The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
My Girlfriend is Nuts
Imnothere
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Spoiled for graphic details (?)
Since then, my girlfriend has taken two pregnancy tests. One 15 days after wards and another one 6 days later. They both came out negative (which is what I was expecting). However, she is still freaking out. She had missed her period, and I told her it's probably from the stress. She has been having friend issues, school issues, she caught a cold and on top of that got food something where she couldn't keep anything down and things were coming out of both ends of her body for a day and now she is battling another cold.
Beyond that she's OK, but I don't know what I can do to calm her down. And for those going to say "Don't have sex with her" yeah, I haven't touched her since that day.
With the details given, I guess I'm looking for
a: backup (she is beginning to get to me and make me question my own certainty)
and b: a way to calm her nerves.
I love this girl more than anything in the world, and it pains me to see her going nuts over this. What can I do?
A few weeks ago, back in December my girlfriend and I fooled around. By this I mean I fingered her, she did rub again my penis (the shaft part, not the head) without a condom on for about a minute or two, then we commenced rubbing after I put a condom on. I did enter her for about 10 seconds (with the condom on) we checked it after for leaks/tears/anything else and after that we continued fooling around for what I can only call "titty fucking" where I both pre-ejaculated and then ejaculated. No where else.
Since then, my girlfriend has taken two pregnancy tests. One 15 days after wards and another one 6 days later. They both came out negative (which is what I was expecting). However, she is still freaking out. She had missed her period, and I told her it's probably from the stress. She has been having friend issues, school issues, she caught a cold and on top of that got food something where she couldn't keep anything down and things were coming out of both ends of her body for a day and now she is battling another cold.
Beyond that she's OK, but I don't know what I can do to calm her down. And for those going to say "Don't have sex with her" yeah, I haven't touched her since that day.
With the details given, I guess I'm looking for
a: backup (she is beginning to get to me and make me question my own certainty)
and b: a way to calm her nerves.
I love this girl more than anything in the world, and it pains me to see her going nuts over this. What can I do?
Imnothere on
0
Posts
Me and my wife have been through a few scares but never availed. Don't worry, just wait and her period will come. If the preg tests are negetive then try and different brand and see if they come out negetive too you can be pretty sure you're in the clear.
I think every couple has a few of these scares throughout the relationship, don't worry its perfectly natural.
There was no penetration without a condom, the condom was checked for leaks afterwards, and you didn't even ejaculate inside her.
The chance of her being pregnant is virtually nil.
Periods can be late or even missed for many reasons, and stress is a major cause. While I wouldn't suggest showing her this thread per se, finding some other online resources (sex-ed sites?) that support the "You're probably not pregnant" theory could help.
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
If she is, you may as well name the baby Jesus 2 because her condition definitely didn't come from you.
Actually, college.
I want to say that it's because she's a virgin (or, rather, was :winky:) and hasn't had much experience with this sex as the reason why she is crazy nervous. She has fear mongering parents and the sex-ed she's been through was also very...scary ("He touches you there, you're pregnant!")
We tried two different brands, so that's already been taken care of. When I show her websites, she finds websites to counter act the claim. Just today she found a website that said that two pregnancy tests can come back negative and you could still be pregnant. I want to chalk those up to being taken too early, back to back and not with days between them and around the correct amount of time.
Maybe I should cut her internet wires?:|
Not to be harsh (well i am but anyway) but she's being an idiot. Don't believe everything you read. From what you've said, she is NOT pregnant.
How the fuck can sex-ed say that touching a girl makes her pregnant, try reading a science book not propoganda.
This reminds of me of a very special South Park episode..
Thats fair enough, i take it back.
Once that happens, yall are gonna need to talk. Is she taking any birth control? Your school must have some sort of sex building (free condoms, HIV testing, etc). Make an appointment, make sure to come in with questions.
Also, yes, definitely take her to a sex building or planned parenthood. I thought she'd be OK with just using condoms and 10 seconds of penetration but I guess not.
Could her back to back illnesses also be causing this? It was abnormal for her to have 2 colds with a a food illness in the middle. She was so sick from that she couldn't even move.
Edit: There are a lot of things that can cause a late or missed period and they vary from woman to woman (stress, diet changes, etc.). I think she should probably go to a doctor about this if she's worried - there's no real reason to wait unless you have financial concerns regarding the appointment.
So yea, you might be dealing with an extra-crazy girl for a few weeks. Worst case scenario, she gets a blood test done to see. Theres not accidentaly failing that.
To give you an example, my wife's cycle was so irregular that she'd often go months without a period (six was the record), only to spend an entire month ON her period. She went to several physicians to determine the cause and it was not until we saw her current OB that she discovered the cause (she has a condition called PCOS - Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome).
