The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Online dating: when should I ask her out?
delroland
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So, I created an OKCupid account. I found someone on there, and we've been exchanging messages. Last night, we chatted via IM for the first time, and it went pretty well.
My question for the forum is this: when should I ask her out on a real date? I was thinking of doing it the next time we chat, but what do you all think?
Also, would it be too corny to bring her a rose or flowers for our first date?
My question for the forum is this: when should I ask her out on a real date? I was thinking of doing it the next time we chat, but what do you all think?
Also, would it be too corny to bring her a rose or flowers for our first date?
EVE: Online - the most fun you will ever have not playing a game.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
delroland on
0
This discussion has been closed.
Posts
Ask her out whenever you want. Just don't wait too long.
And no flowers.
I agree with this.
You dont want to build up this quasi-relationship in the written form, then meet up and discover that theres zero attraction, and actually talking to each other is awkward and un-fun. Also you dont want to wait around biding your time while some other guy sends a message, then asks her out first. Actually theres so many reasons to ask her out fairly early on, and not many good reasons to wait.
Its just a meeting, you're not asking for her hand in marriage.
Personally, i wouldnt take flowers. Unless you're very clearly a romantic, and your messages & chats so far have clearly portrayed this, its going to seem way too forward imho.
And thanks for the rapid advice so far.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
"I think we should go on a date to the Chapters on Main Street. Thursday work for you?" or even just "I think we should go out on a date." and take it from there.
You can also be a huge dork and say "Just so we're on the same page, you know this is a date right?" although your results may vary.
No, there's a "just friends" option. She has, under what she's looking for, "Activity partner OR Long-term relationship OR Just friends". She's read my profile which makes it clear I'm looking for a relationship and not friends, but I want to do something to prove that to her, so to speak.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
Kiss her at the end of the date.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
If you ask them out quickly, yes this is usually pretty much assumed. Quite often it ends with something like "Hey, you seem pretty cool, but i'm not really feeling a spark" and you end up as friends (or not of course) but yeah you both know why you are there to start with.
Even still, its very important to continue to act quickly. If you feel attraction, make sure you do the simple things like making physical contact (hug/kiss on the cheek when you meet, a touch on the arm during conversation, stuff like that), dont sit miles apart if you can help it (like the opposite sides of a table), and keep eye contact. And if you have a good time, make it absolutely clear at the end of the date, tell her you had a great time, and you'd love to see her again soon. Then follow up and schedule something again soon.
My dating days ended because I dropped the online shy crap and, after getting a response from any female who a) had a picture and b) seemed interesting, I said "hey, OK, let's meet and get coffee tomorrow afternoon. We can chat."
Not only were they more attractive (the girls that are happy to meet you usually aren't hermits who sit home all day), but they were all more interesting to talk to because we didn't already know every stupid thing about each other. More importantly, it shortened the time from meeting to accept/reject down to about 2-3 days, instead of over a month. When I met my now-wife, I said at the end of the date "this is fun, are you busy this afternoon?" She was, so I followed it up with "OK, well how about this weekend? I'll call you."
And then I called her the next day and that was that.
So yes, do something with her already. If she's cool, you'll be happy you met so soon. If she sucks, you'll be happy you didn't waste your time.
Wish me luck, and thanks again for all the input.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
Now we wait for the "OMG! She misssed her..." thread.
Back OT, very awesome, delroland. I went on a lot of dates through those sites, and while it's fun to chat, it's best to just ask someone out early, and get it over with.
I would try to downplay the whole, "we met on-line; how cool is that?!" and just go out on a date as if you first met IRL.
It's kind of a given what your intentions are, since you met on an dating site.
Also, if you haven't figured this out yet, you DON'T know if you're actually interested in a relationship yet. The first date is basically an audition for the both of you. You may very well realize at the end of the date that there is no chemistry, or she chews her food with her mouth open, or the pictures you've seen of her were all taken 5 years ago...who knows. Have fun, but don't make more of the date than it is--a getting to know you session.