. She's so rigid and unyielding that she has to do everything by the book. I have realized over the years that some of that "book" is really just stuff she made up at some point.
She watches me like a goddamned hawk. She'll watch me out of the corner of her eye to see if I'm giving a patient an extra cookie (no exaggeration here) or smoke or whatever. She hangs out in rooms adjacent to ones I am in to listen to what I am saying or to hear if I become lenient with the rules.
Her basic premise with this is, "If all of the staff aren't consistent, it causes trouble for the people that have to say 'no' to them if someone else said 'yes' the day before. Although I can agree with this I don't like the fact that she seems to think everyone should be consistent with HER. She sees the psych patients as prisoners that are there to be punished. She will pick people that have a history of drugs or whatever and find little ways to be mean to them. Sometimes this just involves subtly getting everyone else to not do anything nice for the patient.
I'm have a somewhat lenient, bend the rules sometimes attitude which totally clashes with her totalitarian style. All of the patients generally like me and often times I can calm them down as long as it's me they are talking to. She will often interrupt my calming down of a patient to incite them back to anger.
So anyway I have to watch her but the problem is she fucking NEVER DOES ANYTHING TECHNICALLY WRONG. She's so rigid and unyielding that she has to do everything by the book. I have realized over the years that some of that "book" is really just stuff she made up at some point.
She watches me like a goddamned hawk. She'll watch me out of the corner of her eye to see if I'm giving a patient an extra cookie (no exaggeration here) or smoke or whatever. She hangs out in rooms adjacent to ones I am in to listen to what I am saying or to hear if I become lenient with the rules.
Her basic premise with this is, "If all of the staff aren't consistent, it causes trouble for the people that have to say 'no' to them if someone else said 'yes' the day before. Although I can agree with this I don't like the fact that she seems to think everyone should be consistent with HER. She sees the psych patients as prisoners that are there to be punished. She will pick people that have a history of drugs or whatever and find little ways to be mean to them. Sometimes this just involves subtly getting everyone else to not do anything nice for the patient.
I'm have a somewhat lenient, bend the rules sometimes attitude which totally clashes with her totalitarian style. All of the patients generally like me and often times I can calm them down as long as it's me they are talking to. She will often interrupt my calming down of a patient to incite them back to anger.
The Gossiper/Spreader of Toxin
Basically she speaks ill of EVERYONE. If I screw up or someone else makes a little mistake she will wait until that person is out of the room to point out that person's (or my) mistake. Some of the old nurses there are so half-crazy from old age that they end up falling for this right away. Some of the nicest nurses there have turned on people (and me) just because she drops little suggestions in their ears about mistakes 85% of the staff there would have just ignored and laughed off.
Normally I wouldn't let this bother me much but it's CONSTANT. She's always watching me, always setting people against each other, etc. It's gotten so bad that I won't even hang out with the others in the nurse's station. I've been sitting out with the patients trying to be close enough to do my job but still basically going entire shifts by trying to speak to my coworkers as little as possible.
I used to try to be really cheery and nice to everyone, even people that had been rude to me before, but it only pays off with the normal people there. The rest of them seem to turn on you no matter how nice you are to them. Most of it is because of her influence and the environment she is creating. I've basically just retreated because most of the people I work with on those shifts have turned on me so quickly that I can't respect them anymore. They are so easily manipulated by her that I don't think it's worth it to try and keep them on my side. It's just pointless.
I really like my job but they changed my shifts so I have to work with her more and I can barely make it through two shifts without fantasizing about telling her and everyone else to fuck off and then quitting.
It's really wearing me down. I've never had this problem to this extent before. I fucking hate her and the way she treats the patients, I am so frustrated that I can't find anything 'technically' wrong with what she's doing because she does it when I'm out of the room or she sticks so closely to the rules that no one can fault her.
What do I do?
trentsteel on
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If that just makes things worse, than I don't think your bosses can do much to help, quite honestly. In that kind of environment you have to either strive on your own willpower and ability to neglect such animosity, or just leave the environment outright. Unless you convince your boss to totally change your shifts, any other recourse will just hurt your situation even further.
Well it turns out everyone else complains about her but no one has actually ever gone to the manager about it. So I did.
She told me that she needs specific dates and details about things she does. I assumed she meant like abusing patients, etc. Stuff that is grounds to get fired.
