Hi I'm Vee!Formerly VH; She/Her; Is an E X P E R I E N C ERegistered Userregular
edited November 2006
Somewhere I missed the transition from 4 days suspension to expulsion.
I've reread the thread and it still seems really abrupt. Can anyone enlighten me as to the reason (the real one, or the one the school came up with, either will do) why his punishment took such a turn for the worse?
Somewhere I missed the transition from 4 days suspension to expulsion.
I've reread the thread and it still seems really abrupt. Can anyone enlighten me as to the reason (the real one, or the one the school came up with, either will do) why his punishment took such a turn for the worse?
Supposedly, his attitude toward the administration. Specifically, "rude and belligerent behavior" towards the associate dean.
Somewhere I missed the transition from 4 days suspension to expulsion.
I've reread the thread and it still seems really abrupt. Can anyone enlighten me as to the reason (the real one, or the one the school came up with, either will do) why his punishment took such a turn for the worse?
Supposedly, his attitude toward the administration. Specifically, "rude and belligerent behavior" towards the associate dean.
The funny thing is, most of the time that basically means someone has a history of bad behavior and was being an asshat. However it's the topic in question in this case which differentiates it, and the fact that the guy isn't an unrepentent douche in his posting (of which, the people I've know who would go down for that reason wouldn't even be here, much less able to type a coherent sentence).
:shock: Man calm down, you're reading more into this than there is.
I was put on the spot by the most powerful people in the school, and the only thought in my mind was "how can I fix this situation as quickly as possible". The first thing I thought of was to find a witness to the event.
:shock: Man calm down, you're reading more into this than there is.
I was put on the spot by the most powerful people in the school, and the only thought in my mind was "how can I fix this situation as quickly as possible". The first thing I thought of was to find a witness to the event.
No, the more you try to defend yourself, the more Yar seems to want to read into the situation.
You're a douchebag in his eyes, and I'm not sure many of us in this thread understand quite why.
:shock: Man calm down, you're reading more into this than there is.
I was put on the spot by the most powerful people in the school, and the only thought in my mind was "how can I fix this situation as quickly as possible". The first thing I thought of was to find a witness to the event.
No, the more you try to defend yourself, the more Yar seems to want to read into the situation.
You're a douchebag in his eyes, and I'm not sure many of us in this thread understand quite why.
I understand why and somewhat agree with him. It's difficult to know the best solution to problems, especially when you're under pressure and a lot is on the line. For highly ambitious, confrontational people, defending yourself is usually the most natural course of action. I probably would have taken the route you did initially, albeit more calmly and tactfully (scheduling an appointment with the Dean and providing written support by witnesses instead of going in without an appointment with witnesses).
Regardless of your motives, your actions would strike anyone in a position of power as a threat to their power. This usually results in them exercising their authority in ways detrimental to you. Basically, you have to recognize that you are the Greek peasant and they are Zeus. They hold all of the lightning bolts and you can at best dodge them.
I do think that your claim of only wanting to apologize and get it over with is disingenuous. You wanted to clear your name and show that you did nothing wrong. You wanted to show that you were right and they had gotten everything wrong. Problem is, they had already made up their minds that you HAD done something wrong and the more you tried to prove them wrong, the angrier you got them. There was literally no way for you to prove otherwise. But you, at no time, showed that you just wanted to apologize and move on. You needed to walk away from this not just out of trouble but also RIGHT. That was what made everything worse.
Again, nobody here thinks you deserve to get expelled. However, you do have to recognize that your actions made the situation worse and probably played a part in the eventual expulsion. If the school will provide you with a name of a psychiatrist and maybe pay for a few sessions, I would take them up on it. Look at it as a chance for self reflection and improvement. Think: "How can I grow from this?" instead of "THIS IS ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!"
I know it's an old phrase, but it's true here. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Move forward from today with a sincere commitment to learning how to communicate with people more effectively and how to work with authority (or even confront authority) without getting yourself squashed. If the administration is being honest and will let you back in if you do that, then I would thank them for the second chance and move forward from there.
I'd rather fight the power then bend over and take it, but that's just me.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Risk versus reward. If you have literally nothing to gain by trying to prove yourself right, then what's the point? His overall goal should be to finish his education. If that is his goal, then he should be willing to sacrifice a little dignity to do so. It is a phantom loss, at worst, and a learning experience at best.
