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Fascinating Girl

Mr.PinkMr.Pink Registered User regular
edited November 2006 in Help / Advice Forum
I know H/A gets a lot of these topics, but please bear with me. There is the girl that I would like to get to know in my photography class. She seems like am imteresting person. I would liked to get o know her, even just being her friend. But I do not know how to approach her. I talk to her sometimes during our photography class, but nothing besides that. I was thinking of going to Portland (I live in Oregon) to take pictures and was thinking of inviting her. Do you think it would be to soon to ask something like seeing as I know basically nothing about her? Or should I try and get to know her better before I try and hang out with her? Any help would be appreciated.

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    EclecticGrooveEclecticGroove Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    ASking her on a photoshoot is a great idea in my opinion. But not anyplace that requires a drive. Essentially you would need to choose somewhere you can both drive to on your own and meet up, preferably public and not in some secluded area. Ideally a spot where you can take the pictures for awhile, discuss htings, and then say, "hey, want to go get a bite to eat over in xxx" when/if things seem to be going well.

    This means that she is under no pressure, and neither are you. The outside activity is something that has meaning to both of you, and if it goes poorly you can both choose to cut and run quickly.

    EclecticGroove on
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    "What are your plans this weekend? Want to see that movie/sporting event/art exhibit/play/show/concert/political campaign speech/boatrace/fireworks/karaoke tournament/condemned building demolition/noh/dance battle/truck rally/race/police seizure auction/warehouse rave/sidewalk sale/library unveiling/seminar/christening/bar mitzvah/wedding/funeral/divorce hearing/activist rally/guy yelling on streetcorner/sermon/baptism/potluck/corn race/book signing/reading/adult education class/picnic/hiking/swimming/running/climbing/marathon/shuttle launch/bomb testing/volcano with me?"

    There are thousands of things to do. And yes, one of them is certainly a photo shoot. It doesn't matter what, though, until you man up and ask her.

    Seattle Thread on
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    DemitriDemitri Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Wtf is a noh?

    Demitri on
    timmy testey
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    you could also just ask for her myspace or something. girls seem to give you that much easier than phone numbers. you could talk to here there for longer extended periods of time and all.

    use the internets to your advantage!

    you could actually talk to a pretty girl in here, than all of us sweaty bastids!

    Munacra on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Demitri wrote:
    Wtf is a noh?
    A form of Japanese theatre.

    naporeon on
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    Nitsuj82Nitsuj82 Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    ASking her on a photoshoot is a great idea in my opinion. But not anyplace that requires a drive. Essentially you would need to choose somewhere you can both drive to on your own and meet up, preferably public and not in some secluded area. Ideally a spot where you can take the pictures for awhile, discuss htings, and then say, "hey, want to go get a bite to eat over in xxx" when/if things seem to be going well.

    This means that she is under no pressure, and neither are you. The outside activity is something that has meaning to both of you, and if it goes poorly you can both choose to cut and run quickly.

    Yeah, that's pretty much the best plan of action. Especially since you already KNOW that photography is an interest of hers.

    Nitsuj82 on
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    tony_importanttony_important Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I say go for the photoshoot, but i agree w/ EclecticGroove... make it localish. That way you guys can get to know each other and still have a way out if it's not going well. No awkward car ride home together, nobody gets stranded.

    And go for the "I'm hungry, want to grab some food somewhere?"

    Good luck

    PS :arrow: Don't ask if you can do a nude shoot of her. odds are you'll get slapped. :P

    tony_important on
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    EverywhereasignEverywhereasign Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Asking someone out isn't nearly as hard as our minds make it out to be,

    "Would you like to go at x time to do y?"
    "You aren't available at x time?, here's my number, give me a call if you are interesting in going some other time"

    That way she has the power to say she's not interested without making you look or feel like a loser.

    Always commit to a time and activity, it makes it look like you planned ahead a bit. Like others have said, make it somthing you can meet for and then go your separate ways. I personally would start with coffee and get to know her. Coffee is a very easy way to chat up someone and figure out if you have enough in common to spend a longer time with them. If you jump right to a Photography Day Trip, and find out that you two really have nothing in common, you'll have an awkward day and then things will be weird.

    Everywhereasign on
    "What are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the hell do you think I am? I'm the goddamn Batman!"
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    PS Arrow Don't ask if you can do a nude shoot of her. odds are you'll get slapped. Razz

    whaaaaaaaaat? I thought girls loved nooodz.
    "You aren't available at x time?, here's my number, give me a call if you are interesting in going some other time"

    and more often than not, the girl never calls. Unless you're extremely good looking or rich.

