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Girl thread #1340987

crzyangocrzyango Registered User regular
edited February 2009 in Help / Advice Forum
Alright, this is my first thread, ever. of course it's about a girl, right? I'll make it simple. So I've been hangin out with this girl for goin on 2 years, and we've slept together a few times. Even when we're not sleeping together we hang out 4-5 times a week. The problem is that, her words, she's "not ready to be with me, She wants to be, but she doesn't know if she can be the girl I need." Granted, we're basically together in all but name, weirdly enough. We have breaks of like 2 weeks every couple months where we don't see each other, but through her friends and her, I know she's not with anyone during. My thing is, I would like to make us exclusive, am I being stupid about that? She'll randomly get drunk and angry and yell at me to go away, or go home, which I write off, but it still bothers me. Also, pretty much all of her good friends are guys, which tweaks a tiny bit of paranoia for me.

Basically, am I stupid for tryin to make somethin out of this? Is she just a girl that's gonna ruin me, or am I just paranoid?

crzyango on

Posts

  • VarianVarian Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    It sounds like you've already talked about this and she's told you how she feels about the situation. You want something more serious and are ready for a commitment, and she isn't there yet. Your best bet is to stop thinking about how much you want to be with her and just let things be. You could try having a discussion about how you feel about each other but it's not going to change anything right now. If she says she isn't ready to be with you then you need to trust her on this and give her time, but you should also be living your own life rather than waiting on someone else to figure out what they want. Leave the door open for something more later on and don't worry about it for now.

    Varian on
  • ZootZoot Registered User new member
    edited February 2009
    No offense, but it doesn't sound like she's into you all that much. She's been with you for 2 years and still nothing? I'll assume you got a good set of cajones and that you've tried everything there is (also because I'm not really an expert on the subject) and just say find someone else. Chances are she's the "I just think of you as a friend" type of girl. If you guys have been together long enough that you've already known everything there is to know about each other and there's still that "barrier" that keeps you from making it official, then It's hard for me to give a good prognosis on how you'll do in the future.

    Wish I could help more. Sorry man.

    Zoot on
    If my doctor told me I had only six minutes left to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.
  • wasted pixelswasted pixels Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    How old are the two of you? Are you professionals or students? Are you aware of her having any confidence issues in areas other than relationships?

    wasted pixels on
  • beavotronbeavotron Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    crzyango wrote: »
    Alright, this is my first thread, ever. of course it's about a girl, right? I'll make it simple. So I've been hangin out with this girl for goin on 2 years, and we've slept together a few times. Even when we're not sleeping together we hang out 4-5 times a week. The problem is that, her words, she's "not ready to be with me, She wants to be, but she doesn't know if she can be the girl I need." Granted, we're basically together in all but name, weirdly enough. We have breaks of like 2 weeks every couple months where we don't see each other, but through her friends and her, I know she's not with anyone during. My thing is, I would like to make us exclusive, am I being stupid about that? She'll randomly get drunk and angry and yell at me to go away, or go home, which I write off, but it still bothers me. Also, pretty much all of her good friends are guys, which tweaks a tiny bit of paranoia for me.

    Basically, am I stupid for tryin to make somethin out of this? Is she just a girl that's gonna ruin me, or am I just paranoid?

    she's using you till someone she deems better comes along
    she's shallow and not worth your time
    break it off for good, and find someone willing to commit to a healthy relationship, where you are together all the time not just when she feels like getting some and is having trouble getting some elsewhere

    and even though her friends and her aren't telling you, she's probably been at least attempting to sleep with other guys
    girls don't tell their girl friends everything if they're smart

    beavotron on
  • Limp mooseLimp moose Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Welcome to used ville. Population You!

    yeah man. This isn't going to happen for you. This girl sounds like she is about 18-22 and is hooking up with whoever she wants. She can't be that girl for you because she doesn't want to be. She wants to go around and get drunk and party.

    Limp moose on
  • VisionOfClarityVisionOfClarity Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    She's pretty much told you she doesn't want to be exclusive with you already. That and if you're already paranoid about her having close male friends that won't get any better in an exclusive relationship.

    VisionOfClarity on
  • SarcastroSarcastro Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    It is what it is. If you want something different, you'll need someone different.

    Sarcastro on
  • wasted pixelswasted pixels Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Limp moose wrote: »
    Welcome to used ville. Population You!

    yeah man. This isn't going to happen for you. This girl sounds like she is about 18-22 and is hooking up with whoever she wants. She can't be that girl for you because she doesn't want to be. She wants to go around and get drunk and party.

    What? The OP was pretty damn clear that she hasn't been with anyone else. At all. Or shown any interest in anyone else. At all. If she just wanted to sleep around, she'd probably have done that at some point in the last couple of years.

    Until we know the ages, life situations, and a bit more about the girl in question, it's reckless to speculate that she's using the OP. This sounds a lot more like a girl who has a fear of commitment for some reason.

    wasted pixels on
  • LailLail Surrey, B.C.Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    She knows you'll sit there and wait for her to come around, so she's taking her time and dragging you along. She's got you wrapped around her finger and she knows it. I bet you if you went and started showing interest in another girl she'd change her tune.

    I'm going to assume you're either in your late-teens or early twenties. You're way to young to be sitting around and waiting for some girl to come around. There's a bajillion other girls that are twice as awesome as this girl.

    Lail on
  • NisslNissl Registered User regular
    edited February 2009
    Like a lot of other posters, I suspect you guys are kind of young.

    "Randomly get drunk and angry and yell at me" sounds abusive, and I wouldn't write it off. I think a lot of people are speculating about what her internal thought processes are, but nobody can know for sure whether she's deliberately using you or immature and playing the field/lying or just emotionally unstable (my guess, fwiw). But none of the options are exactly good.

    After two years, Sarcastro is exactly right, it is what it is. Don't expect it to change and make your decisions accordingly.

    Nissl on
    360: Purkinje
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