850 things Mr. Welch cannot do in an RPG

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  • jothkijothki Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    DeVryGuy wrote:
    I think the Forgotten Realms DM I play with on Fridays is going to start making a list of things I can't do with my druid, since my wonky spellcasting ideas screwed with his encounters a little too much.

    25343. I cannot Awaken animals in the king's zoo, even if the guards aren't watching at the moment.

    jothki on
  • DeVryGuyDeVryGuy Registered User
    edited December 2006
    jothki wrote:
    DeVryGuy wrote:
    I think the Forgotten Realms DM I play with on Fridays is going to start making a list of things I can't do with my druid, since my wonky spellcasting ideas screwed with his encounters a little too much.

    25343. I cannot Awaken animals in the king's zoo, even if the guards aren't watching at the moment.

    It'd be more like "I cannot use Stone Shape to give the approaching troll in the swamp a new pair of concrete boots."

    DeVryGuy on
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  • Descendant XDescendant X Outpost 31Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.

    How would that work? Would you just light a gigantic fire in front of the cave in order to suck the air right out of it?

    Anyway, when in Rome:

    #555-1234: Must not use a Rod of Lightning against a room-sized Water Elemental when the entire party is standing in a puddle of said elemental.

    #92696: The Forsaker prestige class doesn't work the way I think it does.

    Descendant X on
    Garry: I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of the winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!
  • EnnsEnns Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Oh man.
    776. Even if it was obviously in self defense, my character is not allowed to kill George Takei.

    Enns on
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  • BYToadyBYToady Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    380. I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convice the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one.

    I convinced a bard that magic talking rocks were something that only barbarians got.

    I was playing a psion and the barbarian always had my psicrystal so we could stay in contact.

    The bard started taking levels in barbarian, so I had to convince the GM to let me use the Extra Familiar feat so she could get her magic talking rock.
    224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?

    That made me chuckle.

    BYToady on
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  • Jolly-ollyJolly-olly Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    Mr_Rose wrote:
    jdarksun wrote:
    Jennie wrote:
    This is awesome has anyone seen the 213 things skippy cant do in the army? pretty simmilar setup to this. Damn funny as well.

    www.skippyslist.com
    101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
    :lol:

    Wait, now I'm confused; is that from Skippy's or Mr Welch's? :P

    Yeah, Skippy's list is full of awesome too, as are the various superhero and super-villain lists...

    142. “Calvin-Ball” is not authorized PT.

    wins so hard.

    Jolly-olly on
  • redstormpopcornredstormpopcorn Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
    How would that work? Would you just light a gigantic fire in front of the cave in order to suck the air right out of it?
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thermobaric_weapon

    redstormpopcorn on
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  • KaunKaun Registered User
    edited December 2006
    612. Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.

    LOL i was laughing hard befor this one ... now im actualy crying

    Kaun on
  • Captain UglyheadCaptain Uglyhead Registered User
    edited December 2006
    4456: Not allowed to cut a lightpole out of the ground with a series of precision pistol shots, stick a grenade in the tip, and use the super jump ability to leap horizontally in order to spear a dragon with it.

    4457: Not allowed to question where a crowd of dishevelled post-apocalyptic savages got the biotechnology to create a fucking dragon.

    4458: Also not allowed to question why our powersuit helmets are so danged easy to remove, even if a child managed to yank one off a squadmate and shiv him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.

    4459: Not allowed to use plasma swords to climb a giant stone monster animated by mysterious alien energy, culminating in the brute attempting to crush me while I am standing atop its "head" rock, thereby crushing its own head while I leap to the snowfields below.

    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)

    Captain Uglyhead on
    Spiderweb Software makes fun, reasonably priced games for PCs and Macs. Big demos, too!
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)
    Next time make simple projectiles out of the coconuts instead of trying to MacGyver explosives together.

    Last meal menu:
    3 cases diet coke
    6 packs peppermint mentos
    2 dozen coconuts

    see317 on
    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • Captain UglyheadCaptain Uglyhead Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Personally, I was just more amazed that they were able to deliver on the request of the coconut. I mean it, the guards actually delivered the stuff.

    The players wound up just rushing the door to the cell, though. Flipped the delivery cart, catching one guard in the temple, then they tackled the second and mashed his face into the floor grating, and one guy punched -through- the third guard's head. Thus, the coconut plan was abandoned.

    I wouldn't want to be a death row guard in space-prison, tell you what.

    Captain Uglyhead on
    Spiderweb Software makes fun, reasonably priced games for PCs and Macs. Big demos, too!
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    4456: Not allowed to cut a lightpole out of the ground with a series of precision pistol shots, stick a grenade in the tip, and use the super jump ability to leap horizontally in order to spear a dragon with it.