I'm worried because I don't have proof that she does a lot of the things she does because she waits until I am away from the office to do her thing. I just know it's her doing it though because I've seen her do it to other people when it wasn't me she was singling out and she tries to frequently turn me against people when this happens.
I don't like it because I don't like being a "rat" but confronting her about it was useless.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
I don't want to just quit, because then she will keep doing it to other people and keep being Nurse Ratchet to the patients.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
Your boss doesn't pay a lot of attention to the underlings, huh?
Try to remember any dates, details and patient names of what happened in the past and keep track of what's going on now, then make a tidy list out of it to present to your boss. Make sure you keep gossip off it and that it doesn't come off as pity.
First, with the martyr: Try and avoid her whenever possible, and be busy doing something else. That way when a patient turns on her, you're nowhere in site and at the very least, don't have to needlessly risk your health and safety because of her complex.
As for The Spreader of Toxin, weld yourself to her with a blowtorch. Make sure you are with her every waking moment of every day. You are her new best friend.
this will do two things.
1. It will keep her from talking about you behind your back.
2. If you catch her trying to turn on anyone else or do anything remotely wrong, you've now got ammo you can turn around and use on her.
Unless your manager can catch Genghis Cunt violating some sort of policy or actively being a bitch, there's little s/he can do about her. And with the current shortage of health care workers in our country, s/he isn't going to do anything unless s/he has to.
Encourage other co-workers and the patients to talk about any complaints they have.
The fact that she's extra careful not to do anything out of the way when you're around and watches for you to slip up means that she's scared of you. Since you've already complained about her, she knows that she can't bully you into submission. Use that to your advantage in building a case against her.
Since she purposely riles up patients and (I'm assuming) verbally abuses them, you can probably get her on improper bedside manner, if nothing else.
Ok, if she starts pissing somebody off and they attack her, just hang back and let the patient get a few good shots in before you take them down. Other than that, stick to her like glue.
this is usually very important
Managers and HR departments know that they can't fire someone just because you don't like them. You need to make them understand that this person is causing a problem for a lot of people so that they know there's more to it than "whatever really annoys trentsteel"
I think I have something on her finally.
So I'm staying out of the office as usual, so it's easy for me to do the rounds (checking patient's rooms etc.). Basically you take this clipboard and mark off every patient that you see so that if someone has been missing for awhile you know. It looks like this:
3:00
3:30----4:00----4:30---
Mark
Jessie
Bob
Debbie
etc.
Basically you mark off who you saw at the time you are doing the round (every half hour).
Anyway no one ever initials the bottom of the round. Most people just take turns and there's never any problems.
A few nurses sign it if they actually do one (i'm not a nurse, I'm an aide, we do most of the rounds).
So anyway, she signs it and these nurses sign it, I usually just leave it blank like everyone else because no one fucking cares who did the round as long as it's done.
Anyway, I'm about 3/4 of the way through the shift when I NOTICE THAT SHE HAS BEEN SIGNING HER FUCKING INITIALS NOT ONLY ON HER ROUNDS BUT ON MINE AS WELL. She left one or two blank but basically claimed to have done six of the rounds that I know that I did. I know because I know what time I did my rounds and I recognize my own handwriting. SHE EVEN GOES AS FAR as to use the same colored pen/pencil every time so that it matches the round I did.
What kind of person does that? Obviously she wants to save these and show them to the nurses/manager to claim that I don't do anything.
So I waited until the end of the shift (noticing the rounds board vanished for about an hour--I'm assuming she PHOTOCOPIED it because she was gone as well.) and I took the sheet and kept it. I informed the supervisor, by phone about what happened. I'm going to tell my manager tomorrow and show her the sheet. I mean it's not a huge deal but it's something.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
The fucking aggravating thing is that she comes up looking for the round board even when I hide it from her, takes it from me and says all nice, "OH DON'T WORRY I'll do that for you! Let me do the round!"
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
This.
The REALLY monumentally sad thing about people like her?
She's been there so long that she probably has a little "cheat sheet" of issues on every single person there. A nice little pile of complaints either waiting, or already filed against everyone else but her... just in case.
"Oh, I don't want to be a bother, but I really think you should have this information just to have it on record"
And then if she sees someone becoming an issue, she just pulls out some more ammo, cuts them from the "herd", and tears them apart with it. Most people do not do such things... she is not most people. I had a manager just like this once. He was always under the gun from his management, so he carried the pressure downwards, and kept a file on every single person in the store specifically so he could scapegoat and fire them for any given issue the store was having.
