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Fuck My Life

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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    hahaha

    needs

    more like she needs to make me some fucking dinner and stop jibber jabbering

    I know, right? If some bitch talked to me like that, I'd bring her to the highest point on my house and be like "here's your climax, whore" and throw her off.

    Defender on
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    JavenJaven Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    the fuck is an orgasm

    that like an organism or something?

    I think its a band

    Javen on
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    DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    dp what are you doing

    Your mother.


    And I'm satisfying her better than your father ever could.

    DarkPrimus on
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    RankenphileRankenphile Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.Registered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    edited March 2009
    Defender wrote: »
    hahaha

    needs

    more like she needs to make me some fucking dinner and stop jibber jabbering

    I know, right? If some bitch talked to me like that, I'd bring her to the highest point on my house and be like "here's your climax, whore" and throw her off.
    then she lands in the gravel right by the hitch and you got some 'splainin to do to the park manager

    Rankenphile on
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    DefenderDefender Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Defender wrote: »
    hahaha

    needs

    more like she needs to make me some fucking dinner and stop jibber jabbering

    I know, right? If some bitch talked to me like that, I'd bring her to the highest point on my house and be like "here's your climax, whore" and throw her off.
    then she lands in the gravel right by the hitch and you got some 'splainin to do to the park manager

    Pretty sure he'd just spit on the corpse if I told him what a filthy whore mouth she had.

    Defender on
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    Auntie ShibbyAuntie Shibby Horrible Visalia, CARegistered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2009
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    shibby the problem here is that from appearance me and defender are being ironic


    it is very difficult to tell when you do things like this
    I was only trying to join in :cry:

    Auntie Shibby on
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    MrMonroeMrMonroe passed out on the floor nowRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I just got toothpaste in my eye. FML

    MrMonroe on
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    McClyMcCly Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    What the fuck is up with vaginas. They look gross.

    McCly on
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    The_ScarabThe_Scarab Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Javen wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    the fuck is an orgasm

    that like an organism or something?

    I think its a band

    It's like the batcave.

    The_Scarab on
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    OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML

    I find this a bit unbelievable because of logistics. Unless he has a crooked dick.

    I sit next to this girl in a PR class. The other day, she had her cell phone clamped between her thighs, right at the, er...vajayjay area.

    Why? I guess it was mostly concealed by the shadow underneath the desk enough to text easily. Or she likes the vibration.
    I prefer to think it's the second one.
    D:
    :winky:
    But seriously, why would a teacher see a cell phone in a pocket and just lunge at it?
    I'd smell a sexual harassment case if the story were, you know, real.
    Okay, I'm done now.

    Omeks on
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    PiptheFairPiptheFair Frequently not in boats. Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    sexual organs are ridiculous looking

    PiptheFair on
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    thanimationsthanimations Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    I just got toothpaste in my eye. FML

    how the hell do you do this?

    thanimations on
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    AirAir Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    4chan /hr genital pics
    like a chick sat on an astronomers telescope

    Air on
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    RinderRinder Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    sexual organs are ridiculous looking

    Organs in general are weird looking.

    Rinder on
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    McClyMcCly Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Rinder wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    sexual organs are ridiculous looking

    Organs in general are weird looking.

    all big with pipes and shit

    McCly on
    kbellchewiesig.jpg
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    WallhitterWallhitter Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I hate it when I go pee and like there's a bit of urine or something stuck in the pipe accompanied by this horrid tiny burning feeling.

    Wallhitter on
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    RaneadosRaneados police apologist you shouldn't have been there, obviouslyRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Wallhitter wrote: »
    I hate it when I go pee and like there's a bit of urine or something stuck in the pipe accompanied by this horrid tiny burning feeling.

    that

    that's bad

    Raneados on
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    WallhitterWallhitter Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Raneados wrote: »
    Wallhitter wrote: »
    I hate it when I go pee and like there's a bit of urine or something stuck in the pipe accompanied by this horrid tiny burning feeling.

    that

    that's bad

    yes it is. okay, it's going away now.

