Pinup (NSFW)

Ehmavisca

This is my hentai commission and it isn't turning out very well. Please help!

NSFW - Hardcore Erotic:
http://www.ninja.oceansend.com/commission/pinup_crit1.jpg
NSFW

Please, critique!

mudron

You need to do something about her arm - she looks like an amputee.

Ehmavisca

mudron wrote:

You need to do something about her arm - she looks like an amputee.

You're right. I can fix that pretty easily. Thanks.

Greatnation

the lighting on her leg doesnt make much sense. Its dark on top, dark on bottom, and light in the middle.

I think the monster would be casting a shadow on her. There should be some deffinitve light on her, its really general right now and she kinda looks scraped out of puddy.

TheBog

Baiken proves amputees can be hot.


But yes, that's a rare case. Fix that arm. And the shading thing nation brough up is also very relevant.

Grifter

So you used a shitty photo sampler that you found on the internet for reference? I mean, at least that's the way that it looks to me.

Ehmavisca

grifter81 wrote:

So you used a shitty photo sampler that you found on the internet for reference? I mean, at least that's the way that it looks to me.

yeah.

Staleghoti

This is hentai?

Doesn't it need a few more dicks?

Veritas

Im assuming the advances of the slime monster thing aren't welcome, however she only looks mildy shocked, im not sure the pretense of the image but i think i would be a little more surprised or in pain.

Scosglen

Needs more unidentifiable viscous liquids. And definitely consider your lightsource here. The monster needs to be casting a shadow and since the linework is so simple the shading should step up to the task of showing the form.

DarkPrimus

Her expression is not much of a "Oh yes, yes!", or even "That doesn't go there!". It's more of a "Omigawd, see that girl over there? Does she really think those boots go with that dress?"

Munacra

her nipple look strange, like it ends before it reaches the tip of the boob.

The One Dark Knight

Yeah, the expression is bothering me... seems like it should either be more surprised/shocked/frightened, or more erotic. Right now, she just looks mildly inconvenienced.

Doctor Pain

The One Dark Knight wrote:

Yeah, the expression is bothering me... seems like it should either be more surprised/shocked/frightened, or more erotic. Right now, she just looks mildly inconvenienced.

maybe shes used to it.

superglue

more slime, and it needs to be a bit translucent so you can see her skin tone through it.

also, make the girl shiny, like she's sweating trying to resist.

Also, more tentacles.

[spoiler:64bdbe7684]and she needs a big one in her mouth. that'll make her look more suprised.[/spoiler:64bdbe7684]

I'm a sick, sick person.

Tam

The expression, without really wide open eyes or raised eyebrows, gives the impression that she's about to yawn rather than, say, moan or scream. I'd also agree with Superglue that Mr. Slime ought to be sorta translucent. Also, the color of her farther ass cheek makes it seem as if it's part of the material she's lying on rather than the other half of her butt. And Mr.Slime's not casting much of a shadow.

Forbe!

Is she having sex with cabbage man?

Grifter

Frank's TMND wrote:

grifter81 wrote:

So you used a shitty photo sampler that you found on the internet for reference? I mean, at least that's the way that it looks to me.

yeah.

Bad. Reference good. But only when the reference is good.

Mai-Kero

Is it a lettuce monster? Because it looks like she's being fucked in the ass by a lettuce monster, not a slime monster.