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Made a Fool of Myself - Dealing with Consequences
Penguin_Otaku
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
So for some reason people look to me to get shit taken care of... or it's that I do it so that I don't have to worry about it. I set up our entire trip to Florida this past week to see our team get throttled in the NC game. Got the room taken care of, made sure we all sat together, collected money for said room, put it on MY credit card, got the alcohol, and took care of other odds and ends. We also took my car to Miami as well. 24 hour drive, 1,500 miles on my car and I let them take care of both my room and gas for me doing all of this.
So during this trip I drove about 18 hours down there on 4 hours of sleep the first night and then just about 4 the next as well. My friend drove for about 3 hours and then was just so exhausted he let me finish the next 7 hours. We stopped places here and there and I asked them where they wanted to eat and such because I just don't give a damn. Nevertheless navigating this kind of traffic and being responsible for 3 other lives (one my girlfriend) on little sleep is nerve racking.
Now my girlfriend is really selfish and a bitch. I did everything I could to be courteous to everyone despite my condition. She insisted on making it worse for me and not being sympathetic to my state. Now I completely understand and grant I should have let someone else take over and looked after myself a bit better but I wasn't completely trustworthy of everyone driving. My friend who I was depending on completely bitched out after just a few hours on both days. We were all stressed at that point but we got to our place safely and everything worked out.
My girlfriend and me fought every night of the trip in an extravagant fashion. I didn't want to, but she would be pissed about some little thing and the stress just made me buckle. I did my best to not do it in front of the others and I think I did a pretty good job but I broke down a few times and we did make some scenes. I had to take care of her after she drank and acted a fool herself. (First time she drank ever and I didn't know she had been. I was cool with it for a while but then she kept asking for more and more and my friends kept giving it to her when I asked them to not. The game was the next day and none of us knew her tolerance so I didn't want her to be miserable. Their response, "Let her make her own mistakes." That upset me that everyone was more or less giving me the finger and ignoring me. Again, I grant maybe I should have let things go their own way, but I was trying to be responsible since I'd had considerably less than everyone that night.)
Anyway, fight-fight-fight-fight. That was the trip. Her friend that came and me got into it a few times, too. She was giving everyone in the middle of Miami the bird and talking shit and I asked her to stop because of where the hell we were. I then made some off-hand comment about how she talked about getting with a new athlete everyone 5-minutes and all of the sudden I'm the fucking devil after she made some comment about how a 5-month old baby was "fucking ugly" and said it loud enough to where the father could hear her and then she's BAFFLED that he flipped her off. (Heaven forbid he was wearing a Florida shirt.) I even got short with my other friend on an occasion but we put that behind us as a misunderstanding.
So anyway. We're driving back and things had been going relatively ok. I'm driving from Miami and planning to stop in Tallahassee to eat and let my friend drive. Now around Orlando, my girlfriend's sketchy ass friend starts being sketchy and making phone calls away from our car and being really weird. Her and my other friend start texting each other in the back seat. I noticed because they'd look at eachother after their phones went off.
So we decide to go to Olive Garden in Tallahassee. We just get our food when they say, "Oh ya. We're flying out of here btw." I just kinda look at them waiting for the joke to end. They're serious. Girl says, "There's no place for me to be in the car. It's too crowded." Granted. Now my friend offers no reason for leaving other than he wants to see his girlfriend a day early and not help me out. This is what really hurt me. They give me gas money and some for the hotel room for the night and I leave them in a McDonald's parking lot to catch a cab after the girl stormed out of the girl after I asked her for a bit more money since she'd stiffed me on it during the trip.
I've driven the first 8 or so hours and not been offered to be relieved by these fucks when they've been plotting since Orlando to fly. This really upset me considering that just... me being stubborn and being me, I'm going to drive another however long and then a bulk of the trip the next day with no relief where I can just sit and relax about it. (At this point my friend had met us in Miami and was coming back with us. He considered flying with them, but didn't want to completely abandon me and my girlfriend.)
So I can't help but feel that my actions spurred on them leaving and such but then I feel some sympathy for myself considering I got everything together, drove a bulk of the way (somewhat not by choice), and then get shat on like this. My friend that left knew that I was counting on him for the rest of the night and then pulls this shit.
Ultimately I'm really hurt, but know I shouldn't have made scenes or been an ass as I have been but I'm a 19 year old in charge of 3-4 other lives driving across the damn country. It was stressful, but perhaps I should've taken my lumps and not made it a big deal. I don't know. I'm not sure how to react to it really or to take it.