He's not singlehandedly going to change the way his college does business, nor is he going to foment a student rebellion against the adminstration. If he continues on his current line, he will, at best, be forced to transfer somewhere else to finish his education. If he goes to court with the college, do you really think it will be all peaches and cream with the college if he wins? In addition, it will take time that he could better spend finishing school and moving on with his future. The opportunity cost is very high here.
Choosing a pyrrhic victory over a minor setback is not a smart decision in this situation.
I'd rather fight the power then bend over and take it, but that's just me.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Totally with you there. Honestly if this had happened to me I would be looking for a way to make everyone involved pay, because it's bullshit of the highest order.
I'd rather fight the power then bend over and take it, but that's just me.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Yes, he was. And that's why Yar was calling bullshit on his latest posts, where he says that all he wanted was an opportunity to apologize and move on.
I'd rather fight the power then bend over and take it, but that's just me.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Yes, he was. And that's why Yar was calling bullshit on his latest posts, where he says that all he wanted was an opportunity to apologize and move on.
Yar, instead of merely pointing that out, launched into a largely personal attack.
The only logical conclusion is he has a chip on his shoulder. As others have pointed out, Bandetta has been nothing if not civil here.
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
Well, at least that is something you can sue the school over, right? :?
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
Well, at least that is something you can sue the school over, right? :?
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
Well, at least that is something you can sue the school over, right? :?
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
Well, at least that is something you can sue the school over, right? :?
It depends.
Well, you can always sue, it's just a question of whether you'll win, or whether the judge will even hear it.
I can't help but feel like, as much as this sucks, that Bandetta, while not being a paying customer himself, insulted one, and if the school has to choose between the two of them, they choose the person actually giving them money (assuming she's not taking a free ride as well)
Even if both were not paying customers, it would not surprise me that they would side with the student who does not go out of her way to upset others, and is also not (perceived as) rude to the administration.
You cannot apologize and defend yourself at the same time. They are mutually exclusive.
How do you figure?
If you're defending your actions, you aren't admitting that they were wrong. He's talking about sincerely apologizing.
Fake edit: sanstodo said everything I wanted and more.
Pretty much. My wife gets me on this all the time. When I'm trying to apologize for making her feel bad after telling her she's wrong about something, or did something wrong, I always end up instead explaining why I'm right, but sorry that I'm so right that it hurts her.
So what is that so many people here have no problem reducing a girl to tears for claiming leprechauns as science, but continue to forgive and ignore that Bandetta repeatedly changes his story and manipulates the truth of what happened, and basically bullshits us. I see them both as pretty equally retarded, though in different ways perhaps.
That's possible. But the reason they gave for expelling him was his pretentious and rude defense. I think that's a pretty strong indicator that they were expecting, and would have accepted, an apology.
I was put on the spot by the most powerful people in the school, and the only thought in my mind was "how can I fix this situation as quickly as possible". The first thing I thought of was to find a witness to the event.
That is not at all consistent with what you have told us thus far. You apparently showed up announced with witnesses and demanded to be heard, in manner that was deemed rude and belligerent. Your characterization now as "poor little scared me just trying my best in front of the all-powerful man" is about as believable as your claim that you were nothing but civil and polite to the girl that you reduced to tears.
Anyway, the fact that your first thought was "find a witness" instead of "apologize" is exactly the kind of thing we were talking about 25 pages ago. That is what got you expelled.
Defending yourself means you think you're innocent. Which means you do not believe you have anything to apologize for. If you then tack on "I'm sorry," you have already demonstrated your apology as empty.
He had the option all along just to apologize. Many of us advised him on that course. He chose a belligerent defense. He got expelled for it.
His claims now that all he wanted was to apologize are just as annoying as his initial claim that he was suspended over faith.
Just as annoying as his claim that he was nothing but civil and polite, even though it prompted an instructor to tell him to lay off and it prompted a nervous breakdown in the girl.
Just as annoying as his claim that all he wanted was to avoid getting expelled, because of his parents.
Just as annoying as his claim that he intended to "keep his head down," while he was selling his story to the media and contacting the ACLU before a decision had even been handed to him.
And so on.
And what sanstodo said.
