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Going on first date....ever. Tips?
DarwinsFavoriteTortoise
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Basically what the title says. I'm 17 and I've never had a girlfriend, so I don't really know whats proper or appropriate.
Backstory: I met this girl about three months ago and we really clicked. She had a boyfriend, however, which crushed me because I was planning on asking her out. She broke up with him a few months ago because he was being an ass. I saw her yesterday for the first time in three months (we had been texting/messaging on myspace occasionally) and decided to ask her if she wanted to go out with me sometime. She said she'd love to. After talking about, we decided to see Friday the Thirteenth because she likes horror movies (bonus points: she told me shes a jumper). Great.
I have some general questions, however:
Is a kiss on the first date generally accepted? I understand that I have to go with the flow, but when I drop her off, should I walk her to the door? It seems obvious that I should, but I don't want to put any pressure on her.
Should we eat before or after the movie?
Any tips or general advice would be great...things to do, things not to do.
Thanks!
Backstory: I met this girl about three months ago and we really clicked. She had a boyfriend, however, which crushed me because I was planning on asking her out. She broke up with him a few months ago because he was being an ass. I saw her yesterday for the first time in three months (we had been texting/messaging on myspace occasionally) and decided to ask her if she wanted to go out with me sometime. She said she'd love to. After talking about, we decided to see Friday the Thirteenth because she likes horror movies (bonus points: she told me shes a jumper). Great.
I have some general questions, however:
Is a kiss on the first date generally accepted? I understand that I have to go with the flow, but when I drop her off, should I walk her to the door? It seems obvious that I should, but I don't want to put any pressure on her.
Should we eat before or after the movie?
Any tips or general advice would be great...things to do, things not to do.
Thanks!
DarwinsFavoriteTortoise on
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Be yourself. Do the obvious stuff, i.e. shower, dress for the occasion, etc. Beyond that, there are no hard and fast rules.
As to eating before or after, I'd say that depends on when the movie is.
Even through college I heard many female friends complain about being put on a pedestal by their dates.
Eat after the movie. Gives you something to talk about. Kiss if it feels right. Have fun, be yourself.
Don't stress! If you stress out about doing everything perfectly odds are you'll be the one that ruins the entire experience. You say you've clicked and you're like really good mates. Well then for the most part just think of it as a night out with a friend and you'll be fine.
Limed for truth, bolded for...uh, being completely obvious?
As you said in the OP, you don't want to pressure the girl. Really you should never pressure ANY girl, but it's especially true of one that's just gotten out of a relationship. And slapping some label on her immediately is going to make her feel way more pressured than walking her to the door or kissing her goodnight ever would. Hold off on that sort of thinking for now so you don't come across as possessive.
I was just using that in the title to accentuate the lack of experience I have. I'm not labeling her or anything.
My girlfriend and I take turns paying or we split the bill. We never keep count though but we try to keep it fair.
edit: Avoid the whole trying-to-impress thing and just have a good time. Honestly, have fun
My GF and I once decided to visit IKEA because one just opened here and we had never been. This was maybe our third date. We got herded through the place in 30 minutes or so and found ourselves back in her car with TONS of time left. I wasn't really sure what I was going to do as we headed to the car...it was waaay too early to go to dinner, and I was nervous as hell. We sit in her car, and she goes "want to play a game?"
(no, this isn't going to get dirty)
The game was this: You ask the other person something about themselves (favorite color, season, vacation, memory from grade school, etc) and after they answer, you tell them that fact about yourself. Then it's their turn to ask the question. We played this game for like 4 hours, just sitting in the front seats of this car watching parking traffic go by. Bonus points for asking awesome fun questions, like "favorite disney movie song" or "dream car" or "worst insult you've ever received".
I bet she was nervous as hell for that date and looked up "things to do on a date" online to get that game. Clever bitch.
Hah, that's funny. I've been dating a girl for a few weeks now, and just Tuesday we were talking and decided to play this game. Before we knew it, it was 1 in the morning. It really is a great game to play, and one thing you'll find is that sometimes an answer will be a great topic for a further conversation.
Like everyone's said, just be yourself. It sounds cliche, but if someone doesn't like you when you act like yourself, is that really someone you want to be seeing in a romantic capacity? On the flip side, be the very best -you- that you can. Accentuate your positive characteristics and try to avoid the negatives if you can. That doesn't mean act like an entirely new person, but be interesting and the rest will come.
Just wanted to drive the point home. There was some guy in here with a thread about asking a girl to be his girlfriend and he didn't even know her last name.
Youth and inexperience can lead to confusion about how things really work...
Also,
Walking somebody to the door does not mean you are going to try and kiss them, I always do it simply because I consider it polite. You can be a gentleman without trying to get anything out of it.
