850 things Mr. Welch cannot do in an RPG

2

Posts

  • Dyrwen66Dyrwen66 the other's insane Denver CORegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    730045: When escaping on a horse-drawn carriage in a 7th Sea campaign, the excuse for throwing boxes tied to ropes overboard cannot be "Anchors mean stop on the ocean, so they should on land, too."

    craziest escape ever..

    Dyrwen66 on
    Just an ancient PA person who doesn't leave the house much.
  • JoeslopJoeslop Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Where are you guys getting these hugely numbered ones?

    Joeslop on
  • INeedNoSaltINeedNoSalt with blood on my teeth Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Joeslop wrote:
    Where are you guys getting these hugely numbered ones?
    Pretty sure they're making them up
    Since Reynolds set the trend referencing Annie.

    INeedNoSalt on
  • ReynoldsReynolds Gone Fishin'Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Joeslop wrote:
    Where are you guys getting these hugely numbered ones?
    Pretty sure they're making them up
    Since Reynolds set the trend referencing Annie.

    Yes. I didn't want to accidently pick a number already on the list.

    1132756. Your responce to the government using your own cybernetic eyes to watch you assist a criminal cannot be, "Well, we just won't look at him!"

    Reynolds on
    uyvfOQy.png
  • TalonrazorTalonrazor Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    These are awesome, I am laughing so hard. I'll throw in a few that are both applicable and have all happened to me when I was GMing.

    -121. I am no longer allowed to be extremely drunk when roleplaying a delicate situation that will determine the fate of the party for several adventures.

    12321321. I will not throw a box of fruit at a stormtrooper when I am trying to avoid arrest, am very heavily armed and am just the party's tech.

    424242. I can no longer accidentally seal the cockpit windows with blast shields thus dooming the planned recurring villain to a horrid death.

    Talonrazor on
    sig4.jpg
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited November 2006
    891745606874136789186071069754760983^0. I am not allowed to kill the main villain at the start of the campaign by accidentally making him choke to death on his soup.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • Conditional_AxeConditional_Axe Registered User
    edited November 2006
    310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this character sheet.

    Conditional_Axe on
  • Der Waffle MousDer Waffle Mous Blame this on the misfortune of your birth. New Yark, New Yark.Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    82931) You cannot solve everything with C4.








    Yes, this applies directly to me. I enjoyed my explosives-happy D20 modern mage.

    Der Waffle Mous on
    Steam PSN: DerWaffleMous Origin: DerWaffleMous Bnet: DerWaffle#1682
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited November 2006
    why wrote:
    82931) You cannot solve everything with C4.








    Yes, this applies directly to me. I enjoyed my explosives-happy D20 modern mage.
    YES YOU CAN.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • TalonrazorTalonrazor Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this character sheet.

    So much win right here.

    Talonrazor on
    sig4.jpg
  • STATE OF THE ART ROBOTSTATE OF THE ART ROBOT Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    86547: Not everything can be solved with a sword to the face.

    STATE OF THE ART ROBOT on
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    847859
    Even if the rules allow it, you aren't cooking the Terrasque.

    PiptheFair on
  • piLpiL Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    891745606874136789186071069754760983^0. I am not allowed to kill the main villain at the start of the campaign by accidentally making him choke to death on his soup.

    1. is already taken


    286188: To avoid disarmament, it is cheaper to buy a chain than twenty greatswords.

    piL on
  • Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    600204 - You are not allowed to play a half dragon, half demon, half ogre.


    945581 - Trying to convince an NPC that the bag of holding is an athletic supporter is not allowed.

    Mr Pink on
  • Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Mr Pink wrote:
    945581 - Trying to convince an NPC that the bag of devouring is an athletic supporter is not allowed.

    Fixed.

    Darth Waiter on
  • Mr PinkMr Pink I got cats for youRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Mr Pink wrote:
    945581 - Trying to convince an NPC that the bag of devouring is an athletic supporter is not allowed.

    Fixed.

    Oh dear God.

    I don't know why I didn't think of that.

    Mr Pink on
  • Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Mr Pink wrote:
    Mr Pink wrote:
    945581 - Trying to convince an NPC that the bag of devouring is an athletic supporter is not allowed.

    Fixed.

    Oh dear God.

