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Now is the winter of my discontent.
Docken
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Ok this involves jobs and ex's I still love, so bear with me.
6 months ago if you asked myself how my life was going, I would have said that its the best it could possibly be, that I wouldn't trade it for anyone's life. To be honest, I had never been so content. Oh what a difference 6 months makes. Back then I had a plan for what I wanted to do with my life, I had a girl with whom I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Everything was amazing...
Until one day my Ex turned around and said "I can't do this anymore". To say it hit my like a lightening bolt is the understatement of the year. I almost couldn't stand up after she said that... that was 1 month ago. What makes it harder is that in reality, she still loves me, she just "isn't ready". Normally thats bullshit, but in this case its not...
I have also recently just finished University- Law to be precise. I have worked hard for many years, doing my best. The problem is I have come to realise that Law is not all that its cracked up to be, and the last thing I could see myself doing was becoming a lawyer. So after the break up I changed my whole perspective, turned down the job I was going to take and decided to try my hand at some management consulting. Unfortunately the major companies are no longer recruiting, but I have gotten two interviews with highly respectiable boutique firms.
Unfortunately, the first interview (with the better of the two) I fucked up royally. That happened yesterday.
Today, I received a call from my ex. Previously we had been talking on a weekly basis, though the conversation was getting a little strained... in fact at one point I accidently said I was seeing other people at the moment (not doing anything with them though) after extensive probing by my ex. She then got mad and told me (in effect) that I was immature. That pissed me off, and was the last straw after several other insinuations she had made previously. So, when she called today I said that she had treated me badly and I didn't want to be around people that did that. I said this in the nicest way possible, but obviously the content is not particularly nice. Despite that I also said that all I really wanted was some time to heal... however, before I could say any more she started to cry and said "ok, i'll go" and hung up.
The problem is we both still love each other, but she is confused... very confused.
Also, I don't have a job now... don't know about this second interview... everything is kind of spiraling out of control... I feel like a rat in a maze with no way out.
Somebody set my head straight. What should I do about the ex? What should I do about my job? I really want a job, but the interview I have is not really with a firm I want- I could do better. Should I take this job (if I even get it?) and then try and trade upwards when the major firms start recruiting next year? Help!
PS: Making my ex cry is like a thousand daggers to the heart. I just didn't know what else to do or say...
6 months ago if you asked myself how my life was going, I would have said that its the best it could possibly be, that I wouldn't trade it for anyone's life. To be honest, I had never been so content. Oh what a difference 6 months makes. Back then I had a plan for what I wanted to do with my life, I had a girl with whom I was sure I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Everything was amazing...
Until one day my Ex turned around and said "I can't do this anymore". To say it hit my like a lightening bolt is the understatement of the year. I almost couldn't stand up after she said that... that was 1 month ago. What makes it harder is that in reality, she still loves me, she just "isn't ready". Normally thats bullshit, but in this case its not...
I have also recently just finished University- Law to be precise. I have worked hard for many years, doing my best. The problem is I have come to realise that Law is not all that its cracked up to be, and the last thing I could see myself doing was becoming a lawyer. So after the break up I changed my whole perspective, turned down the job I was going to take and decided to try my hand at some management consulting. Unfortunately the major companies are no longer recruiting, but I have gotten two interviews with highly respectiable boutique firms.
Unfortunately, the first interview (with the better of the two) I fucked up royally. That happened yesterday.
Today, I received a call from my ex. Previously we had been talking on a weekly basis, though the conversation was getting a little strained... in fact at one point I accidently said I was seeing other people at the moment (not doing anything with them though) after extensive probing by my ex. She then got mad and told me (in effect) that I was immature. That pissed me off, and was the last straw after several other insinuations she had made previously. So, when she called today I said that she had treated me badly and I didn't want to be around people that did that. I said this in the nicest way possible, but obviously the content is not particularly nice. Despite that I also said that all I really wanted was some time to heal... however, before I could say any more she started to cry and said "ok, i'll go" and hung up.
The problem is we both still love each other, but she is confused... very confused.
Also, I don't have a job now... don't know about this second interview... everything is kind of spiraling out of control... I feel like a rat in a maze with no way out.
Somebody set my head straight. What should I do about the ex? What should I do about my job? I really want a job, but the interview I have is not really with a firm I want- I could do better. Should I take this job (if I even get it?) and then try and trade upwards when the major firms start recruiting next year? Help!
PS: Making my ex cry is like a thousand daggers to the heart. I just didn't know what else to do or say...
Docken on
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Good Luck with everything. Sorry I'm not much help.
EDIT: Oops. I forgot the link.
http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=78046
I'm with you on the daggers in the heart thing. All I can say is hang in there. If you feel you really must do something maybe send her a card with a brief note about how you're not angry/ hateful toward her but you just need some time. Keep it short and sweet and noncommittal.
Once again, Hang in there man
Thanatos said it before me, buti it was the first thing I thought when I read this. I know you're really into this girl or whatever, but she's playing you like a fiddle and you're letting it happen. She knows that a) you want to be with her and b) you'll wait around like a puppy ready to bark on command.
What you really need to do is tell her flat out "Hey, if you can't do the relationship, there's no point in us talking" and cut this off. Seriously. No "but we can be friends" garbage because you're just fooling yourself if you think that's what either of you want. None of this million daggers to the heart stuff either. Cut her off and move on.
This problem ISN'T that she's confused. She knows exactly what she wants and exactly what she's doing.
Are you in the US? If so, you're in for some major bad news here.