My girlfriend was "understanding" for a bit but now is being a bitch again as she usually is. Her friend that came and went is a jersey chaser so I could care less. My friend though, I thought we were closer and ultimately he sends me a text saying, "You know you'd do the same." I told him, "No. I wouldn't. Not when I knew you were counting on me like that."
I want to be mad at said friend, but is it my place after my actions? I'm just looking for some outside perspective. Again I grant I did some shit I shouldn't have. Thanks guys
So during this trip I drove about 18 hours down there on 4 hours of sleep the first night and then just about 4 the next as well. My friend drove for about 3 hours and then was just so exhausted he let me finish the next 7 hours. We stopped places here and there and I asked them where they wanted to eat and such because I just don't give a damn. Nevertheless navigating this kind of traffic and being responsible for 3 other lives (one my girlfriend) on little sleep is nerve racking.
Now my girlfriend is really selfish and a bitch. I did everything I could to be courteous to everyone despite my condition. She insisted on making it worse for me and not being sympathetic to my state. Now I completely understand and grant I should have let someone else take over and looked after myself a bit better but I wasn't completely trustworthy of everyone driving. My friend who I was depending on completely bitched out after just a few hours on both days. We were all stressed at that point but we got to our place safely and everything worked out.
My girlfriend and me fought every night of the trip in an extravagant fashion. I didn't want to, but she would be pissed about some little thing and the stress just made me buckle. I did my best to not do it in front of the others and I think I did a pretty good job but I broke down a few times and we did make some scenes. I had to take care of her after she drank and acted a fool herself. (First time she drank ever and I didn't know she had been. I was cool with it for a while but then she kept asking for more and more and my friends kept giving it to her when I asked them to not. The game was the next day and none of us knew her tolerance so I didn't want her to be miserable. Their response, "Let her make her own mistakes." That upset me that everyone was more or less giving me the finger and ignoring me. Again, I grant maybe I should have let things go their own way, but I was trying to be responsible since I'd had considerably less than everyone that night.)
Anyway, fight-fight-fight-fight. That was the trip. Her friend that came and me got into it a few times, too. She was giving everyone in the middle of Miami the bird and talking shit and I asked her to stop because of where the hell we were. I then made some off-hand comment about how she talked about getting with a new athlete everyone 5-minutes and all of the sudden I'm the fucking devil after she made some comment about how a 5-month old baby was "fucking ugly" and said it loud enough to where the father could hear her and then she's BAFFLED that he flipped her off. (Heaven forbid he was wearing a Florida shirt.) I even got short with my other friend on an occasion but we put that behind us as a misunderstanding.
So anyway. We're driving back and things had been going relatively ok. I'm driving from Miami and planning to stop in Tallahassee to eat and let my friend drive. Now around Orlando, my girlfriend's sketchy ass friend starts being sketchy and making phone calls away from our car and being really weird. Her and my other friend start texting each other in the back seat. I noticed because they'd look at eachother after their phones went off.
So we decide to go to Olive Garden in Tallahassee. We just get our food when they say, "Oh ya. We're flying out of here btw." I just kinda look at them waiting for the joke to end. They're serious. Girl says, "There's no place for me to be in the car. It's too crowded." Granted. Now my friend offers no reason for leaving other than he wants to see his girlfriend a day early and not help me out. This is what really hurt me. They give me gas money and some for the hotel room for the night and I leave them in a McDonald's parking lot to catch a cab after the girl stormed out of the girl after I asked her for a bit more money since she'd stiffed me on it during the trip.
I've driven the first 8 or so hours and not been offered to be relieved by these fucks when they've been plotting since Orlando to fly. This really upset me considering that just... me being stubborn and being me, I'm going to drive another however long and then a bulk of the trip the next day with no relief where I can just sit and relax about it. (At this point my friend had met us in Miami and was coming back with us. He considered flying with them, but didn't want to completely abandon me and my girlfriend.)
So I can't help but feel that my actions spurred on them leaving and such but then I feel some sympathy for myself considering I got everything together, drove a bulk of the way (somewhat not by choice), and then get shat on like this. My friend that left knew that I was counting on him for the rest of the night and then pulls this shit.
Ultimately I'm really hurt, but know I shouldn't have made scenes or been an ass as I have been but I'm a 19 year old in charge of 3-4 other lives driving across the damn country. It was stressful, but perhaps I should've taken my lumps and not made it a big deal. I don't know. I'm not sure how to react to it really or to take it.