For your part, be nice, be polite, document every tiny thing she does wrong. Do NOT talk to your manager like you hate this person and have made her your own special project. She's not just making your life difficult... you have to approach this like it's a problem for EVERYONE, not just you.
Provided you take the proper tone, and come up with some non biased information, hopefully he will talk with her... and hopefully that info will get out (and not from you). This could cause her to unravel some, and maybe make more mistakes, or maybe others will finally decide it's time to come forward with info they have.
If someone in an hourly timesheet work environment claimed hours worked that they DIDNT, most likely they would be fired, correct? or at least "disciplined" (oh yeah, baby!). This is something I would tell my boss. Also, instead of "shes being a bitch," I would really say that her gossip about you is no longer an annoyance, but the Active Hostility is making it more difficult to due your job, due to her damaging relationships with coworkers that you depend on. This isn't a burger king, this is a hospital. Whether its strictly psych, or a broader-diagnostic hospital, you depend on your coworkers for the life and death and proper care of patients.
Which brings me to my last point. "punishing drug users in little ways...[even through inaction]" Seems to me like a violation of the patient's bill of rights. The difference is that it is not just bias, or emotions getting in the way. She is actively attempting to provide a lower standard of care to patients that do not meet HER criteria for said care. She is also encouraging others to provide a LOWER STANDARD OF CARE through her actions and words. While I am not a medical professional, just someone ecclecticly informed, I am pretty sure that this is a big deal....
The woman's moved from being a pain in the ass to being a potential-lawsuit-machine. She's a liability waiting for a sharp lawyer to find her. Deal with this ASAP- hospitals don't like lawsuits. Go at it that way and you might get an answer.
I can has cheezburger, yes?
This is what I was hoping (her unravelling) because in the past I was once accused of cheating. I knew that I didn't do it, so I walked into the meeting where they confronted me and the guy that obviously copied my test. I didn't say anything, the other guy just immediately gave in to the pressure and basically snapped and started yelling and stuff and then he got kicked out of school.
The unfortunate thing with her is, she is used to pressure and I don't think she'll "break" like that.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
I think these are going to be my talking points when I talk to my boss.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
She called in sick.
She has NEVER called in sick. She practically lives at the hospital.
I'm thinking she has finally felt the pressure of realizing that someone everyone at work likes is finally seeing through all of her bullshit and little games and refuses to play along anymore.
Or it's going to be part of some massive "stress-related" story she's going to come up with and blame on me.
It's kind of funny because every day that went by I was tempted to call in sick just so I wouldn't have to spend another 8 hours with that bitch.
Also we had the greatest shift. Everyone was really positive and upbeat and things went really well and it felt good to work there again.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
SIGN OFF ON YOUR OWN ROUNDS ANYWAY.
Nobody can put their signature there if the line isn't blank.
Yeah exactly. It's actually just something small and petty, which reveals her character I think. That's why I want to show it to my manager. I will be signing my rounds from now on of course.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
I host a podcast about movies.
Either that, or you think you know better than the manager how that workplace should be run. Right or wrong though, its not your concern so just let it go.
Do what you think is right, and if toxic writes down things for a later date, know that what you've done was done for a good reason. Understand why you do what you do and why you do it a certain way. If you're ever called in because this toxic coworker is trying to get you in trouble, take the criticism you receive with humbleness.
And same with your interaction with toxic. Realize that whatever bugs crawled up her ass has nothing to do with you. Some people just get stuck in a rut and want to spread misery wherever they go. They don't know how to get out of it, so its all they can do to make other people miserable too.
If you're really lucky, and she realizes that you just don't care about her bullshit anymore, and you treat her just as you would any other co-worker, you might find she's really a pleasurable person underneath whatever issues she might have.
The fact is, this person creates what someone on the last page called "an actively hostile work environment" everyone is constantly watching their backs and treating patients differently depending on her judgements of them. She's rude and sticks WAY too close to the rules. She's inflexible, spreads gossip and has outright made things up before that aren't true to try and make people look bad. It spreads to everyone on the shift.
The fact that when she wasn't working EVERYONE, including patients are in a good mood and things went smoothly is proof of this. It's always like that, I love my job except when she's there and I've had enough.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
The fact also remains that undermining authority by singling out a co-worker you don't agree with is just as bad for any workplace.