    Wallhitter on
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    OmeksOmeks Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Today, I went to the ER for severe pain in my abdominal area. The doctor comes in after looking at the CT scan and says, "Well it's not your appendix." Thinking I'm in the clear I say, "That's Awesome", the doctor then responded with "It's probably your testicles." FML

    Mppth...trying not to laugh at testicular misfortune...

    Omeks on
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    scarlet blvd.scarlet blvd. Bebop Cola Goooood!Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    We just lost an hour thanks to Daylight Savings. FML

    scarlet blvd. on
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    DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    tugga wrote: »
    Today, I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled. As she's drilling into my tooth, I feel the drill slip, and then she quickly stuffs gauze into my mouth. She nervously laughs and says to me "Wow! You must really be numb!" FML

    GAAAAAAAHHH!

    fuck that

    congratulations! you just made all the work you were doing today free!

    Dislexic on
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    tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Ness445 wrote: »
    is slinkies the proper form of pluralizing Slinky?

    It's a brand name as well, further adding to the confusion. Aid me Wikipedia!

    I'm guessing that it's much like Lego.

    The plural of Lego is Lego, so Slinky must be Slinky

    A series of Slinky

    at toys r us we says legos

    tugga on
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I'm coming home from a show while everyone else is going to a party. FML

    Hacksaw on
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    Hacksaw on
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    DislexicDislexic Creepy Uncle Bad Touch Your local playgroundRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    oh man that's priceless

    Dislexic on
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Dislexic wrote: »
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    oh man that's priceless
    It really is.

    Hacksaw on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Dislexic wrote: »
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    oh man that's priceless

    Oh, god damn that would suck.

    Tommy2Hands on
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    NadsNads Bob Ducca Asleep in a cul-de-sac.Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2009
    That guy just dodged a bullet. Bitch is crazy.

    Nads on
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    tuggatugga Makin' movies Makin' songsRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Alpine wrote: »
    Today, I waited two hours for my turn in the hospital. I was sitting next to an old lady with Alzheimer who asked me 43 times if I wanted a biscuit. FML

    hahahah

    that would make the hospital a more enjoyable place

    think of how many different horrific answers you couldve given her

    "sorry i only take my biscuits sopping with semen, you dont happen to have a mason jar of that on you do you?"

    tugga on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML

    Oh god.

    Tommy2Hands on
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    NadsNads Bob Ducca Asleep in a cul-de-sac.Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 2009
    Wanna meet that mom.

    Nads on
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    JansonJanson Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML

    Oh god.

    Hahahaha

    Janson on
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Dislexic wrote: »
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    oh man that's priceless

    Oh, god damn that would suck.
    Are you kidding me? That's a fucking blessing. Bitch is craaaaaaazy. He basically got tossed out of a burning airplane by the crew, while wearing a parachute.

    Hacksaw on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    Dislexic wrote: »
    Hacksaw wrote: »
    On a lighter note:
    Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML

    oh man that's priceless

    Oh, god damn that would suck.
    Are you kidding me? That's a fucking blessing. Bitch is craaaaaaazy. He basically got tossed out of a burning airplane by the crew, while wearing a parachute.

    Now that I think about it, thank godd.
    Think about how much she must have talked about the book before they broke up.
    Jesus Christ

    Tommy2Hands on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Here's one that would suck:
    Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

    What a bitch

    Tommy2Hands on
    8j12qx8ma5j5.jpg
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    I know women who fawn over Edward. These women, like most of their double-x ilk, are not to be trusted.

    Hacksaw on
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    MeissnerdMeissnerd Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Here's one that would suck:
    Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

    What a bitch

    ahahahahahaha

    Meissnerd on
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    HacksawHacksaw J. Duggan Esq. Wrestler at LawRegistered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Meissnerd wrote: »
    Here's one that would suck:
    Today, I went to get a condom because my boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time. When I opened the drawer, I saw that every single condom had a Jesus pin stabbed through it, and a note on top of the box: "love mom." FML

    What a bitch

    ahahahahahaha
    Oh that is wonderful. :D

    Hacksaw on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Jesus loves you!

    Tommy2Hands on
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    Tommy2HandsTommy2Hands what is this where am i Registered User regular
    edited March 2009
    Today, I accidently walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her "Need a hand with that?", to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it". FML

    BURNN!!!

    Tommy2Hands on
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