My girlfriend was "understanding" for a bit but now is being a bitch again as she usually is. Her friend that came and went is a jersey chaser so I could care less. My friend though, I thought we were closer and ultimately he sends me a text saying, "You know you'd do the same." I told him, "No. I wouldn't. Not when I knew you were counting on me like that."
I want to be mad at said friend, but is it my place after my actions? I'm just looking for some outside perspective. Again I grant I did some shit I shouldn't have. Thanks guys
Penguin_Otaku on
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One thing I have to ask, though, is that if you constantly call your girlfriend a bitch, why are you still with her? Seems like a relationship you'd want out of.
but they're listening to every word I say
2) Driving while tired is very, very, very stupid. Like, similar to how driving while drunk is very, very, very stupid. Don't do it again, under any circumstances, seriously. It's not worth the potential risk to the safety of yourself, your friends, and anyone unfortunate enough to be on the road around you.
3) It sounds like a stressful situation for everyone, including your friend. It really sucks being stuck in the middle of a fighting couple like that. So I can understand him wanting to get out of there. However, he should really be willing to admit that it was a shitty thing to do to you under the circumstances. The fact that he doesn't sound the least bit remorseful is pretty retarded. I think you owe him an apology for how things turned out (wasn't all your fault but essentially you're partially accountable for anything that happens between you and your girlfriend which affects everyone else on the trip), but at the same time he owes you an apology for stranding you like that. If he can't at least acknowledge that what he did was pretty shitty, I think you have every right to be pissed at him.
I'd suggest in future either NOT 'running the show', and getting everyone who is going on the trip involved in the decision making process, or if you must organize the whole thing be prepared to take the vast bulk of responsibility for how everything goes. Basically, the whole thing just sounds like a poorly planned trip that predictably went badly. If your friend had agreed to split the driving, then bailed, then yes that sucks. However, the fact you had only 4 hours of sleep leading into the first part of the drive makes me think you were just as poorly prepared. I'm sure its not news to you that being extremely tired also makes you irritable and prone to arguments.
And i'll go ahead and echo exis, in that driving while that tired is extremely dangerous and extremely irresponsible.
However, overall, i dont think there was anything in there that would require you to make any apologies. Everyone goes on a really poorly organized road trip when they're young
Distance yourself from people like this. Seriously, it is nothing you want to be a part of.
They were completely right. I understand you wanting to be the responsible individual but these people aren't your children. If they want to get completely wasted while in a position where they won't hurt themselves or others (i.e. not driving) you should just relax, they're going to feel it in the morning.
You're 19, I assume they are all as well. You can make mistakes, but you should learn from them.
It doesn't really sound like she needs protection. I mean, if she's flipping the bird to everyone there's really not much you can do about it. You shouldn't be with someone like that.
You sound like a really nice person. I don't know why you're hanging out with people like that. Come on.
water spirals the wrong way out the sink
you need to shed the mother status you seem to have with these friends PO, just stop planning things. when they want to do something next, say that you planned the last thing and that it is someone else's turn.
I've had a few experiences like that where due to my experience I had to plan things on my own. The one time I let someone else take care of the planning we were stuck on an island because both the ferries and planes were booked out for an entire week.
You are a doormat. Next time, force other people to share responsibility, if you have to.
If getting upset by their frankly unacceptable has prompted them to distance themselves from you, this is a good thing.
Or get real friends who care about you.
Well yeah. I thought that was implied.
Amen. These guys sound like little shits...you should ditch them and transfer to Texas, come hang out with other classy guys. Zing!
Seriously though, I don't think you did anything really out of line. Not only did you do them a huge favor by organizing the whole trip, but they were nothing but fuckheads the whole time with zero consideration for you and the work you put in. The guy, your friend...I would sit down and talk with him and tell him exactly what you think, what's going through your head (assuming you actually want to keep him as a friend). The other two, I wouldn't give the time of day, and it certainly seems like you've done that with your ex.
I guess at the end of the day though, live and learn. Instead of being the sole organizer of whatever next event you decide to do, have a team of people organizing. That way you're not the only one with any sort of responsibilities, it's shared between multiple people.
I'd also say to not go on road trips with douchebags, but sometimes you can't tell who people are until you spend 20+ hours with them on the road.
Okay my jaw dropped at that point. I had to re-read it two more times to be sure i had actually got it right.