    Munacra on
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    naporeonnaporeon Seattle, WARegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    and more often than not, the girl never calls. Unless you're extremely good looking or rich.
    I disagree completely. Being hot and wealthy can open lots of doors, but as anyone with substantial experience with women will tell you, it's way more about attitude, confidence, and even mystery.

    As far as this relates to OP, I would say that as long as you aren't tripping over yourself or coming across as desperate, the offering her your number thing is a great option. This is not to say it's the ideal one, but in my experience, women almost always call.

    naporeon on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    "You aren't available at x time?, here's my number, give me a call if you are interesting in going some other time"

    and more often than not, the girl never calls. Unless you're extremely good looking or rich.
    Sounds like somebody isn't as smart or funny as they think they are. Because those two things win you more callbacks than any amount of physical hotness (which, incidentally, is defined in a different way by pretty much every individual girl anyway, fuck there are even girls who think I'm hot :shock:) or money (you need to pull in enough that they know you're not looking for a sugar-momma, no one wants to be used).

    ViolentChemistry on
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    and more often than not, the girl never calls. Unless you're extremely good looking or rich.
    If you go into it thinking "she's not going to call," then she won't. You have to put yourself in a good mindset.

    Go in there and do it, like ripping off a band-aid. Don't word it funny, don't chatter on, don't think about things, just go. If she never returns your calls, no problem. Yeah, she's cute and "seems" like an interesting person (I know what you mean, but she either is or she isn't... saying "seems" is noncomittal and indecisive, and girls hate indecisivness) but there are plenty of puppies in the pound. If she won't go out with you, chances are someone else will.

    Seattle Thread on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    you also have to understand one thing people:

    girls have to filter out men. every single girl has at least 5 guys after them, and you're just one of them. What I'm saying is that you can't be mr. charming all the time for every single girl. you're going to strike out once in a while, pretty much 4 times out of 5.

    this guy is having trouble even talking to the girl in class, you think he's ready to just go up and be

    "yo, mama, here's my numba"
    "zomg lol, you're so confident and funny"

    you're just one out of those 5 numbers, he's going to have to do something to really stand out without creeping the hell out of her.

    I think maybe the extended photoshoot day is a little too much for a first date. just talk to her first, get to know her before going that far, or her bullshit detector may go up, even if it is a false alarm.

    Even then, only advice I can give you is to never take love advice. No one knows what the hell they're doing.

    Munacra on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    you also have to understand one thing people:

    girls have to filter out men. every single girl has at least 5 guys after them, and you're just one of them. What I'm saying is that you can't be mr. charming all the time for every single girl. you're going to strike out once in a while, pretty much 4 times out of 5.

    this guy is having trouble even talking to the girl in class, you think he's ready to just go up and be

    "yo, mama, here's my numba"
    "zomg lol, you're so confident and funny"

    you're just one out of those 5 numbers, he's going to have to do something to really stand out without creeping the hell out of her.

    I think maybe the extended photoshoot day is a little too much for a first date. just talk to her first, get to know her before going that far, or her bullshit detector may go up, even if it is a false alarm.
    Personally I've always found that ever pretending to be Mr. Charming will immediately turn girls off to me, because it's an obvious lie and the girls I tend to be interested in don't have much use for liars.

    See, smart girls are smart, just like smart guys are. And smart people are aware that hotness does not last forever and money is something that's likely to change several times during a person's life. In college, for example, most people are poor as fuck, and the students who can afford to throw money around willy-nilly generally don't actually have any of their own money, just access to mommy and daddy's. Most girls don't want a guy who relies on mommy and daddy to pay for everything in life.

    ViolentChemistry on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    you're just one out of those 5 numbers, he's going to have to do something to really stand out without creeping the hell out of her.

    in retrospect, here is ONE piece of good advice

    Honesty is the best policy if you don't want to scare her away.

    Munacra on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Also, dating and love are not synonyms.

    ViolentChemistry on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Also, dating and love are not synonyms.
    fine! perhaps you CAN take dating advice. :D

    but really, as long as you don't creep her out you're cool, I think.

    so we all agree that he should talk to her more before taking her on his dream date?

    Munacra on
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    Nitsuj82Nitsuj82 Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    you also have to understand one thing people:

    girls have to filter out men. every single girl has at least 5 guys after them, and you're just one of them. What I'm saying is that you can't be mr. charming all the time for every single girl. you're going to strike out once in a while, pretty much 4 times out of 5.

    this guy is having trouble even talking to the girl in class, you think he's ready to just go up and be

    "yo, mama, here's my numba"
    "zomg lol, you're so confident and funny"

    you're just one out of those 5 numbers, he's going to have to do something to really stand out without creeping the hell out of her.