    Super jump AND Super Speed. That's KEY.
    4457: Not allowed to question where a crowd of dishevelled post-apocalyptic savages got the biotechnology to create a fucking dragon.

    We had to have Ridley in there somehow, didn't we?
    4458: Also not allowed to question why our powersuit helmets are so danged easy to remove, even if a child managed to yank one off a squadmate and shiv him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.

    This was because nobody liked the character and the GM bitchkilled him. 8)
    4459: Not allowed to use plasma swords to climb a giant stone monster animated by mysterious alien energy, culminating in the brute attempting to crush me while I am standing atop its "head" rock, thereby crushing its own head while I leap to the snowfields below.

    ...okay, this one I don't remember... didn't we kill that monster with liberal application of heavy firepower? I know there have been two giant stone monsters.
    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)

    Sup Metroid-lurker buddy, I've been playing in that since the beginning. I would add the following rule though:

    4461. Not allowed to incite a prison riot by trying to flirt with the alpha male's "wo"man. It ends in shivs.

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    the coconut thing happened first, near the start of the game.

    also, sup muk. your characters have been a load of fun to read.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    the coconut thing happened first, near the start of the game.

    also, sup muk. your characters have been a load of fun to read.

    Thanks.

    I'm saying I don't remember the stone monster, and I think they got conflated in this. The first one we just blew to hell with application of massive firepower. The second one, the GM had played Shadow of the Colossus recently and people climbed all over it with plasma swords.

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    the coconut thing happened first, near the start of the game.

    also, sup muk. your characters have been a load of fun to read.

    Thanks.

    I'm saying I don't remember the stone monster, and I think they got conflated in this. The first one we just blew to hell with application of massive firepower. The second one, the GM had played Shadow of the Colossus recently and people climbed all over it with plasma swords.
    yeah, you weren't in that one, you were too busy eating wave beam and suffering brain damage. and he was referring to Sal's coup de grace.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    the coconut thing happened first, near the start of the game.

    also, sup muk. your characters have been a load of fun to read.

    Thanks.

    I'm saying I don't remember the stone monster, and I think they got conflated in this. The first one we just blew to hell with application of massive firepower. The second one, the GM had played Shadow of the Colossus recently and people climbed all over it with plasma swords.
    yeah, you weren't in that one, you were too busy eating wave beam and suffering brain damage. and he was referring to Sal's coup de grace.

    Well, when you've got a game that's lasted over six months and approaching 3000 posts, you tend to forget things. :D

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    the coconut thing happened first, near the start of the game.

    also, sup muk. your characters have been a load of fun to read.

    Thanks.

    I'm saying I don't remember the stone monster, and I think they got conflated in this. The first one we just blew to hell with application of massive firepower. The second one, the GM had played Shadow of the Colossus recently and people climbed all over it with plasma swords.
    yeah, you weren't in that one, you were too busy eating wave beam and suffering brain damage. and he was referring to Sal's coup de grace.

    Well, when you've got a game that's lasted over six months and approaching 3000 posts, you tend to forget things. :D
    especially when you're in several other high profile games.

    also, lights sucks.

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Speaking of, to get back on track, some more rules:

    Rule N+1: Not allowed to incite a peaceful mob into a screaming, raging, uncontrollable riot as my first action in a game, especially if the GM was planning a low-combat game.

    (The scenario this happened in: It was a superheroes game, and all the PCs were attending a Superhero demonstration against forced registration in a big park, and the police were keeping a more or less peaceful mob of pro-registration 'normals' away. In Mutants and Masterminds, there's a nifty power called Emotion Control, and there's a nifty extra called Contagious. They both do what they sound like. My very first action?

    "I'd like to make everybody mad at the supers." The kicker? My guy was also a shapeshifter, and so was able to easily get out of the bloodbath that ensued. That game failed soon after as the GM gave up in despair. I broke him, I think.)

    Rule N+2: None of my characters are allowed to be switch between genders at will. For any reason. This is not up for argument.

    (Who, me? I note for the record that the Hermaphromorph advantage in GURPS 4e is a mere 5 points. Amuse your friends, horrify your GM, kids! Especially if they don't check your sheets closely! :twisted: )

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    Speaking of, to get back on track, some more rules:

    Rule N+1: Not allowed to incite a peaceful mob into a screaming, raging, uncontrollable riot as my first action in a game, especially if the GM was planning a low-combat game.

    (The scenario this happened in: It was a superheroes game, and all the PCs were attending a Superhero demonstration against forced registration in a big park, and the police were keeping a more or less peaceful mob of pro-registration 'normals' away. In Mutants and Masterminds, there's a nifty power called Emotion Control, and there's a nifty extra called Contagious. They both do what they sound like. My very first action?