Now, I'm not saying that this is the case with your partner, again, if I had to make a guess I'd put my money on stress/first sexual activity/hormones being the culprit.
Just the same, there's no harm in seeing a doctor if she doesn't start her period in the next few weeks. That has the added benefit of confirming the lack of pregnancy, thus reducing her stress that much further.
My advice is to chill out and be supportive.
It doesn't sound like there's any chance that she's pregnant. So YOU should not be worried. The fact that SHE is worried and panicked and irrational about this may well be related to losing her virginity and the way she was raised to learn about sexuality. A lot of girls get freaked out about that stuff in general, even with liberal backgrounds. It may not be "rational," but it's probably very frightening and confusing for someone going through it.
So just wait with her and be as supportive as you can. But obviously, if she doesn't get her period in a month, go to the doctor. Edit: Or if she wants to go to the doctor now. Really, just do whatever she wants to help her calm her nerves, (unless what she wants entails ignoring her lack of period after two months).
And make sure you are getting more than 10 seconds next time.
but they're listening to every word I say
Actually, you can. They are not 100% accurate. I got a false positive on one, which caused me a lot of trouble because it was during a medical trial(take drugs for money). They called me up and tried to tell me there was no possible way it could be wrong and trying to go through all the crap I would have to do for the next 9 months(extra dr visits with them). I made them give me another test(they weren't going to til I demanded it) and they were like "oops! Guess it was wrong! Hahah I didn't think that error 0.01% was worth mentioning!"
Despite my story, blood pregnancy test is quite accurate most time and detects pregnancy much earlier than the others. They are only about $25 if you go through a school clinic...planned parenthood might have them too. It might put her mind at ease.
For christs sake dont listen to the "abandon ship" idiots.
If she's never done this before, its natural for her to be unnerved. Just hang in there until her period comes... Its all part of being sexually active.
No one's telling him to dump her, they're just pointing out that she is way over reacting and that that's probably a pretty good sign that she's not ready for sex.
Man, maybe suggest to her that you go to a women's doctor together - so she can get a "professional test", and maybe that doctor will suggest that she start birth control pills on top of whatever protection you're using. Or maybe the doctor will suggest to wait a little longer, or to take some sort of course to learn more about protection and whatnot.
Birth control pills are not only good for uh, birth control, they also let a girl regulate her own period -- makes it MUCH easier to predict, or even postpone, and check for pregnancy by going off of it every 21 days, to allow yourself to bleed.
If she is one of the many girls who doesn't have a regular period, I can totally understand her fear. I personally have to be on the pill because if I'm not, my periods are every 3 - 5 months, and I would FREAK OUT for MONTHS if I didn't have that tell-tale bodily function. I'm also one of those people who gets itchy if they start thinking about chicken pox.
Just a suggestion!
She's begun to worry so much she's feeling "symptoms". She thinks she's peeing too much, but I'm trying to keep her calm. She is scared about going to the doctor's because she is only on her parents' insurance and she doesn't want them to know (again, they're Christian, no ore-marital sex parents). How much do pregnancy tests cost at planned parenthood? I don't have a job and neither does she (both focusing on our school work, which might be helping her fear move along that we won't have an idea of what to do given we have no jobs)but she has a little bit of money left over from Christmas she could use to go see them
I looked on their website and they only give urine tests in our area. I was thinking I could just take her to get another pregnancy tests again some time down the road.
I asked her about her cycle (she does know about this thread now. She was angry but she knows I'm only trying to help) and she told me that between one month her cycle was 27 days and between another month her cycle was 31 days. She said her period could have been the 10th or the 14th. I'm still trying to keep her calm (and possibly wash all this information out of my head. I feel like I know too much).
I know sperm doesn't just fly up the vagina, and I've told my girlfriend that and explained to her that I came no where near her vagina and I'm one of the rare few guys that does know when he has pre-cum coming out of his penis and that it didn't happen till the...titty fucking (is there a better term for that?).
I've also explain to her I washed my hands, peed before I even came near her to get rid of extra sperm, and that I never touch her with the same hand I touch myself. I've has sexual partners before her that weren't as freaked out about all of this as she is, so this is all very new to me.
EDIT: Also, she's has a women's exam awhile ago (her mom felt it was time), and her insurance only covers one exam per year I believe.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Really, the only way she could logically be pregnant is if she's screwing someone else. Considering she seems to be of few resources, like you, I'd say the chances are pretty slim to none of that either.