Yar on
0
Options
Irond WillWARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!!Cambridge. MAModeratormod
I'd rather fight the power then bend over and take it, but that's just me.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Yes, he was. And that's why Yar was calling bullshit on his latest posts, where he says that all he wanted was an opportunity to apologize and move on.
Yar, instead of merely pointing that out, launched into a largely personal attack.
The only logical conclusion is he has a chip on his shoulder. As others have pointed out, Bandetta has been nothing if not civil here.
And it seems to be a pretty big fucking chip.
Yar often has a chip on his shoulder, and he's usually arrogant and rude. He's sometimes worth listening to, regardless.
As others have pointed out, Bandetta has been nothing if not civil here.
And a bullshitter, too. Many people don't like hearing stories that change with every incarnation.
I count one time the story "changed," and that was when he failed to tell us a comment by the teacher.
Feel free to enlighten me. I'm not being sarcastic, either. I'd like to know when he changed the story in every incarnation.
That, and that all he wanted was to move on and apologize. The second one is worse because, unlike in his classroom, we know we he said. And he still tried to change his story.
I repeat: "So what" is that he said he just wanted to not get expelled. But I don't think that is the case at all. I think he very much wanted to create a drama.
Also "so what" is that while I am glad to see so many of you realizing many of the same things I realize about Bandetta, I'm amazed at how many of you still don't realize it.
While I can't possibly know for sure everything that happened, I can merely look at all the evident bullshit just here in this thread, do some rough probabilistic extrapolation on the bullshit that I don't know about, and assure myself fairly well that he was a total self-righteous asshole to the girl in question, to the instructor, and to everyone in the administration.
Perhaps the same kind of self-righteous asshole I'm being in this thread. I'm sure many of you really wish you could, I don't know, expel me from this thread, m i rite?
But as many people have pointed out, the reason a lot of people come to D&D is to be smug and right and win the biggest brain-penis game. I doubt I've reduced anyone to tears here, but fuck you in the ear if I have. IRL, however, that is not a wise course. Not all college administrations would agree that there's is a forum for that particular kind of intellectual dick-wagging. IRL, I would have genuinely felt sorry for having caused such sadness in someone and I would have sincerely apologized, regardless of how "right" I may have been about her ideas on science. Bandetta was not her instructor. It wasn't his job to teach her. His job was to learn and respect his fellow students as best he could.
The real irony is that when you guys die, the leprechaun that guards the gates to string energy layer 9 is going to remember all of this and cast you all into the evil gnomes' realm.
The real irony is that when you guys die, the leprechaun that guards the gates to string energy layer 9 is going to remember all of this and cast you all into the evil gnomes' realm.
Yar has summed it up nicely. I think we're done here.
Bandetta, you seem to have a rational head on your shoulders, and I wish you the best of luck in getting back into your school. However, ignoring all of the arguing going on in this thread, the story can be distilled to these basic facts.
1) Bandetta somehow offended a student at his school.
2) He was expelled for innappropriate conduct during his hearing.
Now, this tells me that we're not getting the entire story from you. I'm not saying that you're a lying jackass, just that you have your perspective and may not view your behavior as extreme. In fact, your (mis)perception of your actions landed you in this whole mess in the first place. Until we can hear a different side of the story, I'm more inclined to agree with Yar.
Of course, this doesn't excuse the fact that this girl believed in motherfucking leprechauns, and to expel you was ridiculous. I'm just saying you ain't Mother Teresa.
Defending yourself means you think you're innocent.
But it... doesn't. Not necessarily, anyway.
If I call someone stupid in the heat of an argument and they report it to the police as harassment, I can apologize to them for calling them a name but still defend myself on the grounds that, you know, it wasn't harassment.
If anything, unconditionally apologizing does little more than remove your actions from context. Plenty of people are fully capable of feeling genuinely sorry about things while still wanting to explain the circumstances from their point of view so both people actually learn something about each other - even while willing to take whatever punishment is necessary - or just so you don't look like a total unthinking jackass. Hypothetical example (I've never called a woman this): you call a woman a bitch, and she calls you a sexist. You can apologize for your choice of words while simultaneously maintaining that you aren't actually sexist.
Yes, there are disingenuous apologies - "I'm sorry you're so sensitive that what I said hurt you" - but there are also perfectly genuine apologies that 'defend' yourself - "Man, I'm really sorry about being so short with you on the phone earlier, my boss just fired me." You can make a label saying that only unconditional apologies are "sincere," and that's fine if you want to think that from a moralistic standpoint, but that doesn't in any way reduce the number of people who feel just as sincere and apologetic as you do when giving a "sincere" apology as when they give such "insincere" apologies.