    I think maybe the extended photoshoot day is a little too much for a first date. just talk to her first, get to know her before going that far, or her bullshit detector may go up, even if it is a false alarm.

    Way to inspire confidence.

    I don't mean to offend, but if you have a negative attitude about women, it will transfer into your relationships. When I figured out that all women were crazy, it set my mind at ease.

    Nitsuj82 on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    hey, a pessimist is an optimist well informed, as Oscar Wilde said.

    Munacra on
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    EclecticGrooveEclecticGroove Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I say go for the photoshoot.. I did not say an extended.. which would be bad.

    Just have some fun with a short photo session, one roll of film or maybe 2.. bring more in case you both get into it and have fun... but don't count on it.

    EclecticGroove on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    hey, a pessimist is an optimist well informed, as Oscar Wilde said.
    And where did that get him? Dead for over a hundred years now, that's where.

    ViolentChemistry on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    And where did that get him? Dead for over a hundred years now, that's where.

    yea. who knew time did that to you?

    Munacra on
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    ViolentChemistryViolentChemistry __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Munacra wrote:
    And where did that get him? Dead for over a hundred years now, that's where.

    yea. who knew time did that to you?
    You seemed to miss the part where my deliberately irrelevant remark was exactly as relavent as the original remark that I was replying to. Famous writers get famous for being good at writing, not for being experts on the universe.

    ViolentChemistry on
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    MunacraMunacra Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    no I got it. it just wasn't as catchy as the one I quoted.


    EDIT: Ah fine you casanovas!

    Munacra on
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Look, if you want to get something done, the best way to do it is to get cracking. Dating is no different, so if you want to take this girl on a date, ask her. It really doesn't matter what you do, but for your first stab at this you should pick something that you're both interested in. It'll be easier that way.

    You should be doing said asking as soon as you have a conversation with her. And just do it, like ripping off a band-aid. Expect to be rejected, mainly because you're psyching yourself down that way and theoretically you'll be less nervous, but also to brace yourself for the worst. And if she turns you down, offer your digits. Don't wait for her, because you may end up waiting for a very long time. And remember that it's far from the end of the world--again, there's plenty of puppies in the pound.

    Seattle Thread on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Mr.Pink wrote:
    I would liked to get o know her, even just being her friend.

    The best thing you can do is to be honest with yourself: you don't want this girl as a friend. You want her as a girlfriend. And when you deal with the opposite sex this sort of thing comes across very clearly, no matter how well you try to hide it, and it's precisely the sort of thing that will prevent her from accepting you as a friend (because she will know what you really want).
    Personally I've always found that ever pretending to be Mr. Charming will immediately turn girls off to me, because it's an obvious lie and the girls I tend to be interested in don't have much use for liars.

    There is also another aspect to this: when you're trying to impress someone, that means you're trying to qualify to them. This immediately gives away your position as having a lower social value, which (ironically) goes the opposite way of not impressing them, and thus is a huge turn-off.

    Conversely, I've found out that not trying to impress women (especially if they are good-looking) is very attractive.
    naporeon wrote:
    Munacra wrote:
    and more often than not, the girl never calls. Unless you're extremely good looking or rich.
    I disagree completely. Being hot and wealthy can open lots of doors, but as anyone with substantial experience with women will tell you, it's way more about attitude, confidence, and even mystery.

    Which are qualities the OP doesn't seem to have (considering he came here asking for advice about approaching a girl). I don't mean this in a condescending way. Just saying that Munacra in this case may be right.

    I mean, you're right, confidence and attitude are the keys here, but telling someone that when they lack those qualities will not help. Confidence and attitude are things that are acquired over long periods of time. It's not like he's gonna read it and be like "holy shit, that's what I need!" and go through an intense character-metamorphosis.

    ege02 on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Makershot wrote:
    You should be doing said asking as soon as you have a conversation with her. And just do it, like ripping off a band-aid. Expect to be rejected, mainly because you're psyching yourself down that way and theoretically you'll be less nervous, but also to brace yourself for the worst. And if she turns you down, offer your digits. Don't wait for her, because you may end up waiting for a very long time. And remember that it's far from the end of the world--again, there's plenty of puppies in the pound.

    No, when you do this you're setting yourself for failure. Expecting to fail never leads to success.

    The right mindset to have is, "I'm an interesting, confident, good-looking guy that any woman would want to date. I'm so good that I'm not easily impressed by outside appearence; women have work hard to impress me. I'm gonna ask this girl out, and if she turns me down, it's her loss, and it's no big deal because she's just one out of many."

    Two things though:

    1- You don't say this out loud.
    2- It would help if you actually worked to become this sort of person, rather than trying to convince yourself of being someone you're not.