I'm in the habit of holding the door and getting the car door for her as well, but I tend to do that for anybody, not just dates (not the car door though)
Eat when you're hungry, don't force it. You also don't have to eat if neither of you are hungry and it's just something to do on a date. Take a walk or get coffee/tea or something instead, it's a much better opportunity to talk if you're feeling relaxed, and holding hands while walking is always a good thing.
Don't be too submissive in trying to make her happy. Always giving her the choice of restaurant, where to go next, and what to do can get pretty annoying. Take some initiative and don't worry too much about her not liking it. It's her own fault if she won't tell you she'd rather do something else. Taking initiative does not, however, mean being insensitive.
Don't worry about being overly polite either. If you like dirty, tasteless jokes, that's part of who you are. Maybe a first date isn't the best place to bring out what you might consider your most offensive characteristics, but you won't be able to hide them forever. Remember, you're trying to find somebody that gets along with you, not change yourself to get along with somebody else and fit their standards.
So now that I've overcomplicated it all for you, I hope it goes well, and have fun!
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
I'm also 17 and soon going on my first date ever with a girl I've known approximately 3 months. The plan is skating, a shopping mall and dinner. I think.
Best of luck!
Also my own question (if I may, pardon the hijack): On going home. If we're downtown and the girl lives a fair public transit commute away and I'm in the opposite direction should I be accompanying her? I feel like the answer is either ungentlemanly or slightly weird...
Although during it ought not be awkward if I accompany her (Why did I choose a Sunday?). Gah... I feel dumb not knowing the answer to this myself.
I have no idea what this girl is like, but I would find the car door and chair thing to be kind of irritating, to be honest. I mean, doors are okay if the guy gets there before me, but I think it's going way overboard to do those other things. All depends on the specific girl, though - go for it if you think she's the type to be charmed by that sort of stuff, but I don't think not opening a car door or pulling a chair back makes you a pig :P
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Naporeon that is an excellent thing to point out.
Also don't freak out if she wants to pay or share the cost of stuff.
And there's a reason she said 'yes' when you asked so don't try too hard.
Out of all this, I keep coming back to the above...seriously, wtf? 30 minutes in Ikea? o_O
Explain yourself this instant!
Woah, the symmetry thing is excellent advice... but I'm not sure it applies. We're volunteering at the same place earlier in the day and are heading out from there. W/e... either way I'm not committing a major faux-pas in this situation (like honking my horn to at her house), I'll just do what comes naturally.
And I wasn't actually intending to pay for things.
I wasn't implying that he would be a pig if he didn't open every door and pull out every chair. You are right about not knowing about how the girl is but its better to be safe then sorry on a first date and I think being polite is way better than being inconsiderate know what I mean? Then again I live in the south so this behavior is typical in guys so anything less than that is really below the standard which I def don't agree with but I guess thats how its done down here. Thats my advice OP, take it or leave it.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
We're going on our first date next Friday.
The day before Valentine's day.
I'm going to get her something (or would that be weird?). Should I give it to her Friday night? Or call sometime on Saturday? Or would it be weird to even do anything more than a phone call since we only had our first date the day before?
$5 or less. Nothing Gold. Like a little teddy bear, a few flowers or some chocolates. Give it to her at the end of the date, if the date goes sour, give it to your mom instead.
My recommendation is, well since you're underage drinks are out, but any sort of activity. My best first date was at a Gameworks. Bowling, mini golf, ice/roller skating, anything in which you can constantly talk without massive time breaks breaking up conversation. The nice thing about activities is there is a small built in concentration time, like when bowling that ball, that gives you a natural out on awkward silences. It sort of covers them up especially if you're nervous, which I assume you will be.
Ahahaha, so accurate.
That's pretty much word for word what happened in my mind
But yes, a movie isn't all that great for a first date. Well, unless it's a date where you spend the day together. Then, it does work because it doesn't take up such a big proportion of the time you spend together.
LET HER TALK ABOUT HERSELF!
especially at the age of 17, where you feel like nobody in the world understands you, keep the conversation about yourself to a minimum. when conversing, keep eye contact and have facial reactions to things she says. it tells her youre engaged into things she says.
"I used my dead grandma's heirloom to kill my puppy"
"really!? oh, that's so cool!"
(doesn't matter what she says, as long as she gets a reaction out of you to make sure youre in the conversation)
Oh, and...ahem...kind of an awkward topic, and a cliche to boot (see Mary, There's Something about). Beforehand it might not be a bad idea to...ahem...relieve your own tension. If you get my point. Makes it much more likely that you can maintain eye contact and not stare at her boobs the whole time.
If you get my point.
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Do these tips and stuff stay the same if it's a guy/guy date? Or is that a whole new ball game?
I guess you'll have to figure out who will be the pitcher, but thats about it.