So like I said, try to keep a level head. Don't let her phase you, but also be supportive. Her fears may not be based in science but they're still real. Everybody has anxieties about love and sex and intimacy and abandonment and commitment and performance and body image and etc etc etc but when you've been brought up in a fiercely sex-negative culture that pounds into your head paranoia about AIDS and babies, it's easy for your normal natural anxieties about sex to get transferred onto an irrational fear of disease or pregnancy. And you're not her therapist, so it's not your job to unravel these anxieties for her, but it is your job as her boyfriend to be accepting and supportive while she unravels them herself.
Remind her that you're there for her. "It's probably just stress, hon, but whatever happens, I'll be here for you."
That's really the only thing you can do right now. Reassure her that you love her, that you're not running away, and that you'll by her side even if calamity strikes. Eventually she'll get her period and she'll feel silly about the whole thing and she'll thank you for being understanding.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
Oh wow, that must come in handy!
Also, I'm very sure she's not stepping out on me.
Maybe all you can say is "Hey, I'm sure we're ok. But we're in this together. Lets just wait and see"
Its cool that you have a plan and stuff, but exploring that plan might just freak her out more.
From what you've said I don't even know if you guys should be engaging in this pseudo-sex if she is going to worry every time her period is late(and it'll likely happen again at some point considering college is stressful, and then stressing out over 'am I pregnant?' or 'could I get pregnant' will just exacerbate the problem).
I wasn't raised religious, and I formed my own opinions of sex by reading a lot about it because my parents never talked to me about it. I don't understand how titty-fucking(there really is no better term for it lol) is any less intimate than intercourse except it feels different and it's not "technically" intercourse. It's still sex, and if you're taking as many precautions as you said you were and if you were diligent in taking the proper precautions for sex(condom/spermicide) there would be VERY little risk for pregnancy.
On a side note, something that might make things easier for both of you and relieve the stress. You said your girlfriend is on her parents insurance. Is it possible she can talk to her mother about going in for a checkup for birth control. She doesn't have to tell her about the sex worries, but she could just tell her that her period has been irregular/has cramps etc and she'd like to get on the pill to help with that or she could tell her she'd like to get on the pill so she can skip her period and only have one every three months. It's not like she'd be lying, there'd just be the added bonus of another protection against worrying about pregnancy.
If she won't talk to her mother about it, she can go to planned parenthood. They have to keep your information private, and if she doesn't have a job and they deem she cannot afford B/C they will give it to her for free.
#1: she is not pregnant. That's all of point 1. Don't worry, 'cause that oven is bunless.
#2: it happens. Sexual activity can drastically effect a woman's body (my first GF missed her period for 3 weeks beyond the normal date and her breasts ballooned from a B to a C cup, after I gave her her first orgasm and we made sexuality a normal part of our relationship).
#3: it happens. Stress has a significant affect on a woman's body. Just the paralyzing fear of being pregnant (they're called 'scares' for a reason) can do that to a lady. Unfortunately, when she finally does have her period, it will be... a new standard of cataclysmic flow, by which all others are judged and found wanting.
#4: you'll be fine. Be there for her. When Fallingman says 'remain calm', he's right. Freaking out and weighing your entire potential future with this girl based on a pregnancy that has not occurred won't let you sleep any better, won't improve your relationship with your femme, and won't make her feel any better. Remember - think about how you feel, and times that by four. Now you know how she feels.
#5: this is the hard part. Pregnancy scares are fucking terrifying. This cold horror that grips you is your very own, to be sure, but rest assured that any man of character who has wet his wick has been subject to the same awful chill.
There's a danger in this - you (and she) will have to get over it if you want to remain physically close with your girl and continue the relationship in a healthy way. Don't let this feeling of fear color your sexuality - don't equate this awful sensation with getting booty.
'Cause booty is beautiful, and there's all sort of modern conveniences to ensure that you can get booty without baby.
Like that condom you used. Don't sweat it - she's not pregnant.
Edit: Also...
You say you love this girl more than anything in the world. I know it sounds a little romantic and simplistic, but that's kinda' your whole solution right there. You very likely know how to comfort her infinitely better than any advice thread could.
Let's argue the "worst-case" scenario. Let's say she is pregnant. Let's say you become a young father and you end up marrying the girl. In the end, you may discover that it was the best thing that could have possibly happened.
'Cause I promise you - if she's your first Real Love, and you don't end up with her, you will miss her the rest of your life.
Assuming she's over 18, doctor-patient confidentiality is in effect here. Her parents won't be finding out that she went, because if they do, holy fucking HIPAA violation, Batman.
Boob job, tit wank, pearl necklace, sticky spider ... Just call it whatever you do with her, and don't worry about it. :P
this juvenile humour brought to you by PeregrineFalcon
Can trade TF2 items or whatever else you're interested in. PM me.
Yea, just because its their plan doesn't mean they get an itemized list of tests done.
Hey guys, can you tell your daughter that since I only came on her tits she cant be preggers?
That is terrible advice.