Ex-GF is great friends with roommate

OtistheGuard

Alright so let's get right into it.

I laid in bed with a girl for a good week before things went sour. Today things went epically wrong with her. Basically she despises me. However, she is great friends with my roommate and they drink and hang out at my place often.

I don't know what to do. I can avoid her and look weak. Or I can attempt to hang out with her while she has an intense hatred of me and attempt to deal with it. FYI I'm not the smoothest guy around.

Any advice from someone who has been in a similar situation?

TychoCelchuuu

I haven't been in a similar situation but you're not going to look "weak" for avoiding someone you do not want to see. If she said "I AM GOING TO PUMMEL YOU" and then you started hiding from her, then yes, you would look weak, but not hanging out with somebody because they despise you does not imply any weakness.

Feral

You pay rent, yes?

That tilts things heavily towards "It's your house, she needs to get the fuck over it if she wants to come over."

The only way I could see things being any different is if she was a really close friend of your roommate before you guys hooked up or if she hates you because you were a complete intolerable asshole to her. Either way, I'd still lean pretty strongly towards "It's your house and she needs to get the fuck over it if she wants to come over."

Laonar

Just be yourself when shes around, dont be a dick. Laugh and have fun, once she gets she is not bothering you in the slightest, she might dislike you but will learn to deal with it. Thing not to do is be a smartass towards her, poke fun or whatever for awhile. She will take it as hostility and run with it. Play it cool.

jthm

It's not really about looking weak. Do what your gut tells you. If you don't think you can handle it, which judging by your post here I'd lean towards, just stay away until you think you can.

Nobody is going to look down on you for trying to avoid an awkward situation, and if they do, those arn't people i'd want to associate with.

GrimmyTOA

Been in a similar situation. There are a few ways to go:

1) Just try to deal with it -- unpleasant, but the hatred will probably dissipate eventually. She must have liked you at some point. Eventually, she'll be able to tolerate you again (unless you did something she considers unforgivable...)
2) Ask your roomie to hang out with your ex elsewhere for a while (or at least give you advance warning so that you can slip out for the evening). Don't worry about looking weak -- you're avoiding a needlessly unpleasant situation for the good of everyone involved.
3) Don't date your roommates' friends anymore. That's good general advice, I think.

Laonar

GrimmyTOA wrote: »

Been in a similar situation. There are a few ways to go:

1) Just try to deal with it -- unpleasant, but the hatred will probably dissipate eventually. She must have liked you at some point. Eventually, she'll be able to tolerate you again (unless you did something she considers unforgivable...)
2) Ask your roomie to hang out with your ex elsewhere for a while (or at least give you advance warning so that you can slip out for the evening). Don't worry about looking weak -- you're avoiding a needlessly unpleasant situation for the good of everyone involved.
3) Don't date your roommates' friends anymore. That's good general advice, I think.

Thats GREAT ADVICE! (not being sarcastic)

Pheezer

You do not like her being in your apartment.

Tell your roommate that you do not like her being in your apartment.

If your roommate tells you that you will have to live with a condition which you do not like for so long as you live there, move.

That's it. This is how you resolve any issue with a roommate. Determine if they are willing to compromise or not do the thing that makes you miserable, and if they will not alter the circumstances that you are unhappy with, you get the fuck out and find somewhere to live that doesn't make you miserable. It doesn't need to be any more complex than that.


EDIT:
Also yeah, it's not a good idea to fool around with someone you might be unable to avoid socially unless you're serious about pursuing it beyond just sexually.

Baron Dirigible

given that things went "epically wrong" today, I'm not sure there's anything really to worry about just yet?

I mean, if things went that bad and she hates you that much, I'm sure she won't like being around you either, at least until things have calmed down a bit and you've all realised how inconsequential this "epically wrong" thing was. whatever it was. if you slept with her mum or something I'd probably err on the side of moving out now.

Sentry

Gah... I've been here. Fuck, I have a t-shirt from this amusement park.

I was dating a girl for a month or two, not particularly invested. We broke it off somewhat amicably... but she was friends with my roommate, so she would be over when I got back from class or work or whatnot. Well, like three days after we broke up, I woke up to see her in bed with him.

It's weird how amicable turns to shit storm so quick... but it can and it does. I should have taken the high road and communicated to my roommate that I had a problem with him fucking my ex... but instead I took a series of low roads that I would probably not recommend. So, yeah... I'd figure out if this was a deal breaker for you... one week is not a long time to form an emotional attachment to someone, so if you just find someplace else to be while she's there, see if that's workable. If not, might need to examine your living situation.

Drez

You're under no obligation to entertain her in any way, shape, or form if you don't want. I don't know why she's angry at you, or who's fault it is, but I don't care, as it wouldn't change the fact that neither you nor she has any responsibility in interacting or not interacting with each other. Feel uncomfortable? Make yourself scarce. Feel uncomfortable making yourself scarce just because she's there? Stay. Want to come out and talk to your roommate while she's there? Why not. Life goes on, drama or not.

Fireflash

You certainly shouldn't avoid her in your own home. If she can't stand seeing your face it's her own problem she can fuck off to somewhere else.

OtistheGuard

Thanks for all of the advice guys. I think this has put me in the right state of mind to deal with this issue.

Special thanks to Grimmy and Drez.