    "I'd like to make everybody mad at the supers." The kicker? My guy was also a shapeshifter, and so was able to easily get out of the bloodbath that ensued. That game failed soon after as the GM gave up in despair. I broke him, I think.)

    Rule N+2: None of my characters are allowed to be switch between genders at will. For any reason. This is not up for argument.

    (Who, me? I note for the record that the Hermaphromorph advantage in GURPS 4e is a mere 5 points. Amuse your friends, horrify your GM, kids! Especially if they don't check your sheets closely! :twisted: )
    i am amazed that even exists. of course, horrifying people was that game's whole POINT. how else would the guy who KILLED 12 PEOPLE and ate one of them as his first fucking action have gotten in?

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    Rule N+2: None of my characters are allowed to be switch between genders at will. For any reason. This is not up for argument.

    (Who, me? I note for the record that the Hermaphromorph advantage in GURPS 4e is a mere 5 points. Amuse your friends, horrify your GM, kids! Especially if they don't check your sheets closely! :twisted: )
    i am amazed that even exists. of course, horrifying people was that game's whole POINT. how else would the guy who KILLED 12 PEOPLE and ate one of them as his first fucking action have gotten in?

    For the record, that mistake was rectified when the game was nuked from orbit by a vengeful GM.

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    Rule N+2: None of my characters are allowed to be switch between genders at will. For any reason. This is not up for argument.

    (Who, me? I note for the record that the Hermaphromorph advantage in GURPS 4e is a mere 5 points. Amuse your friends, horrify your GM, kids! Especially if they don't check your sheets closely! :twisted: )
    i am amazed that even exists. of course, horrifying people was that game's whole POINT. how else would the guy who KILLED 12 PEOPLE and ate one of them as his first fucking action have gotten in?

    For the record, that mistake was rectified when the game was nuked from orbit by a vengeful GM.
    oobey killed the game?

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    oobey killed the game?

    When it became abundantly clear that the entire rest of the party was about to be killed and eaten by the flying shrew PC, yes.

    Mukaikubo on
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    oobey killed the game?

    When it became abundantly clear that the entire rest of the party was about to be killed and eaten by the flying shrew PC, yes.
    does Aeolius get a medal for killing a god forsaken game on the second page?

    FierceDeity666 on
  • MukaikuboMukaikubo Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Mukaikubo wrote:
    oobey killed the game?

    When it became abundantly clear that the entire rest of the party was about to be killed and eaten by the flying shrew PC, yes.
    does Aeolius get a medal for killing a god forsaken game on the second page?

    I think we're just all going to forget the fact that a game existed in which I played a gender-switching lizard(wo)man and move on with our lives.

    PARTIAL EXPLANATION FOR THE CONFUSED

    What FierceDeity, Captain Uglyhead and I are discussing are games currently going on at Traditional Games, a rough analogue of ODaM over on Something Awful's forums. The biggest difference between here and there is just about all of the OOC chatter on SA is in IRC, and so the forum itself is 80% actual running games, 15% wargamers, and then a few scattered non-game threads. Back to rules taken from my experience;

    Rule N+3: Not allowed to 'accidentally' murder 200/204 of the last remaining survivors of the human race due to impatience. I will get punched.

    Mukaikubo on
  • oobeyoobey Registered User
    edited December 2006
    4456: Not allowed to cut a lightpole out of the ground with a series of precision pistol shots, stick a grenade in the tip, and use the super jump ability to leap horizontally in order to spear a dragon with it.

    4457: Not allowed to question where a crowd of dishevelled post-apocalyptic savages got the biotechnology to create a fucking dragon.

    4458: Also not allowed to question why our powersuit helmets are so danged easy to remove, even if a child managed to yank one off a squadmate and shiv him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.

    4459: Not allowed to use plasma swords to climb a giant stone monster animated by mysterious alien energy, culminating in the brute attempting to crush me while I am standing atop its "head" rock, thereby crushing its own head while I leap to the snowfields below.

    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)

    I don't know... As a GM, I think I'd let any of my players do those things in my game. I see nothing wrong with those actions!

    Especially 4458. Especially 4458.

    oobey on
  • DeVryGuyDeVryGuy Registered User
    edited December 2006
    oobey wrote:
    4456: Not allowed to cut a lightpole out of the ground with a series of precision pistol shots, stick a grenade in the tip, and use the super jump ability to leap horizontally in order to spear a dragon with it.

    4457: Not allowed to question where a crowd of dishevelled post-apocalyptic savages got the biotechnology to create a fucking dragon.

    4458: Also not allowed to question why our powersuit helmets are so danged easy to remove, even if a child managed to yank one off a squadmate and shiv him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.