This would have made me go into berserk mode in a split-second, heck it pisses me off just thinking about it.
You did NOT made of fool of yourself. They did. Exchanging msgs behind your back? Wtf is this, kindergarten? This car is too crowded ? what ? Not even one dude had the balls to actually stay with you to at least accompany you for the rest of the trip?
Fuck that. I would advise never-ever come close to engaging anything in the near proximity of those douches.
Also, what PaperPritt said hits it on the money.
I mean, maybe they'd just had enough of being witness to the fallout between you and your girlfriend (I know that can be an awkward experience), but one of the people who claimed to be your friend should've taken you aside at some point during the weekend and let you know how awkward it was for them **IF** that was the reason. Aside from that, there's not even a way they can begin to justify it.
That said:
#1. If you are going to organize a road trip with friends either be prepared to A. actually take charge and run shit or B. be walked on like a doormat or C. both. If you are not willing to bear the responsibility and you don't want to feel like you got walked on, then don't offer to be the one in charge. Let things organize themselves and if nobody steps up, then the road trip doesn't happen. But don't begrudgingly/reluctantly take the leadership role and then get pissed when you half-ass it and it goes south.
#2. There are some road-trip tips you might not have known but should know now after this experience. You talk about how you drove a shit-ton and nobody offered to help. What you need to do is stand up for yourself. You don't drive for nine straight hours without asking anyone else to pitch in and then complain when they get tired too and everyone wants to sleep. Think up a plan ahead of time and actually ask people to help out - drive for 4 hours and then stop and say, "hey, can somebody else drive, I need a rest."
I hate to make you feel like I'm crapping all over you, but I see some of my personality reflected here. I am definitely one of those people who wants to make a situation positive for everyone involved and make sure everything works out ok and everyone's happy. The problem is that if you are not a type-A energetic person who can expend all that energy to keep everything in line (and I am not) people like your friends will walk all over you. You just need to be more assertive.
I know how it is - often if there isn't someone with that strong, controlling personality around you often get pressured into a leadership role because you want someone to do something to make things more harmonious.
Also, on the friend angle, I wouldn't ditch them outright yet. Send them an e-mail and tell them how you feel - you may find that they feel shitty about ditching you or regret some of the stuff you did. Everybody makes mistakes, and people mistreat their friends sometimes when in bad situations. It doesn't mean they're not your friends.
I'm glad to hear you're not with the girl any more. That drama-queen bullshit is the last thing you need.
IF "Now my girlfriend is really selfish and a bitch."
then "GTFO"
I am going to give you a little lesson on how to deal with the consequences:
No one wants to be with a "nice guy", they are called suckers.
So what you do is:
1: Get rid of that dead weight your bitch gf.
2: Hang out with people who treat you nice, if they are not in the area, do not worry, concentrate on
a: college b: getting a job.
3: No one likes a nice guy, they are losers, where you wipe your feet off and get free stuff off.
4: Means you "will not have sex" with her under no pretense. She treats you right crap BECAUSE YOU LET HER DO IT, and you always take her back.
Let me give you an example, if I come to your face, and spit into your eye, and you still give me free rides, what will make me respect you? In return i have a bit of sex with you, but I am also getting on the side, and as soon as something better comes along, why would I stay with you?
You are only a FOOL because you LET yourself be treated like a fool. Why would anyone respect you?
I would not -no one would.
I keep on seeing these young boys, like you, thinking you need to pay for this and pay for that and act like a gentlemen. Well let me tell you honey, you will be lonely and miserable and broke if you keep on doing that. That is a fairy tale girls wants you t! o believe in. So for dealing with consequences, look at yourself and say "DAMN I AM AN AWESOME DUDE WHY DO I HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO TREAT ME WITH NO RESPECT?"...and when you realize it is because YOU let them do that to you. You are on your own first step.
DO NOT TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL- THAT MAKES YOU A PUSS. YOU WILL NEVER GET RESPECTED IF YOU DO NOT ACT LIKE A MAN! Drop her! Get some respect for yourself. Do not pay for anything for them or her. Do not have sex with her anymore, if she calls you, tell her ," you know I am not interested to be with you, do not call me anymore." And then hang up...I GUARANTEE you she will be now all over you and calling you back *(suckers are hard to find + girls ALWAYS want what they can not have)*. Put her calls on ignore number. You will feel vulnerable at this time-- but it is time for you to be a man. Look at the cool cats out there, they dont spent a DIME! Go to the book store, get a book called "The Game" (i think) it is how to get chicks, and drop them and also the real life on what to be on top of the dating game. (its a meat market, the faster you accept it, the better you will be.)