    Hope this helps. Good luck.

    ege02 on
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    OK, let me clarify. You expect to be rejected in the "ehh, I've already lost, so what could it possibly hurt?" sense, rather than the "I've already lost, so what's the point of even trying?" sense. There's a major difference.

    Everyone sucks at dealing with the opposite sex when they first start out. The only way to get better is to practice, and there's no better time than now. Basically, you're going to have to get all this awkward shit out of the way at some point--would rather it be now, or at 24?

    And Ege, salmon is the color for lies. Orange isn't for anything, but it's similar to gold, which is for great truth/awesomeness.

    Seattle Thread on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Makershot wrote:
    OK, let me clarify. You expect to be rejected in the "ehh, I've already lost, so what could it possibly hurt?" sense, rather than the "I've already lost, so what's the point of even trying?" sense. There's a major difference.

    But why do you expect to be rejected in the first place? Where is that negative expectation coming from? I'll tell you where it is coming from: it's coming from the lack of confidence, the loser's attitude. And yeah, you will get rejected if you think that way, and it will not help you get any better.

    The whole mindset is like opening your parachute while still inside the plane. It's going to hinder you.
    Everyone sucks at dealing with the opposite sex when they first start out. The only way to get better is to practice, and there's no better time than now. Basically, you're going to have to get all this awkward shit out of the way at some point--would rather it be now, or at 24?

    I agree.

    ege02 on
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    Seattle ThreadSeattle Thread Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    ege02 wrote:
    Makershot wrote:
    OK, let me clarify. You expect to be rejected in the "ehh, I've already lost, so what could it possibly hurt?" sense, rather than the "I've already lost, so what's the point of even trying?" sense. There's a major difference.

    But why do you expect to be rejected in the first place? Where is that negative expectation coming from? I'll tell you where it is coming from: it's coming from the lack of confidence, the loser's attitude. And yeah, you will get rejected if you think that way, and it will not help you get any better.

    The whole mindset is like opening your parachute while still inside the plane. It's going to hinder you.
    Or you go into it thinking you're hot shit on a stick, and then end up getting your feelings hurt when she declines. It could go that way, too.

    Seriously, it's not difficult to prepare yourself for the worst while hoping for the best. AND do it without being pessimistic. The key point is that "what could it possibly hurt" phrase.

    Seattle Thread on
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    ege02ege02 __BANNED USERS regular
    edited November 2006
    Makershot wrote:
    ege02 wrote:
    Makershot wrote:
    OK, let me clarify. You expect to be rejected in the "ehh, I've already lost, so what could it possibly hurt?" sense, rather than the "I've already lost, so what's the point of even trying?" sense. There's a major difference.

    But why do you expect to be rejected in the first place? Where is that negative expectation coming from? I'll tell you where it is coming from: it's coming from the lack of confidence, the loser's attitude. And yeah, you will get rejected if you think that way, and it will not help you get any better.

    The whole mindset is like opening your parachute while still inside the plane. It's going to hinder you.

    Or you go into it thinking you're hot shit on a stick, and then end up getting your feelings hurt when she declines. It could go that way, too.

    The whole "not taking rejection personally" is basically a fundamental requirement if one is planning on self-improvement in the asking-girls-out field, regardless of the route they decide to take.

    Anyway, I don't think our little discussion is helpful here. We should take it to PMs, if you wish to continue that is.

    ege02 on
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    Mr.PinkMr.Pink Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Well thanks for all the advice and I will try and ask her out the next time I see her. I think coffee would be best. Thanks again, I appreciate it.

    Mr.Pink on
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    ZonkytonkmanZonkytonkman Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    I really have to say that a photo trip is an excellent idea. It's something you both enjoy, and are presumeably learning together. Learning something together is an excellent way to bond.

    Basically, so many people have such a hard time thinking of something novel to do wit a date, and here it is being handed to you on a silver platter, why not take advantage of it?

    Why does it need to be a photo trip to somewhere so far away? Couldn't you agree to do it somewhere more local? Meet, take pictures, then go for coffee to talk about it. Most people would love to be able to do something so original for a first outing.

    Zonkytonkman on
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    Dread Pirate ArbuthnotDread Pirate Arbuthnot OMG WRIGGLY T O X O P L A S M O S I SRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Mr.Pink wrote:
    Well thanks for all the advice and I will try and ask her out the next time I see her. I think coffee would be best. Thanks again, I appreciate it.

    Good luck! And yeah, if she is up for it, the photo trip is an excellent date idea, so definately see if she wants to do that.

    Dread Pirate Arbuthnot on
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