You can make the argument that it would have been better for his case to unconditionally apologize, but you can't say something about apologies like that unless you're just going to say "this is so because I say it is." Not everyone has the same life experiences to feel that apologies absolutely have to work that way.
You're splitting hairs. You can apologize for using the word bitch and defend yourself as not a sexist, sure. You're apology will still be taken pretty lightly, but you can do it sincerely.
You cannot apologize for using the word bitch while defending your assertion that the girl in question was actually a bitch.
I doubt that would be the case here, though. If Bandetta were going to apologize for something, it would probably be the manner in which he debated the girl or for even debating in the first place. He would probably not apologize for the specific assertion that things which are not scientific are not scientific.
If this school tosses people out for "being rude" and "hurting feelings", how do they handle situations where students have love triangles, break ups, cheating boyfriends/girlfriends, etc? Or does this only apply to religious beliefs? (Or worldview beliefs, since it sounds like the "energy levels" weren't exactly a religious belief?)
I repeat: "So what" is that he said he just wanted to not get expelled. But I don't think that is the case at all. I think he very much wanted to create a drama.
Last time I checked, it took more than "drama" to justify kicking someone out of school.
That is what my "so what" is in regards to.
Maybe he acted like a dick. So what.
Maybe he should have done what you said. So what.
He's still kicked out of school for (what seems like) a bullshit reason.
hambone on
Just a bunch of intoxicated pigeons.
0
Options
Irond WillWARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!!Cambridge. MAModeratormod
I repeat: "So what" is that he said he just wanted to not get expelled. But I don't think that is the case at all. I think he very much wanted to create a drama.
Last time I checked, it took more than "drama" to justify kicking someone out of school.
That is what my "so what" is in regards to.
Maybe he acted like a dick. So what.
Maybe he should have done what you said. So what.
He's still kicked out of school for (what seems like) a bullshit reason.
No one's really disputing that. What they're saying is that he appeared to have comported himself as something of a dick, he's apparently misrepresented his case, and that he handled the aftermath horribly. Some of us are also saying that he was fed some horrible "fight the power' advice by some people on this board.
He's still kicked out of school for (what seems like) a bullshit reason.
If your stance is now that he was a dick, and should have done what we said, but he still shouldn't have been expelled, then we are in total agreement and your "so what" is appropriate.
Posts
I've reread the thread and it still seems really abrupt. Can anyone enlighten me as to the reason (the real one, or the one the school came up with, either will do) why his punishment took such a turn for the worse?
Supposedly, his attitude toward the administration. Specifically, "rude and belligerent behavior" towards the associate dean.
:shock: Man calm down, you're reading more into this than there is.
I was put on the spot by the most powerful people in the school, and the only thought in my mind was "how can I fix this situation as quickly as possible". The first thing I thought of was to find a witness to the event.
No, the more you try to defend yourself, the more Yar seems to want to read into the situation.
You're a douchebag in his eyes, and I'm not sure many of us in this thread understand quite why.
How do you figure?
I understand why and somewhat agree with him. It's difficult to know the best solution to problems, especially when you're under pressure and a lot is on the line. For highly ambitious, confrontational people, defending yourself is usually the most natural course of action. I probably would have taken the route you did initially, albeit more calmly and tactfully (scheduling an appointment with the Dean and providing written support by witnesses instead of going in without an appointment with witnesses).
Regardless of your motives, your actions would strike anyone in a position of power as a threat to their power. This usually results in them exercising their authority in ways detrimental to you. Basically, you have to recognize that you are the Greek peasant and they are Zeus. They hold all of the lightning bolts and you can at best dodge them.
I do think that your claim of only wanting to apologize and get it over with is disingenuous. You wanted to clear your name and show that you did nothing wrong. You wanted to show that you were right and they had gotten everything wrong. Problem is, they had already made up their minds that you HAD done something wrong and the more you tried to prove them wrong, the angrier you got them. There was literally no way for you to prove otherwise. But you, at no time, showed that you just wanted to apologize and move on. You needed to walk away from this not just out of trouble but also RIGHT. That was what made everything worse.
