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kind of an embarrassing incident
something
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hmm i don't really know how to word this..
so i've been going out with this girl for about 2 and a half months and things have been going pretty well.
she came over and things kind of started heating up.
for the record, we're both 18. i'm pretty sure i'm her first real relationship. we're both virgins.
we had talked about sex and stuff before and we both knew that we wanted to do it, just not when it would actually happen.
we were at my house in bed making out and eventually things just kind of led to me with a condom in my hand.
i had never opened/put on a condom before, so i didn't really know what to do. well, i mean i knew what to do, i just wasn't very fast or efficient.
basically i fumbled around trying to see which end rolled out for a few seconds an by the time i got it ready i had completely lost my erection.
looking back it's sort of like that episode of seinfeld when george has a hard time ripping open a condom wrapper.
it was actually almost exactly like whenever this happens in the movies/on tv, i'm pretty sure i told her "this has never happened to me before"
anyways..so no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get it up. i felt like a complete idiot, she was just laying there looking at me while i silently panicked.
eventually i managed to get it kind of ready, like it was up, but it wasn't up you know?
well then another problem came up when we tried actually doing it.
first she got on top and i couldn't get it in, she tried to guide me, but that didn't work. we switched positions and i tried, but i guess it wasn't quite, ready because it wouldn't really go in.
after a minute or so i just told her that it wasn't going to happen. i tried to shrug it off and made a joke about performance anxiety which looking back seems really stupid.
we got out of bed and went into the living room, she told me she was okay with it, but she seemed quiet and distant, like she was in deep thought. she got some water and we sat in an awkward silence for like 7 minutes before she said she should go.
she told me that it was okay, and that she didn't see me any differently, but it still really bothers me.
i haven't talked to her since it happened (1 day ago).
did i completely ruin our relationship? should i worry about this, or is it a common occurrence?
i don't really know what to say to her the next time we speak, should i just pretend it never happened? would dwelling on it just make the situation worse?
i'm guessing i was just nervous, maybe under pressure
i mean, after she left i was able to get it up without any real problems.
i'm pretty sure she likes me enough to not drop me after one experience like that. i just feel really bad because now i'm realizing that i ruined her first sexual encounter as well as mine.
TL;DR
couldn't get it up my first time with GF, do you think she'll ever want to talk to me again? what should i do?
so i've been going out with this girl for about 2 and a half months and things have been going pretty well.
she came over and things kind of started heating up.
for the record, we're both 18. i'm pretty sure i'm her first real relationship. we're both virgins.
we had talked about sex and stuff before and we both knew that we wanted to do it, just not when it would actually happen.
we were at my house in bed making out and eventually things just kind of led to me with a condom in my hand.
i had never opened/put on a condom before, so i didn't really know what to do. well, i mean i knew what to do, i just wasn't very fast or efficient.
basically i fumbled around trying to see which end rolled out for a few seconds an by the time i got it ready i had completely lost my erection.
looking back it's sort of like that episode of seinfeld when george has a hard time ripping open a condom wrapper.
it was actually almost exactly like whenever this happens in the movies/on tv, i'm pretty sure i told her "this has never happened to me before"
anyways..so no matter how hard i tried i couldn't get it up. i felt like a complete idiot, she was just laying there looking at me while i silently panicked.
eventually i managed to get it kind of ready, like it was up, but it wasn't up you know?
well then another problem came up when we tried actually doing it.
first she got on top and i couldn't get it in, she tried to guide me, but that didn't work. we switched positions and i tried, but i guess it wasn't quite, ready because it wouldn't really go in.
after a minute or so i just told her that it wasn't going to happen. i tried to shrug it off and made a joke about performance anxiety which looking back seems really stupid.
we got out of bed and went into the living room, she told me she was okay with it, but she seemed quiet and distant, like she was in deep thought. she got some water and we sat in an awkward silence for like 7 minutes before she said she should go.
she told me that it was okay, and that she didn't see me any differently, but it still really bothers me.
i haven't talked to her since it happened (1 day ago).
did i completely ruin our relationship? should i worry about this, or is it a common occurrence?
i don't really know what to say to her the next time we speak, should i just pretend it never happened? would dwelling on it just make the situation worse?
i'm guessing i was just nervous, maybe under pressure
i mean, after she left i was able to get it up without any real problems.
i'm pretty sure she likes me enough to not drop me after one experience like that. i just feel really bad because now i'm realizing that i ruined her first sexual encounter as well as mine.
TL;DR
couldn't get it up my first time with GF, do you think she'll ever want to talk to me again? what should i do?
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I'm sure I'm not the only other one this has happened to.
Edit: I got a leg cramp.
A millionare I tells you!
But yeah, had pretty much the same experience. Don't worry about it.
Just laugh it off and relax, because the more you worry about it, the more likely it will happen again.
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I wouldnt worry about it destroying your relationship, these things happen. You've got to stay in contact with her though, open up that communication and hang out together again!