    4459: Not allowed to use plasma swords to climb a giant stone monster animated by mysterious alien energy, culminating in the brute attempting to crush me while I am standing atop its "head" rock, thereby crushing its own head while I leap to the snowfields below.

    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)

    I don't know... As a GM, I think I'd let any of my players do those things in my game. I see nothing wrong with those actions!

    Especially 4458. Especially 4458.

    Yeah, those all sound pretty awesome.

    DeVryGuy on
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  • Captain UglyheadCaptain Uglyhead Registered User
    edited December 2006
    Didn't know if you guys'd find this in here. I just thought that, as unlikely/interesting scenarios, they'd fit well enough as "not allowed to do" dealies. Congrats on running a game that's awesome enough to keep people reading.

    Well, not every GM can be as neat as you, oobey, some can be restrictive of stunts like the grenade lance.

    Captain Uglyhead on
    Spiderweb Software makes fun, reasonably priced games for PCs and Macs. Big demos, too!
  • FierceDeity666FierceDeity666 Registered User
    edited December 2006
    oobey wrote:
    4456: Not allowed to cut a lightpole out of the ground with a series of precision pistol shots, stick a grenade in the tip, and use the super jump ability to leap horizontally in order to spear a dragon with it.

    4457: Not allowed to question where a crowd of dishevelled post-apocalyptic savages got the biotechnology to create a fucking dragon.

    4458: Also not allowed to question why our powersuit helmets are so danged easy to remove, even if a child managed to yank one off a squadmate and shiv him in the neck with a piece of broken glass.

    4459: Not allowed to use plasma swords to climb a giant stone monster animated by mysterious alien energy, culminating in the brute attempting to crush me while I am standing atop its "head" rock, thereby crushing its own head while I leap to the snowfields below.

    4460: Not allowed to escape space prison by cooking up a homemade explosive out of components taken from our over-elaborate last meal requests. All packed into a coconut, of course.

    (these actually kind of happened(or were at least attempted) in an internet GURPS game I've been reading lately)

    I don't know... As a GM, I think I'd let any of my players do those things in my game. I see nothing wrong with those actions!

    Especially 4458. Especially 4458.
    /applause

    FierceDeity666 on
  • ExcessiveKnifeExcessiveKnife Registered User
    edited December 2006
    q+1: My D&D character does NOT know SWAT room-clearing techniques, despite the fact that the game has alchemical flashbangs.

    q+2: My Paladin's vestements are NOT suitable material for firebomb assembly.

    q+3: I may NOT use metagame knowledge, unless the GM's entire plot hinges on it.

    q+3 ADDENDUM: Or the GM is too drunk on Hard Lemonade to care.

    q+4: Drowning captives is not a lawful good act, even if their stated objective is to eat me.

    q+5: I may not use the "polish hostage" gambit, no matter how high my bluff skill.

    q+6: If I aim my weapon at the GM's pet NPC, that weapon is forfit.

    q+6 ADDENDUM: Even if the weapon has not yet even been fired.

    q+6 ADDENDUM 2: Even if I took up that weapon in opposition to overpowered cybernetics or pistols that can knock down helicopters (both available), as a favor to the GM.

    q+6 NOTE FROM GUY WHO ATE THE CHOPPER: The helicopter was taken out via the combination that was listed before... Shadowrun game. Predator 2 pistol, Smart-link 2, best possible telescopic cybernetic eyes. (not alphaware, I think.. but damn close). Cybernetic arms. APDS rounds.... and the GM made the mistake of backing me into a corner then having the chopper (I think it was a Yellowjacket... belonging to LoneStar) deploy an EXTERNAL and highly visible rocket pod. Called shot to rocket pod.... Ka-Boom. ..... Now no one likes me, and everyone wants me dead. /snicker.

    ExcessiveKnife on
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  • SnoogySnoogy Registered User
    edited December 2006
    1/2: I may not take an A resources priority in SR3, buy a perminent middle class lifestyle and retire as soon as the fixer outlines a difficult mission. Especially if the mission hinges on my character.


    11/8: Nor may I have a sasquatch sidekick named "Gummy" and a winnebago I call the centenial hawk.


    -1: Also out is an aspected Coyote summoner.

    Snoogy on
  • GoslingGosling Looking Up Soccer In Mongolia Right Now, Probably Watertown, WIRegistered User regular
    edited December 2006
    14x*6y-(3-z)=zzyzx: Firearms are not edible.

    Gosling on
    I have a new soccer blog The Minnow Tank. Reading it psychically kicks Sepp Blatter in the bean bag.
  • Cosmic SombreroCosmic Sombrero Registered User regular
    edited December 2006
    mtvcdm wrote:
    14x*6y-(3-z)=zzyzx: Firearms are not edible.

    Iron Gut disagrees.

    Cosmic Sombrero on
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