Again, nobody here thinks you deserve to get expelled. However, you do have to recognize that your actions made the situation worse and probably played a part in the eventual expulsion. If the school will provide you with a name of a psychiatrist and maybe pay for a few sessions, I would take them up on it. Look at it as a chance for self reflection and improvement. Think: "How can I grow from this?" instead of "THIS IS ALL FUCKING BULLSHIT!"
I know it's an old phrase, but it's true here. When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Move forward from today with a sincere commitment to learning how to communicate with people more effectively and how to work with authority (or even confront authority) without getting yourself squashed. If the administration is being honest and will let you back in if you do that, then I would thank them for the second chance and move forward from there.
And, judging from Bandetta's posts, it sounds like he knew he was making that decision too.
Risk versus reward. If you have literally nothing to gain by trying to prove yourself right, then what's the point? His overall goal should be to finish his education. If that is his goal, then he should be willing to sacrifice a little dignity to do so. It is a phantom loss, at worst, and a learning experience at best.
He's not singlehandedly going to change the way his college does business, nor is he going to foment a student rebellion against the adminstration. If he continues on his current line, he will, at best, be forced to transfer somewhere else to finish his education. If he goes to court with the college, do you really think it will be all peaches and cream with the college if he wins? In addition, it will take time that he could better spend finishing school and moving on with his future. The opportunity cost is very high here.
Choosing a pyrrhic victory over a minor setback is not a smart decision in this situation.
Yar, instead of merely pointing that out, launched into a largely personal attack.
The only logical conclusion is he has a chip on his shoulder. As others have pointed out, Bandetta has been nothing if not civil here.
And it seems to be a pretty big fucking chip.
I count one time the story "changed," and that was when he failed to tell us a comment by the teacher.
Feel free to enlighten me. I'm not being sarcastic, either. I'd like to know when he changed the story in every incarnation.
It depends.
Well, you can always sue, it's just a question of whether you'll win, or whether the judge will even hear it.
Fake edit: sanstodo said everything I wanted and more.
Pretty much. My wife gets me on this all the time. When I'm trying to apologize for making her feel bad after telling her she's wrong about something, or did something wrong, I always end up instead explaining why I'm right, but sorry that I'm so right that it hurts her.
So what is that so many people here have no problem reducing a girl to tears for claiming leprechauns as science, but continue to forgive and ignore that Bandetta repeatedly changes his story and manipulates the truth of what happened, and basically bullshits us. I see them both as pretty equally retarded, though in different ways perhaps.
Which is what we told him would happen.
That's possible. But the reason they gave for expelling him was his pretentious and rude defense. I think that's a pretty strong indicator that they were expecting, and would have accepted, an apology.
That is not at all consistent with what you have told us thus far. You apparently showed up announced with witnesses and demanded to be heard, in manner that was deemed rude and belligerent. Your characterization now as "poor little scared me just trying my best in front of the all-powerful man" is about as believable as your claim that you were nothing but civil and polite to the girl that you reduced to tears.
Anyway, the fact that your first thought was "find a witness" instead of "apologize" is exactly the kind of thing we were talking about 25 pages ago. That is what got you expelled.
Defending yourself means you think you're innocent. Which means you do not believe you have anything to apologize for. If you then tack on "I'm sorry," you have already demonstrated your apology as empty.
He had the option all along just to apologize. Many of us advised him on that course. He chose a belligerent defense. He got expelled for it.
His claims now that all he wanted was to apologize are just as annoying as his initial claim that he was suspended over faith.
Just as annoying as his claim that he was nothing but civil and polite, even though it prompted an instructor to tell him to lay off and it prompted a nervous breakdown in the girl.
Just as annoying as his claim that all he wanted was to avoid getting expelled, because of his parents.
Just as annoying as his claim that he intended to "keep his head down," while he was selling his story to the media and contacting the ACLU before a decision had even been handed to him.
And so on.
And what sanstodo said.
Yar often has a chip on his shoulder, and he's usually arrogant and rude. He's sometimes worth listening to, regardless.
I would agree with all of that. Violet for fix'd.
I repeat: so what.
You want a fucking cookie?
Your smug "I told you so" schtick is beyond pointless. The more you bring it up, the more you sound like a vindictive twat.
Im searing here. Trying to find some reason that being a vindictive twat on the internet is a bad thing.
i just cant come up with it though.
