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actually messaging someone on okcupid?
Sam
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
should I? there are a couple interesting ladies, one with an "89% match", whatever that is. Most people are around a 60% "match" it would seem, so how much of a joke is their system in reality? I know it can't be very accurate because you only answer the same questions by *chance* and the questions tend to be quite shallow a lot of the time.
More than that I'm hesitant because it would mean people would see my picture on the site and this being a college town where all these people go on campus, I fear I'd be easily recognized or something. Not a big fan of awkwardness.
But obviously I'm thinking about doing this, enough to the point where I've made this thread. What should I do?
More than that I'm hesitant because it would mean people would see my picture on the site and this being a college town where all these people go on campus, I fear I'd be easily recognized or something. Not a big fan of awkwardness.
But obviously I'm thinking about doing this, enough to the point where I've made this thread. What should I do?
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Unless your profile comments on a profound love of scat, water sports and graphic depictions of your promiscuous submissive endeavors, you're probably pretty safe contacting whomever you like on an online dating service.
Battle.net: Fireflash#1425
Steam Friend code: 45386507
Yes, that's kind of the point of OKCupid.
Personally I find it works pretty well.
Who the fuck cares? I mean, really? Are you embarrassed to be using a dating site?
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
a little. is that not normal? I've never met anyone online in real life, feels weird.
I can understand why you might feel a little awkward, sorry if I came across as snarky.
Seriously, though, it's not a big deal.
And yeah, I've used it. It's not like I met my forever-and-ever lady-love on there but I've met a lot of people, some cool, some not-so-cool, but that's life.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
The pre-ordained match factor makes it easier to communicate, if anything.
Yeah, at least you know that you're not wasting your time talking to somebody who has a diametrically opposite outlook on life as you.
It doesn't necessarily mean you will match up with that person, it just weeds out a lot of dead-ends.
the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
I met my wife on OkCupid. It was, perhaps, one of the most significant decisions of my life.
But it had to start by actually messaging her.
Do it.
Worst case, you have a horrible date, or she turns you down outright. Big deal.
Best case... who knows?
But yeah. There's no point in even signing up for the service if you don't intend on ever messaging anyone.
message her. You have nothing to lose.
Also, in this individual case, you have nothing to lose. The worst likely outcome is that things stay exactly as they are, right?
Haha, you realize anyone who recognizes you is gonna be a member of the same site right? Just do it. There's no shame in having options man. Next thing you're gonna be afraid to message employers on Monster.com. :P
te he, thanks
But exactly. You're there, just do it man!
Obviously that means if you'd gone for 80%, you'd be 20% closer to domestic bliss.
Just message her. I used to do this all the time with a IM program called ICQ. It allowed you to randomly send a message to someone who wasn't on your list and through that, I actually made some pretty good friends through that. Just don't get your hopes up. I assume the whole process can be pretty hit/miss, with a lot of miss.
One girl turned out to be pretty uninteresting and the conversation eventually petered out, the other was pretty cool and I'm probably going to keep speaking to her. So yeah, your mileage is obviously going to vary but as a starting point I'd say the match percentage is fairly accurate.
Can I piggyback a question here? What should I be saying when I first message someone? I mean, while "hi how are you, you are cute and we like some of the same bands, let's chat" is technically true it's probably not a very good conversation starter. I consider myself fairly good at talking to people but I often have trouble with breaking the ice.
hitting hot metal with hammers
Also, dude, if you signed up with okCupid in order to meet women and you have confidence in their matching system, why not? Why even ask about this if you already made the decision to sign up with okCupid???
Face Twit Rav Gram
Pull that trigger, man. You've got nothing to lose.
I signed up a few days ago and sent out a few messages. It gets easier after the first message. But yeah
1. Don't expect a reply.
2. Try to actually put some personality into your message.
3. Don't worry about it.
So far i've ended up talking to a few people who are pretty interesting. As far as dating goes I have no idea what will happen but it's nice to know that there are people out there who enjoy some of the same things and aren't me.
What you don't want to do is give star ratings. When you star rate someone who has star rated you it sends both of you a message on what you rated each other which can make for some hilarious situations if you accidentally click one star. (Seriously, I have done this on accident and well lets just say that conversation ended quickly). There might be a setting that turns this off, but I don't know for sure.
I'm sure that the effectiveness of the site varies significantly by region.
Also the % match tends to have more to do with interests/opinions than it does an actual psychological insight into if two people will be truly compatible.
*edit*
And as Ed pointed out above. Don't expect a reply. The male-female ratio on these dating sites is remarkably lopsided and odds are as a male you aren't the only person interested in any given candidate. When I actually used that site I must have messaged a dozen people and only gotten two or three replies.
we also talk about other random shit and clown upon each other
I recall the star rating only tells you if you rate someone high. I got a message that congratulated me on being rated a 4 or 5 in looks and personality by a person that I had given a 4 or 5 in those categories.
Funny story though. Sent them a message. No response :P
Use the "shotgun approach", but make sure each little pellet it unique.
Which is to say, personalize your message, say something that shows you're not just copy/pasting a script to them, but recognize that of 100 messages you send, you'll be lucky to hear back from even 25%. From my experiences on a variety of online dating sites, there are indeed far more men than women on the ones I've seen, so while you're sending out dozens of winks, waves or emails, they're sorting through dozens of winks, waves and emails.
Stand out from the crowd, be patient, and see where it goes.
Anyway, a small question; quickmatches? I've clicked it a few times to see who shows up, and the site has mentioned a few people commenting on me as well, but I don't see anywhere that I can see who specifically star'd me, or what the ratings were.
Hopefully this isn't something blindingly obvious, but scanning through the various links at the top, nothing seems to reference them anywhere, aside from the search itself. It seems from within the Quickmatch part, you can find people you've rated in the past, but I'm still not seeing anything about what others have rated me.
Edit: ooooh, for high star ratings, it sends you an in-site mail. I guess times that it pops up the "you've been rated" message but doesn't send a mail, you got a mediocre or low rating... which raises the question as to why they'd mention it at all.