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Endurance in the bedroom

designMcGeedesignMcGee Registered User regular
edited November 2006 in Help / Advice Forum
I'm coming too fast.

I've gained about 20 pounds and work really sucks, but this is the same girl and I used to last a lot longer than what I'm lasting right now.

As far as I can tell, nothing else about the situation has changed. I still am very sexually attracted to her, no change in condoms or any of the other elements that go into love making have changed either.

I even come quickly when I go at it alone.

This is frustrating me. Please help/advise.

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designMcGee on

Posts

  • Zodiac BraveZodiac Brave Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Well.

    As far as the intercourse is concerned, you could masturbate to ejaculation immediately prior to to the sexings, which should help. It also goes without saying that you shouldn't be using an "ultra thin" condom (the first time I made sex, I did, and lasted only about 10 minutes or so). And if you still have an erection after you spray man juice and also feel like you'd like a second helping, I don't see any reason why you can't just slip a fresh condom on and keep the good times coming ( :winky: ).

    Also, does weight actually have anything to do with sexual endurance? Just curious.

    Zodiac Brave on
  • DynagripDynagrip Break me a million hearts HoustonRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited November 2006
    I'm coming too fast.

    I've gained about 20 pounds and work really sucks, but this is the same girl and I used to last a lot longer than what I'm lasting right now.
    Stress, anxiety, and depression will do this to you. Try to start getting some exercise and more sleep.

    Dynagrip on
  • tony_importanttony_important Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I'm coming too fast.

    This is frustrating me. Please help/advise.

    WELL, there could be any number of reasons. If there's no foreplay going on, odds are you're going from "ooh this could be fun" to "spooge!" in a short period of time.

    If your main concern is lasting pleasure on your partners part, than you have to ensure that she's getting enough pre-intercourse attention.
    That'll get her nice and warmed up, and it'll make the sex awesome. She might even be able to squeeze in a second orgasm if she's quick to hit the mark.

    If, however, your main concern is you lasting longer, than you have to do a few things.

    I go into this with no professional certification, and these are merely recommendations that I make based on what I have heard in the past, and what has worked for me.

    First, stop thinking about it. I mean, when you're going at it don't focus on the fact that "Oh shit, I'm going to spooge early, I know it!". It's a self fulfilling prophecy. You're putting too much stress on yourself, and it's probably not going to be all that enjoyable.

    Secondly, if you feel that you're getting close to that breaking point, ask her to slow down or stop (then you might have to keep her going manually). That way, you can cool down the ol wanger and give yourself some more stamina.

    Thirdly, try and strengthen your kegle muscle. I think it's the one that controls the flow to your wang. Practice starting and stopping your pee. Yeah, it sounds weird, but when you want to stop yourself from going too early, this muscle will probably be a useful ally.

    Finally, if you always pop one early in the first round, try and incorporate that into your sexual experience with your partner.
    Get her to help you 'work it out', then get her going (maybe to an orgasm of her own), and then odds are you'll be up and running again and you can finish with a bang. Literally.

    Also, just to let you know, it's unrealistic for you to expect that you're both going to orgasm at the same time.

    I hope I was able to help.

    tony_important on
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  • FellhandFellhand Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Here's a little excercise you can do: clench your ass cheecks and hold them that way for a while like you are trying to work the muscle then release. Do this a few times each day much like a workout. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that it helps to strengthen your PC muscle which helps you last longer.

    Also, what I do when I want to last is I think about math or baseball. Becareful with that though, because sometimes when I'm reciting the multplication tables in my head I focus more on that then the task at hand and start to get a little soft.

    Fellhand on
  • EclecticGrooveEclecticGroove Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I've found reaching orgasm together is fairly simple.. it's all about communication and pacing.
    If you are going to "pop" too soon, then slow it down.
    Contrary to popular porno belief, women don't need to be rammed into like a jackhammer for 30 minutes in order to reach orgasm.
    If you can slow it down just a bit in order to cool off on your own (and practice breathing slowly, to release the building tension) then you can help her get close, and you can increase/decrease your respective paces until you both reach orgasm at the same time, or close enough to basically call it the same time.
    Just let each other know how far/close you are and adjust. Of course warming her up with foreplay is a must (how much depend son you two, but at least for 10 minutes or so to make sure she's aroused enough).
    If you want her to have several orsams, then either get her to one during foreplay (or several, depends on her), or get her just close enough to one with foreplay then finish with intercourse, then you can resume a more relaxed pace until you either get her close to one (if trying) or reach one on your own.

    Staying power is all about keeping yourself from going over that edge where you can't hold back
    The kegal excercises will help you do that, as will breathing and not focusing on things other than just enjoying yourself. The stress/emotional factor is something you would obviously need to work on in your life in general, as it's an overarching situation, not just one for the bedroom.

    EclecticGroove on
  • BadomenBadomen Registered User new member
    edited November 2006
    Eh... Endurance is a funny thing. I notice that when I am awake and alert I can go for up to 60mins, gf maxes at around 3 orgasms... But when I am tired, depressed or stressed out, max is usuallly around 20mins and 1, maybe 2 for her depending on her mood.

    If you know you are tired, or not going to perform well, then go down on her before sex. It's possibly the best thing you could do, also, I find that length also depends on position. If I am on top and pulled close to her, I reach climax fast, so does she... But, if you lean up a little bit you might take longer.