Here's something you may not have thought of - She probably ALSO feels bad about it, and possibly feels to blame. It was going to be her first time too. What if she thinks it was her fault? That she wasnt hot enough, or didnt do something right? I'm not advising you ask her if this is the case, but you should definately think about how she feels as well.
Next time you go to do stuff, just forget about yourself for a while. Pleasure her, make that your prime focus. The first time you guys do actual penetration she probably isnt going to enjoy it a great deal anyway, so make sure she enjoys everything up to that point
You mean this easy open condom?
Those things are awesome.
But yeah, the very same thing happened to me my first time. And it was not her first time by far, so I felt extra foolish. Which didn't help. It's basically just a nerves thing and it happens to a lot of people.
I'd say spend a little bit of time figuring out how they work so it isn't so much a distraction from the sexy time and you'll be good to go.
As stated earlier in the thread- have her put it on for you, also don't forget the importance of foreplay.
to be honest i never really considered that she might be feeling this way too, but it makes sense.
also, this is might sound a little strange, but do condoms usually smell like latex, the one i had smelled really latexy, like how a latex glove might.
ugh i sound really weird asking basic questions like that, but like, the sex talk i had with my parents like 10 years ago wasn't really detailed, and my school's sex ed classes were really lacking as far as information went.
No first time drinking for sex is a bad bad idea. And yeah don't worry my first time it took me like 15 minutes to get my dick inside the woman, that was rather embarrasing.
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Also, on the subject of opening condoms, why is it so hard for you guys? Just fuckin' tear into that thing, it's not like you're going to rip the condom in half accidentally. And if you do, you have more than one, right?
Edit: Wow, LTTP.
If there's one bit of advice that needs to be mandatory in sex education is that the first time you put on a condom should never be in front of a girl, but way before hand.
The next thing is that putting one on is probably the least sexy thing to do in the universe so you have to figure out what you're going to do afterwards. My suggestion would be something involving her hand but whatever turns you on at that point is far game.
And yes condoms smell kinda latexy and not pleasant and what you went through is completely normal and happens to a lot of people. Just as a follow up, if your first time lasts 5 seconds, that's pretty normal too. Practice practice practice
Call your local Planned Parenthood or check out their website. They have tons of information.
Yeah, condoms usually smell pretty latexy, which varies a bit depending on what kind of condoms you get.
This happened to me my first time, too. My girlfriend thought it was her fault and that she wasn't hot enough -- which is never fun, I ended up feeling guilty that my problem made her feel that way, but we talked about it and the more we talked the better we both felt about the situation. This is the most important thing you can do in your relationship, don't just sit in silence and never talk about it, open up the lines of communication and talk about it.
I doubt your relationship is over. I'm still with that same girlfriend. We ended up deciding to wait a bit before we tried again, everything went smooth when we decided we were really ready. It's important to say, though: This happens and it happens to every guy at some point. It's nerves, stress, anything like that. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, it just happens, and you'll find that most women out there who have more experience understand that.
Also, I have to mention, you talked about finding which way the condom rolled down -- make sure if you try to roll the condom down and it's on the wrong way you throw that condom out. Don't just flip it around and reuse it, it'll have precum on the outside and it's just a better idea to switch to a new one. If you haven't already, you should check the packaging and read the instructions on how to put the condom on right, too -- it all seems basic, but most of the time when condoms fail it's because people didn't put it on right.
Anyway, good luck!
Edit: Another helpful hint is to explain to her that you may be nervous, and let/ask her if she could help "keep you focused" by touching/teasing you while you put the condom on.
Also yeah first time is always akward, don't worry about it dude.
In the end sex is just one of those things that gets easier the more you do it and your probably going to have a couple of experiences you'd rather forget before you get good at it, but who cares most guys here could tell you some blood curdling stories.
So... yeah PRO TIP: for gods sake relax.
EDIT: Oh yeah other stuff, same thing happened with my first GF when we tried to have sex early on in our relationship an I screwed up, she got over it. I don't think there's much point in dwelling on it or bringing it up, forget it and move on. Plus seriously any girl who would dump you for one screw up is waaaaaaaaaay to shallow to bother with anyway, if she does dump you over this I can guarantee your dodging a major bullet.
And if you finish too quickly, be patient. Keep kissing and cuddling etc. until you're ready again. You're 18, so it won't take very long.
"Go up, thou bald head." -2 Kings 2:23
There's good news for you though in this anecdote. She's now my wife and we've been happily married for three years now. And we've successfully had sex many times since then. So if my anecdote is any evidence, the fact that it didn't work out quite right the first time is not grounds for her to leave you, and as long as you don't freak out about the fact that it happened you should have more opportunities to try in the future.
EDIT: Also, if you know for sure neither of you have had sex before, and she wasn't ready yet... you should try giving her oral. Now, don't freak out and say anything if you don't like it/it tastes bad to you/you're not a fan of the scent etc... because that COULD get you in trouble if you say something you oughtn't. But try it (and if you don't like it, quietly switch to doing something else, but if you do keep going). You may both like it, and if you do then by the time you're ready she definitely will be, and that'll make the actual insertion a lot more easy. Plus if you get any good at it, she'll never have a reason to complain about your performance in bed.