Anyway, my advice for you is gold. I am an old dude, I been there, done that, and that. Some people will be "shocked" from it -- but dont listen to them- You your own boss, dont take sh1t from anyone, be cool, ,and always fun. NEVER PAY (few bucks 20-30 dollars) for a girl. After 3 dates, no sex, drop her. Move on, you get respect. (No need to be asshole, but all professional.) And stop thinking every girl who has sex with you, it "the one" and I "must marry her and buy her an expensive ring" because that is "what love is all about!" So smack that thing out of your head. Ask yourself, can people not love each other, and not get married? (Dont get me started on divorce, and how nasty it is...ohh soo nasty.)
ITS A GAME, BUT YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LIFE and no restarts.
PLAY IT RIGHT~ by reading this FAQ, and look and learn from people who are cool and who get chicks.
ps. Let other people be suckers-- i mean nice guys, and stop listening to losers who tell you to get in touch with "Feelings" and more "Communication" The less you talk, the better you are, dont let them talk to much either. You are not there to listen to their problems, you are there to have fun. Look at people who you think are cool - analyze what makes them cool-- feel free to share that with us. Copy such behavior of winners.
Cheers. Keep us informed.
KEY: IT IS YOUR CONFIDENCE.
If I were in this situation, I would leave them all.
This should be telling you something.
The girl is a long and complicated story and if you really wanted to know I'm sure I'm blubbering about it in past H/A threads. It's been DOA. I should've known that. She means well but that's not what I need right now and we're not meant for each other. I've been talking to the ex I threw away. We're both at peace about past things and we're looking to start extremely slowly and not really do anything but just be there for one another and occasionally hang out. Bitch at me if you want for this (ZOMG NO EXUSES!) but you can't tell me that none of you have ever had a girl you wish you had another chance with after you threw her away thinking there were better? Neither her nor there, this isn't a girl thread.
The friend. I don't know. I've gone out of my way for this guy plenty of times (driving about an hour and a half away to pick his drunk ass up at a party, getting him liquor all the time and other things) and it just hurts that he did this. Not trying to be a bitch and all weepy about it, but its just not a very gratifying feeling.
The only mistake I can see that you made is (A) taking too much on yourself, basically setting yourself up for people to take advantage of you (ack... that's some pot calling the kettle black coming from me
Bring it up to him. If he gives you shit for it, he's not your friend. If he apologizes or points out why he decided to do it and it makes sense, you can go from there.
Fuck them. You didn't do anything wrong.
Find a new girlfriend. Find new friends.
I think it'd be interesting to get their definition of "that situation"
Glad I'm not the only one.
Seriously, do the opposite of what Ujin said and you'll be in pretty good shape. Except the breaking up with her part, that was good, but you already did that I think.
Yeah, I really... I just can't fathom how some of us can think to treat other human beings in the way he described and worse still, advise others to do so as well.
Life is short, brutish and nasty; so why be a jerk or an asshole to others? We should spend our time being nicer to other people and exploring their similarities to us instead of their differences.
If everybody did that, the world would be a better place.
First off you and your girlfriend are fighting for the whole trip and it's all her. Yeah sure, come on man that don't pass the bullshit test. You say she's a selfish bitch that doesn't try to understand your situation. Did you try talking to her or was she suppose to read your mind? Maybe I'm wrong but that's the impression I'm getting.
Overall your whole post is just boo hoo everyone's a dick to me and I'm just the nicest guy seriously. Either your a total doormat with just the worst friends and girlfriend ever or maybe just maybe you have some fault in this disaster of a trip.
Maybe since you were so controlling you couldn't bring yourself to ask for help driving and just got pissed off when no one read your mind. Maybe your crankiness lead to you picking fights with your girlfriend and overacting to the mega cunt girl you were driving with. Maybe you were being controlling and not looking out for your girlfriend when she was drinking.
I'm not giving the others on your trip a pass, but you need to take responsibility for your own screw ups. Maybe even work on some of the anger issues that you seem to have. Stop being the victim and I hope things work out for you.
There's a reason providing advice based on The Ladder Theory and The Game are against the rules. Mainly because it's a big bucket of shit. I think most of his post was a copy/paste. It barely even relates to O_Ps situation.