BTW, thats proof that she wasn't there and so people were in high spirits. I doubt I'd wanna have steak or hot sunny days everyday for the rest of my life, but man is it good to have on occasion.
If he worked anywhere but a hospital, I might agree with you. The fact of the matter is, you're there for the patients, period. One of the roles that any healthcare professional plays is that of the patient advocate, so if she's doing something that's bad for a patient it's your responsibility to say or do something about it. That includes mishandling of actual procedures (which doesn't sound like something that's happening) to not taking care of various housekeeping duties that need doing to keep things running, to treating patients poorly. Trentsteel is doing exactly the right thing by making sure the hospital stays a place people can go to get the best care available.
But the heart of the matter is this: OP wants to be happy at his job again. What I'm saying is this: Say this bitch ass nurse gets fired - the replacement could be just as bad or worse, the lack of morale because management has allowed this person to poison the workplace could cause one of his normally good co-workers to carry on in her shoes or, the gossipy BS has already started and will likely just continue with this crazy lady gone.
So just stop the whole thing. You go to work to work. If you can have fun doing it, then by all means. So if she's killing your fun by making you worry about dumb shit like doing all your jobs right, make sure you're doing them right, enjoy your time at work, and have fun with the cool people that're there.
I'm not just talking out my ass here. I work at a place right now thats just the same. The people I work with are pretty awesome people , but they're also a bunch of gossipy, whiney, bitches. They talk about the dumb shit everyone else does behind their back. And it got me way stressed about everything because I fell for it. The place wasn't the problem, but neither was the people. It was all just a head trip. Do a decent job that you can be proud of and trust others to do the same.
TL;DR: You can't save the world, so learn to love it while you've got the chance. Or actually, does the world even really need saving?
Now you probably have some terrific reason why you cling to your nihilism, but I assure you it is bogus. You should stop trying to convince others to be like you.
Hah! I love making a difference, but sometimes the difference isn't yours to make, so you choose your battles wisely. Otherwise you end up no better than what you're trying to fix.
I guess I just prefer a rational response to an emotional one.
If you have some kind of documentation of that, you might want to talk with the Corporate Compliance officer at your hospital. Just an idea.
Then call state agency responsible for overseeing patient care and report her for the abuse she gives patients to rile them up. They JUMP on that fuckin shit.
You might be able to do it anonymously, but be upfront. Say she has created a toxic atmosphere that actually hurts patience and their care, and that management isnt doing anything about the issue/turning a blind eye to the issue, and that you are concerned for your employment in these touch times if things were to get out of hand should you complain/do something in person.
I'd say try to cap a video or pictures of it, but I know in my neck of the woods they frown upon/outright banned picture/video phones from employee usage for concern of patient privacy.
No "potentially" about it. It is a HIPAA violation.
Uh, try *IS* a HIPAA violation. The only people who can legally view your medical records are you, your parents (if you're under 18), and any doctor currently involved in giving you treatment.
Doctor/patient conversations are confidential. If she's listening to those, well, she's *this* close to invoking a shitstorm if some lawyer catches wind of this. Lawsuits cost $texas if you lose, even settling is quite expensive. Not to mention the ass-pounding they'll take mediawise. Bad publicity can cause doctors to look elsewhere for jobs and patients to go elsewhere for treatment. It won't matter for the other docs/nurses- they'll all get painted as being from "the hospital where that nurse worked".
I can has cheezburger, yes?
Oh, also the toxic person is an aide like me. She's not even a nurse and yet she seems to be able to intimidate them all.
I had a conversation about this with one of the nurses who I guess was feeling really frustrated by the whole situation as well. She was seeking advice from another nurse on how to deal with this toxic person because she makes patients angry and then they have to give the patient medication to calm them down. I tried to hint that it would be nice if I wasn't the only one going in to the manager about this and she obviously has some stories to tell of her own.
I made a TD for iphone and windows phone!
o_O
This is not the place to convince (assumed) nihilists that they're wrong.
Seeing the other side of the coin can be just as helpful in making a decision.
Actually, nurses, aides, unit secretaries, monitor technicians, respiratory therapists and a host of others can have some access to your medical records, as long as they stick to those portions corresponding with their particular job duties. Which is why I was so hesitant to outright declare that she was violating HIPAA. If her job title gives her access to certain records and conversations, then there is little you could do. Just one reason I suggested he take it to his hospital's Corporate Compliance officer. If there are violations, the officer should come down hard on those responsible.
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