1. I realized I needed to buy lube as well as condoms.
2. I realized why it's important to pinch the reservoir tip--I popped the first one because there was air at the end.
So it might seem like a weird suggestion but I know a couple of guys who wouldn't have sent their girlfriends to the pharmacy for the morning after pill if they'd, um, practiced. And you're worried your girl won't want to sleep with you again! Try getting a girl to call you back after she's spent a whole day throwing up because of the hormones in that thing as a consequence of your inability to follow directions.
There is not enough lime in the fucking world for this, if there is anything you take from this thread it's that you should make sure you don't have an air bubble in that condom when it's on. Yes, they explode, and no it is not pleasant to explain to your girlfriend what just happened.
Nah, no one'll (or, no one should) knock Spawnbroker for saying that. It's definitely a smart move in terms of practice, and much MUCH safer than if point #2 happens "in the field".
If it doesn't work out, there are other things you can do that are sexual and fun and don't involve the stress of putting a condom on for the first time.
One tip I have, open the condom before you expect to actually put it on.
Secret Satan
Day or two later though we got it right...
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should i wash it off soon after putting on a condom? will it cause a rash or anything if just leave it on there? (i'm guessing it shouldn't)
if you put it on right are you even supposed to get lube on your dick? i was under the impression that only the outside had it.
also i think a major mood/boner killer was trying to put on something cold, wet and slippery..
haha thanks for the replies everyone, hearing about other people going through the same thing makes me feel loads better.
edit: also great advice from everyone! it helps a lot and is greatly appreciated.
You won't have any problems once you get used to using them. It was probably just a distracting mood killer since it was new and you were nervous.
Explain that you were nervous.
Tell her that she is hot.
Talk to her not us.
Satans..... hints.....
next time you guys canoodle, don't think about the past experience, start fresh and don't sweat. spend lots of time with foreplay and get her to put the condom on for you perhaps in future, but don't start thinking you're going to fuck it up again just before you do it.
i'd never do this, but i have to ask (without wanting to derail the thread) is this a precaution against STI's? or pregnancy? because i was always under the assumption that precum didn't have sperm in it? that it was just a natural lubricant or something...
also:
THIS^
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Holy shit! Sony's new techno toy!
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so how safe is dry sex in underwear that get's a bit.. steamy? :winky:
Dry humping ain't gonna do squat unless tab A goes into slot B...
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Holy shit! Sony's new techno toy!
Wii Friend code: 1445 3205 3057 5295
I agree with the last three lines but not so much the first. It is definitely really really important, as embarrassing or weird or whatever as it may initially be, to talk about sex with the young lady you are having sex with! Both to know what she is feeling before, during, and after, and to convey your thoughts and experiences during same. She may be feeling confused right now, she may not — you're going to have to talk more with her and see what she thinks about everything. If she's worth keeping it up with (:winky:), she is going to want to work with you on this and not expect you to be James Bond ravishing her right from the start.
I would suggest not looking at this as some kind of rush covert de-virginizing operation or countdown to orgasm — the only goal here is to have a fun (safe) time with the lady now and in the future, and there are plenty of ways to do that; if one doesn't seem to be working, focus on the others and after a few tries you'll get there. When you do, it may not last that long for you — this also is common. If she's mature about it — and if you've made considerable good faith efforts to ensure she is not being left out of the fun — she's not going to expect you to last hours or even minutes so don't let that freak you out either. This should be a fun process of exploration for both of you — check out The Guide to Getting It On and read it — together.
Most important to remember is that this is not a question of fault, for either of you. You say you're worried about having "ruined her first sexual encounter" — you both should be much more interested in your second, third, and fifteenth sexual encounters, and how to make them better, than dwelling on the first round. You are both new to this and there is no reason to be ashamed or pretend otherwise with each other, sex should be about having a good time with one another and the more relaxed you are with each other, the easier (and better) it is going to be.
Communicate, be safe, have fun!
There are times when I feel my performance wasn't exactly the most patient, and this is what saves me everytime. I just start the night off with a little trip down there and then I'm golden!
Anyways, that's my anxiety and in case you ever run into the same problem.. that's some wicked advice up there.
(I hope I don't push the oral thing too hard, sometimes I wonder if I'm coming off as some sort of paid advocate for some kind of cunnilingus awareness nonprofit or something.
Seriously, though. Just do it. The taste is a little jarring the first time, but if you reach up and hold one of her hands while you're doing it, the way she'll squeeze it is when you get it right is kind of one of the best things in the world. 4rch is right that you should switch to something else subtly if you decide you don't like it, but really, the real secret to oral is finding a reason why you appreciate giving as much as she'll appreciate receiving.
Because this is H/A and I don't know the broad, insert necessary comment about the importance of dental dams here.
Aye, it's an acquired taste as SammyF points out, but give it a shot.
Actually, this is my own ignorance on the subject coming out, but it'll help the OP here... if he's 100% sure she's never been with anyone else, is a dental dam necessary? Or is that just good practice in general?