    I don't know why I didn't think of that.

    It's got a certain charm, don't it? I like the thought of booby-trapping various NPC's with cursed items and watching the fun. This is why I would like to see a DnD video game with ragdoll physics and incorporate, say, Boots of Striding and Springing. Hearing something described to you via a gaming session is all well and good, but sometimes, you need the image.

    Darth Waiter on
  • Cynic JesterCynic Jester Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish'

    Awesome on so many levels.

    409. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile.

    Even better.

    515. I am not the Lord of Rodly Might.

    Gods.

    576. I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.

    So doing that on the next female my rouge gets a sneak attack on.

    588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?

    Christ, this list is made of awesome and badass.

    Cynic Jester on
  • ScooterScooter Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    To be fair, I think that would be very distracting.

    I actually can't wait til I see some sort of story that uses that now.

    Scooter on
  • BriareosBriareos Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Don't worry, my medical droid can take your temperature.
    520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.

    Briareos on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • PataPata Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Briareos wrote:
    Don't worry, my medical droid can take your temperature.
    520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.

    So much win.

    Pata on
    SRWWSig.pngEpisode 5: Mecha-World, Mecha-nisim, Mecha-beasts
  • LardalishLardalish Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Man, I love this. I can just send random ones to my friend and he blockes me for a bit. Its pretty awesome for when he's being annoying.

    Lardalish on
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    4554338, section 2, paragraph 1, clause D: Attempting to defuse the final boss battle by giving the main villain a cookie will not work, and I am to stop attempting it.
    Blue 42, Blue 42, Ready, Down, Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut Hut: My battle cry may no longer involve applying anything directly to the forehead.
    Channel 56745: There are only so many things I can headbutt before suffering an Intelligence penalty.
    99.54% Pure: If my Shadowrun character is in a car chase, and successfully eludes the cops, I can no longer, as a gesture of victory, immediately drive to the police station and demand their ride.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • Anthrax! Please.Anthrax! Please. Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    This thread has become 850 things that the PA:ODAM gamers are now going to do at the worst moment in their next game.

    Also, jdarksun, you are a gold factory today.

    Anthrax! Please. on
    - Signature Code -
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited November 2006
    KLAR: I am by no means allowed to have a mysterious pendant that is basically Ideon.

    This is actually an idea I came up with in the shower. whenever you're in a situation with a DM you don't know anything about or has a bad reputation, give your character this pendant and don't tell anyone what it does. When the stupid hits overdrive say "I'm using the powers of my pendant" and roll a d20.

    1: End of Universe. Everything is destroyed. No save.
    2-6: Ideon Salvo. 5000 supercharged magic missiles cast in all directions. Radius: 30 Miles. Reflex save: DC 700
    7-12: Black Hole Cannon. Ball of black shot out of pendant at light speed. No Save. Damage=instant obliteration.
    13-19: Ideon Sword. Energy blades of infinite length are generated from hands. They have a +100 attack bonus and have a crit range of 2-20. They do 10D100 damage each. crits are 10x normal damage.
    20: Ideon Gun. Massive beam of energy is generated from pendant and completely obliterates everything* in front of the user. effective range: Infinite. there is no god damned save.
    *this means EVERYTHING. Stars, galaxies, Straud. EVERY GOD DAMNED THING IN FRONT OF THE PENDANT HOLDER IS DESTROYED.

    This is a last resort used against DM Pets and other retardation. If the DM proves their competence, it will shatter automatically. Use of the Ideon Pendant automatically shifts your alignment to True Neutral.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Branigans Law: I will not cast 'Light' on a rock and try to sell it to stupid townsfolk as a "Magic Luck Rock", at least not in lands where use of magic is punishable by death.

    Bucketman on
  • ReynoldsReynolds Gone Fishin'Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Bucketman wrote:
    Branigans Law: I will not cast 'Light' on a rock and try to sell it to stupid townsfolk as a "Magic Luck Rock", at least not in lands where use of magic is punishable by death.

    I don't pretend to understand Branigan's Law, I just enforce it.

    Reynolds on
    uyvfOQy.png
  • Milquetoast ThugMilquetoast Thug Registered User
    edited November 2006
    324. I cannot start the game pregnant.

    Actually, I recall a survival horror setting out on the internet where this was an applicable flaw.