It makes me so mad and upset. I want her to wake up and realise how stupid all this is. But she won't, so its all fucked. Its all just a big fucking heart break.
I have cut her off... but in the back of my mind is this voice that is saying "she'll come around, she'll change". I just can't silence that voice because ultimately I can't believe she would be so stupid (she is actually perhaps one of the smartest people I know)... which means I have to live with it, which is not easy. I hope it grows fainter in time, I hope I don't accidently bump into her any time soon either. That would just fucking suck.
No I am not... but I am intrigued. Why would it be so bad?
This might not be any consolation at all, but I tend to be a really nice guy to everyone, I'm a smart person, and people appreciate my gentlemanly attitude, or whatever. However, I could easily "play games" with a member of the opposite sex, because smarts so often get left out when it comes to love, or something close to it.
So I reckon that even with the smartest girls who are extremely nice in all other regards, playing games is all too common a possibility.
This is true (to some extent at least), however there should be a threshold for tolerance. I think this case has easily exceeded that which should be deemed appropriate.
I'm in my second year at a state law school (Go IU!) and I'm worried about not getting an offer from one of the two firms I've been waitlisted for. I'm not worried about working somewhere, I want to work at one of these two.
If you were already finished with your third year and still had no job, it wouldn't be a case of getting into where you wanted to get into. It would be a case of getting anywhere at all. At least, that's what it seems like from all of the horror stories.
Either way, make sure you leave this girl behind. No weekly phone calls. No visits. None of that stuff. She'll call. She'll cry. She'll try to do all of the things to get you to pay attention to her. Don't do it.
I'm inclined to say that she's probably doing this just for the little ego boost she gets from your attention, since the guy she's really going after now isn't as "boosting," but I'd need to know more to be sure.
Honestly, a lot of graduates feel the same way you do after leaving their course. I know I graduated realising that I didn't want to go into the field of my degree either. I've also had a fair few friends with good degrees take several months to find a job, and in the meantime they've had to do temping work or take a job that's beneath them.
Continue to go to interviews - even if you're not entirely sure about a job you may find that when you go there to meet the people that it seems a nice place and might be somewhere you can hack it for a couple of months until something better comes along.
1) In regards to the ex, take it a day at a time. If things don't work out, don't beat yourself up. If you guys do end up getting back together though, don't ever forget where you've been together. I hate to sound negative, but she may feel that she can drop you and pick you back up whenever she feels like it.
2) With the job, don't settle. If the job you want isn't the job you have and you have the means to be able to support yourself while you keep looking, than do that. I took the first job offered to me right out of college because I needed the money. I ended up paying for it with my sanity. Then after that, I fell into my current job and am now right back where I started. So yes, be choosey.
I would add to this that there is no reason to not take a job now if there is nothing on the horizon that you do want. Bills and money usually don't care if you like your job or not.
Just make sure to not fall into the rut wher eyou stay someplace you hate just because you are a fraid of a bit of risk going somewhere else.
If you have an idea of where you want to work, then set it as a goal, and look at the places you can get into now as a means to get there.
Granted, if you wind up liking where you go now once there... then it just makes it even easier on you.
But if you take these jobs now and they are, as you expect, not what you want, then just keep your resume up to date and float it to the places you do want to work.
As far as your ex, if you arent so sure about things then I would try to give things a little more time. I mean, whos to say that if you get back with her right away, that she wont find herself unsure again? Im not saying that she doesnt love you, just saying that maybe you should talk to her and give it a little more time. Just explain that you love her very much and you do want to be with her, but at the same time you want to try to prevent what happened before, from happening again.
Just my 2 cents.
I have thought long and hard about all the advice regarding my ex... and you know, I realised something. This is not an ordinary break up, it wasn't an ordinary relationship. I think the only option I really have is to go with my feelings and act on them. Attempting to fit a standard form solution on this situation isn't going to work. I guess what I am trying to say is that something about this is special and its not just me that believes that either... its her. I think there is a point when games and leverage and who has the 'upper hand' ceases to matter... it becomes irrelevant. I didn't think that was possible, but now I know differently.
I just need the strength now to go forward with my life with the knowledge that its not really over... we will get back together and probably stay together. However, now is not the time, so I need to just go out and have fun...
No no no no no no!
You need to drop her like a hot potato. She broke up with you and gets mad at you for seeing other people? Uh what?
All she's doing is playing games with you. You two will not get together again; it just doesn't happen. A little more than 1.25 years ago, I was with a girl that somehow duped me into believing her that I could win back her affections even though this other guy had come onto the scene and had become was slightly ahead of me at the moment. :roll: Someone I knew (not really a friend) was convinced she'd come back to me and of course I hung onto that and was like "It's not just me" to my friends.
I can only hope next time I won't be so stupid.
It's so easy to believe this crap and to think that your situation is unique and different because your relationship wasn't "ordinary."
Whatever, unless you like heart-ache you need to cut contact with this girl and not waste your life waiting for her to come around, cause I garantee you, she won't.
When I read "This is not an ordinary break up, it wasn't an ordinary relationship." I cringed, because I've been there.
How do you know, did she tell you? It's not that she's necessarily lying, but people will sometimes say things that aren't true if they think it will make someone feel better. If she says that you have something special, but at the same time doesn't want to be with you, something doesn't make sense.
I don't think anyone here doesn't want it to work out, we're just looking at the situation objectively. When she says that "I can't do this anymore," it means that it's over; it'll be better for you in the long run if you try to move on.