    Also try counting backwards from 20 in your head.

    Badomen on
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  • TheungryTheungry Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Theres a lot of good advice here already, and i highly reccomend the "Kegel" excercises of all types. You can probably find many with a little google-fu.

    The other thing i would mention is practice endurance when you masturbate. Think of your arousal on a scale of 1-10 (1 being Jobba the Hutt, 10 being asploshun) and when you start to get up around 8 or 9, ease off and breath slow then work your way back up and try to get closer without hitting ten each time. Try to do this for about 15 minutes if you can, timing in a way that won't be obtrusive while you're focusing on the 'girls of porn'.

    That reminds me that Mr. Bungle hasn't released an album in about 7 years. I think they're due.

    Theungry on
    Unfortunately, western cultures frown upon arranged marriages, so the vast majority of people have to take risks in order to get into relationships.
  • Dabt al-HaqqDabt al-Haqq Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Theungry wrote:
    That reminds me that Mr. Bungle hasn't released an album in about 7 years. I think they're due.
    Bungle's dead, man.


    But yeah, those Kegel excercises totally work. Just don't strain yourself with 'em.

    Dabt al-Haqq on
  • TheungryTheungry Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Theungry wrote:
    That reminds me that Mr. Bungle hasn't released an album in about 7 years. I think they're due.
    Bungle's dead, man.

    Sad, I just googled and saw they broke up for the same squabbling reasons Faith no More did.

    to pretend i haven't toally derailed: There is a natural supplement called Yohimbe. Its a bark that you can find in tea or pill form. Basically it does something or other to improve the performance of your blood vessels. It has long been marketed as a natural sexual stamina booster. I've never really used it, but its got a good rep as as something long used in China and any GNC or Vitamin Shoppe will carry multiple versions. Just make sure to do your own research before you start using any kind of new supplement.

    Theungry on
    Unfortunately, western cultures frown upon arranged marriages, so the vast majority of people have to take risks in order to get into relationships.
  • FibretipFibretip Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    sounds silly but... do math or something in your head when you're too close. just close your eyes, keep doing what you're doing (albeit a little slower) don't make any "hmmmm" faces... and count, do something complex, a big division sum or something... it always helps me.... if i need to last out longer, since a large part of it all is mental. Distracting your brain can help a load, just don't make it look like you're counting, or she'll think you're bored :wink:

    edit : and also, in addition to the butt exercises above, you can do one when you pee.... stop yourself "mid stream" as it were, totally stop pissing, and hold it for a few seconds, then let it go, it exercises the right muscles well.

    Fibretip on
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  • bone daddybone daddy Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited November 2006
    Also, does weight actually have anything to do with sexual endurance? Just curious.
    Not for your average person, but the way you gained the weight (and all the fun complicating factors that go along with it) can have a pretty serious impact on it.

    bone daddy on
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  • TheungryTheungry Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    bone daddy wrote:
    Also, does weight actually have anything to do with sexual endurance? Just curious.
    Not for your average person, but the way you gained the weight (and all the fun complicating factors that go along with it) can have a pretty serious impact on it.

    I missed that question earlier. I don't know of weight having any direct effect on endurance, but i do believe being physically active has a positive effect on endurance. Also, if you want to try the distract your mind from your imminent orgasm, but are bad at long division, you can try moving your focus to other parts of you body. Its like when you have a papercut and then you jamb your toe... your papercut stops hurting. Is there something soft and fleshy you can grab? Is your mouth in position to kiss/suck on anything fun? The more you focus on whats going on with your genitals the more sensitive they will be. Find a way to give your partner more pleasure and focus on that if you can.

    Theungry on
    Unfortunately, western cultures frown upon arranged marriages, so the vast majority of people have to take risks in order to get into relationships.
  • Nitsuj82Nitsuj82 Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    As a guy who used to have a rather large amount of premature ejaculation issues, I sympathize. What worked for me was really getting to know my penis. I figured out where the point of ejaculatory inevitability was, and whenever I'd hit that point, I'd stop for a bit. It was during all of this cock training that I realized what the real problem was. I was putting way too much pressure on myself to perform. When I came to the realization and actually relaxed, I had a lot more fun during sex and began to go for 15 minutes or so at a go.

    btw, to Zodiac Brave, 10 minutes for your first time is pretty damn impressive.

    Nitsuj82 on
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  • DynamiteKidDynamiteKid Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I heard about technique where when you take a piss, if you start pissing then hold it in, count to five, and let it go, that helps your endurance. Strengthening the muscles, allowing you to control when it comes better, or some shit. I don't know exactly how it works, I just remember being told that.

    DynamiteKid on
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  • DaemonionDaemonion Mountain Man USARegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Probably the best thing you can do is tell your lady friend.

    When you guys are dancing nature's oldest dance, let her know, and see what you guys can do about it. Simple teasing (on her part) really works wonders here.

    Perhaps you'll have renewed confidence and everything will be fine.

    Daemonion on
  • ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    I heard about technique where when you take a piss, if you start pissing then hold it in, count to five, and let it go, that helps your endurance. Strengthening the muscles, allowing you to control when it comes better, or some shit. I don't know exactly how it works, I just remember being told that.

    You don't have to do it while taking a piss. And yes, it does help.

    ege02 on
  • DynamiteKidDynamiteKid Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Yeah but I find it takes more to hold the piss in, which probably strengthens it more.

    DynamiteKid on
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