    Milquetoast Thug on
    Weaver wrote: »
    When I was in boot to become an infantryman, on our one two-day off-base pass me and another guy went to see Private Ryan in theaters as it had just come out and during the opening scene we're all HOLY FUCK WHAT DID WE GET OURSELVES IN TO
  • Conditional_AxeConditional_Axe Registered User
    edited November 2006
    Talonrazor wrote:
    310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this character sheet.

    So much win right here.
    In fact, researching this further, I know this guy from another board.

    Conditional_Axe on
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Talonrazor wrote:
    310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this character sheet.

    So much win right here.
    In fact, researching this further, I know this guy from another board.
    He should be invited here, post-haste.
    So we can show him our appreciation.

    see317 on
    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • JennieJennie Registered User
    edited November 2006
    This is awesome has anyone seen the 213 things skippy cant do in the army? pretty simmilar setup to this. Damn funny as well.


    www.skippyslist.com

    Jennie on
  • Conditional_AxeConditional_Axe Registered User
    edited November 2006
    see317 wrote:
    Talonrazor wrote:
    310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
    I'm pretty sure I've seen this character sheet.

    So much win right here.
    In fact, researching this further, I know this guy from another board.
    He should be invited here, post-haste.
    So we can show him our appreciation.
    I haven't been in touch with him for a dog's age, but I will try dropping him a line.

    Conditional_Axe on
  • Mr_RoseMr_Rose 83 Blue Ridge Protects the Holy Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    jdarksun wrote:
    Jennie wrote:
    This is awesome has anyone seen the 213 things skippy cant do in the army? pretty simmilar setup to this. Damn funny as well.

    www.skippyslist.com
    101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
    :lol:

    Wait, now I'm confused; is that from Skippy's or Mr Welch's? :P

    Yeah, Skippy's list is full of awesome too, as are the various superhero and super-villain lists...

    Mr_Rose on
    ...because dragons are AWESOME! That's why.
    Nintendo Network ID: AzraelRose
    DropBox invite link - get 500MB extra free.
  • DuoDuo Registered User regular
    edited November 2006
    Damn. Beat'd to Skippy's list.

    I just re-read that one as well. ^.^

    I wonder if we could commission Gabe to draw any of these.

    Duo on
  • UndefinedMonkeyUndefinedMonkey Registered User
    edited December 2006
    9493034592 - The party's rogue does not have an anus of holding.
    8878394204 - One should never offer jerky made from any humanoid race to a potentially friendly NPC.
    4632784495 - Dead halflings are for burying, not for flinging at high velocity with an improvised siege engine.

    UndefinedMonkey on
    This space intentionally left blank.
  • PiptheFairPiptheFair Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    4632784495 - Dead halflings are for burying, not for flinging at high velocity with an improvised siege engine.

    INACCURATE STATEMENT

    PiptheFair on
  • FUITHFUITH Registered User
    edited December 2006
    oh man, this is classic! Much thanks.

    FUITH on
    If you're lazy and like money, click here.
    One stop shop for EVERYTHING.
  • ArdentArdent Down UpsideRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    See, you may not be able to do the things on Skippy's list in the Army, but in the Air Force, all questions must be answered with "in accordance to the prophecy." Especially if the questioner is a 2nd Lt. ;)

    Ardent on
    Steam ID | Origin ID: ArdentX | Uplay ID: theardent | Battle.net: Ardent#11476
  • Darth WaiterDarth Waiter Elrond Hubbard Mordor XenuRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Ardent wrote:
    See, you may not be able to do the things on Skippy's list in the Army, but in the Air Force, all questions must be answered with "in accordance to the prophecy." Especially if the questioner is a 2nd Lt. ;)

    Dude, that's the response for EVERY 2nd Lt. EVERYWHERE. They tend to be absolute morons about everything they say and hear and do.

    Darth Waiter on
  • DeVryGuyDeVryGuy Registered User
    edited December 2006
    I think the Forgotten Realms DM I play with on Fridays is going to start making a list of things I can't do with my druid, since my wonky spellcasting ideas screwed with his encounters a little too much.

    DeVryGuy on
    Pokemon Diamond: 5369 6910 9799
    FFTSig.jpg
Sign In or Register to comment.