girl thread!

DarkSymphony

it's a quick one. There's a chick I met I'd say....5 months ago. We had a brief meeting through a friend and it was like a 10 minute "oh hey I heard a lot about you! nice to finally met ya!" type of thing. well, there are reasons contact never continued but it has nothing to do with lost interest on my side nor hers from what I understand through her friends. Not the point.

the point is, I just now got into contacting her and my complete intent is to never let this hit the dreaded fucking "you're such a sweet guy, you're like a brother to me!" I swear to god if I hear that again I'm gonna punch a puppy.

what are some clear ways to avoid such a thing? I'm a nice guy, that's just who I am. I'm fun as shit though I'm always the one to get people for parties and I end up being the life of the party most of the time so I'm not worried about that. I'm very outgoing and all, but I've tried the outgoing sweet guy before and it just ended with wanting to be friends.

I just want to avoid that and I want a chance with this girl is all :P she'd mad hot and I know I'm a pretty good lookin dude.

Hahnsoo1

Umm. Just ask her out? So there is no ambiguity of what you want from a relationship with her?

LavaKnight

Yep. Just make sure you make your emotions and intentions are clear.

VisionOfClarity

You could ask her out on a date instead of waiting until you're in the friend zone.

MurphysParadox

The first thing that comes to mind is make sure the intent is obvious. Schedule a real date with her and take her to somewhere enjoyable, fun, and not a place a brother and sister would normally go (you know, like a strip club... heh, just kidding!) A decent restaurant, a play or movie, or something more romantic if you're up to it (though the weather isn't great for picnics at the moment...) My understanding of how a person falls into the "like a brother" bucket is that the brother-to-be is very nice and friendly and helpful and so on, but does not show enough overt indication of wanting something unique to him and the girl. The solution is to make sure that you mix in the occasional proof of romantic interest (flower-type-things, going on just-the-two-of-you dates or double dates where you can be sure the other couple at least understands your intention, etc).

Are you looking for a serious relationship or just a person to have for physical enjoyment (which is fine assuming that's what she wants, I ask because it changes the format of the advice)? What is your current age group (high school, college, retirement home, etc)? Is the normal 'date' you're used to just going to a party with a bunch of people?

Since it has been 5 months, I'd probably suggest you figure out a casual lunch kind of meet-up to catch up on how things have been. If things are going well there, you could start asking if there's anything she'd like to do in the future ("This is pretty fun; want to go to dinner/movie/sports game/theatre some time?") and make sure it happens relatively soon. After that you could start spicing it up with the regular social parties and such, but make sure to indicate some level of interest in her (even for those parties, offer to pick her up or something similar so that there is an understanding that you are inviting her to the party specifically, not just as part of a whole group of people who are being given blanket invites).

Since you are out-going, this shouldn't be too frightening for you. Good luck.

DarkSymphony

oh yeah it's not freightening at all, I just hate being just-friends and shit. I don't understand girls half the time so fuck if I know how they tick. I'm 26, so the college and older type of crowd/stuff.

alright cool I think I've got a good idea. Thank you.

admanb

MurphysParadox wrote: »

The first thing that comes to mind is make sure the intent is obvious. Schedule a real date with her and take her to somewhere enjoyable, fun, and not a place a brother and sister would normally go (you know, like a strip club... heh, just kidding!) A decent restaurant, a play or movie, or something more romantic if you're up to it (though the weather isn't great for picnics at the moment...) My understanding of how a person falls into the "like a brother" bucket is that the brother-to-be is very nice and friendly and helpful and so on, but does not show enough overt indication of wanting something unique to him and the girl. The solution is to make sure that you mix in the occasional proof of romantic interest (flower-type-things, going on just-the-two-of-you dates or double dates where you can be sure the other couple at least understands your intention, etc).

Trying to stick your hand down their pants usually makes intentions pretty clear.

I'm kidding, sort of. The best way to not get stuck in the friend zone is to make it clear that you're looking for something beyond friendship. Don't wait for her to try to kiss you, risk the rejection and go for it.

Demerdar

Just be forward. That's all there is to it.

Sarcastro

If you want to avoid certain situations, just be willing to walk away. Be clear, be honest (in action I mean, no need to spill your guts out at the drop of a hat) in your expectations. If she doesn't dig you in that way no problem, you can always see her around. Don't chase what can't be caught and you wont wind up wasting your time.

mechaThor

admanb wrote: »

Don't wait for her to try to kiss you, risk the rejection and go for it.

The longer you wait to make a move the more shes going to think that you are interested in just being friends, and thus will think of you as such.

SammyF

VisionOfClarity wrote: »

You could ask her out on a date instead of waiting until you're in the friend zone/

I think I use the following phrase verbatim everytime I ask for a girl's phone number:

"I've really enjoyed meeting you, and I'm interested in getting to know you better. Can I have your phone number so I can ask you out on a date sometime soon?"

Once I get said number, the phone call goes something like:

"Hey Jessica? It's Sam. I really enjoyed meeting you the other night, and I wanted to call and ask you out. Would you like to get coffee after work on Thursday?"

I actually learned this technique from a Governor I used to work for. He always said you should be bold and simply ask for what you want. He usually meant it in terms of doing fundraising calls for campaigning, but it works just as well with dates. Don't pussy-foot around. You might get told "no" occassionally, but the only way you're going to hear "yes" is if you actually ask for what you want.