I can't be the only one who finds it ironic that Yar is being a dick and explaining to Bandetta how wrong he is.
I don't play that shit, son.
I don't. There are venues where being a dick is appropriate. The internet is #1.
And given that Yar is right, I don't see why Bandetta would complain. As far as I remember, he's all about the rightitude.
Also "so what" is that while I am glad to see so many of you realizing many of the same things I realize about Bandetta, I'm amazed at how many of you still don't realize it.
While I can't possibly know for sure everything that happened, I can merely look at all the evident bullshit just here in this thread, do some rough probabilistic extrapolation on the bullshit that I don't know about, and assure myself fairly well that he was a total self-righteous asshole to the girl in question, to the instructor, and to everyone in the administration.
Perhaps the same kind of self-righteous asshole I'm being in this thread. I'm sure many of you really wish you could, I don't know, expel me from this thread, m i rite?
But as many people have pointed out, the reason a lot of people come to D&D is to be smug and right and win the biggest brain-penis game. I doubt I've reduced anyone to tears here, but fuck you in the ear if I have. IRL, however, that is not a wise course. Not all college administrations would agree that there's is a forum for that particular kind of intellectual dick-wagging. IRL, I would have genuinely felt sorry for having caused such sadness in someone and I would have sincerely apologized, regardless of how "right" I may have been about her ideas on science. Bandetta was not her instructor. It wasn't his job to teach her. His job was to learn and respect his fellow students as best he could.
The real irony is that when you guys die, the leprechaun that guards the gates to string energy layer 9 is going to remember all of this and cast you all into the evil gnomes' realm.
Bandetta, you seem to have a rational head on your shoulders, and I wish you the best of luck in getting back into your school. However, ignoring all of the arguing going on in this thread, the story can be distilled to these basic facts.
1) Bandetta somehow offended a student at his school.
2) He was expelled for innappropriate conduct during his hearing.
Now, this tells me that we're not getting the entire story from you. I'm not saying that you're a lying jackass, just that you have your perspective and may not view your behavior as extreme. In fact, your (mis)perception of your actions landed you in this whole mess in the first place. Until we can hear a different side of the story, I'm more inclined to agree with Yar.
Of course, this doesn't excuse the fact that this girl believed in motherfucking leprechauns, and to expel you was ridiculous. I'm just saying you ain't Mother Teresa.
If I call someone stupid in the heat of an argument and they report it to the police as harassment, I can apologize to them for calling them a name but still defend myself on the grounds that, you know, it wasn't harassment.
If anything, unconditionally apologizing does little more than remove your actions from context. Plenty of people are fully capable of feeling genuinely sorry about things while still wanting to explain the circumstances from their point of view so both people actually learn something about each other - even while willing to take whatever punishment is necessary - or just so you don't look like a total unthinking jackass. Hypothetical example (I've never called a woman this): you call a woman a bitch, and she calls you a sexist. You can apologize for your choice of words while simultaneously maintaining that you aren't actually sexist.
Yes, there are disingenuous apologies - "I'm sorry you're so sensitive that what I said hurt you" - but there are also perfectly genuine apologies that 'defend' yourself - "Man, I'm really sorry about being so short with you on the phone earlier, my boss just fired me." You can make a label saying that only unconditional apologies are "sincere," and that's fine if you want to think that from a moralistic standpoint, but that doesn't in any way reduce the number of people who feel just as sincere and apologetic as you do when giving a "sincere" apology as when they give such "insincere" apologies.
You can make the argument that it would have been better for his case to unconditionally apologize, but you can't say something about apologies like that unless you're just going to say "this is so because I say it is." Not everyone has the same life experiences to feel that apologies absolutely have to work that way.
You cannot apologize for using the word bitch while defending your assertion that the girl in question was actually a bitch.
Last time I checked, it took more than "drama" to justify kicking someone out of school.
That is what my "so what" is in regards to.
Maybe he acted like a dick. So what.
Maybe he should have done what you said. So what.
He's still kicked out of school for (what seems like) a bullshit reason.
No one's really disputing that. What they're saying is that he appeared to have comported himself as something of a dick, he's apparently misrepresented his case, and that he handled the aftermath horribly. Some of us are also saying that he was fed some horrible "fight the power' advice by some people on this board.